by Diana Palmer
His eyes softened as he looked at her. “You were everything I used to dream you would be,” he said quietly. “Soft and loving, gently abandoned in my arms. I exhausted you because I couldn’t manage to stop. I couldn’t get enough of you.”
She colored, remembering. She wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and sipped the hot black liquid. She met his eyes evenly. “I’m not sorry,” she said. “Not if I died of it, I wouldn’t be sorry!”
His jaw tautened. He had to drag his gaze back to his hamburger. He could have said the same to her, but he was getting aroused all over again. “I’ve got some work to do in the study. Can you amuse yourself?”
“There’s a National Geographic special on,” she replied. “About lizards. I thought I’d watch it.”
His eyebrows arched. “Lizards?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know why, but I’ve always been fascinated by them. Especially the Komodo dragons. Have you seen pictures of them? They’re huge, and they have forked tongues….”
“And a very well developed Jacobsen’s organ,” he added, smiling at her surprise. “They interest me, too. So does most wildlife.”
“You like cattle and horses. I guess wildlife is wildlife,” she mused.
“I’d have liked taking you back to the ranch,” he confessed, searching her face quietly. “But Beryl would make you feel uncomfortable.”
She looked down at the empty plate. “Is there such a thing as happily ever after these days?” she asked.
“For some people, maybe. I can’t forget how my marriage failed, Tess. Maybe it never had a chance, but in the beginning, things were bright for Jane and me. Somewhere along the way, we stopped caring about each other.” He looked up. “There aren’t any guarantees. If I could give you a child, I might think differently. But I can’t. I don’t think we could make it work. I’m afraid to take the chance, can you understand that?”
“You think I’m too young.” She sighed. Her eyes coveted him shyly. “I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted. I loved you when I was nineteen, and I love you now.” She smiled sadly. “How do I stop, Dane?”
His teeth clenched. He couldn’t handle questions like that. He swallowed the last of his coffee and put the mug down. “Leave the dishes,” he said as he rose. “I’ll take care of them, since you did the cooking.”
“I don’t mind….”
“This is my apartment,” he reminded her coolly. “I’m used to doing dishes. And cooking. I’ve lived alone for years.”
He went off in the general direction of the study and she got up after a minute and cleared things away.
“You really must feel like you have a shadow,” Helen remarked a couple of days later at work. “Dane never takes his eyes off you, and if he has to be out of the office, it’s Adams or me or Nick. You poor thing, I know you’ll be glad when this is finally over. Living with Dane must be pure hell. It’s a good thing you don’t have a social life, or you’d be screaming.”
Tess controlled her expression, just barely. “I suppose so.”
“Dane would have been your stepbrother, wouldn’t he?” Helen asked. “Everyone knows that your respective parents were going to be married. I don’t suppose it feels funny to you at all, being that close to him. After all, he’s almost family.”
She murmured her agreement, but it was a lie. Dane wasn’t family. He was the light of her life, except that she wanted something he didn’t. She wanted marriage and togetherness. Dane was afraid that she’d turn out like Jane, harping on his inability to make her pregnant, making his life hell.
She wouldn’t, though. It was a disappointment, surely, that he couldn’t give her a child, but it wasn’t the end of the world. She cared about him too much. If it could be only the two of them for fifty years, she’d have leaped at the chance. She couldn’t bear to even think of how life was going to be without him, now that she’d known him so intimately.
He didn’t seem to be having similar problems. If he was worried about their relationship, his expression gave nothing away. In the evenings, he was pleasant and kind, but he never looked at her too long or came too close. He spent most of his time in his study, working, and when he wasn’t in there, he was in bed.
Tess was alone these days at the apartment, and the distance between Dane and herself was growing. He was determined to put her out of his mind. She fought to keep the wonderful closeness they’d attained, but she did it with no help from him.
“Tess, come in here a minute, please,” he said the next morning, motioning her into his office.
Nick Reed was in there, too, tall and blond and carelessly attractive. He was Helen’s brother, an ex-FBI agent whom Dane had coaxed away from the government agency, and if Tess hadn’t been so hopelessly in love with Dane, she’d have gotten weak-kneed every time she saw Nick. He had that kind of good looks. He smiled at her as she sat down on the sofa and waited for Dane to close the door.
“We’re going to force their hand,” Dane told her abruptly. “Nick’s been to see a man I got a tip about. He got some information we can use, and I had him deposit a few clues about your movements in the process. We’re going to set you up, honey, and let the bad boys come after you.”
“Thanks,” she sighed. “I always knew you loved me, really.”
Nick chuckled at what he thought was a joke. Dane didn’t. His face closed up.
“You’ll be quite safe,” Dane told her. “We’re going to back you to the hilt, the whole damned staff and two off-duty cops. It’s the only way I’ve been able to find that wouldn’t give them the advantage. We can’t sit and wait until they try for you again. It’s too dangerous.”
“What do you want me to do?” she asked calmly.
“First they shoot you, then they try to nab you, and you break free and evade them,” Nick murmured. “Pity Dane won’t let you on the staff, Tess, you’re a natural.”
“Tell him, tell him,” she muttered, pointing at Dane. “He thinks I’m hopeless at detective work.”
“Getting shot doesn’t require ability as a detective,” Dane informed her.
“No, but getting away from a potential killer does,” Nick told him. “Some of our best operatives wouldn’t have been able to manage—”
“Let’s keep to the topic at hand,” Dane said tersely, glaring at Nick. “Tess, this is what we want to do,” he began.
He told her when, where and how they were going to set the trap. She was afraid and nervous, but she reminded herself that she’d been both when she evaded the men in the first place. She could keep her head under fire. She knew that now. It would be all right.
At least she’d be out of danger when it was over. She’d be out of Dane’s life, too. He seemed to be in a hurry to accomplish that, even if she wasn’t. What did they say about a quick cut being kindest in the long run? Maybe she could get her life back together when she was out of Dane’s, but she’d never be the same without him. Nothing was going to change that.
That weekend at the apartment, Dane was unusually restless. He couldn’t sit still long enough to watch television.
“Let’s go out,” he said tersely, glancing at her. “Put something on.”
“I’ve got something on,” she began, indicating her jeans and T-shirt.
“Then add a jacket and some sneakers to it. I feel like riding.”
“Where?”
“At the ranch,” he muttered. He saw her flush. “It’s Beryl’s day off,” he told her. “Even so, we manage the facade in public. Helen actually asked me if I’d ease up on you. She thinks I’ve been giving you hell.”
“Haven’t you?” she asked pertly.
He turned away. “Come on. Sitting around here all day isn’t going to do a thing for us.”
Probably not, since he wouldn’t touch her, she thought bitterly. But a whole day in his company wasn’t anything to sneer at. In the years to come, every minute would be a precious memory.
She grabbed her denim jacket, slipped into her pi
nk sneakers and followed him out the door.
It was a cool day, and she was glad of the jacket when she and Dane rode across the lower part of his ranch, which lay along the boundary of the Big Spur. Her efforts to get on the horse had amused Dane, bringing a rare smile to his lips. The old mare he’d given her to ride was gentle, though, and after a while she felt quite at home on the animal. It wasn’t nearly the ordeal she’d thought it would be, learning how to ride. She was enjoying it.
She stared curiously at the red-coated cattle in the distance.
“They’re the same color as yours,” she remarked, nodding toward them. “Are they the same breed?”
“Santa Gertrudis,” he agreed. He eased back in the saddle, grimacing a little.
“Is your back all right?” she asked with concern.
He glance at her with a wry smile. “It was until a few nights ago.”
She actually gasped out loud.
He chuckled helplessly. “My God.”
“Do you mind?” she asked breathlessly, her color flaring.
“My back is all right,” he assured her. “A little stiff, but it gets that way from routine work. I can assure you,” he added in a soft tone, “that I’d much rather have a stiff back from what we did together than from going on stakeout.”
She cleared her throat. “I see.”
“Coward. You were the one who brought it up last time.” He caught her hand in his and brought it to his mouth. “Thank you for the gift you gave me that night.”
She really colored then. She couldn’t manage words.
He stopped his horse, and hers, and clasped her hand against him until she looked his way.
“I felt like a whole man,” he said slowly. “Even if I couldn’t give you a child.”
She winced. “Dane, a child isn’t the only reason two people marry.”
“Perhaps not,” he said wearily. “But it can destroy a marriage.” His face went hard. “God knows, it destroyed mine.”
“I’m not Jane!” she cried.
He looked at her hungrily. “There’s no doubt about that,” he said quietly. “She could barely suffer having me in bed.” His high cheekbones went ruddy. “You didn’t, though. My God, you…” He couldn’t even find the words. He pressed his mouth hard into her palm, his eyes closed on an anguished scowl. “I’ve never had it like that,” he said in a rough tone.
She flushed, too, at the unfamiliar emotion in his deep voice. “I thought it was always good for the man.”
His dark eyes caught hers. “I all but passed out in your arms,” he said huskily. “Just thinking about how it was arouses me.”
Her lips parted. It aroused her, too. She sensed his vulnerability, and just for an instant she thought he might be weakening.
The sudden sound of approaching horses distracted him, too soon. He let go of her hand and his eyes narrowed under the wide brim of his hat.
“Two peas in a pod,” he mused, watching two tall riders approach.
Tess shaded her eyes. “Who are they?”
“Cole Everett and King Brannt.” He kicked his boot out of the stirrup and looped his leg around his saddle horn while he lit a cigarette. He grinned as the two men galloped up beside him and stopped. He knew they’d seen him with Tess and had moved in for a better look. It was, as they knew, unusual for him to bring a woman to the ranch.
“Nice day,” the older of the two remarked, his narrow silvery eyes appraising Tess’s flushed face.
“Good weather, too,” the other man agreed, his dark eyes twinkling in a lean, formidable countenance.
“Her name is Teresa Meriwether,” Dane told them with exaggerated patience. “Tess for short. Her father was going to marry my mother until the wreck, so she’s…family. She’s my secretary at the agency.”
Cole Everett pushed back his creamy Stetson and eyed Dane curiously, his silver eyes quiet and steady. “Do tell.” He glanced at Tess. “Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling. He had a warm smile, not sarcastic or mocking.
“Same here,” King Brannt agreed. He was pleasant enough, but he had a cutting edge to his personality that intimidated Tess. She smiled shyly in his direction, wondering absently how his Shelby had ever gotten up enough nerve to marry such a wildcat.
Everett, too, had an untamed look, but he was older than the other two men, graying at the temples.
“How’s Heather?” Dane asked Cole. “Still teaching voice?”
“And writing songs,” Cole replied. “She sold one last year to a group called Desperado, based up in Wyoming, and their lead singer won another Grammy with it. Heather was over the moon. So were our boys.” He chuckled. “They’re just at the age where they like pop music.”
“My kids like it, too,” King mused. “Dana’s got a keyboard and Matt has drums.” He held a hand to his ear. “Shelby spends a lot of time working in the kitchen garden while they practice. They’re all in high school. His three hang out with my two,” he muttered, glaring at Cole. “God knows, I’ll go insane one day and start howling at the moon from the noise.”
“I send them over to his house so that we can have some peace and quiet at ours,” Cole explained dryly. “Shelby told Heather that she wished she had more than two kids of her own.” He pursed his lips at King. “You aren’t too old yet, are you?”
“Speak for yourself, Grandpa,” King returned. He glanced at Dane curiously. “Ever think of marrying again?” he asked bluntly.
Dane didn’t bat an eyelash. “No. Anything in particular you wanted, besides a look at my houseguest?” he added with a meaningful stare.
“We could use a new bull,” Cole reminded him. “King’s got one he’s ready to sell, and he needs a new one of his own. Since you and I are ready to unload…er, sell…that bull of ours, King thought we might work out a trade, when you’ve got time to discuss it.” He grinned at Tess, ignoring King’s dry glance in his direction. “Not today, of course.”
Dane chuckled at the blatant excuse. He saw right through them. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll come over next weekend and we’ll talk about it.” By then, he thought, he’d have sprung the trap on Tess’s assailant and she’d have moved out. The thought depressed him.
“Suits us,” King said. “As for unloading your bull on me,” he added with a mocking smile at Cole Everett, “that’ll be the day.”
“You watch too many reruns of old John Wayne movies,” Cole pointed out. “You’re starting to sound like the character he played in The Searchers.”
The younger man cocked an eyebrow. “All the same, you won’t slip a worn-out bull under my nose.”
Cole looked insulted. “Would I do that to a business partner?”
“Sure,” King said pleasantly. “Like you tried to land me with that gelding last year when I wanted a new stallion for my stud.”
“It wasn’t my fault. I swear to God I had no idea he’d been to the vet—”
“Like hell you didn’t. He was in on it with you,” he added, nodding toward Dane. “You gave it away when you started snickering into your hat.”
“Yes, but the joke backfired, didn’t it?” King mused. “I bought the animal anyway and he turned out to be one of the best stud horses I’ve got. The vet pulled a fast one on both of you.”
Tess was laughing out loud by now. “I thought you people were friends!” she burst out.
“Oh, we are,” King agreed. “But friends are much more dangerous than enemies.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Dane murmured.
“Yes, well, it pays not to turn your back on these two,” Cole returned. “Are you staying at the ranch long? Heather would enjoy getting to meet you, I’m sure. I imagine your job is pretty interesting. He never talks about it.” He jerked a thumb toward Dane. “That’s how he keeps his clientele,” Dane returned easily. “We’re leaving in a few minutes, but maybe I’ll bring her over another time.”
“You do that. Well, we’ll see you next weekend, then.”
“Nice to have met you,�
�� King added to Tess. He wheeled his mount and started up. Cole Everett smiled and followed suit.
Tess watched them ride away. “Have your friends been married a long time?”
“Years and years,” he replied. “Their kids are all in their early teens now.” Kids. His face hardened. “We’d better get back.”
She put her hand on his upper arm as he gathered the reins in one lean hand. “Don’t let it wear on you like that,” she said softly. “Dane, children aren’t everything….”
“They are if you can’t produce any,” he said tersely. He looked into her eyes with pure malice. “Tell me you don’t want a baby, Tess,” he challenged coldly.
Her eyes clouded with mingled anguish and compassion, but he didn’t read it that way at all. He cursed under his breath and rode quickly ahead of her, leaving her to follow behind him with her heart in her shoes. She knew then that he was never going to give in. He wouldn’t marry again, because the specter of not having children was too much for him to bear. He’d never be convinced that she could be happy without them, so no matter what his feelings for her were, marriage was out of the question. He’d made that clear just now, without saying a single word.
She was sore and shaky when they got back to the barn. Dane saw her grimace and reached up to help her down. But, as always, the feel of her body triggered helpless longings in his own.
He let her slide down against him, his hands firm on her waist, his eyes holding hers.
“I like your friends,” she whispered huskily.
“So do I.” He had to fight to breathe normally. He looked down at her soft mouth and all but groaned. “We have to go back.”
She drew in an unsteady breath. “I enjoyed the ride.”
“Sore?”
She nodded and smiled. “I’m not used to horses, but I think I could learn to like riding.”
He searched her eyes slowly. “I could learn to like a lot of things, if I let myself.” His face hardened. “I want you so,” he whispered roughly. “But I can’t have you.”
“Dane…”
He let go of her and moved back. “No. In a day or two, we’ll wrap up your problem. Then we’ll get on with our lives.”