He remembered so much in those long seconds of staring. Her laughter, delightful sense of humor, the implacable belief she’d had in him. He remembered her heart, her soul, and her humanity. Her love.
Oh God.
And he remembered other, more recent things. Things he had denied before. Soft, cool hands working to lower his fever, a voice, thick with tears, telling him he was going to be all right. A warm, womanly body lying beside him, kissing his cheek, whispering soothing words of love. Why would she do those things when—
In that moment, he saw her clearly, the woman he had loved and lost. And he knew the truth.
“You really had nothing to do with it, did you?”
She jerked as if he’d slapped her. The gleaming relief in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken. He heard her swallow hard and then in a shaky voice, she said, “No, Declan. I swear on my life, I didn’t.”
He wanted to be angry all over again. Wanted to howl at the injustice of what had been done to him. To them. Instead, he pushed all of that aside and said, “I’m so damn sorry, Sabrina.”
She wanted to throw herself into his arms. For the first time since learning he was alive, there was no distrust or hatred in his eyes. What she did see stopped her cold and tore her heart to shreds. Yes, there was remorse and sadness, bitterness at what had been done to them. The one thing she didn’t see, and needed with unrivaled desperation, was love. Not even affection or even the slightest degree of warmth was revealed in his expression.
She told herself the lack of hatred was a start. He’d been through too much to expect a complete reversal. But deep within him was the core of Declan Steele—the man who had loved her, adored her. Dammit, that love couldn’t be destroyed. No matter what he’d been through, those feelings still existed. She knew they did.
With a tentative smile, she dropped the food she’d collected onto her backpack. “How are you feeling?”
“Like a fool.”
“Declan, don’t. What happened to you wasn’t your fault.” She handed him the last bottle of water. “Take a few swigs and eat something. Aidan probably won’t be back until tomorrow.”
He took several sips and then handed it back to her. “That’s enough for now.” Reaching forward gingerly, he snagged one of the bananas and peeled it.
“Can you talk about it yet or are you still processing?”
“There’s not much to say.”
Not much to say? Like hell. “Why were you taken? What did they want from you? Who do you think is responsible?”
“Just because I no longer believe you were involved doesn’t mean I’m going to share those things with you.”
“You know it wasn’t just you they hurt, Declan Steele.”
The expressions of contrition, remorse were gone. In their place was the flat, hard look of an EDJE agent. One who would show no weakness or mercy. When they’d worked ops together, she’d seen that look many times and had been reassured by it. But that’s because it had never been directed toward her.
“You still don’t trust me, do you?”
“Trust isn’t the issue. This is an Agency matter. One I’ll have to handle on my own.”
“You can’t expect me to just sit back like some kind of—”
“You’re not even involved in this kind of life anymore. You’re—”
“I know what the hell I am, Declan. I also know my life was turned upside down. I thought I lost you.” She didn’t add what she knew in her heart—that in a way, she had still lost him. “Don’t for a minute think you’re going to do this on your own. We—”
“There is no we. Get that out of your head.”
Knocking some sense into his stubborn head was tempting, but since she’d just spent two days trying to make him better, it would have been self-defeating. She was good at blocking unpleasant things out to get the job done. This would be one more. She would ignore his ridiculous statement and do what needed to be done.
“Eat what you can of the fruit. It’s good for you.”
He eyed her warily but didn’t argue. Exhaustion and pain shadowed his eyes, and the mouth she loved so much drooped with fatigue. There would be plenty of time for him to argue with her when he was feeling better.
She was relieved to see him consume the banana and some berries. After he drank more water, she said softly, “You’re safe here, Declan. Get some sleep.”
Surprising them both—and showing her just how unwell he was—he lay down again and in seconds was asleep.
As he slept, Sabrina made her plans. Someone had sold them out. There was no other answer for it. Delving into the Agency’s secrets would be difficult, if not impossible. But perhaps an enterprising and talented LCR Elite operative who also happened to be a research expert might be able to do just that?
She might not be in the game any longer, as Declan had said, but she had an offer of assistance from one of the savviest leaders of undercover operations in the business. One she would gladly accept.
Chapter Eighteen
Virginia
“When are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Declan asked.
A small smile tilted at her mouth, her eyes brimming with excitement, Sabrina shook her head. “Stop badgering me. I’ll tell you when we get there. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery.”
Scenery? Well, he supposed there was a certain kind of peacefulness to the landscape. For almost an hour, they’d been driving toward an unknown destination. Unknown to him, but Sabrina knew exactly where she was going.
They’d returned to Virginia five days ago. LCR and, yes, Aidan Thorne had come through. Rescue had occurred just a day after Thorne had left them.
Since Declan had refused to go to the hospital, he’d been treated at the LCR clinic and then released. Had been told to rest, recuperate. He had done what he’d been ordered to do. Surprising Sabrina and himself, he had slept, taken his meds, and eaten nutritious food.
Sabrina had told him that the two men they’d rescued were being treated in a private hospital in Germany and were expected to survive. She’d said that Barry Tyndall had been easy enough to identify, but the other man was still unconscious and so far had no name.
Even though he hadn’t gotten the information he needed, Declan felt a sense of accomplishment in being able to assist in the rescues.
He’d woken this morning, all set to start unraveling the mystery of his abductors. Even though he was still weaker than he liked, spending another day in bed or hobbling around the apartment wasn’t something he’d been willing to do. He had to have answers.
Instead of arguing with him when he’d told Sabrina, she had just told him to grab his clothes and toiletries and come with her. Stupid, but at first he’d been hurt, figuring she was throwing him out of the apartment. Not that he would have blamed her. He’d been nothing but an ass to her since his return.
The minute they’d gotten into her car and pulled out of the parking lot, she’d thrown him an inscrutable look and said, “I’ve been dying to show you this.”
When he’d asked what, she shrugged and said it was a surprise.
So here he was, enjoying the rural scenery of northern Virginia without any idea where he was headed. Allowing this to happen was a major breakthrough for him. For a man who had to be in control at all times, giving someone else this much power wasn’t easy. But he owed her that trust. Hell, he owed her a lot more than that.
“Okay, almost there.”
Declan sat up in his seat. They were on a winding, two-lane road that desperately needed some work. Sabrina maneuvered around potholes with the ease of familiarity. She’d obviously been down this road many times before.
“Close your eyes.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope. I want you to see it all at once.”
Hell, when she gave him that sweet, pleading look, Declan knew without a doubt he’d do almost anything for her.
Closing his eyes obediently, he heard her curse slightly as she made
a sharp turn.
“Sorry. That’s a new pothole I didn’t know about.”
Seconds later, the car stopped moving, and she said in a breathless, excited voice, “Okay. You can look.”
His eyes opened, and all he could do was stare. “What the hell is it?”
Laughter bubbled from her, a sound he hadn’t heard in forever. “Isn’t it gorgeously awful? Hideously beautiful?”
Without comment, he opened the car door and got out, his eyes never leaving the giant structure in front of him.
She came to stand beside him and gazed adoringly up at one of the ugliest monstrosities he’d ever seen. “I think they started off with a Victorian house, decided they’d go all castle-like, changed their minds in the middle of the renovation and chose a farmhouse instead. I just call it home.”
He tore his eyes away to look at her. “You live here?”
“Yes. What do you think?”
What did he think? He thought she was crazy. Ridiculously insane. Possibly blind. But he could see by the gleam in her eyes that she loved it. No matter how ugly this thing was, she had fallen in love with it and was calling it home.
Not wanting to hurt her feelings, he chose a diplomatic response. “It’s certainly unique.”
More laughter erupted. “I know it’s awful, but once I’m through with it, it will be spectacular.”
No, it would still be ugly. They’d have to tear down two-thirds of it before it could even resemble attractive. She was probably right about what the builders had done. One part of the house was artistically Victorian, with all the angles and charm from that era. The addition of the rock turrets and tower might have actually worked, but when the wraparound porch, tin roof and the rooster weathervane were added, it had become something else.
“Come on. Let me show you around.” She held out her hand.
The moment Declan put his hand in hers, she knew everything would be okay. She had worried that bringing him here would make him uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel like he was being forced to live here. She felt as though she’d been walking on eggshells around him since their return. Since he knew she hadn’t betrayed him, she worried that he’d just up and say he was going off on his own.
Knowing she was living on borrowed time, she’d spent all day yesterday preparing a place for him to work. She wasn’t going to give him an opportunity to disappear again. If he had what he needed to get the job done, and if he trusted her, then there was no reason he couldn’t do that work from her home.
His remarks about the house didn’t bother her in the least. No, the house would never grace the cover of a magazine, but that was okay with her. It had character and was definitely one of a kind. It was perfect to her.
Still holding hands, they stepped up on the wood porch, and she unlocked the door. As soon as it swung open, she let his hand go and said, “After you.”
The moment he stepped inside, her tense muscles relaxed. Declan was here, in their home. The only thing stopping her from dancing a little jig was the worry that he’d think she was crazy. Since she’d purchased a house that no one in their right mind would want, he probably already thought that anyway.
“Foyer is nice.”
“Thanks.” She’d spent a full day sanding the floor before she’d decided that she’d rather spend her time on other endeavors. “I had some professionals come in. They had it sanded and stained within a day.
“I’m taking it a little at a time. There are twelve rooms, plus a giant attic. I’ve only managed to finish a few rooms.”
“When did you buy the place? And, more importantly, why did you buy it? You never wanted a house before.”
“I bought it about six months after you… After I thought you died.”
Still feeling like a fool for believing his obvious lie, she lifted her shoulder in an offhand shrug. “When you told me you were leaving the Agency and wanted to get a house, I started looking at real estate. When you came back, I wanted to have a list of places we could look at together. Of course, the houses I was looking at were in France, since that’s where I was based at the time.”
“And when I didn’t come back?”
“I realized I still wanted a house. Guess I’d caught the bug. So when McCall moved the main LCR office to Virginia, I started looking around here.” She turned her face away from those too-piercing blue eyes. “Somehow concentrating on it, thinking you had wanted the house, made me feel closer to you.”
He was silent for a long time. She knew he still felt bad about lying to her. She didn’t want to get into that. She understood his reasons and had forgiven the deception.
Instead of apologizing to her again, he said, “Show me around.”
She blew out a silent, relieved sigh. “Delighted to.”
Declan couldn’t believe she had done this. And all because he’d told her he wanted a house.
He followed along behind her as she showed him room after room, most of them badly needing work. Hideous wallpaper and migraine-inducing colors covered the walls. Though all the floors were hardwood, they needed sanding and staining. Some of them needed to be replaced.
The finished rooms included a refurbished kitchen with sparkling new appliances, a master bedroom that had both masculine and feminine touches, as if it belonged to a married couple, and a remodeled bathroom that included a giant antique claw-foot bathtub.
With each room, whether finished or not, she exuded enthusiasm and her special brand of humor. When she stopped at a door at the back of the house on the first floor, her demeanor changed. He detected a hint of both nervousness and excitement. Giving him a small, enigmatic smile, she pushed the door open.
Declan took one step inside and stopped, his breath catching in his chest. It was most decidedly a room designed and decorated for a man. Not just any man. She had created the room for him.
One entire wall was floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with his books. Even without walking closer to look at the spines, he recognized his first editions, along with the poetry, thrillers, and history books he’d collected over the years.
On the other side of the room was a giant fireplace. He recognized the reading chair and lamp he’d had in his apartment. Beside the chair was a small table that held his reading glasses, a bottle of his favorite brandy and a book. He drew closer. Hell, that was the book he’d been reading the day before he’d been taken.
His chest so tight he could barely breathe, he took in the rest of the room. A dark brown leather sofa, a chess table holding his chessboard already set up to play, the stereo system he’d spent a fortune on, with the old albums he’d collected through the years.
He was about to speak, ask her why she’d done all this, when he caught a glimpse of a photo and froze. Speechless, he walked slowly to a small alcove in a far corner. It was filled with photographs. Not of him and Sabrina, but of his family. His mother, father and sister. The photos showed a family who loved each other. A mother who adored her husband and children. A father who was proud of his family and fiercely devoted to them. And two happy, well-adjusted kids who had known from the moment of birth that they were loved.
“Where did you—” His voice was so thick and garbled with emotion he had to stop.
“Remember those old videos you had of your family? I had still shots made of some of them.”
She couldn’t have done all of this since he’d been back. Not only would she not have had time, there was a faint mustiness in the air, as if the room had been closed off for a while.
The room had been decorated by a wife for her husband, by a woman for her man. By the beautiful, warm-hearted, courageous woman in front of him. “Why didn’t you show me this before? This would have proven your innocence.”
“I wanted you to believe me without physical proof, Declan.” She lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. “I guess I wanted you to trust my word.”
“Come here.”
She stood in front of him, and the heart that
he swore no longer existed swelled beyond his ability to accommodate it in his chest. Emotions he hadn’t allowed himself to have flooded through him like a rushing river.
“Thank you, Sabrina.” Bending his head, he pressed a kiss to both of her creamy cheeks, her forehead and then a tender one to her soft lips.
As though she’d been holding her breath for a long time, she blew out a gusty sigh and gave him a brilliant smile. “You’re welcome.”
He wanted to say something else. Give her something more. He couldn’t.
She drew away from him and said, “That’s not all, though. Follow me.”
She crossed the room to the bookcase and pulled out a book. Before he could ask her what she was doing, he heard the squeak of a hinge. He whirled around. The wall behind him had moved, and a door stood open.
“It’s a hidden room. I never really knew what to do with it, but I—” She shrugged and said, “Take a look.”
Throwing her an incredulous smile, he went into the secret room and stopped, once again stunned.
She spoke from behind him. “I came here yesterday and set this up. If you need more equipment, I can get it.”
He could only shake his head in wonder. The room, though small, held everything he would need to work his investigation. One wall had a board for writing or hanging photos. The opposite wall held a world map. There was a desk in the middle with a new computer.
“I know it’s not much, but we can add whatever you need.”
“It’s perfect.” He glanced over his shoulder. “You’re perfect.”
Silky brows arched, her full mouth curved in a delightful smile. “I’d better check your temperature…make sure that fever isn’t back and giving you delusions.”
Running On Empty: An LCR Elite Novel Page 18