by Julie Kenner
“Oh.” I run my fingers through my hair. That’s definitely better than what I thought he’d suggested, but it was still pretty damn intimate, and I say as much to Mal.
“You’re basically inviting him into our bedroom,” I say. “Into our most intimate moments. I mean, if the weapon is rising then, well, so am I.” My cheeks are burning and I feel ridiculously tongue-tied. At the same time, the realization that I am shying away from this disturbs me. Raine is a friend and key member of the brotherhood, and if I can restore him then what price is too high?
Mal pulls me close. “I understand. And you need to know that I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. Raine’s one of our most powerful assets, yet the damn burn has practically castrated him.”
I force a smile. “Possibly not the best choice of words under the circumstances.”
I move away from him and start to pace, my mind in a whirl. “Look, here’s the thing. And please, just let me say this, because I’ve been thinking a lot about teams. About you and me. And about me and the brotherhood.
“So if you’re asking me as a member of the Phoenix Brotherhood, then I will do this for another teammate. Because the part of me that is Jaynie is still learning what’s going on, but the Christina part remembers and trusts and respects you for your honor and your compassion and your sense of duty and loyalty.”
I draw in a breath to fortify myself, then press on. “But if you’re asking me to do this as your mate, your wife, then it’s a little bit different. Because while I know that we went through a mating ceremony together, that was in another time and another dimension, and it has no meaning to me anymore.”
I see the way my words hit him, the pain that crosses his face as quickly as the flick of a whip, and for a moment, I stumble. But I recover quickly and continue. “I don’t feel the past, Mal. I know it, if that makes sense, but it’s like something I learned from a book.”
I know my words are harsh, but I need to be certain I have his attention. That he understands fully and completely everything I have to say.
“What I feel is you,” I continue. “This intense connection between us? Good lord how I feel that. But the ritual? The mating? The binding that makes me yours? I’m sorry, but that just isn’t real to me.”
“What exactly are you telling me?” His expression is hard. His words are clipped. But I know that at the very least, he is listening. And that he is understanding me.
I draw a breath and walk closer to him. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m yours,” I say softly. “Not because of a ceremony in some world I barely remember. Not because of a past that is more like a dream than a reality. But because of who you are now. What you are. And what we are together.”
I watch his face as I speak, and I see the wariness fading, replaced by a bloom of delight.
“I told you I loved you after you rescued me from the warehouse, and I meant it. But I didn’t fully understand it. But I’ve had the chance to watch you more and to be with you, and I’ve seen the things in you that I love. Your tenderness, your loyalty. Your wit and charm. And the fact that you’re amazing in bed doesn’t hurt, either,” I add, making him grin and, thankfully, lightening the moment.
“So if this is what you need to restore your team and to save your friend, then I will do it because you want it and need it. Even if it will be really, really weird.”
His smile has been growing as I talk, and with my last he finally laughs.
“Thank you,” he says simply, pulling me close and kissing me gently.
What I hear, of course, is I love you.
Chapter 8
‡
It is weird, but in the end it’s not quite as weird as I anticipated.
For one thing, I have no time to worry about it. Because when I ask Mal when he wants to do this, his response is a flat, determined, “Now.”
Second, when I go to talk to Callie, she does not share my reaction. There is no blush. There is no awkwardness. There is just relief, open and honest and painted all over her face.
And third, though I’d imagined some sort of harem-like setting with Raine tucked in a corner watching Mal and me, it is nothing like that.
Instead it is me, and it is Mal. And we are alone.
Even so, I can’t stop thinking that we won’t remain alone. “It feels so strange,” I say. “Letting him come in here. Letting him see us so intimately.”
Mal tugs me to him, then peels off my shirt. I’m wearing a tank top underneath because, well, I insisted on staying at least somewhat clothed during this exercise. And, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure this is going to work. Because I’m not entirely sure that I can lose control. Not when I’m so self-conscious.
“You could just hurt me,” I say. “Or he could.”
He exhales, then steps back to look hard at me. “Does this bother you that much?”
I lick my lips. “Honestly? I’m not sure.”
“He’s not hurting you. And neither am I. If I had my way, no one would hurt you again.”
“But doesn’t it weird you out?” I ask, as his fingers work deftly on the button of my jeans. “Just a little?”
“No,” he says, and the word is so firm that it sparks my curiosity.
“You’ve done this before. You’ve had a threesome with Raine.” I’ve tried very hard not to think about all the women who must have shared Mal’s bed when I was dead, or gone, or whatever you want to call it.
I lift a brow as I examine his face. For his part, he looks slightly perturbed. “I really don’t think this is the time to discuss this. Lift your foot.”
I do, and find myself in a tank top and my underwear.
“I don’t know,” I say, because now I have latched on to this new bit of information. And I like that, because it’s taking my mind off my nerves. “I’m rather curious.” I push him back onto the bed, and then straddle him. “Tell me about it, and I undress you. Don’t tell me, and I’m just going to sit here.”
He lifts a brow. “All right, yes. Raine and I have shared women.”
“Did you like it?”
“It was expedient and it was a release,” he says flatly.
“You liked it,” I tease.
He rolls his eyes. “It was sex, nothing more. Sex. And control. And a way to forget, if only for a little bit, that we were in pain.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
For a moment he looks a bit sad, but then he brushes my cheek. “But, okay, yes. I liked it. Frankly, that was the point.”
I brush a kiss over his lips. “I’m glad. I don’t like thinking of you so sad.”
“It was hardly your fault.”
“Mmm,” I say. And since the mood is turning heavy, I ease back to the original topic. “So, next question. How many times?”
“Christina…”
“Hey, I think a woman has a right to know what her mate’s up to when she’s not around.”
“Uh-huh.” The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Jealous? Or curious?”
“A little of both,” I admit.
“There’s nothing to be jealous of,” he says. “As for the number of times, I don’t know. A dozen, maybe more. Three thousand years is a long time. And I killed you more times than I like to count.”
My chest tightens. “Of course,” I say. “You were with them after you killed me.”
“That is when I was at my lowest, yes. That’s when I needed escape.”
“Oh, Mal.”
“Shhh. It’s all better now. Everything is better now.” He is stroking me through my clothes as he speaks, his fingers playing me as competently as a virtuoso at a keyboard. “And no, I will never share you. Which is why Raine will wait outside until he is invited in. And he stays only as long as necessary.”
I don’t know what I intended to say in response to that, but my words are soundly cut off by his mouth upon mine. The kiss is long and deep, and makes very clear that I am, as he has said, his. And when he breaks the kiss and meets my eyes, he s
ays very slowly and firmly, “You understand?”
I nod.
“And you’re not jealous?”
“No.”
“And are you still, as you say, weirded out about being in my arms now? About me touching you like this while Raine waits just past our bedroom door?”
“No. Yes. A little,” I gasp as he slips his finger under the band of my underwear to stroke my sex.
“A little, yes,” he says. “And it excites you a little, too. Doesn’t it? To know that there’s someone out there. Someone who knows that I’m touching you. That I’m teasing you. That I’m going to take you right to the edge, and that even though I’m going to share a tiny part of you, that you are mine and only mine.”
“I—yes.” The admission is a whisper, but it is also a balm. It washes away the awkwardness leaving only desire and heat and a building fire.
Mal’s touches become wilder and I arch up to meet him. And he is taking me so far, so far, so very far until—
“Mal! Oh, god, Mal!”
“Hold on, baby. Let it take you. I’ve got you. I won’t let it get out of control.”
I believe him—I do—and yet I don’t know how he can make such a promise against something so wild and wicked. Something hard and hot and powerful.
Something that wants to destroy us both.
But he keeps touching me, keeps playing me. And desire curls through me. Passion rises within me. And, oh Christ, I’m right there, an orgasm building and the weapon looming right behind it, and though I trust Mal, I don’t know how the hell he is ever going to manage to back this down. Because it’s too much.
It’s too damn much.
And then I am glowing, the power seeping out of me, and it’s too strong, it’s too—
And then Raine is there.
I don’t know how Mal called him in, but he’s right there in front of me, facing me. And I clutch his arms and hold tight even as Mal presses up from behind me, his chest against my back, his hands cupping my breasts. And, yes, I feel the power flow.
I cry out, consumed by pain, by passion, by the wildness of this moment, then I lean forward, breathing hard, pressing my forehead against Raine’s. I’m burning. The glow rushing through me and into him, as if being drawn into a vacuum. Maybe that’s what the tats are, not just a marker, but a hollow. A vacuum that the life inside me is rushing to fill.
And it’s so wild.
So powerful.
And it’s growing and building until I no longer feel part of the world, and am simply spinning, spinning, spin—
“Christina!”
Then he’s there. Mal. Drawing back my energy as well as the weapon’s. Holding me tight. Urging it all back down again. Holding me close. And never, ever letting go.
I breathe deep, in and out, until I am sure that I am steady again. Then I turn in Mal’s arms to see Raine in front of us on the bed. And his arms that used to be fully sleeved are now nothing but clear, tanned skin.
Callie stands across the room, her back to the wall, her hand over her mouth. And even at this distance I can see the tears that stream down her cheek.
It’s over.
It worked.
And, yes, it was worth it.
Slowly, Raine leans forward, then kisses my cheek. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I say, then grin at all three of them. My mate. My friends. “Now let’s go kick a little fuerie butt.”
Chapter 9
‡
Unfortunately, there is very little butt-kicking to be had.
We go to the store and, as advertised, Raine is able to break in.
And though we’ve come prepared for a full-out battle with the fuerie’s human minions, we don’t suffer even a broken fingernail. Instead, we’re able to waltz right into the vault, take the gemstone, and get the hell out of there with absolutely nothing happening.
Honestly, it is all very anticlimactic.
The reason, of course, becomes clear once we return to Number 36.
“It’s an opal,” Callie says. “But it’s not the amulet. Not the one my dad had at his store for Raine.”
“I don’t get it,” I say. “I saw it. Shining bright on the map in my head. If it’s not the amulet, what is it? Why did I see it?”
“Another supercharged gemstone?” Bray suggests. He’d not been part of the raid, of course, but he’d insisted on staying until Dagny returned safe and sound. Mal and Liam agreed with very little debate, and I’m glad. I’m still straddling my two lives—Christina, Jaynie—and it’s nice to have pieces of both with me.
“What do you mean?” Jessica asks.
“Well, the amulet has all this power, right? And we know that regular gems can have energy, too. But Jay doesn’t see every diamond in the world on her mind map. She saw just this one specific stone. So I’m guessing it’s a plant.”
“A plant?” I say.
“A trick. A bluff.” He looks between me and Jessica, and then exhales, obviously surprised that we aren’t following him. “I think these fuerie dudes must have jerry rigged this opal. Gave it more energy or something so that they could fool Jaynie.”
“But they weren’t even laying in wait,” Asher said. “So what’s the point?”
My stomach twists unpleasantly with a sudden understanding. “I think I know. Hang on.”
I close my eyes, focus, and pull up the map. It’s easy this time, my skills more honed. And, as I suspected, there are dozens and dozens of colored lights.
My shoulders sag as I open my eyes. “They’re hiding the amulet. This one was a test to see if it worked, if I sensed it. And we took the bait. Now there are dozens of so-called amulets floating on the map, all over the globe. And I have no way of knowing which one is the real one.”
“Fuck.” Mal’s curse is soft, but heartfelt.
“I second that,” Liam says. “But this isn’t entirely bad. If they can manipulate the energy of the stones, then so can we. And if we can do that, then we can trap the fuerie when we hunt them. No more letting them poison the fabric of this world by dissipating into the ether. And no more bouncing to another body when one is close enough to host them. We kill them. We catch them. We keep them bound.”
“The tech team tried that before,” Raine says. “A couple of thousand years ago. We couldn’t manage it. The energy pattern in this world won’t do it, and now that we’re bound in humans, our energy won’t accomplish it either.”
“But the fuerie’s energy can be used to manipulate a gemstone,” Liam said. “We’ve just witnessed it.”
“But if we don’t have the fuerie’s energy…” I trail off, confused. It sounds like a chicken and the egg problem. We need a fuerie to turn earthen gems into traps. But we can’t get a fuerie because we have no gemstone.
“Maybe not,” Liam says. “But I think we have something better.” He’s looking hard at me.
“The weapon,” I say.
He nods. “How better to turn a weapon to good than to use it to trap the enemy?”
I look at Mal, and he nods slowly.
“All right,” I say. “If Mal’s there to make sure I stay safe, I can do that. But all this does is help with the work the brotherhood is already doing—hunting the fuerie. We still need the real amulet if we’re going to get the weapon out of me.”
“True,” Mal agrees. “We need to figure out how you can identify it. How you can see it apart from all the others scattered across your map.”
“Every gemstone has a unique energy pattern,” Ash says.
“So if Christina can figure out how to isolate each pattern…” Dagny continues.
I frown. “Except that isolating them doesn’t do me any good unless I know what I’m looking for. It’s like looking at a box of crayons and now knowing if I’m supposed to choose the red or the green one. Unless I know, seeing the crayons doesn’t much matter.”
“And without the amulet,” Callie says, “you can’t figure out the pattern.”
“So w
e’re back to square one,” Jessica says.
I lean against Mal and exhale. “Well, shit.”
*
Mal had never been one to shy away from a fight, but he couldn’t ever remember being so grateful that a mission had turned out to be so completely danger-free.
And, dear god, he couldn’t keep his hands off Christina. Couldn’t stop touching her. Couldn’t stop reassuring himself that even as time continued to pass, she was still there beside him. Still breathing. Still his.
“I’m yours.”
Those simple words had cut through him with a power that no fuerie’s whip ever had. And the pure force of his reaction had surprised him. Of course she was his—she had been for millennia. But to hear her say it. To hear her mean it. To truly understand the depth of her emotion for him notwithstanding the mating ritual or the brotherhood or any of it had truly humbled him.
Christ, he loved her.
And it wasn’t until they’d returned from the mission to find the false amulet that he realized how truly terrifying love could be. Because he’d worried every damn step of the way, and only relaxed when they’d returned safe to Number 36.
“You’re quiet tonight,” she said. They were still in the VIP lounge, but they’d moved to a back booth after the meeting had broken. She’d tried to slide off his lap to the cushion beside him, but he’d held her close, locking her within his embrace.
“Just thinking.”
“Yeah? About what?”
“About how much I love you.”
Her grin had been mischievous, but now her expression shifted, turning both warm and serious. “I love you, too,” she said. “But?”
He laughed. “No buts. I love you fully and completely. But,” he added, as he stroked her cheek, “you’re not immortal. I can’t risk losing you. We got lucky in Orlov’s store. But if there had been fuerie or even their minions…”
She stiffened in his arms. “We’ve talked about this before. I’ll do what’s best for the team and the brotherhood, Mal. I learned my lesson about being selfish. But you can’t be selfish, either.” She leaned in and kissed him, and his heart twisted because he knew what she was going to say, and he knew that she was right. “You can’t keep me out of the mix simply because you’re afraid. That doesn’t help the team, either.”