I gave the operator my home number. I had time to pour myself a drink before Marge came on the wire. It tasted good. I was beginning to like the stuff, I thought grimly, as I heard her voice.
“Hello, baby,” I said.
Her voice was pleased. “Brad.” She knew me too well to ask what had happened. I would tell her soon enough. “You sound tired.”
I’d only said two words and she knew I was beat. “I’m okay,” I said quickly. “That Brady’s a rough deal.”
“Were you at his office all day?” she asked.
I was glad she put it that way. At least I wouldn’t have to lie. “Yeah,” I said. “He offered me a job. Sixty grand a year.”
“You don’t sound happy about it,” she said.
“I’m not,” I said. “I turned it down. I don’t like him.”
I had a fast moment of misery at the faith in her answer.
“You know what you’re doing, Brad,” she said without hesitation.
“I hope so,” I said. “It might mean missing out on the whole steel account.”
“There’ll be others,” she said. “I’m not worried.”
“I’ll know more before the night’s over,” I said quickly. “I’m going over to his house for dinner.”
“Whatever you do is all right with me,” she said.
Her trust was making me uncomfortable. I got off the subject quickly. “How’s Jeanie?”
“She’s fine,” Marge answered. “But she’s acting very mysterious. She keeps hinting to me about a surprise for our anniversary. I wonder what she has up her sleeve.”
“Nothing but her arm, if I know her,” I laughed. The odds were even money she would tell Marge about the coat before the anniversary arrived. “Hear anything from Brad?”
“A letter came this morning. He still has his cold and is staying in bed a few days. I’m worried.”
“Don’t worry, baby,” I said. “He’ll be okay.”
“But if he’s in bed, he must be sick. You know how he is.”
“He’s probably no more sick than I am,” I said. “He’s just grabbing a few days off from school.”
“But——”
“Nothing’s wrong, baby. Stop worrying. I’ll see you to-morrow.”
“Okay, Brad,” she said. “Hurry home. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby,” I said. “Bye.”
I put down the phone, added more Scotch and ice to my drink and put my feet up on the couch. I felt strange. There was something wrong with me, but I didn’t dig it. Old man Conscience should be kicking my teeth in by now but he wasn’t even giving me any attention. Maybe Matt Brady’s girl was wrong; maybe I wasn’t any different than all those other jokers. Could be I was a natural-born cheatin’ man with only room for one dame at a time. Or maybe I got to it a little late. I don’t know.
Elaine. Her name came into my mind and I smiled at the thought of her. If ever there was a woman made for man, she was it. Everything about her was class and sheer delight. Her face, her eyes, her trim tight little figure and the way she walked. I took another pull on my drink and closed my eyes to see her better. It was like turning off the lights to dream, and I did.
In the dream she was the little girl who lived on Sutton Place. I remember I used to go over from our railroad flat on Third Avenue just under the El tracks to watch her. She was so pretty with her long, golden hair and her primly-dressed governess always hovering near her.
She never even looked at me until one day her blue and red ball rolled over to me. I picked it up and shyly held it towards her.
She took it silently, as if it were her due that I should fetch it for her, and turned away. But her governess made her turn around and thank me. Her voice was like a tinkling bell in the city streets.
“Merci,” she said.
I stared at her for one wonderful moment, then turned and ran all the way home and up three flights of stairs to ask my mother what it meant.
“I think it means ‘thank you’ in French,” Mom said.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and woke up. Elaine was smiling down at me. “Drunk again,” she said.
I grinned and pulled her down to me. I caught her face in my hands and kissed her. We went so good together. After a moment she pulled loose.
“Hey!” she exclaimed. “What’s that for?”
“For love,” I answered.
She smiled and kissed me again. The whole world disappeared and when I got back to earth I was warm with the radiance of her being.
“Merci,” I said.
Chapter Fourteen
I WATCHED the lights of the airport rise to meet us. I felt the plane touch the ground, first lightly, as if testing its ability to hold us, then firmly, as the lights enfolded us in its embrace…
“I still think it’s silly,” I said, turning to Elaine.
She looked from the window to me. “No more silly than your refusing to see Uncle Matt to-night,” she said. “You might have been able to work something out with him.”
I was irritated. I had told her everything but one. I hadn’t mentioned that he had a report on me since I checked into the hotel. I didn’t want to upset her. “I told you before,” I said coldly. “I don’t want to work for him. I like business for myself.”
The plane rolled to a stop and I unfastened the landing belt. I leaned over and helped her.
“I’m sure something could have been done,” she insisted stubbornly. “I could have gone with you and helped. But you and your pride—not wanting to take advantage of my knowing you.”
I was even more angry because I couldn’t tell her the real reason I didn’t dare take her with me to see Brady. After that report, all he would need was one look at her and I’d be dead for sure. I didn’t answer, just waited for her to get up.
“The least you could have done was call up and say you weren’t coming,” she continued.
I blew a fuse. I said vehemently, “I don’t give a damn what he thinks.”
We came out onto the runway and I picked up our bags and silently headed for the cab stand. I stalked angrily along, my eyes watching the ground before me.
Suddenly she began to laugh. I turned and looked at her, puzzled. “What’re you laughing at?” I demanded.
“You,” she smiled broadly. “You look like a little boy who’s being crossed at every turn.”
I had to smile. She was right. Nothing had gone the way I wanted ever since I told her that her uncle wanted me over at his house for dinner and I wouldn’t go. Then I wanted to spend the night there and she insisted that we go back to New York. We caught a nine o’clock plane and spent the whole flight arguing about whether I should have gone to see him or not.
“That’s better,” she said. “That’s the first smile I’ve seen on your face all night. If you are going to the office in the morning, it’s better that you be fresh than all beat up from a bumpy flight. We’ll be much more comfortable in my place in the Towers.”
“Okay,” I grumbled, waving towards a cab.
The taxi rolled to a stop in front of us. I opened the door and pushed the bags in, then followed Elaine into the cab. “The Towers, driver,” I said.
I had just settled back into my seat and was lighting a cigarette when the driver’s voice floated back to me.
“A fine thing it is, Bernard, when you don’t recognize your old man’s hack.”
“Pop!” His face grinned back at me in the match’s flickering light. The car went into gear and swooped around the curve towards the exit. “For God’s sake, Pop!” I wound up yelling. “Look where you’re going.”
The back of his head shook dolefully. “A sad night, a sad night.” The echoes of laughter were deep in his throat. “When you were a lad, you could recognize me car six blocks away, and now——”
“Can it, Pop.” I began to laugh. “It was never your hack I knew, just the crazy way you drive. Some day they’re gonna get wise to you. Then—bang—no medallion.”
He stopp
ed for a signal light and looked up into the mirror. “I spoke to Marge this afternoon. She told me you were in Pittsburgh an’ didn’t know whether you’d be back to-night or to-morrow. A big deal, she said.”
I could see his glance flickering across Elaine. I half smiled to myself as the car started again. Pop was a true hackie. Always ready to think the worst of anyone. It amused me to find I wasn’t exempt from his suspicions. “It was the big one, Pop,” I said. “But like in the old fish story, it got away.”
Pop wasn’t to be sidetracked. “And the lady? A business friend, no doubt?” he asked dryly.
I glanced at Elaine out of the corner of my eyes. She caught on quick. There was an amused smile on her lips. “In a way, Pop,” I answered casually, knowing it would annoy him.
I turned to Elaine. “Elaine, this is my father,” I said. “He’s an old man with a very evil mind, but I’m not responsible for it. He had it before I was born.” I spoke across the window to him. “Pop—Mrs. Schuyler.”
Elaine’s voice was very rich in the dimness. “Glad to know you, Mr. Rowan.”
Pop’s head nodded embarrassedly. Actually, he was very shy when it came to meeting my friends.
“Mrs. Schuyler was on the same plane,” I explained. “I told her I would drop her off at her hotel.”
“Brad is very kind, Mr. Rowan.” Elaine kicked the ball further towards the goal. “I told him not to go out of his way.”
“Bernard is very partial towards women, Mrs. Schuyler,” Pop said. “Especially beautiful women.”
She laughed. “I can see now where your son inherits his blarney, Mr. Rowan.”
“He’s a fine lad, Mrs. Schuyler,” Pop said, suddenly serious. “He’s got two beautiful children, did he tell you? A boy, almost nineteen, in college, and a daughter in high school.”
I could see her teeth gleam as she smiled. “I know,” she said.
“He’s a good husband and father,” Pop continued. “He’s married to a very fine girl he’s known ever since public school.”
I began to squirm in my seat. What had got into the old man, anyhow? “Cut it, Pop,” I interrupted. “I’m sure Mrs. Schuyler isn’t interested in my life story.”
“Please don’t, Mr. Rowan.” Elaine’s voice had a caustic edge to it. “I’m fascinated.”
That was all he had to hear. From there until we stopped in front of her hotel he kept on talking. Even I had to admit it was a dull story. Who cared right now how bad a student I had been and that I didn’t finish high school? I was glad when we finally reached her hotel.
“Wait for me, Pop,” I said taking her bag and jumping out. “I’ll see Mrs. Schuyler inside.”
She shook hands with Pop, then followed me through the revolving doors. “Your father’s very proud of you, Brad,” she said as we walked through the lobby.
I stopped in front of the elevators. “I’m his only child,” I said. “And he’s prejudiced.”
There was a curious smile on her lips. “He has a right to be. You’re quite a guy.” Her voice seemed strained.
I couldn’t figure her out, there was something about her that was escaping me. “Elaine,” I whispered. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head. “Everything.”
“I’ll get rid of him,” I said. “I’ll have him take me over to the garage to get my car. I’ll tell him I’ll drive home.”
“Don’t be a fool!” she whispered savagely. “The only reason he was waiting at the airport was to drive you home. Don’t you know that?”
It all added up. He couldn’t have known that I told Marge I wouldn’t be home until to-morrow because he had spoken to her in the afternoon, and I’d spoken to her in the evening. I should have known that right away because his car didn’t swing in from the feed line, but off from the side where he had been waiting.
“I told you we should’ve stayed there,” I said bitterly.
Her voice was dull. “It doesn’t matter now.”
I looked at her. The shadows of pain had crept back into her eyes and I could feel their hurt inside me. An ache began to throb in my heart. We didn’t speak. I could only watch the misery spread its tiny searing threads across her face. The elevator doors opened and she moved towards them.
I handed her the bag. “I’ll call you later,” I said helplessly.
There was a hint of moisture in her eyes. She nodded, not speaking.
“Good night, darling,” I said as the doors closed.
I went back through the lobby and out into the cab.
“Okay, Pop,” I said wearily, settling back into the seat.
He was silent all through the city until we hit the highway. Then Pop looked back at me through the mirror. “She’s a very beautiful lady, Bernard.”
I nodded. “Yes, Pop.”
“How do you know her?”
Slowly I told him all about her and how I had come to meet her. When I had finished, he shook his head sadly. “A crying shame.”
With a sense of relief I felt the car swing into our driveway and stop. I didn’t want to talk about it any more. I looked at my watch. It was after midnight. “You might as well spend the night, Pop,” I said. “It’s too late to go home.”
As usual, Pop got independent. “Nonsense, Bernard. The night is young yet. Me best fares are in front of me.”
As usual, I had to con him. “Stay, Pop,” I asked. “This way we can go down together to-morrow. You know how I hate the train.”
Marge was surprised to see me, and I explained to her that the meeting had been called off at the last minute so I had decided to come home. Jeanie came down and we all had coffee in the kitchen. I remember mentioning that I had met Elaine on the plane coming back and seeing the queer look of suspicion on my father’s face, but it passed quickly as I told them about Matt Brady’s offer.
It was one-thirty in the morning when we were finished and the drug store three blocks away was closed and there was was no way I could call Elaine so I went up to bed.
I was restless, and couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned fitfully. Some time during the night, Marge’s hand reached out and touched my shoulder.
“Anything wrong, Brad?” Her voice was tender as the night.
“No,” I answered shortly. “I’m all wound up, I guess.”
“Too much big deal,” she whispered. I heard a rustle of sheets, then she came into my bed. Her arms went around my neck, drawing my head down to her breast. “Sleep, baby, rest,” she crooned softly as if I were a child.
At first I was tight and tense as a coiled spring, but then slowly everything seeped out of me as I listened to her calm, steady breathing and the warmth of her body crept through me. I closed my eyes.
I called Elaine as soon as I got to the office in the morning. The operator’s answer wasn’t a surprise to me. Somehow I had known from the moment she had walked into that elevator last night how it would be. And still, I didn’t want to believe it. “What’s that?” I asked foolishly, as if I couldn’t hear.
The operator’s voice was more distinct than ever. There was the professional’s annoyance with laymen in its sound as it came with terrible clarity through the receiver to my ear.
“Mrs. Schuyler checked out this morning.”
Chapter Fifteen
BY three in the afternoon I was in desperation. At first I was angry, then I was hurt. She didn’t have to run like that. We were grown people. People fell in love and it was rough, but they didn’t run away. There’s no place to hide from love.
So I plunged into work. The only way I had to forget. By noon Thad everyone in the office crazy. I acted like a demon and I knew it. I didn’t even take time for lunch. But it did no good. The pain kept creeping back inside me until I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I chased everybody out of my office and told Mickey I didn’t want to be disturbed. I opened a bottle of Scotch and poured me a hooker. Twenty minutes later my head ached as much as my heart.
My private phon
e began to ring. The one that didn’t go through the switchboard. For a long time I sat there listening to it. I didn’t want to answer it. Marge was the only one to call me on it and I couldn’t talk to her now.
But it kept on ringing and at last I walked across the office to my desk and picked it up. “Hello,” I grunted.
“Brad?”
My heart began to jump excitedly when I recognized the voice. “Where are you?” I growled.
“Uncle Matthew’s,” she answered.
A sigh of relief escaped my lips. “I thought you were running away from me,” I said.
“I am,” she answered flatly.
For a moment I couldn’t speak, then the pain in my temples bound my head in a vice. “Why—why?” was all I could ask.
“You’re not for me, Brad.” Her voice was so low I could hardly hear her. “I know that now, especially after last night. I must have been out of my mind.”
“My father’s an old man,” I said quickly. “You don’t understand.”
“I understand too well,” she interrupted. “I only wish I didn’t. I don’t know why I started with you. There was nothing in it for me in the first place.”
“Elaine!” I could feel the ache searing through me.
“Maybe it was because I was lonely,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Or maybe because I missed David so.”
“That’s not true, doll,” I said desperately, “and you know it.”
Her voice was weary. “I don’t know what’s true any more. It doesn’t matter, anyway. All I do know is that you’re not for me and I’d better run before I get hurt so bad it can never be fixed.”
“But I love you, Elaine,” I protested. “I love you so much I’ve been sick ever since this morning when I couldn’t get you at the hotel. You’re for me like nothing in this world has ever been. When we’re together, we’re everything a man and a woman are supposed to be to each other. There’s never two of us, only one——”
“It’s no good, Brad,” her voice cut me off. “We can’t win. There’s no way that we can come out even.”
Never Leave Me (1953) Page 8