by M Never
She’s gone.
A streak of dread runs through me. Did she just leave? I check the closet. All her things are still exactly where I put them.
Did someone take her? Paranoia flares.
I storm into the bedroom and swipe my phone off the end table. Just as I’m about to dial Jett, I hear the front door open and shut. It feels like all the organs inside me sag in relief when Ellie walks into the bedroom.
“You’re up,” she says surprised, wearing tight black shorts and one of my white wife beaters.
“Yeah. Apparently, so are you,” I snap sharply. “Where were you?” I don’t mean to bite her head off, but she just fucking left. In the middle of the night. Without telling me. Does she have any idea how neurotic I can be?
Of course she doesn’t. You haven’t shown her your self-deprecating, mistrusting, shithead side yet that’s wracked with mommy issues.
“I went for a walk,” she wraps her arms around herself.
“In the dark?”
Ellie nods.
“By yourself?”
Ellie bites her lip. “I wasn’t exactly alone.”
“You were with someone?” I raise my eyebrows about to blow.
She nods again.
“London?”
She shakes her head.
“Jett?” I try again.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I needed to talk.” Her smoky-green eyes cut through me in the darkness.
“To Jett?”
“With Jett,” she corrects.
“About what?”
Ellie shrugs. She’s being difficult, and I don’t like it.
“Stuff.”
“Stuff?”
“Stuff,” she repeats. Her and her fucking monosyllables.
“Wanna tell me what kind of stuff?”
“No.” She fidgets with her fingers.
What!?!
“Is everything okay?” I ask, on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
“Yes.”
“Did I do something to upset you?” I ask, trying not to snap the thin strand of composure keeping me together. I’m sure losing my shit won’t encourage her to talk.
“No.” Her face drops. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you snuck out of bed in the middle of the night to go see my best friend!”
“He’s my friend, too,” she asserts.
“And you needed to talk to him?”
“Yes.”
“Why can’t you talk to me?” I have always had this issue with Jett and Ellie. I want to be the one she talks to and confides in. The one she trusts. It’s apparent I still have a lot of work to do before that happens.
Ellie takes a cautious step closer to me. “I didn’t want to wake you. And I didn’t mean to upset you.” She takes another step, then another.
“Well, you did wake me. It’s like my body knew you weren’t there. I didn’t like that feeling, Ellie, and I didn’t like not knowing where you were.”
“I’m sorry.” She’s standing in front of me now looking apologetic, and sexy and utterly irresistible in my ribbed undershirt.
“You’re forgiven.” I pull her against me, and she fastens her arms around my neck. Sucker.
“You can talk to me, Ellie. You can tell me anything. I’ll listen.”
She hugs me tighter. “I know.”
Then why did you have to turn to Jett?
“I know I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes. I’ve never done this before,” I babble nervously, as I hug her. “But I’m learning.”
“We’re both learning, okay?” Her words console me.
I nod silently. Crushing her to me.
“Can we go back to bed?” she asks seductively, nuzzling my neck.
“Can I feel you up once we lay down?”
“You’re actually asking permission?”
“For now.” I smile against her temple.
“I think there are a few places on my body that could use a good rub.”
“Well, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s rub.” I kiss her roughly, tangling our tongues together. She moans into mouth, jumpstarting my blood flow, sending an excess straight to the head of my cock.
When we break apart, I trap Ellie’s chin between my thumb and forefinger, forcing her to look up at me.
“I love you,” I whisper sternly.
“I know,” she responds softly.
“Good,” I reply, hoping beyond hope one day she’ll love me back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO talk to Kayne when he’s the one we’re talking about?
Tonight overwhelmed me to the point the aftermath woke me up out a dead sleep.
It’s all coming at me so hard and so fast. I’m scared, excited, hopeful, and doubtful all at the same time. It’s a dizzying state. Kayne keeps telling me he loves me. Drilling it into my head the same way he drilled his perversions into my body. I just needed to talk to someone, hear a voice of reason, and Jett has always been that for me when it comes to Kayne. I was in such disarray, I didn’t know up from down or right from left. I needed to purge everything I was feeling, and I knew Jett would listen.
When I called Kayne the Kingda Ka, I meant it. He’s a sharply winding trestle built for speed, and I’m not sure if I want the ride to stop or make it go faster.
I WAKE TO MY PHONE vibrating on the nightstand. I snatch it up then glance over at Ellie’s naked form. She’s fast asleep on her stomach breathing softly. The sun is just starting to rise, casting a bright orangey glow over the horizon.
I keep the phone close to my body as I read the text:
FYSA. Second insurgent identified. Threat level elevated.
What the fuck? I hit delete and slip out of bed, careful not to disturb Ellie. Tucking myself into the shadows, I dial the secure number I have memorized.
“Yo,” a man answers.
“Juice.” I keep my voice low.
“Loverboy. Didn’t think I was going to hear from you.” He sounds way too awake and chipper for my liking. But that’s Juice.
“Yeah, well, when you send text messages like that, I’m inclined to call in. What second insurgent?”“Nicky Cruz.”
“Holy shit. He’s one of the biggest drug runners on the West Coast.”
“Yup. We don’t believe it’s a coincidence that two of the most high-powered drug traffickers in the U.S. are both visiting the Rainbow State at the same time just for a holiday.”
My blood pressure spikes.
“A commission meeting?” I ask.
“Could be. Or maybe they’re both looking for the same person.” I immediately glance at Ellie. She hasn’t budged an inch.
“You need to fucking find out what they’re doing there,” I growl menacingly.
“On it, killer,” he says aloofly, unfazed by my tone. “Probably a good thing you’re vapor. Watch your back.”
Click.
I crush the phone against my forehead and groan. Shit. Shit. Shit. Never a dull moment.
I drop my cell back on the nightstand just as Ellie shifts with a small sigh as if searching for me while she dreams. I crawl into bed and pull her against me, locking her in my arms. Locked. That’s exactly how I intend to keep her—safe, secure, and completely protected. Except for once, it’s not her I’m worried about. No, that conversation meant something else entirely. It meant someone might be looking for me, or, even worse, coming for me.
I’ve expected this, even anticipated it. I wasn’t lying when I told Ellie you don’t bring down one of the world’s most notorious drug lords without repercussions. I messed up a lot of powerful people’s businesses, and criminals don’t usually take kindly to people screwing with their income. But I’m ready and waiting. So, let them come.
“You’re awake?” Ellie stirs.
I glance down at her. Her eyes are still closed and her face is still pressed firmly against my chest.
“How did you know?”
“I heard you thinki
ng.”
I chuckle distantly. “I’m sorry if my thoughts woke you.”
“It’s fine.” She smiles sweetly, and I melt. Jesus, the woman can cut my balls off with one twitch of her lips. “Is something wrong?” she asks, her eyebrows furrowed.
“Nope. Not a thing.” I kiss her head.
“I’ll take your word at face value, but I know you’re full of shit.”
I exhale profoundly, half amused by Ellie, and half worried about the rest of the world. “It’s just—”
“Work. I know. I get it. You have to keep different kinds of secrets now.” She cracks her eyes open, and the green is so deep her irises almost look brown.
“I don’t want to keep anything from you.” Even though, I am.
“Then don’t.”
“Some things I don’t have a choice about.”
“I can accept that. Just don’t lie to me about who you are. I want to know the real you, not who you have to be for work or who you think you have to be for me.”
“I wish I knew who the real me is.” I’ve been someone else for so long, it’s hard going back to who you were. Not that I really want to be that person, either.
“We can figure it out together.” She snuggles up against me, and I nearly fall apart. I think that’s most comforting thing anyone has ever said to me. Maybe with Ellie in my life, the person I am isn’t so bad.
“There is something I do have to tell you.”
“Oh yeah, what’s that?”
I brace myself for the confession. “You’re not the only one living in Hawaii.”
“What?” She lifts her head and pierces me with her now very awake green eyes.
“I’ve been living in Waikiki with Jett.”
“For how long?” She sits up hastily using the sheet to cover her naked form.
“Ten months.”
“What!?”
“I needed to make sure you were all right,” I say quickly.
“You needed to stalk me.” Ellie expresses her own interpretation.
“I prefer to call it twenty-four-hour surveillance.”
“So you’ve been watching everything I do?”
“Not everything. I respected your privacy,” I inform her. “I was just making sure there were no intrusions to your life.”
“Was there anything that threatened to intrude?”
“No. Nothing that I was aware of. And I intend to keep it that way.”
“So you really do know everything about me?” I nod. “Even about—”
“Your boy toy? Yes,” I interrupt her.
“He’s not a boy toy,” she responds affronted.
“He can’t be very important if you’re here naked with me.”
“He’s a friend,” she specifies. “And I can be naked with anyone I want. I’m unattached,” she reminds me harshly. I cringe inside.
“I’m hoping to change that.”
“I know you are,” she says sternly, but her expression is soft.
Good sign.
“Forgive me?”
“For stalking me?” she asks drily.
“For watching over you,” I correct her.
“No.”
“Come on. Wrong thing for the right reasons.” I try to argue my side.
“So, you admit it was wrong.”
“Nope,” I contradict myself. Us spies are good at that. “Protecting you will never be wrong, no matter how I do it.”
“You’re going to be a very busy man then, because I don’t like to sit still.”
“Don’t I know it.” I trap her head in my hand and graze my teeth along her neck. “You’re a very busy little bee.”
“There’s a lot to see in this world.”
“I’ll show you everything if you let me.”
“That could take a long time.” She closes her eyes and sighs as I skim the tip of my tongue under her jaw.
“Ellie, I’ve got nothing but time.”
“Why didn’t you let me know you were there?” she asks almost sadly.
“Truthfully?” I quit caressing her with my mouth. “To give you space. Plus, I saw what you did to those cupcakes.”
“You saw?”
“Baby, I have never been far away,” I divulge. “If you want to get mad at me for staying close, go ahead. I told you, I’ll endure it just as long as I get you in the end.”
“Get me how exactly?”
“Mind, body, and soul,” I tell her simply.
Ellie looks at me skeptically. What I wouldn’t give to be telepathic right now.
“What are you thinking?” I ask.
“What kind of stipulations come with those things.”
“None. No strings, no expectations, no demands. I told you that before. I will take whatever you’re willing to give me. And I mean it. I never go back on my word. You may not believe it now, but someday you will.”
“Are you always so sure of yourself?”
“Yes. When I want something, I get it. First rule of survival, identify your surroundings, accept them, and then try to improve them. I’ve identified, accepted, and now I’m trying to improve.”
“Sounds like a lengthy process.”
“Depends on the crisis.”
“Are we in a crisis?” she creases her eyebrows.
“At the moment, no. But if your boy toy becomes a problem, maybe.”
Ellie stares at me silently as the sun creeps up over the water brightening the room. Then she smiles impishly. “What boy toy . . .”
Now that’s what I’m talking about.
I FLOP ONTO THE BED, beat.
The last five days have been the very best of my life, hands down, undisputed. Every day with Ellie I learn something new about her and myself. Her energy and love for life is infectious. She laughs more than I thought possible for a single person; she’s always smiling, always frisky, always playful. I never thought I’d say this, but she’s freaking wearing me out.
“Tired, old man?” she yells from the sundeck. Ever since she found out I was a whole five years older, she has teased me about my age.
“Not a lick,” I lie, waiting for my second wind. I’ve always been energetic, but Ellie takes stamina to the next level. She never stops, whether we’re out somewhere or in between the sheets. Not only have I met my match, I’ve met my competition.
I check my phone. No new messages. I haven’t heard from Juice in three days, so I’m taking that as a good sign. Although in the spy game, no news isn’t necessarily good news.
I shoot a quick text to Jett.
Me: Hear any good gossip?
Jett: No. Stop being a busybody. Only worry about that hot little piece of ass you’re hell-bent on keeping all to yourself.
Me: I was never taught to share. Fuck off.
And you wonder why I’m a possessive lunatic when it comes to Ellie. Everyone wants her, even my best friend. Not that he’s stupid enough to touch her, but he’ll let it be known the interest is there.
“Kayne, what are you doing!?” Ellie shouts from the sundeck. “Come outside, and let’s go swimming!”
I lift my head to look at her with wide eyes as she dips her foot into the pool. “We just spent the whole day snorkeling.”
“So?” She shrugs.
I can’t stop the smile from cracking my face. Energizer Bunny!
We have literally done everything from off-roading to jet skiing to kiteboarding. Today we took that private tour of the island Ellie was so excited about. It’s been nonstop days and marathon nights. I’ve never been so sleep deprived in my life, even when I was on a twenty-four-hour surveillance mission in Afghanistan.
“How about instead you come inside and sit on my cock and let me watch those hot little tits bounce in the air.”
Crickets.
I drop back down and close my eyes. Guess not.
“Such the romantic,” Ellie chides playfully a few moments later, crawling onto the bed like a hungry cat stalking a mouse. “Is there at least going to be a litt
le foreplay to get me wet, or should I just get right to it and fuck you?”
My cock twitches from just her words; she’s definitely not shy about being verbal anymore.
I lift my head and look straight in her smoldering emerald eyes. “You want foreplay? Sit on my face.”
I grab her hand and drag her upward until I can reach her waist.
“Kayne, I’m still wearing my bathing suit!” she says as I pull her body over my chest and bury my head between her legs.
“So what? I’ll chew right through them to get to your clit if I have to.” I bite and suck over the material.
“Oh!” She throws her head back. “You don’t need to destroy my clothes. I’ll take them off.” She squirms, rubbing her pussy against my mouth.
“Off.” I nip at her as she quickly unties each side of the pink bikini bottoms, fumbling with the strings as I tease her with the tip of my finger, slipping it just under the clingy material and stroking her lightly.
“Oh, God.” She rips off her bottoms exposing her inflamed, pink pussy an inch away from my mouth. I don’t waste one second diving back between her legs and licking up the sweet taste of her arousal. It has my need roaring. Relentlessly, I swipe my tongue through her wet folds, every so often sinking it deeply into her entrance until she is writhing and shuddering and soaking my face.
“Oh fuck, you’re going to make me come.” She grips my hair with both hands and tugs as hard as she can, fusing her pussy directly against my lips. I stiffen my tongue as she rides my mouth, bucking, moaning, and gasping for air.
Like a shattered dam, Ellie floods when she comes, her arousal as sugary as a mouthful of candy. I lap her up and suck on her clit as she lazily comes around.
“Adequate foreplay?” I ask as I wipe my mouth against her inner thigh.
“Yes,” she answers sluggishly.
“Good. Now sit that wet pussy on my cock. It feels best right after you come.”
“You really need to stop with the hearts and flowers. You’re going to spoil me.”
“I definitely wouldn’t want to do that, now would I?” I answer as Ellie slinks down my body. Hurriedly, she rips off my board shorts, moving quickly to next discard the white Ginny-t clinging to my chest. As she pulls it over my head, it snags on my arms and tangles around my wrists. I try to pull free, but she stops me, tightening the stretchy shirt around my hands as if caught in some kind of trance. Silently she gazes down at me as if asking permission and me staring back—holy fuck—grants it. I’ve never let a woman take control before, at least not like this. Ellie binds my wrists, tying a secure knot with the fabric. Like a perfect storm of anticipation and fear, my heart hammers, my cock throbs, and my head feels light. Ellie has no idea how much trust it’s taking for me to submit. To hand myself over and give her control.