by K. C. Wells
“C’mon. You’re not staying up here. I’ll hold your hand,” Danny added with a snicker. “It’ll be fine. Bring your blanket.”
It was impossible to say no to Danny.
By the time Danny dragged him down to the main room, all the chairs were taken, and the only spot left on the big sectional couch was the recliner chair section at the end. It was either that or get stuck on the floor and have a numb butt by the end of the movie. Danny just shrugged, sat on the recliner, and made room for Elliot between his legs. Elliot hesitated for a minute—’cause sure, they cuddled all the time, but still—then he thought, screw it, and flopped down against Danny’s chest. Danny spread the blanket over them as the lights flickered off. He pushed the button to recline their seat until they were practically lying on each other. Elliot decided that as much as he hated horror movies, there was nowhere in the universe he would rather be than exactly where he was.
Casually, Danny’s hands drifted their way down Elliot’s arms, which were folded across his chest under the blanket, until they were, in fact, holding hands. It wasn’t the first time they’d held hands by any means. Danny grabbed Elliot’s hand constantly, pulling him around the house at his usual breakneck speed, and Elliot had done the same a few times. But it felt… different, intimate, with their fingers slotted together instead of just curled around one another as usual. It was a little scary yet right and good and comfortable all the same. Like they were meant to be twined together under the blanket in a ball of limbs and fingers. Elliot stroked Danny’s wrist with his thumb before he realized that probably wasn’t part of the “friend code” even when the friends were like him and Danny. But when Danny squeezed his hands and rubbed back he figured that was okay too.
Danny let go of one of Elliot’s hands and used his fingers to comb through Elliot’s hair and push it down.
“Sorry. Your hair was tickling my nose,” he whispered before he wriggled his hand back under the blanket and into Elliot’s grasp.
Elliot giggled quietly to cover up his nerves. “I need a haircut.”
Danny leaned way forward until his lips were right up against Elliot’s ear. “Don’t cut your hair,” he murmured. “I like it just like it is.”
Elliot’s entire back went all shivery and full of goose bumps. He melted even more into Danny’s embrace. Damn. Did he really have to do that? Elliot noticed Webb looking at them speculatively, and his stomach dropped. Could Webb see it? Elliot knew he wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings. His mom called him her little open book. He’d tried to push his attraction to Danny down, cover it with friendship, joke about the bromance, but it was hard when he was lying on Danny’s compact, muscled body, breathing him in, fingers tangled together. It was hard to remember that they were just good friends. Elliot made a dumb face at Webb, in the hopes that he’d forget whatever he thought he saw, and leaned back to watch the movie. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too bad. Or maybe he’d be so distracted by Danny he wouldn’t get scared at all. Probably. It was always like that anyway.
Whenever Danny was in the room, Elliot had to keep reminding himself that anything else existed at all.
“HEY, it’s going to be a really nice day. Not too hot. Do you want to go down to the Santa Monica Pier or something? We have the whole day off, I think.”
Elliot had been brushing his teeth when Danny snuck up behind him. He jumped a little, and Danny laughed. “Still creeped out from the movie last night?”
Elliot finished brushing and rinsed out his mouth. “No, dork. You just startled me. And sure. The pier sounds awesome. Wanna see if the other guys want to go?”
Danny shrugged. “Thought we could just take off on our own. Less waiting around.”
Elliot tried not to grin when his whole body reacted to the idea of a day with just him and Danny. They’d gone to a couple of movies on their own and even out for sushi one night, but the thought of having Danny to himself for a whole day made Elliot really happy. And nervous. Happy but nervous. A giddy combination.
“Okay. I can be ready in fifteen minutes. Sound good?”
Danny grinned. “Yep!”
BE COOL.
His silly crush had gotten worse since they’d cuddled in front of the entire cast of Band Camp. Elliot couldn’t get Danny’s touch out of his mind, the way Danny’s golden skin felt brushing up against his arms, his voice, his laugh so wild and carefree. It had gotten to the point where he dreamed about Danny half the time when he fell asleep. It was getting to be an addiction. Elliot didn’t care.
Danny and Elliot grabbed a bus down to the pier since Danny’s car was back at the long-term lot he’d left it in weeks before. They squished into the back corner seat, legs and arms and shoulders connected, talking a mile a minute to each other about the roller coaster and corn dogs and darts and the ringtoss.
By the time they got to the pier, their list of what they wanted to do was far longer than the amount of time they had until they had to catch the bus back to the house. Elliot dragged Danny to the roller coaster first and laughed out loud when Danny screamed at the (fairly tame) drops toward the ocean. They ate chocolate-dipped frozen bananas and played most of the carnival games, tried not to puke on the swinging pirate ship, and even went for a sunset spin on the Ferris wheel that looked out over the Pacific. Elliot had to tell himself he didn’t want to hold Danny’s hand, as he would if he’d been on there with a date—and it was so, so, so hard sometimes to remember that he and Danny weren’t on a date. Instead, he pointed out random things on the ground and babbled on about Lord knew what to distract himself from Danny’s soft pink lips and the way his skin glowed, burnished in setting sun. Danny smiled fondly at him and ruffled his hair.
“C’mon, El. I’m hungry,” was all he said when the Ferris wheel dropped them back off onto the pier.
They walked, bumping shoulders and hips, collecting corn dogs, chips, sodas, and cotton candy that they dumped onto an available table to eat in the flickering carnival lights.
“Josephine would kill us if she saw all this,” Danny joked. Their cook made treats, but she was always enforcing the rules of healthy eating.
“So would Samantha.” She was the show’s makeup artist. It was her job to artfully cover anything that made the guys look less than perfect, including pimples. They all had a love-hate relationship with her and her makeup brushes—Elliot would never forget the first time she’d tried to talk him into bronzer—and the effects of all that junk food would probably make her job harder.
“Do you know she wanted to put eyeliner on me the other day?” Danny asked. “Eyeliner. She said it would make the green in my eyes ‘pop’. So dumb.”
Elliot fluttered his eyelashes. “But you would’ve looked so preeeetty,” he crooned. He wasn’t surprised when he got a kick to the shins, followed by Danny’s toes rubbing the spot in apology. They rarely roughhoused with each other like they did with the other boys. Danny was usually really gentle with him. They smiled at each other over the picnic table.
“I don’t want to go back,” Elliot said quietly. Not that he meant it. Really. Everything was still so amazing, but it was nice to have time alone just to act like a normal guy again with Danny.
“Me neither. But we get to go to the studio tomorrow. Keller wants to start rehearsing that one kissing song. I forget what it’s called, but I remember it being cool.”
Elliot couldn’t help but grin at that. “Then we’d better get going if we’re going to catch the bus,” he murmured.
“’Kay.” Danny stood and held out his hand, as though Elliot couldn’t get up from the picnic table alone. He still took Danny’s hand and grinned like a damn moron the whole time they gathered up their trash and then walked down the pier and back to their bus stop, elbows and hands brushing together as usual.
“HI, HONEY!” Katie chirped into the phone.
Danny felt sick. He’d decided that night after spending an awesome day with Elliot at the pier that he had to end it with Katie before things g
ot uncomfortable. They’d been together for years, since seventh grade, and she was all Danny had ever known. But it wasn’t fair to Katie to keep going with her when Elliot existed. Nobody deserved to be second best, and Danny still loved Katie as a friend. He wanted her to find someone who felt about her the way he felt about Elliot—like the world had barely turned before they’d met. Even if he and Elliot never went any further than the way they were, it still wouldn’t be right to string her along.
“Hey, Katie-kat.”
Danny wasn’t sure he could do it. Sure, it had to be done, but the actual act? Just the thought of it was painful. He wished someone else could just tell her for him. But that would be douchey as hell. Even breaking up over the phone was a douche move, considering how long they’d been together, but he couldn’t wait another month and a half until the show was over. He just couldn’t.
“How’ve you been? Looks like you guys are really busy.”
They were. But not busy enough that he couldn’t have contacted her way more than he did. “Listen, I’ve gotta talk to you about something,” Danny said.
“What is it?” Katie’s voice was wary all of a sudden. Or maybe resigned. A though she knew what was coming.
“I feel like such an asshole,” he muttered.
“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?”
Danny sighed. “It’s just, with the band and the show, and we’re going to be on the road for weeks at a time once this is over. It’s just not fair to you.”
“Danny….”
“I’m really sorry, hon. I just think that’s the way it has to be.”
“I understand. I really do. But if you’re going to break up with me, at least have the balls to tell me the truth about why.”
“What do you mean?” Danny choked on the words.
“I mean, I doubt Tate’s breaking up with his girlfriend, and he’ll be gone just as much as you. It’s not because you’re busy, is it?”
Danny’s heart raced. She knew. In a way he couldn’t imagine how she’d have not figured it out. He’d always been tactile with his friends, jokey and goofy, but he’d never held hands with any of them, or wrapped his arms around them on the couch, reveling in the way they felt so perfect cuddled against his body. Katie had to have noticed, even if she’d only seen the least incriminating bits of it. Sure, the cameras hadn’t caught the hand-holding or most of the cuddles, but Danny’s face. He knew how he looked at Elliot. He caught himself doing it all the time. Katie knew him. She wasn’t stupid.
“So are you going to tell me or are you going to make me ask point-blank?”
“Elliot,” Danny nearly whispered. He’d not said it out loud yet. Not even to himself. And it was one thing to know in your head and your heart that you had feelings for a guy, for your closest friend, but it was another to actually tell someone.
“That’s what I figured,” Katie answered.
“I’m really sorry. I just—we aren’t like together or anything. I’d have never cheated on you. He doesn’t even know how I feel about him.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything, Danny. It just hurts.”
Can this please be over? “God, Katie. I never wanted to hurt you.” He didn’t want to hurt anyone. Nobody ever went into a relationship looking forward to the end. But they weren’t the people they’d been when they were twelve. He wasn’t the person he’d been in June.
“Of course you didn’t. But you fell for him. I know you, D. It’s obvious. I’ve been waiting for this call for a while, to tell the truth.”
Danny wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. Katie knew him better than pretty much anyone in the world. Part of him hated to lose that completely. “Can we be friends? I know it’s the most trite thing in the world, but I really mean it. I don’t deserve to ask, but maybe a little while from now?”
Katie was quiet for long, painful moments. Danny wondered if he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. “Okay. Later. I’m not going to be there for a while, but don’t lose my number, yeah?”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“And if you and Elliot end up getting together, be good to each other. He seems like a nice guy.”
“Kate—”
“I gotta go, Danny. Love you.”
Danny pretended not to hear the tears in her voice. “Love you too, hon.”
IT WAS done.
Danny sat and stared at the wall for a while, not sure what he was supposed to be doing. He’d never broken up with anyone before and while he’d expected the relief he hadn’t expected to be so sad. It was as if a huge part of his life was over. Six years, his childhood. It was gone with one phone call.
He knew the childhood part was over anyway. When the show ended he and the guys would have real responsibilities, meetings, sales, people actually depending on them to perform and do well. Taking some classes at the university and trying not to party too much was nothing like the life he’d signed himself up for. But he didn’t regret it. Not a moment. He had the guys, and an exciting future… and Elliot. If nothing else, everything was worth it for that reason alone. He’d never bonded with anyone so quickly. Still felt weird to think about what had just happened.
I’m on my own. I’m single. Danny had never known what that felt like. Not since he was too young to really care. He was single. Single.
The door to their room flew open and Elliot bounded in, grinning. He stopped when he saw Danny’s face.
“What’s wrong, D?” he asked.
Danny couldn’t take Elliot’s huge brown eyes looking all concerned. Or maybe it was stress, or the fact he didn’t know what to do with all the stuff Elliot made him feel—whatever it was, he started crying.
“Oh no, what’s the matter?” Elliot shut and locked the door to their room and came to where Danny was slouched on his bed. Without hesitating a second, Elliot sat down and wrapped Danny up in a hug. He sat there and held him for a long time until Danny got his breathing under control. “Danny?” he asked quietly.
“Sorry for freaking out, man. Katie and I just broke up.” It wasn’t just that. It was everything. But that was the easiest excuse, one that he actually knew how to explain.
Elliot cringed visibly and pulled Danny closer. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered into Danny’s hair. Danny wrapped his arms around Elliot’s waist and held on tight. He’d have to let go eventually, but at least for the moment he couldn’t stand to. Danny thought he might have felt the brush of lips against his forehead, but he couldn’t be sure. Didn’t matter anyway. All he wanted to do was feel Elliot’s arms, breathe in his scent, and not worry about everything he wished he wasn’t feeling.
Eventually, Elliot went down to dinner after trying to get Danny to come and even offering to stay back himself. Danny shooed him out the door with a sad smile and said he needed a little more time on his own. He’d be fine by the morning. He must’ve fallen asleep because he woke up in the dark and found a sandwich, some chips, and a soda on his night stand with a note.
The guys and I went to a movie. Figured you wanted to sleep it off. See you when we get back!
—El
Danny didn’t want to be in the room alone anymore where all he could do was think. He got up and went to the bathroom, tried to wash the residue of the night from his face, brushed his teeth, combed his hair. At least by the end of his efforts he looked a bit more like himself and less like a bruised puppy. He wandered downstairs to find Chris hanging out with Tyler from OCD.
“Hey, where is everyone?” he asked sleepily.
“Your boys went to the movies, a bunch of others went down the beach, and neither of us felt like it. You okay, man?” Chris asked.
“What did Elliot tell you guys?”
Chris looked at Tyler before he answered. “Just that you and Katie broke up. He didn’t tell everyone. Just me.”
“No problem. I never planned for it to be a big secret.”
“Sorry, bro. That sucks.” Tyler reached out and patted him on the
shoulder. Danny didn’t know Tyler all that well, but he seemed like a pretty cool guy.
“It’s okay. It—” Danny realized that any one of the wall cameras could very well still be on. “We were just together a long time. It’ll be weird to get used to being single.”
Tyler and Chris both nodded quietly. Danny didn’t blame them. He wouldn’t have known what to say either.
AN HOUR or so later, Tyler went up to bed. Danny wasn’t tired, he just felt weird. Chris shot him a look. “You want to talk about it?” he asked.
“I guess, but—” Danny gestured to the corner camera with his chin.
“C’mon. It’s a nice night. Let’s go chill outside.” Chris stood and let Danny out to the far corner of the pool. There weren’t any stationary cameras outside, so unless the film crew was there, they were safe. They sat at the edge of the pool and dangled their feet in.
“This helps. I was feeling like crap sitting up in my room. I should’ve come down earlier.”
Chris nudged Danny with his shoulder. “I know this sounds shitty, but I promise it’ll get better. You’ll miss her for a few days, but pretty soon you won’t anymore. It’ll fade until you don’t notice that you stopped thinking about her at all.”
Danny closed his eyes for a second. “It’s not that. I mean, the breakup sucked, but….”
“What is it?”
“It’s the reason that I broke up with her. I didn’t want to say anything in front of the cameras or Tyler. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t say anything at all, but….”
“But you have feelings for Elliot?” Chris asked quietly. “And you think he might have feelings for you too?”
Danny put his face in his hands. Hearing it out loud twice in one night was hard. But he couldn’t lie. Not when it was clearly so obvious. “Yeah. I do. I tried not to, but it’s like I can’t stop. I want to stop, at least I did, but now I’m not so sure. Every time I look at him I just want to kiss him.” He laughed bitterly. “I’m sure you wanna hear all about me wanting a guy.”