by Jamila Mafra
"Yes, he'd always been engaged to another woman, but he'd shelved the marriage.”
"If he's delayed so much, it's because he does not really love her." And from what you told me, it was you who awakened in him the love of astronomy. I'm sorry you're living platonic love.”
"No, I'm not living love at all. I am deeply disappointed in my life, in reality, especially with Albert. He hurt me a lot.”
"But what did he do?" If he does not love you then he'd better take the other.”
"Auntie, Albert said that he loves me, he declared to me, asked me to kiss, he was willing to end everything with the other just to be with me.”
"Then why aren’t you together?"
"Because I did not take him."
“And why didn’t you?”
"Because he found out the bride is pregnant. And this I can never accept! Yes, he intended to end everything with her to stay with me. But I did not accept the situation. He did not even dare finish it all off when he went to talk to me about the pregnancy. I could not bear to be with Albert knowing that he has a child with another woman.”
"Ana Lucia, if you love him so much you should at least have given him a chance, just to see if it would work."
“I do not feed illusions. I'm sure it would not work. That woman would never accept being abandoned, being a single mother. It would make my life hell. I would never have peace with Albert. Their son would always be a motive for emotional threats.”
"I understand, but I still think he deserves a chance."
"I can’t deny it, I'm in love with him, but it's no use, he has a girlfriend. She's arrogant, she's a snob. Auntie, I do not know how a guy as cool and loving as Albert can like and date a woman as bland as Brianna.”
"Passion is blind.”
"Then I can only be blind. I have lived with him unforgettable moments. But it's over; I do not accept a man who has a child from another woman. Much less in this situation. I'm tired of war; I want peace in my heart. I cannot stand more complicated relationships, Auntie!”
“Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
“You're scared to love. Do not have the courage to face whatever it is to be happy.”
"Honestly, I'm not willing to fight hell to maybe win paradise. I've had enough of all this. Thanks for coming, but I do not want to talk about it anymore.” She closed the subject with her aunt.
***
"Ana Lucia, you're late. How was it at the consulate?” Shelly asked yawning.
“I do not even want tell you, Shelly. I could not renew my student visa. The consulate has demanded that I return to Brazil and renew it there. There was no way. I have few days to return to Brazil. I already bought my ticket. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow.
"Bad news my friend. But you're coming back, are not you?”
“I hope so. I have twenty days of holidays. It will be good for me to spend some time in Brazil. I really want to see my cousins, my relatives.”
"You're quite right there. It will be good for you to forget Albert for a while. I'm just surprised, because I thought you were staying for Christmas with me.
"I cannot stay. You know what? I'm loving my departure back to Brazil.”
"And have you warned your bosses?"
“Yes, I did. They wanted to interfere, but I did not let them. I want to go back to Brazil. I need to see my family. I fought so hard to get here and now I count the hours to go.”
"I wish you luck and come back soon, my friend.”
"Shelly, I beg you to take good care of my telescope.”
"Of course, I'm going to use it a lot.”
***
Albert noticed Ana Lucia's absence that late afternoon. The sun was setting and he felt an uncontrollable urge to take Ana Lucia up the hill.
"Mother, Ana Lucia did not come to work today, something very unusual. Do you know anything?”
“Yes I know. I thought you knew too. Ana Lucia will be back in Brazil tomorrow. Her visa has expired and she will have to return to Brazil to renew it.”
“How did it expire?”
"Well, my son, the consulate demands that she return to her country. After all, Ana Lucia didn’t have an immigrant visa or a visa to work here. I offered to help, but she said that she really wanted to go back to Brazil to see the family. And I agree.”
“I need to talk to her. I'm going to the campus right now.”
Albert drove like crazy to the university campus. Ana Lucia made her farewell remark in the open field.
“Ana Lucia.”
“Albert.”
"Then you’re leaving leave, and you did not tell me!"
"I did not see any reason to let you know I'm leaving. My life is not about you, "she replied angrily.
"And the love you feel for me is not worth anything?"
“Love?”
“Yes, I love you more than anything in the universe. And I'm just sorry you do not want to be with me.”
"Albert, tell me one thing. How dare you tell to me that, when you are about to marry another woman who is expecting your child? And you're mistaken; I wish I did stay with you. What I do not want is to have to accept an unbearable ex-bride and a son who is not mine. I deserve more than that. I do not want to be the second, the one that arrived after; I will not carry your destiny on my back. Understand this once and for all!”
"I cannot understand your cruelty to me. I'm willing to face everything to be with you, but you're not willing to do anything for me.”
“Yes you are right. I'm not willing to do anything to stay with you. Cruelty? Your bride is a snake. She went to my office to laugh at my face. She mocked me and celebrated her victory. She celebrated the wedding with you. Just imagine if you leave her pregnant! Do you have any idea what Brianna would do to destroy me?”
“You are right. It's all my fault. If I had finished with her as soon as I discovered that I loved you, that pregnancy would not have happened. I'm going to marry her, yes, because if I cannot have you, then nothing else matter. But can I at least give you a good-bye hug? A friend's hug?” He asked, his eyes filled with tears.
Ana Lucia's heart raced. Her body shook inside.
"Albert, you do not know how I am suffering from all this. I'm destroyed inside. Once again I have to say goodbye to a great love.” She took a deep breath. “Okay, hold me.” She held out her arms to him.
Albert cried and hugged her with all his strength, as if he wanted to trap her inside him.
“Ana Lucia, I love you so much. Stay with me. We can be happy together, we can be great astronomers and build our observatory as you have both dreamed. My God! I swear if I could I'd hold you inside me so I'd never lose you. I would go back in time and end it all with Brianna, so I would stay with you in peace” Albert declared, pressing Ana Lucia against his chest. He needed that hug a lot at the time of the farewell.
SANTOS ROAD
In an intense storm, Ana Lucia landed back to Brazil at Guarulhos airport. Margaret went to greet her. She embraced her warmly, but the heart of the newcomer was like the cold, stormy sky.
The astronomy student breathed deeply to feel in her lungs the relief that São Paulo airs brought her. She hardly saw the time to kill the homesickness of his relatives, the beaches, and the moments she had lived there, even her old loves that gave less pain.
Nothing would be able to draw from Ana Lucia's mind the frisson that Albert's embrace had left on her body.
They talked in the car on the way to the coast.
"How good it is to be back, Auntie. Thank you so much for coming to pick me up at the airport.”
"No need to thank me, I would never let you take a bus to the coast after a tiring trip like this. Now that you're staying at my house, we'll have plenty of time to talk. The airs of the beach will do you very well. You need to let go of everything that happened to you in the United States.”
"I miss the Enseada beach. I spent al
l my childhood in Guarujá with my parents, before they passed away. It will be wonderful to touch my feet back on those sands. Before, I'd like to spend two days in Santos with Alice. I also miss talking to my dear cousin. We were always confidant.”
"Sure, I'll drop you off at Boqueirão, but I'll wait for you in Enseada. You'll love my new apartment. Freddy and I arrived a few days from France. As we lived in the interior of the country, he is still getting used to living on the beach in a busy city. To tell you the truth, he is worshiping life on the coast.”
"I'm glad Uncle Freddy's adjusting. It was because of you that I became interested in learning French.
"And so you were promoted at your former job in the United States."
"Do not even remember me.”
"We'll have time to talk about it."
"Sometimes I think it would have been better if I had moved in with you in France. I think America was not the right decision.”
"Are you going to give up being an astronomer? Will you give up graduating from an American university?
"I fought so hard to be accepted at Weber University. I worked my whole adolescence by collecting money, I learned English, and I learned French. Aunt, the greatest dream of my life is to graduate in astronomy!”
"Then you cannot give up on your goal because of a mere lack of love.”
"I'm not going to give up; I just do not know if I'm going back to Ogden."
Two hours later they arrived at their destination, the city of Santos.
"How good it is to be back breathing that air, the air of Santos. Now I feel at home.”
"Welcome back home, Ana Lucia.”
"We're just getting to Alice's apartment. I'm going upstairs with you to give her a hug.
"Of course auntie. Come with me.”
Margareth parked in front of the San Rafael Building, on Avenida Conselheiro Nébias.
“Ana Lucia! I missed you, cousin!” Alice received her with a strong hug.
“I'm glad to be back. I asked Aunt Margareth to leave me here to see you before I went to Guarujá.”
"You did very well; we have to get our conversation up to date. I want to know everything in the smallest details.”
"And where is Gustavo?"
"He has not come yet from work. Aunt Margareth, sit down. I know you're tired. Especially you Ana Lucia who made an exhaustive trip. You sat on that plane for fourteen hours.”
“Thank you, cousin.”
“Thank you for the invitation, Alice, but I have to get on the ferry just before rush hour. The traffic in Guarujá is terrible at this time. My husband should be home by now. Ana Lucia, call me whenever you want and I’ll come to get you.” Margaret said, getting up to leave.
“Alright, Auntie. I'll be here for two days. I'll call you soon. But do not worry, I can probably take a cab.
“Alright. I'm going. Goodbye, girls.”
“See you later, Auntie.”
“Come to visit me more often" Alice said, smiling.
"Of course." Margaret stepped back.
"Ana Lucia, you look tired. Take a shower and later in the evening we can go for a walk on the beach and you'll tell me everything. My daughter is on vacation at grandmas' house. You can sleep in her room.”
“Thanks. I really need to rest. I'm going to take a shower.”
“Feel at home.”
At nightfall, the city of Santos once again lit up with the classic car headlights and public fixtures. The edge and the boardwalk of Gonzaga beach were especially the most beautiful view of the paulista coast. The lights on the buildings, the summer tourists that circulated there, all excited, enjoying the end of the year, the young people playing volleyball in the sand, all that was what Ana Lucia most wanted and needed to experience at that moment.
"Cousin, thank you for the invitation to walk on the beach. How I missed this sea, this beach, and this nocturnal landscape of buildings illuminated, tourists and vacationers playing volleyball in the sand... This year-end climate is all I needed. I missed this Brazilian heat, that energy”.
"I thought your great dream was to live in the United States.”
“I really enjoyed living in the United States, but here is my place.”
"And the faculty of astronomy you wanted to attend, you've given up?"
"Astronomy is my passion. I was forced to return to Brazil on the consulate's request. They want me to renew my student visa here.”
"Does that mean you'll soon return to the United States to resume your studies?"
“Yes. I’ll for sure. The two semesters I studied there were the most incredible in my life. Do you know…”
"I know, you told me a little message of what happened. It was a beautiful love story that you lived with that American. It could have had a happy ending.”
"Nothing very different from what I lived here on the roads of Santos. Walking through this sand I remembered right now the day Gabriel finished with me after confessing that he already had a bride. I ran to this same beach, and I threw the bracelet he gave me as a gift into the sea. That night I cried so much kneeling in these sands...”
"Ana, your love affairs would make a fine book.”
"I do not know if people would like to read a book about my failures."
"Tell me one thing: did you finally kiss the American at the farewell hour?"
“No! I did not kiss Albert.”
“But why not? If you had at least kissed him, you might have discovered a stronger feeling of love than all the obstacles and impediments. A kiss makes all the difference at the time of a choice as important as the one you had to make.”
“He begged for a kiss of mine, but I resisted. I did not want to go through what I spent here in my beloved city. I'd rather believe that I made the right choice.”
"Is his fiancée really pregnant, or did she come up with all this just to keep you from being with him?"
"She showed him an examination done at a highly respected clinic in New York.”
"Ana Lucia, frankly, I would not stop being with the one I love just because he has a child of another woman.”
"Cousin, you do not know what you're saying. That woman is unbearable, she would never leave me alone with Albert, torment me forever. I want a man just for me, and not for sharing with another woman, much less for a child that is not mine.”
- I understand ... How about we continue our gossip making a snack from São Paulo in the Shopping Motoburger? I have some news that will keep your mouth open. And it interests you a lot.” Alice sharpened her curiosity.
"Now you got me super curious.”
"Let's go to the mall and I'll tell you all about it while we have dinner.”
“Immediately.”
They got in the car and headed to the Shopping Center.
"How I missed the stirrings of the shopping malls. This fun atmosphere is contagious.”
They made the request and sat at the table.
“Alice, tell me now, I'm very curious to know about this news you have to tell me.”
“There you go! Gabriel did not get married!”
“What? He did not get married? Are you kidding me?”
"I'm not kidding, that's the truth. He didn’t get married!”
“But why? He was so in love when he let me out. I'm puzzled. What happened?”
"His fiancée gave up the wedding two days before the ceremony."
“No?”
“Yes.”
“Wow! He must have been devastated.”
“He was.”
“Everyone has what they deserve. Look at the music that is playing: samba and pagode, the preferred rhythms of us, paulistas. How I missed hearing the samba playing in public places! I feel avenged now.” Ana sighed with relief.
"From what I see, you were content with the tragedy in Gabriel's life.”
"I do not desire anyone's suffering. But what Gabriel did to me is almost unforgivable. Alice, ba
ck in the States I stopped kissing the man I love in the name of my dignity! And Gabriel deceived me, made me go through a lover, made me kiss him and I did not even love him that much. He deserved to be abandoned. Surely she discovered he cheated on her.”
"I don’t know why. But I kept the news to tell you now that you came back.”
ENSEADA BEACH
For the first time since arriving in Guarujá, Ana Lucia spent a few hours in the morning at Enseada Beach. Sitting on those sands with so much meaning, she reflected on the last events of her life.
Without waiting, he spotted a tall man dressed as an athlete. He ran along the beachfront. The seashore was calm on that beach still empty of tourists. It was very early; it was seven o'clock in the morning. The man approached Ana Lucia, who stared at him in surprise.
“Gabriel!” She got up and smiled.
“Ana Lucia! You are here?” He looked even more surprised.
“I should say: you here!”
"I thought you were still in the States."
“I was, but I had to return to Brazil to renew my student visa. I am staying at my aunt Margareth's house, two blocks from the beach, in the Acapulco Beach Building, Rua São Paulo.”
“Yeah, I know the building. But you did not tell me the floor and the apartment number.”
“You’re still silly!”
“I meant it.”
"I took advantage of it to enjoy the beach a little early, before the summer vacationers arrive and fill these sands. I like to reflect on life admiring this sea.”
“To reflect, I understand... But what a coincidence we meet again here! I've been on the beach for the past few months every morning.”
"I did not know that athlete side of you.”
“Now I worry more about my health and I keep this exercise routine. I am a manager of a building materials store, on the Estrada de Pernambuco, not too far from here, like four blocks from here. Before work I make my run.”
“It does very well.”
“How long will you stay in Brazil?”
“Just until my visa comes. I love being here again. This is my first day at this beach where I spent my childhood. Being able to breathe this air is something unique. Soon after I arrived, I stayed in Santos for three days at Alice's house. I missed her a lot.”