"Didn't you sue him?"
"No, I loved him, I loved him so much. Then I went to rehab to Arizona! It was hell!"
"Shit, yes, the withdrawal must be painful."
"Today I saw him, he's here! With Anna Litovskaya!"
Ouch, Anna Litovskaya was, contrary to myself and Laetitia, a real fashion model.
"She's ugly, I think her lips are way too big and she has a strange jaw."
"Yes."
I threw a towel over Laetitia. "Rub."
She rubbed half-heartedly.
I held out a hand. "Up."
She got up.
"Bed."
She obeyed. I tucked her in like a child.
"What do you need to take for sleeping?"
"Zolpies, I usually have to take two minimum."
"Holy moly."
"I know."
I took them out of her purse. "Take two and try to sleep. Myrtle has great karma. I can sleep like a stone here. Tomorrow we'll see what we can do."
"I don't want to stay in Porto Cervo…" she moaned.
"Don't you have an aircraft?"
"Yes, but where would I go? I'm all alone, I have no one in the world but my family and Camille wants to stay for another week. She's not the understanding type, she's so practical. Seriously, who marries a gay man?"
"Gay!?"
"Sure, Laurent is gay, he has a boyfriend in Lucerne."
"Jackie Collins, where are you?" I mumbled to myself.
"What?"
"Nothing. Sleep. Tomorrow I'll get you on a video call with my doctor friends at home, maybe they can help you. They're a couple. Real miracle workers."
"No, no, no more gurus, they only want to make money."
"These two don't."
"Jude?"
"Yes, Laetitia?"
"Can you sit with me until I'm asleep?"
"Yes, I can." She closed her eyes.
"You're nice…." The pills were already influencing Laetitia's speech.
"Hm…"
"I'm so glad…" she said after a few minutes. "I think Ryan… he's in love with you big time… ding dong ding dong… not like Kyle… he was… love him so much…"
She dozed off and I left her. I walked down the corridor to Ryan's door and I heard him shout inside.
"The fucker! The fucker! The bloody motherfucker. I'm going to sign his motherfucking company to the devil! — No, Jacob, you're not going to, I'm going to do it personally, tomorrow. — I hate this shit." Something went flying. "I'll be there in ten hours, make no mistake. My jet will land in Olbia in half an hour. — Yes, get the car to La Guardia in time and make sure the bastard is there when I'm coming for him." Something else went flying. He did not say anything anymore.
I presumed he had finished his call.
I knocked.
"What is it?"
I opened the door. "Don't throw anything at me."
"Judy, why aren't you at the party?"
"It was boring."
"I'm sorry, I was— I have to—"
"Laetitia's here in cabin 4, she had a breakdown over a guy named Kyle. I put her to bed with her sleeping pills. She's in a bad condition, I think."
"Here? On Myrtle?"
"Yes, she couldn't stay over there."
He rubbed his brow. "Okay, I guess she should go back to Arizona."
"She says it was hell."
"Does she?"
"Yes, I was wondering, Nicky's really good with such problems, he works with addicts in his practice all the time. I thought he could maybe talk to her tomorrow. She says she has nowhere to go, maybe Lilly and Nicky could take her in for a few weeks. They have people staying over all the time."
He looked at me dubiously. "Well, they could certainly cure another Aston Martin out of her."
"They'd not charge her. She's your sister."
"So what."
"So what? They'd never charge friends. Your sister needs to get away from all those disgusting coke heads."
"You sound delightfully middle-class."
"I am middle-class. Sorry." I turned on my heels.
"No, Judy, wait, I didn't mean it like that."
I stopped. "Right. Ryan, why do you always say things you don't actually mean? Why do you say them at all? Why do you want me to feel bad?"
"Because I'm an idiot. And I certainly mean that."
I sighed. "Good night."
"No, it's not good night, I have to fly to New York in fifteen minutes because some manager has fucked up his production for an entire quarter and it costs his company a fucking fortune and I have a hundred million dollars in there. I need to sign out of it immediately and I need to sign it all in person, so I have to go myself and I don't want to go, I don't want to leave you. I'll be back within twenty-four hours but I can't go when you're pissed off! I just don't know how to handle you, you're so much better than me at this, I'm a total sucker, I get it all wrong, I say the wrong things, I'm cynical. I don't want you to feel bad, but I feel inadequate next to you. — Darling, we only just made up after my last cock up, please, don't run out on me now. Tell me what to do."
I walked back to him and took him by the hand. "Just think before you speak or act. Think on how your actions will be received by the other side. You can do it in business, you should be able to do it in—" I sought a word that was neither 'love' nor 'relationship'. "—human relations. I can't stand people who do as they please and afterwards, when they got it bad, cry about how wrong they were and how they should not have done this or that or the third thing. I'm not better at this, but I try to pull myself together, I try not to say the things I think all the time, I try not to hurt or to discomfort people. I don't always manage, look at what I did to crazy Corinna. But I try to cause as little damage as possible and I want to help people when they need help. It's the right thing to do. If that's middle-class, so be it. It's the way I like to be."
"Jude…I— Please believe me, I'm sorry. I'll never say anything like this again. Never. I swear." He leaned his forehead against mine.
I was too tired to go on fighting. I had been so happy the day before, I would not survive if it all went bad again. I could also see he was under a terrible strain.
I kissed him.
"I'm sorry for being so rash, I just didn't like it at the party, I felt out of place. I don't do the drugs or the diamonds or the face-lifts. I'm not anorexic. Nobody in my family has partied with Jackie O. or has dated a Rockefeller. I felt terribly banal. You hit me right where I live. Do you promise you'll be back in twenty-four hours?"
"Yes. Myrtle will proceed to Capri and I'll join you there."
"Can I sleep here?"
"Sure."
I heard the sounds of the chopper's blades coming to life.
We kissed once more, then he picked up his briefcase and was gone.
Ten
"Now, who's the addict?" Laetitia held out a glass of water to me.
"Sorry?"
"I asked who of us was the addict. You're pining for your fix like a crack junkie."
I smiled ruefully. "Does it show?"
"Yes… oh dear, the longing! The need! The far away look across the ocean… so sweet. All for my stuck up brother."
"Since when's he stuck up?"
"You're not his sister."
"Most definitely not."
"He's all work and no play. No fun. Never. Buzzing around the world, making money, money, money, more money, bzz bzz bzz, the busy bee."
"Not until yesterday, he wasn't."
"Yes," she reclined on her deckchair. "Because of you and Myrtle, but even with Myrtle it was a serious business, once he had her, everything had to be done perfectly. With Sirius he didn't care as long as she took him where he wanted to go, the staff had to take care of everything. — Ryan's either in for the kill or he's not interested, I don't know how many women have tried to get to where you are now. He never cares, it rolls off him. He uses them like he uses five star hotels. Comes and goes. Ha… pun not intended. — F
ucking great such a day at sea, I love it, don't you? I've done too many night crossings this year."
"Hm."
"Yes, you don't have to look at me like that, you're the lucky winner. Because to him you're a creature unlike any other and that's what we girls are supposed to be to them, did you know, a creature unlike any other?"
"Yes, I read the book too."
"Yes! But how can anybody be a creature unlike any other when we all read the book and we all try like hell to be a creature unlike any other and they don't even notice! You on the other hand did not even try, all you did was sit on a stage. A million years ago. You probably didn't even see Ryan because of Mr. Turner's bloody blinding stage lights and boom, you're the super special hitherto unavailable mysterious desirable unicorn to be hunted down and locked up without mercy. It's totally unfair."
"I hadn't looked at it this way before, but you're most likely right. Well, well… It's the way of the world, all the time you try to force your luck and in the end you have no influence whatsoever."
"You didn't know him, right? When we were at school together?"
"I saw him once when he gave you a lift on the first day of Michaelmas term."
"Did you remember him?"
"Absolutely, I thought he was the shit. But don't tell him, he'll be too full of himself otherwise. He must never know. He must always think he has to win me over."
"Yes, as you said, I read the book too."
We laughed.
"What did Lilly and Nicky say to you?"
Laetitia lowered her eyes and her face changed. "They were super nice. He did a few emergency breathing techniques and things I could say to myself and she asked me about my medication. They said I could come and stay with them for as long as I liked, but they won't be in Berlin until the day after tomorrow."
"Right, they're at their beach house on the island of Sylt in the North Sea, where they do the retreat seminars! I totally forgot. Too bad it's too late for you to go there now, do you know the island?"
"Yes, there's a famous beach polo tournament. Camille and I went with daddy a few times. He sold horses there."
"Will you go to Berlin?"
"I think so, they really seemed very nice. But I'd feel bad if I didn't pay them, I can't just live with them, can I? They said they wouldn't take anything."
"No, don't worry, first of all they don't need it and secondly you can reward them far more by telling them how much you like their car and how beautiful Lilly's plants are growing. They're aliens."
"Right… they said you should do yoga with me and take me out to dinner once we're in Capri."
"Okay," I agreed. "I have great yoga music on my phone, we can connect it to the sound system and do it on deck."
The truth is, I had already received an email from Nicky, giving me exact instructions on how to proceed with Laetitia until they could take over. She was supposed to take her pills and not to be idle. She should have no time to brood.
"We can take the Bug to some club up on the cliffs. Do you know one with valet parking? I can't park the Bug on the open road."
"Yes, La Falesia! It's super!"
"Cool, and since I'll drive we'll just make it a teetotal night out."
"Wait, did you say you drive the Bug? As in my brother's sick one-thousand horse power Bugatti?"
"I drive it very slowly."
"I'm surprised you're driving it at all."
I giggled. "Since its secretly a Volkswagen, my German blood enables me to."
"So first we do yoga then we go to the sauna and then we dress up?"
"Perfect."
"Great!"
We arrived in Capri when the sun was slowly setting. The island rose out of the sea like a mirage. It was breathtaking. In the twilight the high cliffs surrounding the marina seemed a menacing gateway to a secret world, like guardians, ready to crunch any unwanted visitor.
The houses by the pier were mostly little restaurants with uncountable lampions gleaming invitingly. There was also music, real Italian music, sounding from every corner.
This was the real deal. This was an Italian summer.
My heart soared with anticipation.
Memories of long forgotten holidays with my family came up; of myself as a child on nights like this, eating pizza or spaghetti in a waterfront restaurant, falling asleep on my father's knees to the sound of a guitar. Memories of myself as a nineteen-year-old, dancing and singing on a warm summer evening, flirting with nameless Italian men, even kissing one or two of them…
Laetitia and I nearly ran into the garage, high-heels in hand. I wore my black chiffon dress, the one I had worn when I had gone to dinner with Ryan in the L'Oiseau D'Or about five thousand years ago.
"I can't wait for the Italian men!" I shrieked over the music. "Nobody better to give you a boost of self-esteem!"
She nodded and continued her chanting.
I turned on the engine and we slowly rolled down Myrtle's ramp.
"The roads are fucking narrow here!" Laetitia yelled.
"Thanks for telling me now!"
We turned onto the Viale Cristofero Colombo and right away people came running out of the restaurants pointing their phones at us to take a picture of the Bug, screaming."Che bella! Bellissima! Fermatevi! - How beautiful! So beautiful! Stop!"
We took a road which led us uphill towards the mountains. It was lined by buildings on both sides and there was not even a pavement.
"It's up there!" Laetitia pointed at a light far up on the mountainside. "Just follow this road."
"Yap. Will do. Shit, here comes the bus!"
The bus raced towards us with neck breaking speed. I hastily drove the Bug as close to the buildings on the right as I dared. The bus driver, being Italian, had no scruples whatsoever. He sped by without slowing and threw a kiss at us when he passed. My heart stopped. I was waiting for the noise of my mirror being torn off, but nothing happened.
"Christ!"
"Holy shit, Ryan's going to murder you."
"He said it's well insured!"
"He's going to murder you!"
We drove on through the next corner and through a few more.
The road changed into a one way street and it grew even narrower than before
"Shit, watch out for the scooter!"
"Shut up, Titia. I see it! Don't break my concentration!"
We turned again, went up and around, and were faced by a wall. We had come to an extremely tight bend. I tried to round it in a first attempt, but I simply could not see whether the car's rear would pass the wall without touching it. We were already slightly hysterical since the bus experience and it did not get any better.
"Oh God, we'll never make it through. This car is too damn large… We'll be stuck here forever! They'll have to cut us out!"
"Bugger, I think you're right. You have to get out and help me!"
"Nonono, I can't, I can't open the bloody door! Ohohoo, he's gonna kill us both!"
"Climb over the side!"
"I can't, I can't there's no space!!!"
"Hihihihi! We'll have to make a dash for it and live in the forest."
"Ahahahahahaaaaa! We're so dead!!!"
"Oh God… There must be something we can do… Clamber over the back! Skid it down like a shoot!"
"Huhuhu, I can't, I'll scratch it with the sequins on my dress!"
"Fuck! But I think I know what to do!" I honked twice. "Aiuto!! La mia Bugatti si è schiacciata! — Help, my Bugatti got stuck!"
Instantly about twenty windows flew open and the heads of young boys and grown men looked out.
"Devi andare indietro! Si indietro! Un metro! Poi stira a destra! - You have to go back, yes back, one metre, then turn the stirring wheel to the right." Somebody screamed, then everybody screamed. I couldn't understand a thing. Laetitia had buried her head between her knees and I saw her shoulders shudder. An old man hobbled out onto the street and waved at me. He commanded me to go back and forth and back and forth again until I had finally
manoeuvred the car around the corner.
"Grazie!" I yipped and we drove on but not before the old man had not managed to place his lips on the Bug's tail.
"Ciao bellissime! - Bye, beauties!" He waved after us.
By the time we had arrived at the nightclub we were composed enough to alight from the car without accidents. I handed the key to the valet. "Attenzione nelle curve… — Careful in the corners…"
The moment we stepped into the club I knew it was not my cup of tea. The atmosphere had nothing to do with the easygoing charm of the nightclubs I had known in Italy. The crowd was international. In fact, at first glance, I saw very few Italians.
Of course not, I thought and wanted to hit my palm against my forehead, the Italians were a people of bulk travellers. Apart from a few pensioners, nobody came out here in May. They would all be coming in August. The people travelling to Capri in May came for the regatta which always took place in the third week of the month. A race for big sailing yachts. Hurray, here they were again, the yachting folk, not the regular, Italian party people I had hoped for. Here were people interested in big boats. Rich people.
My theory was further backed by Laetitia, who had already spotted some people she knew. I would have to watch her carefully, there would be a lot of nose powdering going on. I felt the urge to yawn. I violently clung to my good mood from earlier on, but I could almost watch it leak out of me. I tried as best I could for her sake and put on a happy face.
Laetitia introduced me to some guys from Holland and to some more guys from Australia and from New Zealand. Their wives all looked completely alike. Stepford wives in Jimmy Choo. I envied them the shoes but nothing else.
I danced for a while and was hit on by the few real Italians who were there after all, a group of investors from Milan, all over fifty. They were married too, you can bet on it, but no sane Italian would bring his wife to a nightclub. Never!
I casually flirted with them for the pleasure of being told how beautiful I was (which they said to every girl equipped with two legs, two arms and a head). After I had heard it thirty of forty times, I felt ready to go home, but Laetitia had a good time talking to the Stepford wives. At least they did not look like coke heads to me.
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