by K. C. Wells
“Well, fuck me!”
The unexpected expletive, delivered in a low, drawn-out breath, had Leo looking up in surprise. Thomas was staring at him, his lips parted in an expression of shock.
“What?” Leo demanded, genuinely puzzled by his friend’s demeanor.
Thomas’s apparent shock gave way to a smile that spread with ease across his face.
“I’d given up all hope, I really had,” exclaimed Thomas, and it suddenly occurred to Leo that his partner seemed almost… joyful.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Leo didn’t mean to sound so exasperated, but he didn’t have a clue what was going on in Thomas’s mind.
Thomas smiled, a gentle, caring smile that transformed his entire face. “Do you have any idea when the last time was that you looked at a man the way you’re looking at that waiter?” Leo’s brow knitted. “Oh, come on, Leo. You haven’t taken your eyes off him!”
Leo opened his mouth to deny the allegation, but the retort died on his tongue. Thomas was right. He sat very still, his mind whirling. Had he been so long without desire he’d grown accustomed to its absence, hadn’t even noticed as it slipped quietly back into his life? And of course it was true. He’d hardly been able to keep his gaze from the young waiter all night, although Leo was at a loss to explain why. Those clear blue eyes, briefly glimpsed, maybe? Leo was surprised by his reaction to the nervous young man. What surprised him most, however, was the lack of self-recrimination. It didn’t feel as if he was betraying Gabe’s memory. His heart beat a little faster. Was it finally time to let Gabe go?
ALEX let himself into the house as silently as he could, given it was past midnight. It had been a busy night, and he could do with a really long, hot shower, but the chance of there being any hot water left was slim. He crept past the door to the lounge, heading for the kitchen, and stiffened as he heard the door open.
“Thought I heard you come in.”
Alex stifled a groan as his mother emerged from the warmly lit room, carrying empty mugs. He forced a smile, anticipating the interrogation to come. Just for once, he would’ve liked to come home to find his mother had already gone to bed.
“How was work today?”
Alex pulled a face. “We were run off our feet all night. It never stopped.” He yawned, hoping she’d take the hint. No such luck.
“Were you going into the kitchen? I’m just tidying up the lounge before I go up. Your dad’s already in bed.”
Alex went into the kitchen, his mother right behind him. He filled the kettle and switched it on, reached into the cupboard for the box of green tea with vanilla and dropped the bag into a mug.
“Beats me how you can drink that stuff.” His mother shuddered. “Mind you, I don’t know how you can eat most of the things you do.”
Alex said nothing, refusing to enter once again into the familiar arguments about his eating habits. Just because he didn’t want to live on a diet of chips, pizza, and ready meals….
“Cat got your tongue?” his mother asked. “I swear, I can hardly get more than a sentence or two out of you since you got back from university.”
Alex sighed. “I’m just tired, Mum, that’s all.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “And it is rather late.” She nodded grudgingly, and internally he heaved a sigh of relief. Thank fuck.
“I’ll let you get off to bed, then, but don’t be on your laptop all night, keeping your brother awake. He has to get up early in the morning.” She paused. “Rob wanted to use your laptop earlier,” she added, “but he said he couldn’t get it to work. Something about a password.”
Alex seethed. That fucking little…. “What was he doing in my room anyway, Mum?” he said through gritted teeth.
“I dunno,” she exclaimed. “He just mentioned he couldn’t get it to work, that’s all.” She stared at him. “And what have you got in that room of yours that’s so blasted important? I tried to put clean washing into your wardrobe, only I couldn’t, could I? You’ve put a padlock on the handles.” His mother glared at him. “It’s a wardrobe, not a safe.”
“Muuuum!” Alex was barely able to keep his anger in check. “We’ve talked about this. I’ve told you, I’ll keep my room clean and tidy, I’ll take care of my own washing. After all, I’ve been doing it for four years at uni, so you don’t need to run around after me, putting my stuff away. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little privacy.”
It was the longest conversation he’d had with his mother in months. In the weeks since he’d finished his degree and returned home, it was as if he didn’t know his family anymore. They certainly didn’t know him, and he hated the constant need to hide things from them, unable to be himself. It was little wonder Alex was desperate to move out, as he felt himself crushed by the intense feelings of suffocation that assaulted him each time he stepped across the threshold. Thank God for Sev and his offer to make Alex virtually full time. The more time he spent away from the house, the better.
“I’m off to bed,” he muttered, giving his mother a perfunctory peck on the cheek. He stepped out of the kitchen and quietly climbed the stairs, carrying his mug of green tea. He sighed as he closed his bedroom door softly behind him. Sanctuary. Alex took off the faded denim jacket and hung it on the hook on the door before easing out of his shoes, groaning as he flexed his feet, which had been cramped in work shoes for the last twelve hours. Swiftly, he removed his black shirt, trousers, and socks and dropped them into the clothes hamper standing at the foot of his bed.
The door opened abruptly as Alex was removing his briefs, and he straightened, hurriedly reaching for his robe as his brother entered without knocking. Again. “Rob, what the fuck?” Alex pulled the robe tightly around him, glaring. Unfortunately, Rob wasn’t the most observant of souls, and the glare bounced off him with no effect whatsoever.
“You haven’t got anything I haven’t seen, bro,” Rob said with a smirk before he scanned the room, obviously looking for something.
“What do you want?” Alex gritted out, trying valiantly to keep his temper in check.
His eighteen-year-old brother grinned at him. “What’re you hiding in here anyway? You got a stash of girly mags you don’t want Mum to see, is that it?” He leered at Alex. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
Alex let out a sound of sheer exasperation. “Rob, it’s late, and I want a shower before going to bed. If there’s nothing you want, then please get out.”
Rob gave a noncommittal shrug. “Look, it’s no skin off my nose if you want to jack off with your mags, porn, whatever. I just wanted to borrow your laptop.”
Alex gave him a tight smile. “Sorry, but I’ve got e-mails to answer.”
Rob scowled. “You and your bloody e-mails, Facebook…. And why can’t I find you on Facebook, anyway?”
It was Alex’s turn to shrug, his eyes wide with innocence.
Rob gave a low whistle. “Oh, I get it now. You’ve got a secret identity or something, don’t you?”
Alex said nothing, but walked to the door and held it open. “Good night, Rob.”
Reluctantly, Rob shuffled out of the room, muttering under his breath something about stuck-up older brothers. Like Alex gave a shit. He closed the door firmly after him. For a moment, he thought about that shower, but there was no way he was leaving the bedroom right now, just in case he ran into Rob again. He pulled the robe around him and dropped down onto the bed, reaching for the laptop on his desk. It didn’t take long before he was connected, searching through the friends who were online. Thank God, Emily was there. He grabbed his mug of tea and sniffed appreciatively as he connected with Emily.
MaybeGay: You there?
EmmyBabe: Alex! How was work?
MaybeGay: Bloody long day. There was this one bloke, though….
EmmyBabe: Ooo! Tell me more!
MaybeGay: Not like that!
EmmyBabe: You mean, you didn’t have the hots for him?
That gave Alex pause. He couldn’t begin to list all the emotions
the client with those icy blue eyes had stirred in him. He’d felt disturbed, aroused, threatened, all of the above….
EmmyBabe: You still there, Alex?
MaybeGay: Yeah, still here. Just thinking about him….
EmmyBabe: You okay, sweetie?
Alex smiled at the endearment. Emily was his closest friend from high school, and he had been overjoyed to discover her on Facebook after so long. Though his FB name had taken a bit of explaining. Although Alex had been in his late teens when he’d finally accepted he was gay, it was something he’d kept to himself. It wasn’t until only recently he’d started to be open about it. Emily had been the first person he’d come out to, and that had been made easier because it hadn’t been a face-to-face conversation. But prior to that first admittance to another soul, Alex had gone through a hefty period of denial. He’d never really wanted to be different. God knows, he’d felt like an outsider in his own family most of his life.
Emily had accepted his declaration with surprising ease. And that, in turn, had made it easier to tell David, another student in his business group, who had simply sat there, not looking the least bit surprised, and had then given Alex a hug, astonishing the hell out of him. But that didn’t mean he was about to tell his family any time soon. No fucking way. They didn’t need any more ammunition.
EmmyBabe: Where have you gone, sweetie?
MaybeGay: Sorry. Zoned out for a sec.
EmmyBabe: Sooooo—this guy?
MaybeGay: Customer in the restaurant. He freaked me out, actually.
EmmyBabe: What happened?
MaybeGay: Fuck if I know! He hardly said a word to me, but he had these blue eyes, so blue, and he kept watching me all night. Every time I looked across, he was looking at me.
EmmyBabe: Hot?
Alex closed his eyes for a moment, pulling the image of the man into the forefront of his mind. So tall, lean, toned, muscular… those arms had looked thick and strong, and just for a second or two, Alex allowed himself to fantasize about how they’d feel wrapped around him, pulling him close against that hot-as-fuck body. Just as quickly, though, he dismissed the delicious thoughts. There was no way a guy like that would be interested in him, a skinny, scared virgin who couldn’t even look him in the eye. A guy like that had experience written all over him.
MaybeGay: Em, can we carry this on later?
EmmyBabe: Sure, sweetie, no prob. You know how to reach me.
Alex smiled as he signed out of Facebook. Emily was a good friend. He glanced at the clock. It was nearly 1:00 a.m. Thank goodness it was his half day tomorrow. He didn’t have to be into work until five. And that meant…. He pulled up his e-mail account, just in case Rob barged back into his room and Alex needed some cover—it had happened plenty of times already—and minimized it, and then he typed in the address for the website he’d discovered last week. He glanced nervously toward the door. The last thing he wanted right now was for his mother or brother to appear. Yet another thing Alex had to hide from his family. The thought of Rob using his laptop and seeing his Internet history filled him with horror. Thank fuck he’d password-protected it.
Alex listened for any sign there was still someone up and about, but the house was silent. He figured he was safe enough. He clicked on a folder containing hardcore videos and glanced at the images. Although he’d only got into gay porn during the last few months, he’d soon worked out that watching smooth eighteen-year-old twinks didn’t interest him. His attention had been claimed immediately by the videos showing mature men fucking. He chose a video, clicked on it, set the laptop beside him on the bed, and hastily plugged in his headphones before it started. He opened his robe and ran his hands over his body, tweaking at nipples and shivering as the sensations connected directly with his cock, which was already stiffening.
He couldn’t take his eyes off the huge erections these guys were sporting. Apprehension filled him as he thought of taking something so big into his body. Christ, there was no way something that size would fit, was there? Alex palmed his half-hard cock, his breathing speeding up as he watched a muscled Adonis fucking his smaller partner. As the camera did a close-up of a cock penetrating him, Alex couldn’t hold back his shudders. Watching guys having sex was one thing. The thought of someone fucking him was more than he could bear to consider. Logic told him it was going to hurt, but at the same time, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the look of rapture on the bottom’s face. Christ, but it fascinated him.
He tightened his hand around his now fully erect prick and tugged, starting to build speed, moving in time to the thrusts of the top. Oh God, the sounds the bottom was making! Low moans that built to a crescendo of ecstatic cries as the smaller man lay there and took it all, held down by the powerful top who was fucking him with long, almost savage thrusts. Alex had to bite back low moans as his orgasm built in intensity. What turned him on most, however, was the dirty talk that flowed almost constantly from the top’s lips, along with words of praise for the bottom, telling him how tight his hole was, how good it felt, how much the top was enjoying fucking him. As the video came to its inevitable conclusion, Alex closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensations flowing through him, on his balls tightening and that tingle at the base of his spine. As he finally started to come, those beautiful blue eyes swam into view, the strong jawline, and that was it. Alex was pumping come into his hand, back arched, a hand jammed into his mouth to keep back the scream threatening to escape at any moment and give him away.
Alex lay there panting, come coating his hand, struggling to regain control of his body. Where had that come from? The logical part of his brain may have already determined fantasizing about his mystery client was a nonstarter, but that hadn’t stopped the image of him from invading his thoughts. Alex reached for the tissues next to the bed and cleaned himself up, then put them into a little plastic bag, which was then tied. Christ, the lengths he went to. But there was no way he would ever give them the satisfaction of finding evidence he even jacked off. Life around here was bad enough without adding more fuel to the fire.
Finally, he found enough energy to rise from the bed and drag himself into the bathroom for a long-anticipated shower, late hour or not. As Alex leaned back against the tiles, the barely warm water cascading down over him as he soaped away the day, his thoughts returned to his mystery client, and he found himself hoping, despite his initial reaction to the man, he’d see him again.
“YOU still here?”
Leo put down his pen and looked up at Thomas, standing in the open doorway of the office, smiling. “I was just writing some notes, in case I missed you,” he said, leaning back and stretching. He’d spent most of the day sorting out the mess from the previous night and making sure the club was ready for its influx of members that evening. Although there were members who used the facilities during the day, the vast majority frequented the club during their evening hours. From 6:00 p.m. on, there would be a steady stream of members, and most would stay until the club closed at 2:00 a.m.
Thomas sat in the comfortably worn leather armchair facing him. “Yeah, it was pretty bad last night in the group room,” Thomas acknowledged with a grimace. “I was so tired, though, I couldn’t face the cleanup.”
Leo grinned. “I sort of gathered that when I went in this morning.” He shook his head. “Whoever writes romanticized accounts of BDSM clubs has obviously never been inside one. In the books, they’re always really clean. They’d have a fit if they saw what it’s like in here sometimes. I had to put Carl and Elliott on cleaning duty today.”
Thomas raised his eyebrows. “Wait, go back a moment—you read fiction about BDSM?” He smirked. “Why, Leo, I would never have guessed!”
Leo gave a sheepish grin. “I may have read the odd bit of gay erotic fiction,” he admitted, looking up at Thomas through his eyelashes.
Thomas laughed. “How long have we known each other? And yet you still manage to surprise me.” He glanced toward the coffee machine in the corner. “Oh, good m
an. You’ve made fresh coffee.” He got up to pour himself a mug, and then settled back into his chair, inhaling the rich aroma. “So, tell me more about these books you’re reading. You’ve piqued my interest now.”
Leo laughed. “I’ve only read a few.”
“Have you read that Fifty Shades….?”
Leo groaned. “Don’t even go there!” he growled.
Thomas grinned. “Okay, so it’s not gay BDSM fiction, I know, but I was curious to know about it. After all, everyone’s talking about it.” He met Leo’s gaze. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked innocently.
“What’s right with it, is more the question! It’s a fucking insult to any self-respecting Dom, that’s what it is!”
Thomas was laughing now. “She doesn’t exactly paint an accurate picture of the D/s lifestyle, then?” he said.
Leo shook his head, scowling. “Do me a favor. Don’t mention her again. As far as you’re concerned, that author is Voldemort.” Thomas knitted his brows, puzzled. Leo grinned. “She who must not be named.” Thomas burst into laughter. “Especially seeing as there are much better writers of BDSM out there. There are a lot of authors who pretty much get it right, but some of them! We’re talking really unrealistic situations, like a Dom walking into a bar, spotting someone for the first time, and knowing immediately that this guy is a natural submissive.”
Thomas chuckled. “I see what you mean.” He sipped his coffee. “Speaking of submissives….”
Leo let out a sound of sheer exasperation. “Why do I suddenly have the feeling I know exactly what you’re about to say?”
Thomas’s expression became more serious. “He’s been asking again—”
“No, Thomas,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want a sub. Please tell Dorian to stop asking.” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. It didn’t help. He could still feel Thomas’s eyes on him. He glanced at his partner. Thomas gazed at him with eyes that betrayed his concern. “I’m sorry,” Leo said softly. “But I won’t take on another sub. I’ll still do the demonstrations, I’ll take my turn as Dungeon Master, but please….”