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Short Stories Page 149

by Agatha Christie


  "Vegetable marrows? What d'yer mean? Those great swollen green things that taste of water?"

  "Ah," Poirot spoke enthusiastically. "But that is the whole point of it.

  They need not taste of water."

  "Oh! I know - sprinkle 'em with cheese, or minced onion or white sauce."

  "No, no - you are in error. It is my idea that the actual flavour of the marrow itself can be improved. It can be given," he screwed up his eyes, "a bouquet -"

  "Good God, man, it's not a claret." The word bouquet reminded Dr Burton of the glass at his elbow. He sipped and savoured. "Very good wine, this. Very sound. Yes." His head nodded in approbation. "But this vegetable marrow business - you're not serious? You don't mean -" he spoke in lively horror - "that you're actually going to stoop -" his hands descended in sympathetic horror on his own plump stomach - "stoop, and fork dung on the things, and feed 'em with strands of wool dipped in water and all the rest of it?"

  "You seem," Poirot said, "to be well acquainted with the culture of the marrow?"

  "Seen gardeners doing it when I've been staying in the country. But seriously, Poirot, what a hobby! Compare that to -" his voice sank to an appreciative purr - "an easy-chair in front of a wood fire in a long, low room lined with books - must be a long room - not a square one. Books all round one. A glass of port - and a book open in your hand. Time rolls back as you read," he quoted sonorously, translating from the Greek:

  'By skill again, the pilot on the wine-dark sea straightens The swift ship buffeted by the winds.'

  "Of course you can never really get the spirit of the original."

  For the moment, in his enthusiasm, he had forgotten Poirot. And Poirot, watching him, felt suddenly a doubt - an uncomfortable twinge.

  Was there, here, something that he had missed? Some richness of the spirit? Sadness crept over him. Yes, he should have become acquainted with the Classics... Long ago... Now, alas, it was too late...

  Dr Button interrupted his melancholy.

  "Do you mean that you really are thinking of retiring?"

  "Yes."

  The other chuckled. "You won't!"

  "But I assure you -"

  "You won't be able to do it, man. You're too interested in your work."

  "No - indeed - I make all the arrangements. A few more cases specially selected ones - not, you understand, everything that presents itself - just problems that have a personal appeal."

  Dr Burton grinned.

  "That's the way of it. Just a case or two, just one case more - and so on. The Prima Donna's farewell performance won't be in it with yours, Poirot!"

  He chuckled and rose slowly to his feet, an amiable white-haired gnome.

  "Yours aren't the Labours of Hercules," he said. "Yours are labours of love. You'll see if I'm not right. Bet you that in twelve months' time you'll still be here, and vegetable marrows will still be -" he shuddered -

  "merely marrows."

  Taking leave of his host, Dr Burton left the severe rectangular room.

  He passes out of these pages not to return to them. We are concerned only with what he left behind him, which was an Idea.

  For after his departure Hercule Poirot sat down again slowly like a man in a dream and murmured:

  "The Labours of Hercules... Mais oui, c'est une idée, ça..."

  The following day saw Hercule Poirot perusing a large calf-bound volume and other slimmer works, with occasional harried glances at various typewritten slips of paper.

  His secretary. Miss Lemon, had been detailed to collect information on the subject of Hercules and to place same before him.

  Without interest (hers not the type to wonder why!) but with perfect efficiency, Miss Lemon had fulfilled her task.

  Hercule Poirot was plunged head first in a bewildering sea of classical lore with particular reference to "Hercules, a celebrated hero who, after death, was ranked among the gods, and received divine honours."

  So far, so good - but thereafter it was far from plain sailing. For two hours Poirot read diligently, making notes, frowning, consulting his slips of paper and his other books of reference. Finally he sank back in his chair and shook his head. His mood of the previous evening was dispelled. What people!

  Take this Hercules - this hero! Hero, indeed! What was he but a large muscular creature of low intelligence and criminal tendencies! Poirot was reminded of one Adolfe Durand, a butcher, who had been tried at Lyons in 1895 - a creature of ox-like strength who had killed several children. The defence had been epilepsy - from which he undoubtedly suffered - though whether grand mal or petit mal had been an argument of several days' discussion. This ancient Hercules probably suffered from grand mal. No, Poirot shook his head, if that was the Greeks' idea of a hero, then measured by modern standards it certainly would not do. The whole classical pattern shocked him.

  These gods and goddesses - they seemed to have as many different aliases as a modern criminal. Indeed they seemed to be definitely criminal types. Drink, debauchery, incest, rape, loot, homicide and chicanery - enough to keep a juge d'Instruction constantly busy. No decent family life. No order, no method. Even in their crimes, no order or method!

  "Hercules indeed!" said Hercule Poirot, rising to his feet, disillusioned.

  He looked round him with approval. A square room, with good square modern furniture - even a piece of good modern sculpture representing one cube placed on another cube and above it a geometrical arrangement of copper wire. And in the midst of this shining and orderly room, himself. He looked at himself in the glass.

  Here, then, was a modern Hercules - very distinct from that unpleasant sketch of a naked figure with bulging muscles, brandishing a club.

  Instead, a small compact figure attired in correct urban wear with a moustache - such a moustache as Hercules never dreamed of cultivating - a moustache magnificent yet sophisticated.

  Yet there was between this Hercule Poirot and the Hercules of Classical lore one point of resemblance. Both of them, undoubtedly, had been instrumental in ridding the world of certain pests... Each of them could be described as a benefactor to the Society he lived in...

  What had Dr Burton said last night as he left: "Yours are not the Labours of Hercules..."

  Ah, but there he was wrong, the old fossil. There should be, once again, the Labours of Hercules - a modern Hercules. An ingenious and amusing conceit! In the period before his final retirement he would accept twelve cases, no more, no less. And those twelve cases should be selected with special reference to the twelve labours of ancient Hercules. Yes, that would not only be amusing, it would be artistic, it would be spiritual.

  Poirot picked up the Classical Dictionary and immersed himself once more in classical lore. He did not intend to follow his prototype too closely. There should be no women, no shirt of Nessus... The Labours and the Labours only.

  The first Labour, then, would be that of the Nemean Lion.

  "The Nemean Lion," he repeated, trying it over on his tongue.

  Naturally he did not expect a case to present itself actually involving a flesh and blood lion. It would be too much of a coincidence should he be approached by the Directors of the Zoological Gardens to solve a problem for them involving a real lion.

  No, here symbolism must be involved. The first case must concern some celebrated public figure, it must be sensational and of the first importance! Some master criminal - or alternately someone who was a lion in the public eye. Some well-known writer, or politician, or painter - or even Royalty?

  He liked the idea of Royalty...

  He would not be in a hurry. He would wait - wait for that case of high importance that should be the first of his self-imposed Labours.

  The Labours of Hercules *1947 *

  Chapter 1

  THE NEMEAN LION

  II

  "I'm a plain man, M. Poirot," said Sir Joseph Hoggin.

  Hercule Poirot made a noncommittal gesture with his right hand. It expressed (if you chose to take it so) admiration fo
r the solid worth of Sir Joseph's career and an appreciation of his modesty in so describing himself. It could also have conveyed a graceful deprecation of the statement. In any case it gave no clue to the thought then uppermost in Hercule Poirot's mind, which was that Sir Joseph certainly was (using the term in its more colloquial sense) a very plain man indeed. Hercule Poirot's eyes rested critically on the swelling jowl, the small pig eyes, the bulbous nose and the close-lipped mouth.

  The whole general effect reminded him of someone or something - but for the moment he could not recollect who or what it was. A memory stirred dimly. A long time ago... in Belgium... something, surely, to do with soap...

  Sir Joseph was continuing.

  "No frills about me. I don't beat about the bush. Most people, M. Poirot, would let this business go. Write it off as a bad debt and forget about it.

  But that's not Joseph Hoggin's way. I'm a rich man - and in a manner of speaking two hundred pounds is neither here nor there to me -"

  Poirot interpolated swiftly: "I congratulate you."

  "Eh?" Sir Joseph paused a minute. His small eyes narrowed themselves still more. He said sharply: "That's not to say that I'm in the habit of throwing my money about. What I want I pay for. But I pay the market price - no more."

  Hercule Poirot said: "You realise that my fees are high?"

  "Yes, yes. But this," Sir Joseph looked at him cunningly, "is a very small matter."

  Hercule Poirot shrugged his shoulders.

  He said: "I do not bargain. I am an expert. For the services of an expert you have to pay."

  Sir Joseph said frankly: "I know you're a tip-top man at this sort of thing. I made inquiries and I was told that you were the best man available. I mean to get to the bottom of this business and I don't grudge the expense. That's why I got you to come here."

  "You were fortunate," said Hercule Poirot.

  Sir Joseph said "Eh?" again.

  "Exceedingly fortunate," said Hercule Poirot firmly. "I am, I may say so without undue modesty, at the apex of my career. Very shortly I intend to retire - to live in the country, to travel occasionally to see the world also, it may be, to cultivate my garden - with particular attention to improving the strain of vegetable marrows. Magnificent vegetables but they lack flavour. That, however, is not the point. I wished merely to explain that before retiring I had imposed upon myself a certain task. I have decided to accept twelve cases - no more, no less. A selfimposed 'Labours of Hercules' if I may so describe it. Your case. Sir Joseph, is the first of the twelve. I was attracted to it," he sighed, "by its striking unimportance."

  "Importance?" said Sir Joseph.

  "Unimportance was what I said. I have been called in for varying causes - to investigate murders, unexplained deaths, robberies, thefts of jewellery. This is the first time that I have been asked to turn my talents to elucidate the kidnapping of a Pekinese dog."

  Sir Joseph grunted. He said: "You surprise me! I should have said you'd have had no end of women pestering you about their pet dogs."

  "That, certainly. But it is the first time that I am summoned by the husband in the case."

  Sir Joseph's little eyes narrowed appreciatively.

  He said: "I begin to see why they recommended you to me. You're a shrewd fellow, Mr Poirot."

  Poirot murmured: "If you will now tell me the facts of the case. The dog disappeared, when?"

  "Exactly a week ago."

  "And your wife is by now quite frantic, I presume?"

  Sir Joseph stared.

  He said: "You don't understand. The dog has been returned."

  "Returned? Then, permit me to ask, where do I enter the matter?"

  Sir Joseph went crimson in the face.

  "Because I'm damned if I'll be swindled! Now then, Mr Poirot, I'm going to tell you the whole thing. The dog was stolen a week ago - nipped in Kensington Gardens where he was out with my wife's companion. The next day my wife got a demand for two hundred pounds. I ask you - two hundred pounds! For a damned yapping little brute that's always getting under your feet anyway!"

  Poirot murmured: "You did not approve of paying such a sum, naturally?"

  "Of course I didn't - or wouldn't have if I'd known anything about it!

  Milly (my wife) knew that well enough. She didn't say anything to me.

  Just sent off the money - in one-pound notes as stipulated - to the address given."

  "And the dog was returned?"

  "Yes. That evening the bell rang and there was the little brute sitting on the doorstep. And not a soul to be seen."

  "Perfectly. Continue."

  "Then, of course, Milly confessed what she'd done and I lost my temper a bit. However, I calmed down after a while - after all, the thing was done and you can't expect a woman to behave with any sense - and I daresay I should have let the whole thing go if it hadn't been for meeting old Samuelson at the Club."

  "Yes?"

  "Damn it all, this thing must be a positive racket! Exactly the same thing had happened to him. Three hundred pounds they'd rooked his wife of! Well, that was a bit too much. I decided the thing had got to be stopped. I sent for you."

  "But surely. Sir Joseph, the proper thing (and a very much more inexpensive thing) would have been to send for the police?"

  Sir Joseph rubbed his nose.

  He said: "Are you married, Mr Poirot?"

  "Alas," said Poirot, "I have not that felicity."

  "H'm," said Sir Joseph. "Don't know about felicity, but if you were, you'd know that women are funny creatures. My wife went into hysterics at the mere mention of the police - she'd got it into her head that something would happen to her precious Shan Tung if I went to them. She wouldn't hear of the idea - and I may say she doesn't take very kindly to the idea of your being called in. But I stood firm there and at last she gave way. But, mind you, she doesn't like it."

  Hercule Poirot murmured: "The position is, I perceive, a delicate one.

  It would be as well, perhaps, if I were to interview Madame your wife and gain further particulars from her whilst at the same time reassuring her as to the future safety of her dog?"

  Sir Joseph nodded and rose to his feet.

  He said: "I'll take you along in the car right away."

  III

  In a large, hot, ornately-furnished drawing-room two women were sitting.

  As Sir Joseph and Hercule Poirot entered, a small Pekinese dog rushed forward, barking furiously, and circling dangerously round Poirot's ankles.

  "Shan - Shan, come here. Come here to mother, lovey - Pick him up.

  Miss Carnaby."

  The second woman hurried forward and Hercule Poirot murmured:

  "A veritable lion, indeed."

  Rather breathlessly Shan Tung's captor agreed.

  "Yes, indeed, he's such a good watchdog. He's not frightened of anything or any one. There's a lovely boy, then."

  Having performed the necessary introduction, Sir Joseph said: "Well, Mr Poirot, I'll leave you to get on with it," and with a short nod he left the room.

  Lady Hoggin was a stout, petulant-looking woman with dyed henna red hair. Her companion, the fluttering Miss Carnaby, was a plump, amiable-looking creature between forty and fifty. She treated Lady Hoggin with great deference and was clearly frightened to death of her.

  Poirot said: "Now tell me. Lady Hoggin, the full circumstances of this abominable crime."

  Lady Hoggin flushed. "I'm very glad to hear you say that, Mr Poirot. For it was a crime. Pekinese are terribly sensitive - just as sensitive as children. Poor Shan Tung might have died of fright if of nothing else."

  Miss Carnaby chimed in breathlessly: "Yes, it was wicked - wicked!"

  "Please tell me the facts."

  "Well, it was like this. Shan Tung was out for his walk in the Park with Miss Carnaby -"

  "Oh dear me, yes, it was all my fault," chimed in the companion. "How could I have been so stupid - so careless -"

  Lady Hoggin said acidly: "I don't want to reproach you, Miss
Carnaby, but I do think you might have been more alert."

  Poirot transferred his gaze to the companion.

  "What happened?"

  Miss Carnaby burst into voluble and slightly flustered speech.

  "Well, it was the most extraordinary thing! We had just been along the flower walk - Shan Tung was on the lead, of course - he'd had his little run on the grass - and I was just about to turn and go home when my attention was caught by a baby in a pram - such a lovely baby - it smiled at me - lovely rosy cheeks and such curls. I couldn't just resist speaking to the nurse in charge and asking how old it was - seventeen months, she said - and I'm sure I was only speaking to her for about a minute or two, and then suddenly I looked down and Shan wasn't there any more. The lead had been cut right through -"

  Lady Hoggin said: "If you'd been paying proper attention to your duties, nobody could have sneaked up and cut that lead."

  Miss Carnaby seemed inclined to burst into tears. Poirot said hastily:

  "And what happened next?"

  "Well, of course I looked everywhere. And called! And I asked the park attendant if he'd seen a man carrying a Pekinese dog but he hadn't noticed anything of the kind - and I didn't know what to do - and I went on searching, but at last, of course, I had to come home -"

  Miss Carnaby stopped dead. Poirot could imagine the scene that followed well enough. He asked:

  "And then you received a letter?"

  Lady Hoggin took up the tale.

  "By the first post the following morning. It said that if I wanted to see Shan Tung alive I was to send 200 pounds in one-pound notes in an unregistered packet to Captain Curtis, 38 Bloomsbury Road Square. It said that if the money were marked or the police informed then - then -

  Shan Tung's ears and tail would be - cut off!"

  Miss Carnaby began to sniff.

  "So awful," she murmured. "How people can be such fiends!"

  Lady Hoggin went on: "It said that if I sent the money at once, Shan Tung would be returned the same evening alive and well, but that if - if afterwards I went to the police, it would be Shan Tung who would suffer for it -"

 

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