by S. J. Bishop
I kissed her forehead and wiggled my nose against Lily’s.
No matter how many times I’d done it, it never got easier to leave Lily to go to work. "I’ll be home as soon as I can." She smiled and closed her eyes.
Mom sat in the living room with a scowl on her face. "What’s the matter with you?" she demanded. "How could you not have insurance?"
"I do have insurance. Sort of." Actually, I had had insurance for Lily just a few months ago, but I’d been forced to let it expire. Even with the tax credit I’d been receiving, I still couldn’t afford to keep it. I figured it would be cheaper to pay the penalty tax for not having insurance than it would to keep the crappy insurance I had. Now, however, I wanted to go back in time to reverse that foolish decision.
"If you had just gone to Harvard—"
Oh, here we go. Thankfully Dad put a restraining hand on her.
"I have to go. I’m gonna be late. Thanks for watching Lily." I ran out of their house. My parents had insisted Lily stay at their place this evening instead of them going to mine. They said there were too many bugs and bacteria creeping around at my place. That was probably why Lily was so sick, according to Mom. It stung that she was constantly finding things to criticize about my lifestyle. It seemed that by now I would have paid back the debt of her disappointment in me for choosing to have Lily instead of going to Harvard,
When I got to work, I was immediately greeted by Myron. "Hi Ava," he said.
"Hi Myron. Almost through for the night?" Please let him have worked an earlier shift.
"Oh no, I’m just getting here." He smiled with his big, goofy grin. He was older than me by a year or two and had big patches of oily skin that never seemed to go away.
"Oh. Great."
"Hey, how’s Lily? I heard about what happened."
I hesitated. "Not so good. She needs an operation."
Myron’s eyes widened. "Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?" I relaxed a little and smiled at him. Despite his sometimes frustrating antics, he was a good person. Not everyone in this town was as nice to me as Myron was.
Even though I’d been out of high school when I got pregnant, it had come so quickly after graduation and changed my plans so drastically, that Dover Chase residents hadn’t stopped talking about me since. I was known as the girl who’d ruined my life by having premarital sex. I’d become a tale that parents told their children about. "Look what happens to you if you have sex before marriage. You turn into Ava Hart."
It wasn’t that particular side of my reputation that bothered me, it was the side that painted me out to be some kind of small town slut. Carter was the only person I had ever been with and it had only been that one time. I hated knowing that my parents, particularly my father, heard those rumors.
I’d never told one person who Lily’s father was. I didn’t want to ruin things for Carter. He’d just gotten drafted and his picture had been splashed across every paper in America, especially the ones here in Pennsylvania. There had been one night, just before Lily was born, when, feeling sorry for myself having to go through so much alone, I’d decided to tell him. I’d thought after getting drafted to San Francisco he must have changed his number and was amazed when it still worked.
A woman had answered.
"Hello? The woman asked.
So I hesitated. "Um, hi. Is Carter there?"
"Yeah, but he’s in the shower right now. Can I take a message?"
"Who is this?" I had asked, knowing I shouldn’t, that the answer would only hurt.
"Olivia Kelly. His girlfriend. Who’s this?"
I’d realized I had no business butting into his life, and I hung up.
I went into the backroom, followed by Myron—of course—and pulled on my Piccadilly’s shirt over my own T-shirt. Terri was back there too, getting ready. "Hey, Ava," she said.
"Hi, Terri."
"Hey, Myron, can you do me a favor?" Terri asked. "Could you check and let me know which section I’m covering tonight?"
"Sure," Myron said. "I’ll check for you too, Ava." He hurried off, eager to please.
"Listen," Terri said, grabbing my arm and spinning me around. "Look at this. I saw it when he opened his locker earlier."
Terri opened Myron’s locker to reveal several pictures of me staring back at them. I was dumbfounded. I knew he liked me, but this was a bit much. Terri quickly shut the locker as Myron returned.
The three of us walked onto the floor and took our sections. My head was spinning. I was worried about Lily, and now on top of that I had to be worried about Myron too. I would make it clear that I didn’t like him like that. I was so flustered by what Terri had just shown me that I didn’t even notice the man at the table who’s order I had just asked to take.
"Ava?" the man said. His voice was deep and sultry and sparked something that had lain dormant in me for the last three years. I looked up and saw Carter staring back at me.
"Carter!" I could feel the blood draining from my face. "Wh-what are you doing here?" My head spun around to look for cameras. Was this some kind of reality TV show prank?
"I came back for Hannah’s wedding."
Of course. How could I have been so stupid? People in Dover Chase had been buzzing about Hannah’s wedding for the last month. Celebrities had been calling and booking rooms all over town. I’d tried to ignore it all. I hadn’t talked to Hannah in the three years since graduation. I’d seen her name in the papers and had been to every one of her films, but I’d been too embarrassed with my own life to call Hannah up.
"How are you?" Carter asked.
"Good, I’m good." Why was I lying? This must be some sort of sign. I should tell Carter the truth about Lily and ask him for the money for the surgery. Here was my big chance to fix things. I opened my mouth to do just that but my throat dried up and I couldn’t get the words out. "Are you here with anyone?" I finally managed to say. "A girlfriend?" Gosh, why did I say that? Like it was any of my business.
"No," Carter replied. "Just myself." He hesitated. "I’m not seeing anyone right now."
"Oh."
Tell him tell him!
"Er, I’ve gotta go." It was too much for me to face him now. I practically ran away from the table and searched for Terri. She was all too happy to cover Carter’s table. I felt like a complete idiot. Not only had I acted like a weirdo, I had just failed Lily. I had to make this right fast.
4
Carter
I left Piccadilly’s having barely touched my food. I didn’t know why seeing Ava again should upset me so much. My head felt funny, like I’d just stepped off a roller coaster. Maybe having a few beers would set me right.
I stopped at Conrad’s, a bar older than Dover Chase itself. At least that’s how it felt walking in there. The paint was peeling. The room was dark. It was like being in a cave. Hadn’t changed one bit. It was a place my friends and I had avoided growing up, except of course for the rite of passage all Dover Chasers went through when they turned twenty-one—Conrad’s was a pit stop on a short list of must-hit bars on that magical of all birthdays. Now, it seemed like the perfect hole-in-the-wall to escape to.
I started with a vodka shot then pounded back my first beer. I sipped on my second, listening to the sounds of people talking and glasses clinking. There was something very soothing about it all—until I heard Ava’s name. I turned to see a group of three guys, celebrating that very rite of passage I’d just been reminiscing about, sitting in a corner with smirks on their faces.
"I went to high school with her. She was a lot prettier then."
"Yeah, getting knocked up just sucks the life out of a girl."
"I nailed her."
The other two guys looked at their third companion with disbelief. "You nailed Ava Hart? When?"
"Back in high school. She nailed just about our whole class." The dirtbag leaned in conspiratorially towards his two friends. "I hear she still likes to play around, but now she expects dinner or something in return. She used to be a lot easi
er."
"So you could be that kid’s father?" said one of the guys, his eyes widening.
"Hell no. I used a rubber. Besides, that slut nailed everybody. Who knows who that kid’s dad is. Probably some bum she met in an alley somewhere."
The three guys started laughing. I clenched my hand into a fist. Pushing my stool out, I walked to their table. I knew perfectly well that they were lying. Ava had been a virgin when I’d been with her.
I paused halfway to their table, something was tickling the back of my head. When I’d been with her... which was when exactly? Three years ago? How old was her daughter? Then I heard more laughter from the table and felt a blinding rage take over all else.
"Excuse me," The dimwits looked up at me, their jaws hanging open.
"Carter Stone!" one of them said. "You’re Carter Stone."
"That’s right," I smiled. "And I have a favor to ask you guys."
They looked at me, grinning. It was going to feel so good to see that look change when I pummeled them.
"Sure, anything. Hey, sit down. We’ll buy you a drink."
"I don’t drink with scum."
Their faces changed from smiles to confusion.
"The favor I’m asking for, is that the three of you shut the hell up before I pound your heads into that table."
The guys stared back at me, shocked. The third guy, the biggest one who’d been telling the others about Ava, stood up. He rolled his shoulders back and stuck out one finger, pushing it against my chest.
"Sounds like you’ve got a problem," he said. His two friends began to pull at his arms, trying to get him to sit back down.
"I always have a problem when assholes interrupt my drinking," My cheeks burned; anger boiled inside me. I could feel the heat of the situation. "Now shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you."
"I guess you’ve got a thing for sluts? Is that it?" the guy asked, a malicious grin splayed across his face.
That was it. I didn’t hesitate. My hand flew out and punched the guy’s face. It was only when I made contact with his jaw that I remembered this was the same hand I had injured in my last fight. My fingers crackled and pain began to thump through me.
The guy fell back and his two friends stood up. Before I knew what was happening, they each grabbed one of my arms and were trying to hold me back while the third guy recovered himself and went in for a punch. But I was used to this sort of thing. I took hits both on the field and off, and nothing these guys could throw at me would make a big difference.
I ducked and the guy’s punch swung over me, hitting his friend instead. As the friend crumbled to the ground, I dove against his stomach, knocking him to the floor. I could sense the whole bar was on its feet now as I started to wail on the third guy. But it wasn’t until the cops showed up and dragged me off that I realized I had blood on my knuckles.
5
Ava
I sat with Lily on the living room floor in our apartment. I covered my eyes with my hands. Lily covered hers. I opened my hands and then Lily opened hers. This was one of my favorite things.
"Peeks-ah-boo!" Lily shouted, delighted with herself. She rolled, giggling, onto the floor. But the giggles soon turned into coughs, and I grabbed her, sitting her back up.
"Just breathe," I told Lily, trying not to let the fear creep into my voice. A moment later, Lily seemed fine again.
My phone buzzed and I looked at it, holding my breath.
I quickly read through the email my professor had sent and felt my heart slice in half. No test retakes. Sorry. Sorry he said. I doubted he cared that I had spent all of my free time studying for that test and had only failed it because Lily had the flu the night I’d taken it. I was so preoccupied, I hadn’t even been able to finish the test.
"Ava," Mom’s voice called from the kitchen. I sighed and stood up. Mom wanted Lily to go to their place again, but I thought it was better Lily stayed in her own home, in her own bed. I had to be at Piccadilly’s in an hour and wished Mom would just let me have these last few minutes with Lily.
"Yes, Mom?"
"Can you come to the kitchen please? Your father and I need to talk to you."
I kissed Lily’s head as she lay back and watched cartoons. "What is it?" Despite feeling annoyed, I tried to smile at my parents.
Mom turned to me, "Ava honey, your father and I are concerned about Lily."
"Of course, so am I." I looked at Dad. His face was turning pink and he couldn’t look at me. Uh oh, this didn’t bode well.
"We think it might be best," Mom continued, "if Lily came to stay with us for a while. Until you sort things out better for yourself."
I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I knew my mother too well not to understand what she was saying. She thought that I was a bad mother and that it was my fault Lily was sick. I felt tears pooling in my eyes, but the sadness was laced with anger.
"I’m not giving my daughter away."
"I’m not asking you to. I’m only thinking of Lily. That’s what you should be doing too. We can give her things you can’t."
I wiped away a tear. If I could afford a babysitter, I’d throw my mom out in a heartbeat.
"You can’t afford Lily’s surgery any more than I can. I need to go."
"Honey," Dad finally spoke up. "Your mother just wants what’s best for everyone." He gave me a sympathetic look. "Though maybe this is something we should all think a little further about and discuss later."
"There’s nothing to discuss!" I turned and went back to the living room. "Lily, I have to go, but you get to spend the whole day with Grandma and Grandpa." A pang of jealousy shot through me, unexpected and hurtful.
"Yay!" Lily said, pulling her knees up to her chest and coughing again, then just as quickly grinning. Dark circles ran in thick rings under her eyes.
It took all of my power to pull myself away.
I was just pulling into Piccadilly’s when my phone rang. My heart thumped—Lily!
"Hello?"
"Ava?" a man’s voice replied.
For a moment I thought I was imagining things. "Carter?"
"Yeah. Um... I’m sorry to call like this." He laughed, nervously. My mind raced. Why was he calling? How did he even have my number? Of course that last part was easy. I hadn’t changed my number in... ever. "Listen," he breathed. "I need a favor."
A half-hour later I was exiting the police station with Carter by my side. He got into the passenger seat of my car; his cheeks red. He could hardly look at me. I started up the engine. It chugged to life, died again, then sprung back to life once more.
"I’m really sorry about this," he said for the fortieth time.
"It’s fine; I’m happy to help."
Luckily, Carter was so well known in Dover Chase that he had been released quickly and without incident. I didn’t have to put up any bail money which was good because if I had, he might still be in there.
"So what did they say? Do you have to go to court?"
He waved his hand in the air. "A small fine. That’s it. Just $5,000, plus damages."
"$5,000?!” I choked. “You think $5,000 is a small fine?"
He turned his head slowly towards me. I hoped he didn’t notice the dark circles under my eyes.
"What happened to Harvard?" he asked suddenly. The fact that he had no idea that his own daughter was the reason for the change in my life’s course caught me off guard, and I shrunk back from him. "I’m sorry," he said. "It’s none of my business."
I shook my head. This was the opening I’d been waiting for. "It’s okay. I... I... Do you want to take a walk? The Allegheny River Walk is still just as nice as ever."
"Sure," he said, and I could feel his eyes on me.
His gaze made me uncomfortable and I drifted towards the river’s edge and stared across it to avoid eye contact. I took a deep breath. "You know that... I have a kid, right?"
I felt Carter’s hand on my shoulder and jumped back.
It hadn’t occurred to me till this
second that the spot we were standing was the same spot where we had slept together all those years ago.
"Carter, I... There’s something I need to tell you."
"So tell me," Carter said, cupping his hand under my chin. I felt my heartbeat quicken and before I realized what was happening, he was leaning over me and then his lips were on mine. I tensed for a moment, thinking about what had happened the last time, but then his tongue was finding its way into my mouth and I let go, sinking into the kiss, feeling Carter’s warmth wash over me.
But in an instant my brain was back screaming: What are you doing? I jumped back and pulled away, looking at Carter a second before heading back to the car. I was already late for work. "We should go."
6
Carter
What had I been thinking kissing Ava like that? I’d obviously freaked her out. But there was something about her... a pull that drew me to her like a magnet.
I needed to get my mind off Ava. Hannah still wasn’t here and my parents, who I was staying with, were busy running around getting ready for the wedding. They were transforming their backyard into Hannah’s paradise. I guess it’s only fitting she’s get married there, since the two of us had bought our parents the biggest house in all of Dover Chase. We weren’t trying to grandstand or put on airs, we just wanted Mom and Dad to have the best. Our parents had refused to leave Dover Chase; for whatever reason, they loved Pennsylvania. So Hannah and I had settled on bringing the best of Pennsylvania to them with this house.
I wandered around town, trying to get my mind off Ava. My hangover was almost gone now, so I was starting to think more clearly. This morning, when Ava had taken me to the river, she’d been trying to tell me something. What was it? I tried to think back to the conversation. I’d asked her about Harvard and she’d said: "You know that... I have a kid, right?"
Why was she talking to me about her kid? Was it possible it was mine? We’d only been together that one time. Still... three years. No. I pushed the thought away. It just wasn’t possible. She would have told me.