by Sahara Kelly
Raising a hand to her lips, she just looked at him, loving how disheveled he was, how the color in his cheeks had risen and how his eyes were languorous as they stared at her.
“Reid.” She spoke his name with reverence.
“Pru, when I couldn’t find you—my heart nearly stopped.” He held her again, rubbing his hands up and down her back as if to reassure himself she was real.
“I’m sorry, Reid. Really sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” He snuggled her into his embrace. “But I’m going to assume you had a good reason. And that’s what I really want to know. Why you left our bed, and left me alone.” He let her go at last. “Were you unhappy, love?”
She walked away from him, knowing that now was the time for honesty.
And dreading it.
“No, Reid, no. I wasn’t unhappy. Quite the contrary. I have never been as happy as am I in your arms. And in your bed.” She held up a hand as he made to move toward her. “But I have come to realize that there is something special between us, and I don’t know if I can allow that.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know. And I will have to tell you. So please, sit. Let me tell my story in my own way. And then we will see where we stand.”
He hesitated, but then nodded. “Very well.” He took the chair and she sat on the edge of the bed. “Please. Tell me what you think I need to know.”
She swallowed and nodded. “As you know, my mother passed away at my birth. But what I didn’t tell you, and what very few people know, is that my father was not the man she was married to at the time.” She looked away, unable to watch his face as she spoke the fatal words. “I’m a bastard, Reid. An illegitimate child who does not know who her father is. That’s why I was sent to Aunt Dorothea.”
She looked at him then, seeing him regarding her steadily.
“I had to wed Eldridge. He was the only man who would accept me, although my aunt did her best to keep my past buried.” Her gaze dropped to her hands, folded in her lap. “He knew, of course. But he was desperate for an heir. And a housekeeper. I served both functions, though his efforts to sire a child came to naught. However, his house was spotless.”
Reid made a sound at this, a kind of grunt. But he did not speak. Perhaps he was trying to think of a way to leave the room politely. He would do it politely, she knew. He’d try not to hurt her, but he would leave. It was inevitable.
“So there you have it. I’m nothing but an illegitimate impostor pretending to be a lady. And as such, Reid, you can now understand why I’m completely wrong for one such as you.”
“Such as me?” His voice was level, but gave nothing away.
“Yes.” She stood and began to pace. She could remain seated no longer, since her unusual nerves were starting to make her apprehensive. It was unlike her, but this was a situation unlike any other she’d experienced.
“Reid, you are a Chillendale. You have centuries of heritage and tradition behind you and duties you owe to your name, your family and your tenants. You’re every bit as bound to your name as are the Spencers or the Devonshires. There may not be a grand title and a house in London with the Chillendale name on it, but your traditions are every bit as rooted in the past as theirs.”
“I see.”
“I don’t know if you do. But think about it. We enjoy being together more than anything. Whatever has happened between us, has happened and there’s no denying it. But we can’t follow through any further, Reid, no matter how much either of us want to. You cannot marry a bastard, to be blunt. You simply cannot.”
“Says who?”
“Me.” She lifted her chin and looked at him at last.
He stood. “My love, ‘t’is a sad story, I’ll give you that. And I’m sorry you had to go through such degradations as Lady Eldridge. Not an uncommon situation, but unpleasant nevertheless.”
“Indeed.” She watched him with a certain amount of caution. There was a sense of something coiled like a spring within him and she wasn’t sure what it was.
“But, I have to say I’ve never heard such a load of codswallop in my entire life.”
“Reid.”
“Well it is, you goose. This is not some fanciful novel where true love is separated by circumstance and everyone acts forlorn but does their duty. That’s tripe and you know it.”
Her anger rose in her throat. “I’m not a goose. I’m trying to be sensible and practical here, unlike someone else I could mention.” She glared at him. “Even if you are unable to see the truth of what I’m saying, I will bet my best hat your family will.”
That gave him pause for a few moments. “Nonsense.” He stood and walked to her, taking her in his arms. “They will understand”
She fought a sob. “This is hard enough for me. Please don’t make it any more difficult.”
He held her, cradling her as one would a child. “One question, Pru. Just one question.”
She sniffed. “What?”
“Do you love me?”
Oh God. He would ask that.
She hid her face in his jacket. “Mmmrlrppmmfff.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that.”
“Stop it, Reid, please. Just stop.” She fought against tears, a weakness she deplored.
“Sweetheart, if you love me then everything is possible. Because I love you.”
“You shouldn’t.” She plucked up the courage to look at him. And then wished she hadn’t because he hadn’t lied. His eyes were full of his feelings and she was melting under the love in his gaze.
“Too late. I knew as soon as you leaned over me and touched my face. Your hair was like silk against my skin and you smelled of spring.” He took a breath. “You still do.”
“Lily of the valley,” she murmured. “I wear it all the time.”
“I’m glad. Keep wearing it. I have grown to adore that fragrance. It will always be you in my mind.”
She drew back with a sigh. “You are so very kind, Reid. But we are in a mess here. I have explained why we can go no further. And I am completely sincere. When you have time to consider the matter, I do believe that your common sense will help you come to the same conclusion.” She walked away from him. “I will not be just your mistress, my love. That I cannot do.”
He frowned at her. “If you think I would ask that of you, then you don’t know me at all.”
She turned. “I don’t think it. But it had to be said. You and I must be honest with each other, Reid. If not, then we have nothing.”
He nodded. “I agree.”
“So what do we do next? Should I leave? I can arrange it, even though Brent seems likely to be staying in the area now.”
Reid thought for a few moments. “Here’s what I’d like to suggest. I want time to consider what you’ve told me and I want you to think about us and the future. To me, your history is no impediment whatsoever and I’d marry you tomorrow if I could. But you’ve made it clear that you have deep reservations. So I’d like you to take some time and consider if what you feel for me can overrule those reservations. I will talk to my parents as well, because they’re sensible people and will understand. If we both come at this with clear heads and loving hearts, I do believe we can find a way that will satisfy us both.”
“So I should stay?”
“Can you? At least until the Mistletoe Ball. Is that too much to ask?”
“No, and it’s probably a good idea. Brent has some other friends in the area and has asked me to accompany him on a couple of visits so I shall pass the time quite well. And I expect I shall get to know Emmeline even better.” She tried for a smile.
He picked up his cloak. “I don’t want to leave you. But I know it won’t help either of us if I stay.”
Prudence felt a sharp gash open in her heart at the thought of not seeing him again. It was a possibility if his period of consideration led to a different decision.
For a few moments her resolve wavered. All sh
e had to do was say yes and she could have the very thing she’d always dreamed of. A man who truly loved her and would take care of her. A man she would love back every bit as much.
But then reality intruded on her dream and she returned to being practical. Being illegitimate was a mark, a brand, that could destroy Reid and bring down the Chillendale name.
It would only take one breath of such a scandal to seriously impact the market for their ale; especially in those exalted places where nobody ever sinned. Such as the many London distributors whose carriages regularly delivered barrels of the stuff to the best gambling clubs and brothels. Places where many diverse sins were committed under the cover of titled privilege, but where a bride of unknown parentage could ruin a man in weeks.
Reid was still looking at her, his cloak over his arm. “You’re thinking, aren’t you?”
She nodded. “Yes. Too much perhaps.” Straightening her shoulders, she walked to him, put a hand on his chest and leaned in, giving him a gentle kiss. “Go Reid. Let us take the time to consider the future. It is important, you know. To more than just us.”
“I know.” He smiled. “You are as wise as you are beautiful.”
She snorted. “Out, Mr. Chillendale.”
He swept her a bow. “I shall see you at the Mistletoe Ball, Lady Prudence. Remember. Green is the order of the day.”
“I won’t forget.”
*~~*~~*
It turned out to be the longest few days of Reid’s life. His thoughts were filled with Prudence from the moment his eyes opened in the morning, to the last moment of consciousness at night.
He continued to do his duties and his chores, working in the brewery on the latest batch of ale, and performing a variety of requests for his mother, who was now hip-deep in preparations for the Mistletoe Ball.
Since both parents were busy, he had plenty of time to think his own private thoughts and spent the first couple of days in personal reflection, preferring to wait to share anything with his parents until he knew that his mind and his heart had reached the same decision.
Which sounded very calm and collected, but of course it really only took three minutes for him to realize that Prudence was it. The One. The Only.
He told himself he wouldn’t have cared if she were a dairymaid or a duchess. He had fallen head over heels in love with Prudence, the woman. The circumstances of her life had made her who she was. Would she have been different if she had known her father? If there wasn’t a taint of illegitimacy in her bloodline?
He didn’t know. Perhaps she would have been other than who she was now. In which case he might not have loved her the way he did.
The more he turned the matter over in his mind, the more certain he became. There were no doubts, no concerns, no hesitations. He’d waited a long time to feel this way and there was no possibility that his emotions would change.
So at the end of two days, he asked his parents to both join him in the small salon after dinner, because he needed to talk to them about something important.
His mother eyed him askance as she settled herself in front of the fireplace. “What’s this about, Reid?”
“It’s about the woman I’m going to marry.”
“Lady Prudence?” Lady Jocelyn nearly fell off her chair. “She said yes?”
Reid raised his hand. “Wait. There is more. I have indeed asked for her hand. The problem is that I’m not sure I can convince her to give it to me.”
“Why the devil not, son?” His father raised his eyebrows. “I should have thought you have a lot to offer the right woman.”
“And I do sir, thanks to you and Mama.” He gave them both a respectful little bow. “But the thing is, she doesn’t think she’s suitable. And that’s the hitch. Nothing to do with my side of the matter. I know she’s right for me and that’s all there is to it.”
His mother frowned. “I don’t understand. Certainly, she’s a widow. That isn’t perhaps the most desirable situation, but not her fault…” She looked at Reid. “What is it?”
“The circumstances of her birth, Mama. That’s the problem.”
There was a brief silence.
“In what way?” Sir Rodney posed the question.
“I’ll tell you what she has told me.” He leaned against the mantelpiece. “Her mother died during childbirth. Around that time, her father learned that he was not Prudence’s father, and sent her away to be fostered. She grew up with a woman she knew as her aunt.”
“Oh dear.” Lady Jocelyn’s hand rose to her bosom. “The poor thing.”
“Luckily, it was a good and loving home and she grew up not knowing anything about this situation until her aunt’s health declined. There were few options and the marriage to Eldridge was arranged. It seems no one else was interested in a woman with little dowry and a questionable heritage. To say the least.”
His father looked somber. “She is illegitimate, I suppose. Unless her mother’s husband acknowledges her.” He shook his head. “Sad state of affairs, lad. Does she know who her real father is? Has she ever mentioned her mother’s name?”
“I don’t think so. I’m not even sure if she knows much about her mother. And she’s never given me any reason to suppose she has any idea who her father was. And to be honest, I’m not sure she cares particularly. If he gave her away as a baby, why would he acknowledge her now?” Reid stared into the flames. “If that’s her way of thinking. I can’t disagree with it.”
“She must be quite distressed over this,” remarked Lady Jocelyn. “That is, if she reciprocates your feelings?”
Reid looked at his mother. “I know she does, Mama. And yes, she is finding this whole situation difficult.” He straightened. “And she shouldn’t be. We’re perfect for each other, and we both know it. But she cannot bring herself to say yes because of something that happened before she was born. I can’t even begin to imagine how that feels. To have to deny yourself the thing you want most for the most impossible of reasons.”
“We understand that, Reid.” His father shook his head. “’T’is unfair and not her fault. But I can see her point.”
“Papa.” Reid rounded on him. “How can you?”
“Hush now. I said I can see her point, not that I agree with it.”
“Reid,” his mother intervened. “Both of us love you and wish you happiness. If Lady Prudence is the one to give you that happiness, then we will love her as well.”
Reid gulped. “You will?”
“Of course we will. We’re not monsters or stupid enough to hold her birth against her.” Lady Jocelyn frowned at him. “I’m distressed you’d think otherwise.”
“Well, I…” Reid began to apologize.
“Look, son. Bear in mind that just because we have no objections, doesn’t mean that others won’t either. You and I both know what kind of a world this is and how too many of the wrong things matter too much.”
“So what do I do?” Reid sat down on the corner of the couch and put his head in his hands. “I have no idea how to handle this. I want Pru. I want to marry her. But I don’t want my desires to bring trouble to this house.” He lifted his head. “I suppose I could marry her and we could move to the Colonies. I’m told such things don’t matter across the Atlantic.”
“Don’t be daft.” His mother snorted. “We need to ask a few questions. Seek some advice from those we trust. It’s time to find out just how much power the Chillendale name carries with it.” She glanced at her husband. “What do you say, dear?”
He nodded. “Yes. Yes, you’re right.” He turned to Reid. “I’m going to the Loughbridges tomorrow for the annual county meeting. There are one or two men there I trust, buyers who have been our customers for generations. Since I think we all realize that the only jeopardy might be to the Chillendale ale, I think it right to ask a few discreet questions there. If they don’t give a damn, then why should we?”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Reid glanced at the older man.
“No, lad. I think t
his is better done without your presence. Besides, I believe your mother will need you. I’ll only be gone a night, but ‘t’is best you stay here with her and continue the preparations for the ball.”
Reid nodded. “Very well, father. And thank you.” He stood. “But know this. I am going to wed Prudence. Over her objections if necessary. It’s her or no one. I will do my best, however, not to bring a shadow to Chillendale, even if it means leaving. My joy shouldn’t be a burden to the rest of you.”
He crossed the room, dropped a kiss on his mother’s forehead and hugged his father.
Then he left, with a heart full of gratitude for the amazing parents he’d been blessed with and a sense of pain for his beloved—a woman who had never known that kind of blessing at all.
Chapter Thirteen
Hecate Ridlington sat in her small parlor and gazed from the window out onto the snow, giving silent blessings to the half-dozen mostly silent servants who had saved her skin on this occasion.
She’d known that the two young women would return to see where they had been, and it had taken a bit of doing and a lot of rushing around, but they had been able to make it look as though the house had been empty for quite some time.
She was as tired now as she had been after she’d sent the sleeping girls off to the village. It had taken more than a little work to turn this cottage into the kind of home where they would feel comfortable.
But it had been worth it.
“What do you think, Bub?” She looked down into a pair of fathomless green eyes. “Did we do the right thing?”
“Meowww.”
“I needed to see if I still had the will to accomplish something like that.” She rose and limped to the fireplace, bending to add a log to the blaze. “And it would seem I do.” She smiled at the flames. “It felt good, you know.”
“Mrrrooow.”
“Yes, it is cold. But it’s winter in the country. And we’re not living at Ridlington anymore.” She resumed her seat and pulled a thick blanket onto her knees. The cat accepted the invitation and within moments was kneading himself a perfect spot in which to circle twice, knead a little more, and then curl up contentedly. Which was Hecate’s signal to rub his head and his ears.