by Wild, Nikki
What, waitressing? Like, for real waitressing? A couple bucks an hour, plus tips, would’ve seen me on the street. So yeah, nobody made me shake my tits, but they damn sure made it unprofitable for me to do anything else.
I got out of the car the second Gunner pulled into the drive. He hadn’t even parked when my feet touched the ground. I slung my pumps over my shoulder and headed for the door, knowing damn well I didn’t have a key, but wanting to put as much distance between me and my stepbrother as possible.
“Tanya, wait,” he said from behind me. I turned, glaring at him as he shut his door. He jogged a couple feet toward me, hit the steps, and then sighed.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he told me. “Things back there just got_._._._”
He trailed off, but I knew exactly what he meant. I’d taken things a little too far with that lap dance. I still wasn’t sure what had come over me. Maybe it was the look on his face, reminding me of how he’d stared when I’d walked out of his shower. Or maybe it was his massive erection jutting between my legs, letting me know I was doing a damn good job.
It was so naughty. So_._._._taboo. It was exactly what a good girl shouldn’t be doing, and somehow, that made me feel sexy. Powerful. Maybe for the first time in years…
Besides, Gunner wasn’t exactly hard to look at. With that square cut jaw, those bulging muscles, that piercing gaze, I could see why women might flock to him.
Oh, God! What was I saying? He was my stepbrother. The prick I’d grown up with. The one who’d walked the hell out of me and left me alone with his abusive, piece of shit dad. I didn’t owe him anything. And I shouldn’t have been attracted to him. Maybe breathing in all that smoke had done more damage than I’d thought.
“Whatever, Gun,” I said. “Are you going to open the door for me, or what?”
Gunner’s expression darkened. He shook his head just a little. “Yeah.” He jammed his key in the lock.
“You shouldn’t have come for me,” I added, bumping the door open with my hip and strutting in. “You didn’t come back for me all those years ago, so why the fuck would you start now?”
“_’Cause you’re making some real shitty decisions,” he answered, which I hadn’t been expecting. His bluntness made my blood boil all the more. “I can’t just sit back and pretend like I’m okay with that, Tanya.”
“But you can sit back and throw money at me while I grind on your lap?”
Gunner slammed the door. “For fuck’s sakes, that’s not what I came here for.”
I snorted. “Who are you ashamed of, Gunner? Me, or yourself?”
He ran a hand through his hair and stalked over to the fridge, pulling a beer out. Typical. Just like his dad. “Sorry for givin’ a shit,” he muttered, twisting off the cap. “Thought I’d save my little stepsister from grinding on a pole, and whatever the hell else you do in that champagne room.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t do anything in the champagne room, Gunner. Nothing I don’t do out on the stage, anyway.”
“Come the fuck on,” he sneered, taking a long pull from his beer. “I’m not stupid, Tanya. I know what goes on in those places. Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying,” I answered coolly. I even threw in a little shrug. “I’ve never fucked a customer. Never even sucked a cock. Any cock. I’m a virgin.”
Not two seconds after the v-word had left my mouth, Gunner was laughing. In fact, he was laughing so hard he choked on his beer and almost spit it across the floor.
“A virgin. A virgin stripper.” He laughed again. “Jesus, you really do think I’m an idiot, don’t you?”
I should’ve been angry. And I guess that part of me was. But mostly, I was tired. Tired of the way men used me. Abused me. Silenced me. Tired of the way they never believed me, even when I was telling the truth. Looking at the guy I’d once called my big brother shaking his head in disbelief put another little crack in my heart. I turned away and sat down on the couch.
“Whatever, Gunner. Believe what you want. But it’s true.”
It took him a while to stop laughing. Maybe when he saw I wasn’t even paying attention to him anymore, he got the picture. I flipped on the TV and slumped against the armrest, and a moment later, he came to sit beside me.
“Shit, Tanya. I’m sorry.”
“You sure do a lot of apologizing,” I said. “Not a lot of actually fixing anything, though.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he began, “but what you did back in the Domino_._._._what you did to me_._._._” He licked his lips and took another swig of beer. “It’s just hard to believe you don’t have any, uh, experience. That’s all.”
I shrugged. “It’s not hard to learn the moves. Even the damn YMCA has pole dancing lessons now.”
Gunner shook his head. “It was more than that. The way you moved. The way your body fit against mine. How you knew just where to press, stroke, and touch_._._._”
I tried not to think on it too much, but with every word Gunner spoke, another image of the two of us in the champagne room popped into my head. I remembered the way he’d grabbed me, sinking those strong fingers into my flesh. It had given me goosebumps then, and it was doing the same thing to me now.
More than that, it was making me wet. My neck and cheeks flushed. Shit. I was always bad at hiding my feelings. Especially around Gunner. It was like he could see through me. Like he could knock down all the walls I’d put up to protect myself, revealing the soft, squishy me underneath.
It left me feeling weak and vulnerable, and I’d spent too much of my life feeling that way already. I wanted it to stop. Now.
“I can’t do this,” I told him. “I can’t be here with you. I can’t live in your house. I gave up on you years ago, Gunner. Gave up on our family. On_._._._us.” I stared down at the bandage on my hand, like I could see through it to the burnt flesh beneath. I was as raw and smarting as that wound. Being around Gunner brought back so much of the heartache I’d felt when he’d first walked out on me. It made me feel like the same little girl I was back then. It made me feel small, broken, and alone.
But I like being alone. I like not relying on anyone but me. It’s better that way. Safer.
“You’re trying to be good to me, Gunner,” I whispered. “But I can’t take it. It’s too much for me.”
He reached over then, drawing a strand of my hair behind my ear. I shook my head but he slipped his fingers around the back of it, bringing my skull against his.
“I need to make it up to you,” he said. “Not just want, Tanya. Need. I’ve been running from this for so long. Throwing up whatever hurdles I could just to numb the pain. So I wouldn’t have to think about you, and what I’d done. You think I’m doing you a favor, but really, I’m being as selfish as ever. I need you to be here so I can forgive myself. So I can say I’m nothing like_._._._”
Gunner trailed off, but I knew exactly who he meant. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. “Your father.”
He nodded, fingers wrapped tight around the beer bottle in his hand. His knuckles were white. Slowly, he set it down on his coffee table. “My old man.”
“So don’t,” I said. “Don’t be like him. Start over. Be better. Try.”
“Don’t you get it, baby?” Gunner asked, replacing his grip on the bottle with a grip on the nape of my neck. “I am trying to start over. With you.”
There was so much darkness inside me. So much pain and hate. So much rage. Too much for just one person to handle. And in Gunner’s eyes, I saw that reflected back at me. We were both carrying a load that was too heavy for either of us to bear. But how was I supposed to forget everything that had happened? I’d been holding onto this anger for so long I wasn’t sure I knew how to let go.
I was about to pull away and tell him as much when the parting of his lips caught my eye. They looked so soft. So_._._._enticing. His gaze was on my lips, as well, searching their slopes and curves, memorizing every inch. I wet them with my tongue.
The way
he dragged his teeth over his lower lip when he did that sent a surge of adrenaline right into my belly. I breathed in deep through my nose, inhaling the heavy scent of Gunner’s beer, and something else, too.
I’d kissed men before. I’d touched them. I’d let them touch me. Just because I hadn’t gone all the way didn’t mean I hadn’t done some things.
So I knew what lust smelled like—hot, hard, masculine lust. I knew the fragrance of a man’s desire. It was heady. Intoxicating. Even if he was my stepbrother.
I started to say something. I’m not sure what. It was a reflex, you know? Like when a silence gets awkward, or when you know something’s about to happen, but waiting to find out is just_._._._murder.
When Gunner kissed me, that was what it felt like: murder. Like he was killing everything bad that was inside me. His mouth flooded my body with a heat I’d never felt. Not even when I’d been dying in the fire he’d pulled me out of.
Safe and sound. That was how I’d felt then, and how I’d felt now. I closed my eyes and let myself, for just a second, feel like I was home again. Like I was where I belonged.
I kissed my stepbrother back. Sweetly. Passionately.
And then jumped away from him at the sound of breaking glass and Jax’s bark.
Gunner was already up and at the door. “What the fuck?”
I followed after him, my lips still numb from our kiss. My heart was hammering a million miles a minute and the world seemed to spin. What were we thinking? What had we just done?
What had I just done?
And then my gaze settled on his Mustang. His pride and joy. Specifically, the busted-in back window.
“Holy shit,” I whispered. Jax was at Gunner’s side, ears pricked, tail out straight, staring at the dark road. Gunner was reaching in through the glass and cussing up a storm as he pulled out a piece of paper lying beneath a brick—the brick that someone had put through his baby.
“Son of a bitch,” he muttered, his wild eyes darting over the text. I could see it even from the stoop. Someone had scrawled all over the other side of that paper, big and in Sharpie. Gunner looked up at him, his face pale. “Tanya, do you know anything about this?”
I walked over to him as if in a dream, my legs quaking all the way. Once I reached him, Gunner pushed the note into my hands. My fingers trembled as I read it.
“There is a Smile of Love
And there is a Smile of Deceit”
BUT MY SMILE IS DIFFERENT
MY SMILE IS A KNOWING ONE
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID
AND I WILL DO MUCH WORSE
“Tanya?” my stepbrother prompted. But I couldn’t speak. I was too busy looking at the brick in his hand. At the black scorch marks up and down its sides.
That brick that had almost certainly come from my apartment building—the one that had just burned to the ground.
Chapter 7
Gunner
“You have any angry ex-boyfriends I should know about?” I asked, setting the brick down on the kitchen counter. I felt like I could have crushed the damn thing into dust with how tightly my fist was clenched around it.
“No, I don’t have any exes,” she said, her eyes locked on the dirty red thing occupying my counter space. “None that’re this_._._._crazy.”
“Then what the fuck is going on, Tanya?” I asked, breathing hard through my nose. I knew I shouldn’t be taking my frustrations out on her—none of this was her fault—but the fact that someone had smashed up my damn car—had seen what we’d done—what I’d done with Tanya_._._._
My stepsister turned her gaze away from me, looking off toward the window. Her weight shifted from foot to foot as she bit down on her lip.
I frowned. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“A while back,” she began, looking back into my eyes with a pained expression on her face, “there was this guy who came into the club.”
“Okay,” I said, biting back a comment about how this was exactly why she should never have started working as a damn stripper in the first place. “What happened?”
“He paid for a lap dance in the champagne room. I thought everything was on the level—he paid cash and had asked for me specifically, which isn’t unusual—until I walked into the room.” Tanya paused, closing her eyes tight for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “He was wearing this weird drama mask—the tragedy one, with the sad face and shit.
“It was weird, but I figured it was some kind of kink or something, and as long as he didn’t get freaky I’d do the dance and get the fuck out of there. But that’s not what happened. He started talking, and he had one of those fucking voice machines, that make you sound like that damn puppet from Saw. He was telling me about how his mother had been a whore, and how he’d stuffed her panties in her mouth and killed her. Then he asked how I’d sound when I was choking—if I’d sound just like his mother did.”
I watched Tanya’s eyes well up with tears, her chest heaving as her words turned to sobs.
“I told him not to fucking touch me, but he started choking me. I screamed, and one of the bouncers came in and pulled him off and threw him out of the club. God, I was so fucking scared. I hadn’t done a private show since then—not until you showed up.”
I watched her for a long moment, my thoughts churning in my head like a brewing storm at sea. The thought of someone almost killing my baby sister making my blood boil in my veins as I imagined that fucking psycho hurting her.
“You think that it’s the same guy?” I asked, glancing out at my car through the kitchen window. Would any of this have happened if Tanya had never given me that dance? If I’d never made her?
“I don’t know who else it could be, Gunner,” she said, her voice faint and breathy as she brought herself back under control. “I don’t have any other enemies, none that would throw a fuckin’ brick at your car. I mean, Jesus—this is some Lifetime-special bullshit.”
I rubbed my hands over my face, resting my elbows on the kitchen counter. I’d done something horrible to my own stepsister, let her grind on me like that—I could have stopped her. The more I thought about it, the more the images of her ass rubbing against my groin filled my mind. My heart started to race and I could feel my cock stirring in my pants again.
For Christ’s sakes. Not now.
“We’re going to lock all the doors,” I said, my face in my hands as I tried to muster the nerve to look at her without giving in to all the shameful thoughts crossing through my mind. I could only imagine what it would be like to bend her over the couch and take her as she worked her hips back against me. “And Jax’s dumb ass can stay with you tonight.”
I looked over at the lazy mound of fur laying sprawled out on the couch and shook my head. Jax was a good dog, but probably the worst when it came to actually protecting the damn house. Sure, he barked at everything that came within a football field of the door, but the moment you got inside he was all tail-wags and kisses. What a sorry excuse for a Belgian Malinois. I almost wanted my money back for the fortune I’d paid for him.
But then I’d look into his stupid, brown eyes and he’d give me that doggy smile, and I’d forget all about the money and his utter incompetence and stuff him full of treats. Yeah, I had a soft side. Women and dogs—what guy can resist ‘em?
“But what about when you’re not home?” Tanya asked, patting her leg and whistling for Jax to come over.
“He doesn’t come when you call—” I began, but stopped as I watched my dog excitedly get up from the couch and trot over to my sister’s side. “You’re the worst dog ever.”
I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose before answering her question. “I don’t know. We’ll figure that out tomorrow, I suppose. In the meantime you and I need to get ready for bed. I have to be out early to go to work.”
“How long are you going to be gone, though?” she asked, bent over as she scratched behind Jax’s ears. I could see straight down her blouse.
“Until the next day,” I sai
d, trying hard to turn my eyes away. I could feel my cock hardening as more unclean thoughts filled my head. “We have twenty-four-hour shifts, then have the next two days off.”
“All right,” Tanya said, taking a deep breath and letting it out in the sigh. “What am I supposed to do while you’re gone, though?”
“I’ll give you my card before I leave, I guess, and you can go do some shopping or something.” I was desperate to be out of the same room as her, I’d have told her she could empty my damn bank account if it meant that I could escape from the unbearable temptation of her gorgeous body.