by Katie Reus
“Seriously? You’ve been a total terror from the moment you woke up at the hospital.” She couldn’t fight the smile tugging at her lips as she said it. Once she’d been positive he was going to be fine, it had been a little humorous to see him acting so out of character.
His ears actually turned red as he rubbed a hand over his skull trim. “I haven’t been that bad,” he muttered.
“Hmm.”
“I just don’t like being sick or laid up.” He slung an arm around her shoulder.
“Clearly,” she said as they headed for the door. “Is everything okay with your boss?”
“Yeah, he just wanted to go over some work stuff.” There was a hesitant note in his voice she couldn’t read.
“Oh.” She was such a wimp. She had half a dozen important questions she wanted to ask and couldn’t force the words out.
He paused at the door and leaned against it. Plucking the bag from her hand, he dropped it on the floor and tugged her close, his fingers flexing around her hips. “What is it?”
She placed her hands over his chest, savoring the feel of his raw strength. “Nothing, I . . .” She didn’t want to do this here. He was recovering from a gunshot wound. Not the best time to ask about their future. She knew exactly what she wanted from him but wasn’t sure he was ready for anything serious. Not with his type of job. “Let’s get you out of here.”
He looked at her for a long moment, as if searching for something. “Shit, Maria. I wanted to wait until we were out of the hospital to tell you, but I love you. You don’t have to say the words; I just need you to know how I feel. I had strong fucking feelings for you eight years ago, but now it’s different. More.”
Pretty much everything he said funneled out after “I love you.” “You love me? Why didn’t you tell me two days ago? I love you too!” She hated that her words came out all angry sounding.
He shook his head. “Wait. There’s something I need to tell you.” Fear seeped into his gaze then, so potent she nearly stepped back from the force of it. His fingers flexed tighter on her hips, as if he read her mind. “It’s about when Riel died.”
A heavy weight settled in the pit of her stomach. “Okay.”
“When we were in Afghanistan, we were on a routine mission—I can’t tell you where or for what—using intel from one of my contacts. This guy was part of the local police and my friend. I thought he was. Everyone told me you can’t trust anyone but your own team over there. . . .” He released one of her hips and rubbed a hand over his face.
Her heart twisted at his pained expression when he looked at her again. “We walked right into an ambush and got pinned down by insurgents. It was a fucking nightmare. We were . . . in a remote location and I called in air support, but they didn’t make it in time. By the time they got there, I was the only one alive. I should have died, not Riel or my men. I trusted the wrong person and got all my friends killed.” He dropped his hands and if the door hadn’t been behind him she was pretty sure he would have backed up from her. Guilt poured off him in waves.
She felt terrible for him, but fury detonated inside her. “That’s why you cut contact with me, isn’t it? Not that bullshit you told me before?”
His expression tight, he nodded. “I understand if you . . . don’t want to see me again.”
“You’re such an asshole!” He flinched and she realized he thought she meant because of what he’d told her. “Not because of what happened. Riel told me more than once how hard it was to trust people over there. Did you intentionally or willingly go into an ambush?”
“Of course not,” he muttered.
“Were you written up or demoted for the operation?” Meaning, had his superiors deemed him in the wrong?
“No.” His jaw clenched tight as he watched her, clearly understanding where she was going.
“You’re human, Cade. Human. It tears me up that my brother died, but I can’t believe you’ve been carrying that guilt around for so long when there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I just can’t believe you cut contact with me for eight freaking years.” Her heart twisted at all the time they’d lost. “If you weren’t injured I’d punch you.”
“I deserve it.” From his tone she realized he meant because of what he perceived as his wrongdoing. Before she could respond, he continued. “It’s my fault, Maria.” His voice was raspy, unsteady. “I still have nightmares about . . .”
The pain in his voice took all the steam out of her anger. “Oh, Cade.” She linked her fingers behind his neck, plastering her body to his, mindful of his injury.
He tentatively slid his arms around her waist, but the fact that he was touching her was good. “You trusted someone you shouldn’t have. There’s no rule book for war and I can’t even imagine how hard it is to make the types of decisions you and Riel had to on a daily basis, knowing that you held lives in your hands. You became a Marine because you care about your country, and you would never have deliberately put your men in danger; I know that. Now you’re working for the NSA, dedicating even more of yourself. Clearly they think the same thing about you. They wouldn’t have hired you otherwise. You’re one of the bravest men I know, Cade.”
The guilt etched on his face tore at her insides, but she knew that if she didn’t get this out now, she never would. “You hurt me badly when you just cut me out of your life like that. You were one of my best friends and we’d just admitted our feelings to each other. Then Riel died and . . . nothing.” It sliced her up if she thought about what a dark place she’d been in eight years ago.
He gently cupped her face, rubbing his thumb over her cheek once. “I regret it. More than you know. I . . . I should have just told you, but I’d fallen for you. Hard. The thought of losing you after I lost so many people in my life. I didn’t think I’d survive it.” The truth was in every line of his face.
Her throat tightened as she imagined how hard that had been for him, to literally lose all his friends, then to be worried about losing her too. She could still see fear in his expression as he dropped his hand back to her waist. As if he expected her to reject him now.
She tightened her grip on him. “I’m not angry at you and I’m never going to hold you responsible for something that you couldn’t have prevented. Trusting the wrong person is not a crime. Look at me; I thought Andre Moran was a trusted family friend. So if you think this confession is going to push me away, you’re wrong. I love you, Cade. Nothing will change that.”
He swallowed hard and pulled her closer. “Really?” The hopeful note in his voice was too much.
She couldn’t believe he’d held on to this for so long, that it had kept them apart. “Yeah. Since we’re getting everything out in the open, I don’t want anything casual. I don’t know how we’re going to make things work with us living in different states, but I want to try.”
A slow grin spread across his face. “I wasn’t sure what your reaction would be to what I told you. Truthfully I’m a selfish bastard. I wasn’t even sure I was going to tell you about Afghanistan. And I don’t want anything casual either. It’s why I’ve taken off the next couple weeks. I don’t want to do anything but spend time with you—if that’s what you want.”
Pure relief poured through her. “That’s exactly what I want. And no matter what happens between us, no running or hiding—ever. I’m a big believer in communication, and if you have a problem or are afraid of something or whatever, talk to me.”
“I can do that—I will do that. And I know it’s probably too soon, but I’ve already talked to Burkhart about taking a job at one of our Miami offices—something you’ll have to sign a confidentiality agreement about since I’m not supposed to tell you unless we’re married. It would mean less travel and while I’d still take rescue missions, I wouldn’t do any undercover work anymore. Nothing black ops.”
It took a moment to digest his words. He’d told his boss this even befo
re their conversation, before his confession to her. Which meant at least on a subconscious level he’d trusted her enough to lay himself bare, to hope that she’d forgive him—not that he needed any forgiveness from her. Not for her brother. He certainly wasn’t running now. “That’s a huge decision. Are you sure?” She didn’t want him to make a decision like that now, coming right off an intense operation.
With one of his hands, he cupped her cheek, his green eyes intense. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. When Mihails took you, I knew I’d give up anything to be with you. I know long distance can work, but I don’t want to start our relationship that way. I want to wake up to you every morning. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, Maria. And . . . I know I won’t again. I never stopped caring from you. Not for eight fucking years. When I saw your name on that survivor list, fuck, I think I knew even then I wasn’t letting you go again. We deserve a chance.”
Tears burning her eyes, she leaned up on tiptoe and kissed him. Yes, they did. The fact that he was willing to uproot for her told her everything she needed to know. He loved her as much as she loved him.
Epilogue
Zero dark thirty: after midnight and before dawn.
Six months later
Cade eased open the door to the house he shared with Maria. He quickly disarmed the alarm he’d had installed, then reset it. It was after midnight and while he could have taken a flight home tomorrow, he’d hopped on a red-eye because he’d wanted to get home to her.
Home.
It was still a strange concept. He’d never felt at home anywhere except with her. Even his house in Virginia had never been one. It had been a place he slept at when he wasn’t on missions. This place with the woman he loved was everything to him.
She was everything to him.
This last op had only been a week long, but it felt like an eternity being away from her. The house was quiet and even though she’d told him earlier that she’d wait up for him, he had a feeling she’d probably passed out reading, as she so often did.
He left the lights off since he could navigate through their place blind and hurried toward the stairs. Opening the door at the top, he paused in the doorway, unable to fight his grin. Sure enough, the lamplight cast a low glow on their room and Maria was asleep with a book open across her chest. Wearing one of his old Marine Corps T-shirts, which was ridiculously big on her, and nothing else, the woman looked like pure sex.
As quietly as he could, he put his bag by the end of the bed and stripped off his clothes. His body was practically rejoicing at the thought of sleeping in a soft bed instead of a crappy cot in a warehouse full of a team of NSA field agents and analysts—in the middle of the damn desert. He loved his job, but field ops weren’t something he wanted to do forever. Hell, he couldn’t do it forever even if he wanted to. It was why he’d been assigned as one of the NSA liaisons to work with local law enforcement and the feds. Miami was a hotbed of activity, so he’d been insanely busy here the last five months. And the work was fulfilling.
Burkhart had pulled him in for this recent job, but Cade had a feeling it was because he’d wanted to gauge how much Cade missed travel. Which he didn’t. It was difficult to want it when he had Maria back home waiting for him.
Before getting into bed, he pulled something out of his bag he’d been holding on to for the past couple of months. The second the bed dipped under his weight, Maria’s eyes flew open. Smiling softly at him, she closed the book and moved it to the nightstand before snuggling closer to him. “I missed you,” she said as she hooked her arm and leg over him. Her voice was thick with sleep.
“I missed you too.” He covered her mouth with his, stroking her lips open with his tongue in soft, teasing strokes.
When she pushed on his shoulder, rolling him over so she could straddle him, his entire body pulled taut with need. She slid down his body, her heat rubbing over his hard length, and he realized she wasn’t wearing any panties.
She grinned down at him, as if reading his mind. “I wanted to be ready for you when you got home,” she said as she tugged her shirt over her head.
His brain nearly short-circuited at the sight of her petite, tan body on his. He couldn’t wait to devour her. But first . . . “Close your eyes.”
Her lips pulled into a slight frown, but she closed them. Taking a deep breath, he lifted her left hand up from his chest and slid a diamond ring onto her ring finger. Before he’d told her to open them, her eyes flew open and zeroed in on her fingers. She let out a tiny gasp and lifted her hand, staring at the solitaire diamond.
“I was going to put it on you while you were asleep,” he murmured, his heart beating overtime. He’d wanted to propose for months but had been trying to wait until the right time. On the flight back he’d realized there would never be a perfect moment. And he wanted everyone to know she was taken. “Marry me?”
“Yes.” Smiling, she covered the small distance between their bodies and kissed him, hot and hungry.
Rolling his hips against her, he shuddered at the feel of her pressed to him. Maria had given him everything he’d never realized he was missing. A home, a family, a love so intense it awed him, and he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I owe a huge thanks to my editor, Danielle Perez. Thank you for pushing me to make this book shine the way it’s supposed to. I’m also incredibly thankful to the entire team at NAL: Christina Brower, Jessica Brock, Ashley Polikoff, Katie Anderson, as well as cover illustrator Blake Morrow. You all do so much behind-the-scenes work and it’s very appreciated. To my agent, Jill Marsal, thank you for your continuing guidance and support.
As always, thank you to Kari Walker for reading the early version of this book (and all my books). I would be lost without you. Tanya Hyatt, assistant extraordinaire, I’m eternally grateful for everything you do. Without your help I wouldn’t get to write as much as I do. For my husband, who not only puts up with my erratic schedule, but is my sounding board and go-to research guy for all things military. It goes without saying that any mistakes in the book are my own. For my readers, I’m so thankful for all of you. Thank you for reading my books. I’m also thankful to God for so many opportunities.
Don’t miss the first book in the exciting Deadly Ops series by Katie Reus
TARGETED
Now available from Signet Eclipse.
Prologue
Marine Corps Scout Sniper motto: one shot, one kill.
Sam Kelly could see his GP tent fifty yards away. He was practically salivating at the thought of a shower and a clean bed. But he’d settle for the fucking bed at this point. He didn’t even care that he was sharing that tent with twenty other men. Showers were almost pointless at this dusty military base in hellish sub-Saharan Africa anyway. By the time he got back to his tent from the showers, he’d be covered in a film of grime again.
Four weeks behind enemy lines with limited supplies and he was also starving. Even an MRE sounded good about now. As he trekked across the dry, cracked ground, he crossed his fingers that the beef jerky he’d stashed in his locker was still there, but he doubted it. His bunkmate had likely gotten to it weeks ago. Greedy fucker.
“There a reason you haven’t shaved, Marine?”
Sam paused and turned at the sound of the condescending, unfamiliar voice. An officer—a lieutenant—he didn’t recognize stood a few feet away, his pale face flushed and his skin already burning under the hot sun. With one look Sam knew he was new in-country. Why the hell wasn’t the idiot wearing a boonie hat to protect his face? Hell, it had to be a hundred and thirty degrees right now. Yeah, this dick was definitely new. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be hassling Sam.
Sam gave him a blank stare and kept his stance relaxed. “Yes, sir, there is. Relaxed grooming standards.” Dumbass.
The blond man’s head tilted to the side ju
st a fraction, as if he didn’t understand the concept. God, could this guy be any greener? The man opened his mouth again and Sam could practically hear the stupid shit he was about to spout off by the arrogant look on his face.
“Lieutenant! There a reason you’re bothering my boy?” Colonel Seamus Myers was barreling toward them, dust kicking up under his feet with each step.
The man reminded Sam of an angry bull, and when he got pissed, everyone suffered. He was a good battalion commander, though. Right now Sam was just happy the colonel wasn’t directing that rage at him. Guy could be a scary fucker when he wanted.
“No, sir. I was just inquiring about his lack of grooming.” The officer’s face flushed even darker under his spreading sunburn. Yeah, that was going to itch something fierce when it started peeling. Sam smiled inwardly at the thought.
“You’re here one week and you think you know more than me?”
“N-no, sir! Of course not, sir.”
The colonel leaned closer and spoke so low that Sam couldn’t hear him. But he could guess what he was saying because he’d heard it before. Stay the fuck away from Sam Kelly and the rest of my snipers or I’ll send you home. Rank definitely mattered, but to the colonel, his few snipers were his boys, and the man had been in more wars than Sam ever wanted to think about. Sam had seen and caused enough death himself to want to get out when his enlistment was up. That wasn’t too far off either. He’d been to Iraq, Afghanistan, a few places in South America that weren’t even on his official record, and now he was stationed in Djibouti, Africa. Or hell, as he liked to think of it. He loved his job and he loved his country, but enough was enough. Sam just wished he could figure out what the hell he wanted to do if he got out of the military.
He watched as the colonel started talking—loudly—to the new guy. Getting right in his face as only a pissed-off Marine could. Sam almost felt sorry for the guy, but what kind of stupid fucker didn’t know that since the environment here was so dirty that staph infections were rampant, grooming standards were different? That was one of the reasons he and a thousand other guys his age had relaxed grooming standards in the bowels of this hellish place. But they also cut him slack because he was a sniper. Sometimes he had to blend in with the populace, among other things. He might be stationed in Africa, but he’d just gotten back from—where else?—Afghanistan. He’d stayed holed up for days in that dank cave just waiting—