“I love you too. I’ll call you later,” I say and hang up.
I was happy with how things were going until I turned around and saw Ryan with a look on his face that could kill anyone on sight. I wonder how long he was standing there? Did he hear what was said? Is he upset about me being pregnant? I hope he isn’t.
“Rrryan, how are you,” I say nervously and get up to hug him. I was halted by Ryan’s stiff hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t touch me. I heard your conversation. How could you do this to me,” he spits out.
“But but I thought that you would be happy.”
“WHAT! Why would I be happy about that? I loved you. How could I be with you now.”
“What do you mean? Why are you acting like this,” I say reaching up to grab ahold of his arms.
I pull him into me and hug him with all that I have.
“Ryan, I love you please don’t do this. Please,” I cry.
My face is buried into his chest as I plead with him. I need him to be here for me. I love him. I don’t know what I would do without him.
He pried me from his arms and pushes me away from him.
“Don’t ever touch me again. I could never love someone who would lie to me. Someone who would give their body to another man. And to think that I was going to propose to you today. I should have never been with you. I should have went with Rachel that day instead of staying with you,” he yelled.
As I sagged to the ground; I could hear Ryan suck his teeth and walk away.
I was crushed. I was crushed that he really thought so little of me that he thought that I would be with anyone else intimately. I was hurt that he said that he should never have been with me; and I am hurt that he said that he was coming to ask me to marry him today, but now he’s not. But the thing that hurts me the most is him saying that he should have been with Rachel and not me. Oh that hurt. It hurt so much that I didn’t even correct him on him saying that I had sex with someone else. I just sank down into the ground, my face in my hands, and start crying. I was crying so hard that I felt myself getting sick to my stomach again.
Oh no, please not now.
I was too weak to get up. So I all could do was crawl to the bathroom, that was right across from my desk. I hope that no one was around to see me like this. Really, I don’t even care right now who sees me. I’m just so hurt by what Ryan just said, that I don’t care about anything else.
Thankfully I made it to the toilet before I emptied the water that was in my stomach. Since I vomited earlier all I had in me was water. So me throwing up now, hurt more now than before. After all the water came up, stomach acid started coming up.
“Oh what am I going to do now,” I cry through the bile.
When I finished I tried to stand up so I could wash my face, but my legs wouldn’t let me. I collapse back down into the floor, and rest my head on the toilet seat. My eyes start to get heavy and my head begins to pound. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and drift off to sleep, hoping it will alleviate some of the pain I was feeling.
The last thought in my mind was what was I going to do without Ryan in my life?
Chapter 8 (Ryan)
I can’t stomach the thought that my sweet Sunshine would be with another man. When I walked into the office I was so happy. I had everything set up so that I could ask her to marry me at lunch. But when I walked in the office and heard her talking on the phone about having a secret that she had to tell me and that I would be mad at her for it; all I could see was red. None of her crying and pleading would help it go away. I was radiating with anger and disgust. I was almost stilled when she grabbed ahold of me and said she loved me. I probably should have listened to her. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I just wrenched her from me and pushed her back so I could get out of there. I needed air and a drink. As I was quickly exiting the office and was turning the corner to leave I saw Sunshine sitting on the ground crying her heart out. It hurt to see her like that and I wanted to go to her and comfort her. But I didn’t. I knew that if I did I probably would forgive her just to be close to her again. I can’t do that. At least Rachel didn’t cheat on me.
I damn near ran out of the office building and made my way to the nearest bar. I know that its only the afternoon, but in Boston something is always open whenever someone needed a drink. I put one hundred dollars up on the bar and told the bartender to keep the Guinness and shots of jack coming until the money ran out. I needed to get drunk and fast to get this whole situation off my mind. So I tossed back every shot he sat in front of me. After the 4th or 5th shot and two glasses of Guinness, I started to feel the effects. So much as that I stumbled as I tried to make my way outside to get some air. Causing the bartender to take my cellphone and call the first number that he came to in my contacts. As I waited I couldn’t help but wonder why this persons number was still listed under #1. I thought I had erased it out of my phone. I must have forgotten to because I was so involved with what was going on with me and my Sunshine. Huh, my Sunshine; seems like she was someone else’s Sunshine too.
“Ryan, what are you doing getting so tossed like this so early in the day,” Rachel said with a satisfied smile on her face as she wiggled her arm around me and helped me up.
“Here’s his change,” the bartender called out to us.
“That’s ok. Keep it,” I slurred and Rachel helped me out to a waiting cab; getting in behind me and giving them my address.
“So tell me Ryan. Why is it that you had them call me,” she said smoothing her hands down my chest and into my lap.
Even though all that craziness happened with Sunshine at the office, this still felt wrong. As much as I was mad at Sunshine for what happened, I still couldn’t want to be with anyone else. But when she slipped her hand into my pants and began to stroke me, I couldn’t help but moan.
“Damn girl. What are you doing to me?”
“Showing you what you are missing,” she grinned and moved her head into my lap; then began licking my manhood, taking only the tip of me in her mouth.
I put my hand on her shoulder to tell her to stop, that we shouldn’t be doing this when the cab stopped.
“We’re here,” I cabbie said.
Rachel jerks her head up, smiling slyly and hands him a twenty.
“Keep the change,” she says and reaches over me, opening my door. Then she taps my thigh to get me to exit the cab. I did, and she followed.
As we made our way up to the house I said to her, “Look, I’m thankful that you came and picked me up from that bar back there, but we can’t go back to what we had before.”
I look at her thinking she would be mad at what I said, but she wasn’t.
She just smiled at me and said, “I understand. But I’m going to make sure you get in the house safely before I go.”
“Ok.”
She helps me up the stairs and into the unlocked door, then back to my room. After she helps me down onto the bed, she takes off my shoes.
Wanting to stop her before it gets too far, I say, “Thanks for helping me. Can you lock the door when you leave the room.”
She stands up and gives me an odd look, then goes into the bathroom. She’s in there for a few seconds, but comes out with a small glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol.
“Here these are for you,” she says sitting it down on the table beside me then leaves out of the room.
I didn’t hear her lock the door. But I didn’t care. I was just happy that she left.
I pop open the bottle of Tylenol, take two, toss them back; then I gulp down the glass of water and fall back onto the bed, wondering why my life had went from fantastic to complete terror in such a short amount of time. I drifted of as I thought.
I was woken up, I don’t know how long later, by soft lips on my neck and a mountain of hair in my face.
Sunshine.
As mad as I was at her I needed this. I need to feel her next to me.
Without opening my eyes I groan, “I’ve missed you baby. I’m so
rry about earlier today. I need you so bad.”
I hear her moan and I proceed to run my hands down her sides to her waist. I lifted her and positioned her above me, then I let her body sink down on my hardness. As my hard dick slides into her wetness, instantly something felt wrong. My eyes pop open and Rachel is looking down at me smiling.
“Hi,” she grins, her hands panted flat on my chest as she is grinding up and down on me.
I felt so disgusted with myself.
Knock Knock Knock
“Ryan are you in there? I need to talk to you,” I hear my Mom say thru the door, as she rattled the door nob trying to open it up. Luckily it was locked.
I quickly grab Rachel and move her from on top of me. “Hold on Mom.”
I whisper to Rachel, “What the fuck are you doing in my room. I told you that I didn’t want to be with you.”
“But you just said you were sorry about earlier,” she says.
“I thought you were my Sunshine.”
“Sunshine,” she said with a questioning look on her face.
“I thought you were Ryan. She’s the only woman I want. Now get the fuck out and don’t come back,” I yell.
I probably shouldn’t have reacted like that, but I’m pissed that she would stoop so low as to sneak in my room while I was asleep and try to have sex with me. Well truthfully we were technically having sex; I just didn’t know it was her.
We both quickly threw our clothes on and she stormed out of the room. Running right into my stunned mother. Whom I completely forgot was outside my room waiting for me to come out.
“Ryan, what is going on,” my mom says as she eyes up a fleeing Rachel, then turns and sets her evil eye onto me.
I was stunned silent as she came over to my side. She looked so mad and hurt. Even though my mom is a little bitty thing compared to me, I would never cross her. Especially when she was upset about something. She could peel the paint off of a car with her wrath.
“I came in here to see what went on with you and Sunshine earlier, when I find you having sex with that whore,” my mom yells pointing to where Rachel just ran off to.
“Mom, please its not what you think. I thought she was Sunshine.”
My mom gasps and says, “You stupid, stupid boy. There is no way that you could have thought that woman was Sunshine. They are nothing alike.”
“But I got drunk after I left the office and,” I said but my mom stopped me before I had a chance to finish.
“I don’t want any of your excuses. I’m so disappointed in you. I thought today was going to be so different for you. Sunshine was so happy to see you today. What could have possibly went wrong,” my Mom says sinking down into my bed.
I got a little upset at that. I knew what went wrong. Maybe when I tell her she won’t still be so upset with me.
“Yeah, well when I came into the office to see her, I heard her talking on the phone. She was saying how she was scared to tell me a secret and all. Then whoever she was talking to she told them she loved them when she hung up,” I say then sat back on my heels waiting for her to realize that I wasn’t the one in the wrong.
I didn’t get the reaction I thought I was going to get, because she started laughing then she stopped suddenly, looking up at me.
“You are so stupid. She was talking to me,” my mom shouted.
“Well what was the secret she was talking about,” I ask not wanting to admit defeat just yet?
An odd look passed over my Mom’s face before she answered, “Look that’s not my place to say. But what I will say is you don’t deserve her. When she didn’t call me back after she was supposed to have lunch with you, I called the office and she didn’t answer. I was so worried for her, that I went back to the office and found her sprawled out on the bathroom floor.”
My heart started damn near beating out of my chest at the thought of My Sunshine being hurt. I don’t know what I’d do if she was hurt; and from something I said or did too.
“Mom, please tell me she’s ok.”
“Well she’s out in the living room laying on the couch. I got some fluids into her, and she seems a little better. But I’m telling you now that once she finds out what you did, she will be devastated; and I don’t know if I really want her to forgive you,” my Mom says shaking her head and walking out of the room.
Shit.
What am I going to do? How am I going to look into her sweet eyes and tell her what happened? And what is the secret that she needs to tell me? It can’t be anything bad if the person she was talking to on the phone was my mom.
I prepare myself for the talk that I’m about to have with Sunshine, then I make my way out to the living room to talk with her.
When I get out there, I see her laying down on the couch with a washrag on her forehead; and my mom was kneeling down beside her saying something that only she could hear. When my presence was known by the two of them, they both turn and look up at me. Sunshine’s bottom lip began to tremble and she quickly turns back away from me and buries her face into the side of the couch. My mom shook her head and left the room, not forgetting to give me a stinky look as she walked by me.
“Sunshine,” I say as I tip-toe over next to her.
She doesn’t even flinch at the sound of my voice.
“Baby, please turn around and look at me.”
I see her tremble a bit, then she slowly turns over and is looking at me with a blank stare. Oh what have I done. My sweet Sunshine looks bad. Her eyes are puffy and red. She has circles around them, and there are tear streaks running down her face.
“What? Do you want to tell me how disgusting I am again?”
I cringe at that statement.
I can’t believe that I said that to her.
“Please forgive me. I never should have said those hurtful things to you. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry,” I say kneeling down next to her and taking her hand in mine.
She quickly pulls it away.
“It really doesn’t matter anymore. I was so happy when I found out...that doesn’t really matter anymore either. I just know now that I should have never let myself fall in love with you. I knew you would hurt me, but I stupidly fell for you anyway.”
“Found out what,” I ask?
I should have said that she was wrong. I love her and I would never hurt her purposely.
“Just leave me alone,” she says flipping back over on the couch.
“Please tell me what’s going on,” I beg.
Without even turning around she said, “My secret was I’m pregnant. I was happy to tell you. I thought you’d be happy. You ruined this day for me. I won’t remember how happy I was when I found out I was pregnant, all I’ll remember now is how worthless you made me feel about it.”
A baby. My Sunshine is pregnant. Wow. I’m so happy knowing I’m going to be a father, but sad knowing what I did to hurt her.
“A baby, Love. Wow. We’re going to have a baby together,” I say touching the small of her back.
She jerked away from me.
“Please don’t touch me. Yes, I’m going to have a baby and so are you. But know this, it won’t be together. I would never keep the baby away from you. You can be there as much or as little as you want. But know that I will never put myself in the position to feel how you made me feel earlier today. Never,” she said matter-of-factly.
I should had expected her to say that. If it was me I probably would have said that and so much more.
“Will you please just listen to me. I love you. I want to be in your life,” I say.
She slowly turns to me oddly calm and says, “Ok I’ll give you one chance. Tell me what you and your Mom were arguing about.”
She looks at me with a smug look on her face, like she won. Like she knew that I wasn’t going to tell her. I didn’t want to. But I knew I had to tell her if I ever want to have a lasting relationship with her. That is if she ever would forgive me for what I was about to tell her.
I swallow deep and be
gan with the crushing story, “Well after we um had our argument earlier, I left the office to have a drink at a bar; and after many many drinks the bartender called the first person that came up in my contacts. She helped me home and into the bed. Well she um she when I woke up she was on top of me.”
She kind of cringed at that. Then asked me, “How, why? How could you do that when you say you love me? I mean I know we had an argument and all, but that was less than a few hours later.”
All of the sudden a look of horror crossed her face, and she looked straight at me and asked, “And who was the person.”
But from the look on her face I think she already knew.
“Rachel,” I said. Those words stung as they came out.
“How could you do that? You said you were done with her. When I saw her I had a feeling that you would go back to her one day. She’s absolutely beautiful. So much prettier than me. Wait how is it Rachel? Her name starts with R,” she says looking at me incredulously.
“Well I guess I forgot to erase it from when her and I were together; and well her number was under the heading #1,” I say then sit back waiting for her to flip out.
But she didn’t. She had a soul crushed look on her face, and quietly turned back around and cried into the couch. When I say she cried, I mean she cried. She cried so hard that she started heaving through the sobs.
“Mrs. Callahan, Mrs. Callahan, please I need you,” Sunshine cried out to my mom.
It hurt that she didn’t feel like she could ask me for help when I was sitting right here next to her. I know I hurt her deep; and from the looks of things I don’t think that she will ever forgive me.
My mom came running into the room. She looked at me with an accusatory look then down at Sunshine laying on the couch.
“Honey what’s wrong,” my mom says sitting down on the edge of the couch beside Sunshine.
“I think I’m about to be sick again,” she says still crying.
My mom hushes her.
“Sunshine Darling, you have to calm down. You haven’t eaten anything for some time now. If you don’t calm down you are going to throw up again. Since you haven’t eaten anything its going to hurt a lot worse. I’ll be forced to take you to the hospital for them to take a look at you, if you keep getting sick like this.”
Ryan's Love Page 6