by Jamila Mafra
“I thought of that too. I'm going to finish my college there.”
“Do this, fulfill your dream. Maybe I'll even visit you on my July vacation. I'm going to want to know everything that's going on over there.”
"Thank you, Gabriel. You're being so kind. Wonderful. You're being charitable to me.”
"And promise me you'll make Albert have happy times. If I were in his situation, I would want you on my side.”
“I promise you that. You live here in tmy heart, Gabriel. I'm going to need your friendship; I'm going to need your support because the situation is not easy for me either.”
They got up from the table and hugged each other gently.
***
Three days ago Ana Lucia had returned from Rio de Janeiro. The procedures for the visa had already been initiated and in ten days she would do the interview.
“Aunt Margareth! You came back late from shopping.”
"Your uncle left me here and went back to work at the mall." It is not easy to own a clothing store, especially in this crisis that Brazil is facing. Now evening is the time when more customers appear.”
"I have to go to Uncle Freddy's shop to get some new things.”
"Someone's out there waiting for you. It's Gabriel; he wants to take a ride with you.”
“Ask him to come up”.
“He did not want to come up. Get dressed quickly and go down. Enjoy your last moments here with him. In the United States you will experience difficult and unpredictable situations.”
"I think you're right, Auntie. The weather there will not be for joy. I'll get dressed and go down.”
***
Gabriel was waiting for her at the door.
“Ana Lucia.”
"Sorry for the delay, I was getting ready.”
“You do not have to try to hard. You are always beautiful.”
"That makes me embarrassed."
“I'm here to take you out; I want to walk with you there at the Gonzaga.”
“At the Gonzaga? Sounds cool. We can walk along the beachfront, talk. Enjoy.”
They got into the car.
“How was it in Rio de Janeiro?”
“It was okay. The interview will happen in ten days.”
"I'd like to take you to the airport when you go to the United States."
"I appreciate your kindness; it will be good to have your company at such a difficult time. It is not a cheerful return.”
"But you need to show some joy."
"Yes, no matter how awful the situation is, I must be strong to be happy."
***
They ran toward the sands of Gonzaga beach just after Gabriel parked the car.
"I love to walk along the edge of this beach, even more so now at night, with everything lit up.”
"Then we'll have dinner at Tertulia."
“That's cool. It's an expensive restaurant.”
"You deserve it, Ana Lucia.”
"I've thought a lot about everything that's going on. I support you. It's a matter of charity; I know you love him very much. But reality speaks louder. Albert's situation is lamentable, absurd. What that woman did to him and to you, deceiving and lying so vile, so low, is unforgivable.”
"Yes, that's what hurt me the most.”
"I only ask you one thing, Ana.”
“What?”
"While you're here, do not forbid me to kiss you. I'll miss you.” He ordered.
“I do not want to hurt you. You're an incredible man.”
"On the contrary, I want to remember these moments of love we are living in." He finished his words with affectionate kiss.
"Listen, Gabriel! Listen to the music playing on the kiosk!”
“It's the music we danced at the carnival ball in Fernando de Noronha.”
“Yes, ‘Espelhos D’água.’ Patricia's voice is beautiful. I love this song.” She smiled as she remembered.
"Let's dance it right here, by the sea." He took her hand.
“I loved the invitation.” She gave herself to the moment.
They danced.
"Now, let's go lie down together in the sand to admire this gorgeous sky full of stars," he suggested.
"Of course," she agreed.
They lay down in the sand and Gabriel took Ana Lucia's hand as they gazed up at the night sky. A tear fell from her eyes as she remembered Albert.
DEJECTION
That Sunday was gray. Ana Lucia went to Mass in the São Paulo Apostle Chapel, facing the beach of Enseada. This time she was unaccompanied. She needed to think about everything, she wanted to understand if there was a purpose for what was happening in her life at that moment, she longed for a divine inspiration that made her feel the reason for her suffering. She should be as close as she could to the man he loved, who suffered from his weakened health after discovering a sudden illness. She arrived, sat down, but the reality was dark, the pain she loved was already part of her heart.
At one point in the Mass Ana Lucia could not resist her tears and wept. They all sang the hymns, but she remained silent. At that moment she just wanted to hear, maybe some inspiration would come from the skies to comfort her... She had already arranged with Father Cristiano a conversation that would follow soon after Mass. Her return to the United States was inevitable. The pain in her heart for having to abandon Gabriel, the one who loved her so much, crushed her soul. Before Albert's remembrance revived, she thought she was beginning to be happy again. Ana Lucia repeatedly heard that it is not possible to love two people at the same time, but her heart screams the opposite, she felt affection for these two men in an equal and unique way. She discovered it so painfully, so unexpected.
Sitting this time in the front seats in the church, Gabriel looked back and saw Ana Lucia crying. He did not expect to find her there. He was accompanying an aunt who had recently arrived in the city. His brown eyes made his inner doubt clear: why should his girlfriend, until then, have been crying at such a spiritual moment? The change of his life was undeniable. His dreams and longing for love have long been exchanged for the hope of having her forever in his arms, in his life. Next to Ana Lucia he learned to be faithful, he learned what it is to truly love, with each kiss he felt that maybe she loved him too.
Before the end of the Mass, Ana Lucia ran out of the Church, walked aimlessly along the seashore. Gabriel looked once more behind him and saw his loved one no more. He went out, searched for her, and was able to see her from a distance, walking uncontrollably by the edge of the sea. A sense of anguish remained grounded in his mind and soul. He ran as fast as he could to reach his beloved. He needed to know the reason for her tears; he needed to know why the most beautiful woman he had ever known had run away without waiting for him.
He shouted loudly as he ran:
“Ana Lucia! Ana Lucia!”
She looked back. Even after seeing him did not stop, she continued to run away.
“Ana Lucia, come back here! Wait! My love, wait for me!” She was close.
At last he managed to touch her and she fell on the sand in tears.
“Ana Lucia, my love! What happened? Why did you run out of the church? Why are you crying so much?” He asked, crouched in the sand, and took her arm.
"Gabriel, for God's sake, don’t call me my love!" She asked in a pleading tone.
“And why not? You're the woman I love. I do not want to see you suffer. Tell me: what's going on?” He asked.
"Leave me alone with my suffering. You are the problem; my whole life is the problem! I need to be alone and cry.”
"Ana Lucia, I love you above everything else and as long as you're here, I'll be by your side. And even far away I will always think of you. Get off the ground and let me hold you.”
"I do not want to make you suffer, Gabriel. I'm sure you love me, I know your feelings, but I do not deserve your love. I'm not able to love you like you do.”
"But I'm not demanding anything from you.
Just let me hold you, let me kiss you; let me feel your body in mine. Ana Lucia, you taught me to be a faithful man. With you I am learning what it is to truly love a woman.”
"The more you say, the more I feel guilty. I'd rather you did not love me. I love Albert, but I discovered that I love you, too. I'm suffering so much. So do not feed your illusions. I'm leaving.”
“I want to deceive myself; I want to believe that someday you'll be mine forever. No matter how long I have to wait until that day arrives. I will never give up. You can be sure of that.”
"I cannot guarantee you anything, Gabriel. I do not know of the future. Doubt torments my soul. I feel like a lost woman, I do not know what to do or what to think. My aunt traveled for two days with Uncle Freddy, I'm alone at home. I have no one to talk to, so I decided to come to the Church to seek solace.”
"Do not think of anything. Come with me. I'll take you home right now in my car, I'll console you, warm you up. I am your love and your friend.”
Ana Lucia rose from the sand. Her beloved took her by the arm and they walked to the car parked in front of the church.
That Sunday afternoon was devastating. Ana Lucia kept the headphones in her ear and lay on the couch. Gabriel covered her with a comforter. The songs were varied and made her remember her sorrows and joys in those last months.
"I'm going to take my aunt home and I'll be back to keep you company," he warned.
“You can take your time, I'll be fine.”
“Rest my love.” He kissed her forehead and left.
Ana Lucia was walking around the house without finding any consolation, and suddenly, once again, she played on the radio "Scream of Passion", the music that carried her most to all events at that moment. She went to the kitchen, felt the urge to cook beans and did, lay down on the couch again, reflected more on her sadness and the empty end she felt. It was an inexplicable and indestructible emptiness.
All she wanted at that moment was someone listening to her outburst. She stood on the couch wrapped in the pink blanket, listening to the sound of the pressure cooker mingle with the music that reached her ears. There were many, a real session of musical drama, among them "Classic", "Red Eyes", "Tanto" and many others.
Two tears were already streaming down Ana Lucia's face when suddenly there was a noise at the door. There was someone. She noted: it was Gabriel coming in. He grinned, but this time the lady responded with an apathetic, indifferent laugh.
Gabriel leaned over the back of the couch and said, already expecting a sad reaction from her:
"I brought a chicken stroganoff that my aunt did. I figured you'd be hungry.”
This time Ana Lucia did not respond with laughter of excitement. She simply looked into his eyes and started to cry again.
"I'm feeling bad, really bad," she confessed.
Gabriel was quiet, curled up half-bent on the couch and just stared at her with wide eyes. Not knowing how to act, not knowing the real reason for his girlfriend's sadness, he asked after a few minutes:
"Tell the truth in my eyes; tell me the reason for your deep sorrow. Tell me what the reason for your anguish is.
She continued to cry without giving any answers, until after a few minutes she wiped her eyes a little and reacted, exposing her feelings:
"Because of everything, because of Albert, and because I have to leave here. Because of you. I still have not said anything to you because I do not want to hurt you; I think it's unfair that I cannot be faithful to your love. I'll leave soon. And I do not know when I'm coming or going. Gabriel, when I came to live here my life was so bad; so many things happened that distressed me, so many sad things... If it were not for you to have appeared in my life I would not have endured it all by myself. You helped me a lot. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I know that we cannot depend on anyone to have joy, but there are times when the situation is very difficult and it is almost impossible to endure everything without anyone by our side. Thanks.”
Gabriel sat down beside her on the couch and then hugged her. After a few seconds, she asked him to go to the stove and turn off the fire from the beans.
Gabriel returned to the living room, after reflecting on the words of Ana Lucia. He finally felt that somehow she loved him.
“Ana Lucia, listen to me. I was wrong in my life, I hurt you in the past, what I did was terrible. But fate gave me one more chance to love you, to make you happy. That's why I'm here to take care of you. It is also a way of asking for forgiveness. And you want to know? I see in your eyes that you love me too.”
“But...”
“Do not say anything. Do not try to explain to me what has no explanation. I know perfectly well that you also love Albert and that you are suffering from the choice you had to make. But love is just the same, it has several nuances. One love does not nullify the other.”
"I did not think you could believe that there were any ways to love."
"But of course there are. This is more of a mystery to life.” He smiled.
After dinner they heard some songs. They also watched movies on her netbook and a part of a documentary about the Milky Way. They ate a delicious dessert: chocolate mousse with sweet biscuit.
They spent the rest of the day exchanging cuddles on the sofa in the living room and watching TV. She remained with her head resting on Gabriel's lap.
SUNSHINE
The sun was shining brightly that afternoon. It was about 4pm when Ana Lucia arrived at the Tortugas condominium. It was a long walk from the concierge to Gabriel's uncle's apartment on the tenth floor. She went all the way across the huge garden to the entry. Arriving at the elevator, she was a bit tired. She rang the doorbell and Gabriel opened the door.
“Ana Lucia, my love, I'm glad you're here! Now my Saturday will be really good!” He exclaimed, smiling and hugging her then.
“How lovely this apartment! And the condo is also wonderful. I've always seen everything from the outside, but being in here is so much better. You never told me you had a rich uncle.” She commented, smiling.
“Yes, I have. He recently returned from England. And you still have not seen anything. You have to know the cinema of the condominium, the gym, the tennis court, anyway, everything.”
"Where's your uncle?"
"He went to the beach with my aunt and my cousin. The employees are in the kitchen.”
"And he would not think it bad to come here?"
“No! I talked to them. I explained that you are my girlfriend, the most incredible woman I have ever met.”
"So you explained to your uncle that you and I are dating to placate our loneliness..."
"Yes. But that's not why we're dating.”
“No?”
"It's much more than that.”
Gabriel approached her and kissed her, stroking the hair of her young girlfriend.
Ana Lucia and Gabriel went straight to the pool. They hugged each other wet and kissed underwater. Approaching the face of her beloved, she said:
"It's wonderful to be here with you. Your face is so beautiful, and your brown eyes...”
"I would die far from you."
“And I give you my heart, with all my sufferings, but full of love.”
"Ana Lucia, you're the only woman in my life. Today is our farewell, but only for a moment.” He said with particular sincerity.
They kissed.
THE DEPARTURE
The expensive parties and dinners were no longer in the Bennett family mansion. Most of Albert's friends walked away after he fell ill.
"Albert, my son, you've been locked in this room for days. Let's take a walk on the farm. You can still stand alone, enjoy. Enjoy living and having joy while things do not get worse. It'll be good to you to have some fresh air.” Annette tried to persuade him.
"No, Mother, I do not want to have to countdown, being forced to take a few years just because I'm going to be completely invalid.”
“I understand, but y
ou will do the best treatment, we will try the embryonic stem cells back in China. You need to be excited, confident. You need to eat.”
"Mom, I appreciate your concern, but I want to be alone.”
"I will, but I will come back, my son.”
***
Ana Lucia euphorically entered the apartment saying aloud:
“Aunt! I got the visa! I got it! Everything worked out right at the consulate.”
"I'm so happy for you!"
“I bought my ticket. I'm leaving tomorrow.”
“Already?”
“The situation is urgent. I have to go soon.”
"Whenever you want to talk, you can call me anytime."
“Thanks aunt. I already said goodbye to Alice.”
“That’s a lot bags!”
"I bought some cold coats. The temperature there is low. I'll pack my bags. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you: Gabriel is going to drive me to the Guarulhos airport. It will be our farewell moment.”
"If you want it that way, fine.”
***
Ana Lucia's heart soared with anxiety. At the Guarulhos International Airport, Gabriel said goodbye to her by giving her the last kiss.
"At last the time has come for you to leave, Ana Lucia.”
“Yes, it came. I'm so nervous.” She was shaking with anxiety.
“I understand. I would be as well. Call me if you need anything.”
“Yes, I'll call. Thank you for coming with me.”
"I'll never forget you, Ana Lucia. Do you know why?”
“Why?”
"Because I love you, even though I know you love another man. I do not want you to suffer.”
"Gabriel, I do not know what to tell you.”
"Do not tell me anything, Ana Lucia; just give me the last kiss." He asked, caressing her face.