by Johanna Maas
*****
As the evening wore on, Kaye watched the performer in front of the family's table with interest and with delight as he skillfully tossed wooden blocks into the air, catching them unerringly and dramatically before her. Her eyes were intent upon the show until a slight movement directly behind the performer and from across the great chamber caught her eye. Without being obvious, she looked beyond the entertaining man and to another seated on the far and opposite wall of the vast room, to one that was extraordinarily handsome but also so very intimidating.
She felt the heat of Tor's eyes burning into her as they once again sent unfamiliar shivers up her spine. She silently acknowledged he was exceptionally nice to look upon at a distance, but one that thoroughly and truly frightened her when he was near. As she gazed across the hall she reasoned to herself that the trembling could be only because he startled her so. He was so large, so imposing and so mysterious.
She continued to stare as she pretended to be engaged in the act before her, all the while looking intently upon the magnificent figure gazing back at her. Her heart skipped a beat, but was this for the fear and trepidation that he exhumed about him when he was near? It must be, for what else could it be?
As Kaye felt a gentle touch upon her arm, she realized with a start that Lord Hann had been speaking to her once again. She tore her eyes from the warrior who sat across the room and turned to look upon the gentleman at her side, his proper attire and prim face staring intently up at her. He was so English, one in which she could completely understand. He was also much more of the kind of man she had always pictured herself knowing and committing to for the rest of her life.
Perhaps she wished the lord were a few years younger, mayhap wished for a man a bit more striking, but what did it really matter? He appeared to be a kind man and from the little she knew of him, she understood him to be a vastly respected man. He was a man that understood duty to his estates and to that of his king. His character seemed quite impeccable and for what more could she ask? She would be able to stand proudly next to this one as she understood her role, for she identified with his life and could provide a loving home and some day if they were blessed, a loving family.
The man sitting next to her was so in contrast to the man who was situated across the vast chamber from her and one that could not even be considered. What would a life with him be like? The Highlander's strange and warring ways were so unknown and so foreign to her. Even though her own dear sister now lived with them, she had to admit that she and Bridget were just so dissimilar. Kaye understood the finer points of managing the estate's kitchens and mending clothes and embroidered well, while her strong sister carried a sword of her own and sat a horse as well as any man. How could Kaye ever conform?
And what of this business of their taking a wife? So many vast and horrendous stories had been told over the years on this topic and some witnessed with her own eyes. For when the Lord Bruce had come to claim her those two years previous, he had not been satisfied with his original offering so he simply demanded another. By looking at their shocking and unconventional attire, perhaps her sister's husband was the exception and that the other men in his clan do not usually marry. Perhaps these clansmen would just take whatever woman they felt would please them. For the way he brazenly looked at her was truly unsettling and just did not feel proper.
Kaye looked at the Lord Hann who was gazing at her with a questioning look upon his face and a longing in his eyes. With a start, she realized that she had no idea what had just been spoken since she was so deep in her thoughts. For long moments, Kaye looked at the lord as he simply stared at her, he on the edge of his seat and appearing to be waiting patiently for her response.
Kaye remorsefully spoke, "I am so very aggrieved, milord, but the entertainment has me so engaged. I fear I have not heard the last of your communication."
He looked at her with an awkwardness now about him as he averted his gaze slightly for the subject of his question had obviously been momentous. With a kindly smile he repeated the last of what he had just said.
"My dear, Lady Kaye. What I was speaking of was for my admiration of you and my devotion towards you. I have much to offer, though I may not be the youngest among the gentlemen here in attendance, I am still very avidly interested. For I have been lonely these past years without a wife and would like to bestow that honor upon you. Will you please grant me the privilege and consider my proposal?"
Kaye was startled and quite stunned. Proposal? Proposal of what? Of marriage? Kaye looked deeply into his eyes as a shocked and uncomfortable silence extended between the two. For while she assumed she knew what he would be about, she had never dreamed he would come to these conclusions after meeting such a short while before. And would he really expect an answer so soon? And here? In the middle of her sister's wedding reception?
As her mind reeled from the depth of his inquiry and before she could speak, he hurriedly continued on, "Milady, we travel tomorrow morning early, for I have business with the king and have to return to my estates. I would like to be wed upon the morn and travel immediately thereafter. That is, of course, if you will have me…"
Kaye was astounded and could only stare back at him as her mind raced as she attempted to truly comprehend all of his declarations and consider his request. Was he genuinely wishing for her to make her mind up immediately?
Kaye could only mutter in mystification, "Milord, but we have just met!"
He turned to her fully and took her hands into his as he said, "Ah, yes, milady, but I think we were destined to be together. And fate can smile down upon those and know that for some, five years would never suffice for two to get to know one another and for others five days would be more than enough. And in my mind, it was only five minutes before I knew I wanted you for my wife!"
Kaye stared at the lord, stunned as he bent over her hand and brought it up to his lips as he placed a warm kiss upon her knuckles. He slowly looked up at her, smiling, encouraging, beseeching her to declare that she agreed to be his.
She took a deep breath knowing she was flattered by his declaration as she thoroughly contemplating her future. She knew in her mind that this was a logical path to take and the rational step to obtain. For the first time in her life, someone had declared that they truly wanted her. She now had a plan where she would not be alone and not be a burden upon her parents nor subjected to a life of solitude. Her mind raced for the possibility as she realized that her dream, at least in part, could come true and she only had to accept his offer. Her pulse raced heavily for the relief that she felt, for she realized she was wanted and now had a very promising prospect. She surely understood that by consenting, she would have a home that she could appreciate and would marry into ways that she fully understood.
But it was something else that made her pause and not immediately respond to his offer as she quite considered his proposal. For in her heart she was not so sure that this was her true destiny. Her pulse thundered within her ears, drowning out the din of the merriment all around her as her emotions softly rebelled within. She felt a slight pain as it pinched within her chest as the uncertainty of this proposal began to grow. A silent alarm come from deep within as it began to threaten her fully.
Kaye removed her eyes from the lord's face, the war of her decision continuing to escalate and rage within her. She allowed her gaze to travel from where she was seated at the high table, beyond the juggler and over the room of unsuspecting guests to the place far removed from her. With her eyes, she beseechingly sought out the enthralling man of her thoughts from just moments ago. He, who had been sitting across the room causing strange and unfamiliar feelings within, she now moving her eyes to the space that was once occupied by the Highlander. An alarm grew within her breast as she realized that his chair was vacant and his body now gone as a strange void replaced the pounding of her heart. She closed her eyes in resolution as a chill spread through her body as she held her breath. The dreaded fears of eternal loneliness
and solitude resurfaced and replaced the excitement she had previously felt with the anxiousness of her heart. With a sigh she returned her gaze to the Lord Hann, her mind now made up, her destiny fully determined as she spoke with more confidence than she truly felt.
"Yes, milord. I will marry you."
CHAPTER FOUR
The second wedding ceremony varied vastly from the first. Very few people were in attendance save for Kaye's immediate family and Lord Stephen's. No special pomp or circumstance was declared as the small party watched the simple service somberly as the vows were stoically said and the blessings were had.
Kaye's youngest sister Bridget watched regretfully during the ceremony and forever wondered what had prompted her dear sister to make such a rash decision. Why would she choose to marry someone such as the Lord Hann? Even though the sisters had not seen each other in this expanse of these last two years, they had been very close prior to her being wed. They had shared much as they were growing up including their wants and dreams for their futures and this was so unlike what she ever would have expected.
Bridget knew her sister well and understood she had a most tender heart. Her greatest ambition and dream in life was to find a suitable husband who could love and respect her and to whom she could fully give her heart. She had often times declared that was what would make her complete and she had vowed that she would settle for nothing less than the love and devotion that was shared by their parents.
Their father and their mother. Bridget looked beyond the discomfited couple standing together before the priest to her parents who were positioned a small distance away from the group as they stood arm in arm. She could not help but be saddened as she looked upon their trained and normally unemotional faces that were clearly filled with sadness and disbelief. They did not show any joy as what should have been displayed for the parents of the bride and one that they had shown so openly and as recently as yesterday when their dear Marie was united with Lord Stephen. It was obvious that they too, were feeling the distress of this situation and were quite distraught at this abrupt turn of events. Bridget's mother had tears welling, though definitely not for happiness as her father stood stoically and rigidly by. They were in such a distressing state to be sure.
The priest finally pronounced the couple's fate as husband and wife, sealing the pact to their lives. Lord Hann turned abruptly and looked into Kaye's face as he smiled faintly with a coolness to his eyes. He awkwardly leaned in and slightly brushed Kaye's lips with his own, signaling the end of the ceremony and commencement of their married life.
Kaye closed her eyes as her new husband bent slightly towards her with an expectancy upon her mind for the impending kiss that would symbolize the beginning of their new life together. She was wishing ardently that he could stir emotions within her and quell all of her impending fears. As his lips barely brushed hers, a feeling of remoteness and a disappointment flowed through her for before the kiss began it was truly over. She was left standing detached and feeling all alone with no warmth of sentiments within.
A plethora of emotions now began to battle within Kaye as they continued to stand before the priest. The ceremony was now complete and her fate was now sealed forever. She pasted a smile upon her face and feigned happiness and cheerfulness and was hoping that on the outside this is what would be perceived by all those in attendance. She desired beyond all that was living that they would believe she had made the appropriate and happiest of decisions, for she assumed that this is what new brides should truly feel. But deep down inside she experienced a sense of despondency forever growing as a void overtook her heart and a panic for the hasty decision that she had made. But made it, she had and live with it, she was determined she would do.
With a sudden resolution, she forced a smile further upon her face, knowing she could not go back upon her word now. Would not go back now for she had chosen her road knowing full well what may most likely lay ahead. She had already declared before her family and her God that she would love, honor and obey this man she called husband and she vowed to do nothing less. She knew most assuredly that her convictions were strong and her word, absolute.
Lord Hann, still standing close to his new bride leaned in slightly as he moved his mouth towards Kaye's ear. He placed a slight kiss upon her temple for the benefit of those in attendance within the great chamber and spoke coolly and softly into her ears.
"We are now wed and it is time to go. Now quickly say your goodbyes and gather your things for we shall be on the road within the quarter hour."
He leaned back and away from her as he showed a slight smile that she noted once again was one that strangely did not reach all the way up into his eyes. At that moment Kaye felt the foreboding and the first stirrings of apprehension within her heart for the hasty decision she had made. She showed no apparent or outward signs of the dread that began to consume her, for she understood completely that she had pledged herself to this man and fool or not, fulfill that pledge is what she was bound to do. She was now resolved that she would follow her new lord to the ends of the earth, for she had given her word and her word was all that she had of any real value now left in this world.
She took a deep breath as she forced a smiled upon her face and determined that no one within this room would perceive any of the sadness or misery that was inwardly consuming her. She raised her chin slightly as she nodded to her new lord, then turned as she made her way to the sides of her two sisters as each stood proudly by their own husbands. She remained still for a few moments in front of them, then leaned in and hugged each one tightly, quietly declaring her love and devotion for the Devon family and that she was honored to be following their fine leads.
She stepped back slightly from within their embrace and with a final nod, she moved from their presence with a faint smile positioned upon her lips. Kaye turned and strode serenely across the floor to face her parents, knowing this would be her most difficult farewell. She knew that these two who had raised her, knew her and understood her but she vowed she would show no sign of the trepidation she felt nor anything of her fears. For she only wanted to do right by them and take the full and complete responsibility for her decision.
She walked slowly across the floor in their direction, now standing before the two who had influenced her most in her life. In Kaye's heart she knew she wanted nothing more than to make them proud for the woman whom she had grown to be and knew she had become. For nothing in this world meant more to her at this very moment, then their love and their respect.
She leaned in and placed a kiss upon each of her mother's cheeks with a stoic smile still portrayed upon her face. She held her father's hand tightly, the warmth enveloping hers as she attempted to draw from his strength. Kaye wanted desperately to prove that she too, was strong and not leave her poor parents any reason to believe she had made an error in judgment or made her decision in haste. So before her resolution faltered, before they could detect what was truly within her heart, she quickly turned and left the hall for her room so that she could collect her belongings and gather her composure. More than anything, she did not want them to see the sadness in her eyes nor the apprehension within her heart. With her chin held high she moved across the great hall and walked up the stairs to her rooms above, for what she recognized could be the very last time.
*****
Tor stood undetected and in the shadows of the chamber watching the ceremony take place. He listened to the vows and to the pledges but was still unbelieving and skeptical of both the bride and the groom. He watched as the emotions played across both Kaye's and her intended's face, subtle messages though they were. He could detect that something was amiss and not quite right, but now as the final words were spoken, he knew it was all complete as the pledges were made. He understood there was no reversing what had been bound.
As Kaye exited the hall, he stepped back slightly and further into the shadows so she did not notice him as she hurried by. With a sure heaviness within his chest he realized t
hat the agonized look upon her face was telling and certainly not the feigned smile she had allowed her family to witness. Once she had passed by him and up the stairs, he followed suit, unknown to anyone in the great hall below as he was completely undetected by Kaye.
He watched at a safe distance as she disappeared down the long hallway and into what must be her chamber, leaving her door slightly ajar. He silently approached and as he came even with her threshold he peered over his shoulder and back towards whence he came, ensuring he was followed by no one. He then turned back as he guardedly peered in and watched Kaye intently from across the expanse of the room and unbeknownst to her.
He gazed at Kaye rather attentively as she stood by the bed with her back to the door as her head was lowered. Tor noted sadly that her shoulders were slightly shaking as she quietly accepted her grief. It was quite apparent that she was making great attempts at calming herself, but to no avail. For many moments Tor watched as she stood as such with a great grief spreading through him at the reality of her plight.
After a long while, Kaye raised her head and took in a large breath. Slowly, she let it out as she was obviously continuing to fight for control. She breathed in deeply one final time and as she did so, she dabbed at the obvious tears upon her cheeks as she turned to grab the single bag upon the bed and turn back towards the door to make her final retreat.
Tor took one step backward and further into the shadows as she approached, staying hidden from her as she exited her room and walked down the hallway and away from him and into her new life.
CHAPTER FIVE
Kaye stood in the center of the courtyard of her family's home as the midmorning sun in the cloudless sky heated the air fully around them, a full wretchedness upon her heart. As she breathed in deeply in an attempt to control her apprehension, she felt a small bead of sweat forming at the base of her neck and felt as it moved slowly and lazily down onto her back below her gown. She looked up forlornly at the intense blue sky that surrounded them as it shone brightly and brilliantly, so unlike the dark turmoil that was now churning within her heart.