by Vivian Ward
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Epilogue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Epilogue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Epilogue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Epilogue
Only Me
Vivian Ward
Derek Masters
Always Booked Publishing
Copyright © 2017 by Derek Masters
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
For my Family
Contents
Derek’s Dark Desires
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Epilogue
Derek’s Dark Desires
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Our Dirty Secret
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Epilogue
Also by Vivian Ward
Vivian Ward Newsletter
About the Author
About the Author
Also by Vivian Ward
One Wild Night
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Epilogue
Vivian Ward Newsletter
About the Author
Also by Vivian Ward
Share Me
Derek’s Dark Desires
1. Kayla
2. Dillon
3. Kayla
4. Dillon
5. Kayla
6. Dillon
7. Kayla
8. Dillon
9. Kayla
10. Dillon
11. Kayla
12. Dillon
13. Kayla
14. Dillon
15. Kayla
16. Dillon
17. Kayla
18. Dillon
19. Kayla
20. Dillon
21. Kayla
22. Dillon
23. Kayla
24. Kayla
25. Dillon
26. Dillon
27. Kayla
Derek’s Dark Desires
About the Author
Also by Vivian Ward
Dare Me
Vivian Ward Newsletter
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Epilogue
Vivian Ward Newsletter
About the Author
Also by Vivian Ward
Derek’s Dark Desires
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Chapter One
Lucas
The sun is streaming through the curtains, threatening to scorch my corneas even though my heavy lids are closed tightly. I’ve been nursing my hangover all day, but it hasn’t let up despite being almost 5 in the evening. Hopefully, when the sun goes down, it won’t be as bad.
Today’s no different than any other day though. Every morning I wake up, and she’s the first thing on my mind. Her name is inscribed in my mind: Toni. She’s usually the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing that pops in my head every morning.
Leaning over the edge of my bed, I reach for the bottle of ibuprofen that has a permanent home on my nightstand because of days like today. I guess I can thank the St. Louis City police department for not having to work today since they were the ones who had my driver’s license suspended for DUIs; not that it’s stopped me from driving, but I’ve had to limit the jobs I can accept.
Instead of taking bids for construction jobs in Illinois, all over Missouri, and parts of Kansas, I’m limited to what’s right here in the immediate St. Louis Metro area. Thank God for rebuilding downtown or I might’ve been homeless, but right now, I’m appreciating the break while it lasts.
As soon as I successfully complete these mandatory AA meetings that the judge recommended, I can get my license back and won’t have to worry about losing my construction company.
I guess there’s no one to blame but myself, but blaming yourself sucks, so I blame it on life and the legal system. As high as the crime rate is on the North Side, you’d think the cops would have better things to do than pull someone over because they forgot to use a turn signal. There are about a billion theft crimes, sexual assaults, arsons, and drug traffickers to keep them busy until the next century.
Grabbing a half-empty beer bottle from last night, I wash down four ibuprofen with the warm, stale beer and flop back onto the mattress. Staring at the crack in the ceiling above my bed reminds me once again how bad this place sucks. I liked it better when Mason and I shared his dad’s house, before he married Penny and had kids.
He’s such a lucky bastard.
Actually, I liked it better when I was lying in bed next to Toni every morning. If that were the case, I wouldn’t care where I lived. We could live in a shack or inside a cardboard box. As long as she was with me, I’d be happy.
Maybe if I would’ve gotten the girl that I was supposed to have had, my life would’ve been better too, but shit doesn’t always work out the way you want it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for Mason, but I miss what we had when we were sharing girls after mine and Toni’s breakup.
Life was so much easier back then. One of us would find a cute girl, test the waters to see if she was up for a threesome and bam! It definitely helped keep my mind off of her. I spent a lot of years numb, bedding anyone who was willing, trying to fill that empty void. It worked for a little bit, but reality would always catch back up to me.
When we shared girls, we’d share them like no tomorrow. No relationship, no strings, no commitments; there was only a promise to each other—our pact—and that was once we shared a girl, we always shared her.
It was a simple rule to keep feelings out of the way so that nobody got hurt, and so that it never ruined our friendship. Mason and I were always like brothers, but now that he’s married, started a family, and began running his own business, things aren’t the same. I don’t have anyone.
It’s only me.
Well, me plus Alicia, but she doesn’t count. We’ve never entered an official relationship status, despite what she believes. She might be annoying, but at least I don’t have to spend too much time alone, which is probably the only thing that’s kept me from drinking myself to death.
There have been a few times when I’ve come close to that point. Things were real bad after I found myself suddenly single for something that I had very little decision in. It sucks to wake up in the ER after they’ve pumped your stomach. I know because it’s happened twice in the last six years. The first time wasn’t too long after Toni ceased to exist in my life, and the second time was on the one-year anniversary of the last time I saw her.
Glancing at the alarm clock beside my bottle of ibuprofen, I watch the digital numbers flip to 5:02. Right on cue, Alicia calls like she does every day when she gets off of work, but today, she’s not calling to see if I want to grab a bite to eat or hang out.
“Hello?” I answer, my voice croaking as I try to ignore the jackhammers beating my brains into an oblivion.
“Lucas? Are you still in bed? You know you need to be up right now,” she says.
The jackhammers ramp up their speed with each word that vibrates over the phone line.
“Yeah, I know,” I run my hand through my hair as I sit up on the bed. Looking into the dresser mirror, I can see my disheveled hair sticking out all over the place. “I’m working on it.”
My eyes are sunken in and the dark circles beneath them look even darker in comparison to my pale skin. That’s what happens when you lose half your work and are never outside. Thanks St. Louis City PD, I think to myself.
“Your meeting starts in 90 minutes, you better get your ass up and moving.” I don’t respond, which pisses her off as usual when she tries to boss me around. I’ve always liked the girls with daddy issues because they’re easier to control, but Alicia is headstrong and demands control.
Being with her is a double-edged sword. I want her in my life because it means not being lonely and I need her in my life to help keep me in line, but we’re not a perfect match; not even close. I’m not sure what I’m doing with her, but we have had some pretty good times together, so I outweigh the good with the bad and deal with her because she’s good for me—in a way.
The same kind of way that your mother would be good for you if you had one. Mine’s been gone so long that I don’t remember her voice.
“Lucas! Are you listening to me?”
I nod, even though she can’t see me, “Yeah. I hear you. I’ll be ready, but I don’t see the point.”
“The point, Lucas,” she clicks her tongue off the roof of her mouth, which usually means I’m going to get an earful. “You need these meetings to get your license back so you can get your construction business back up and running at full speed.” I know what she’s saying is true, but I don’t care anymore. Going to these meetings or getting my license back isn’t going to make me stop drinking, or improve my life in some unforeseeable way. “Just get in the shower, please. I’ll be there in like twenty minutes. Okay?”
“Whatever, Alicia,” I sigh. “I’ll see you when you get here.”
Stepping under the shower head, I let the water cascade down my face and body. It feels good, but it’s not enough to get me up and running at full speed. Lathering myself up, I try to scrub away the stench of alcohol so that my hangover’s not so obvious when I show up to this AA meeting tonight.
As I reach for the power button on the coffee maker, I hear a knock before the front door opens. “It’s just me,” Alicia yells from the living room. “Lucas? Where are you?”
“In here,” I call from the kitchen. “I’m making some coffee.”
“Well, don’t you look fab,” she rolls her eyes. “What’d you do? Wake up and start drinking again? You look like shit.”
“Thanks, you’re gorgeous yourself,” I mock her. “And no, I didn’t wake up and start drinking. You called right as I was opening my eyes, and then I took a shower, and now here I am,” I wave my blue coffee mug in the air.
She checks her watch. “You better hurry up with that coffee. Your meeting starts in 40 minutes, and you don’t want to be late.”
“Who gives a shit?” I mumble as I turn to face the coffee pot.
“Um, the person who has to sign your paper at the end of each meeting? H
e or she might like to know that you were in full attendance before they sign off on something for the court.”
“Yeah, fuck,” I mutter. “I need to find that paper.”
“Lucas! Tell me your fucking around, and that you know where your paper is,” she says. “How are you going to get your life back in order if you can’t even handle a sheet of paper?”