by Gia Riley
Removing my pants and boxers, I quickly slide on a condom. Resting on top of her, I can’t go any farther until I make sure this isn’t about sex. “Look at me, beautiful.” She turns her head and stares into my eyes so intensely I feel the energy between us. I need her. “I’ll give you what you want, but you have to promise me you won’t run afterward. Can you do that?” I pray she says yes because I want her too damn much to stop.
Slowly she blinks as I wait for her answer. “I’m done running, Kipton.”
Her words are music to my ears. I should make sure she’s ready for me, but I’m greedy. Slamming into her, she cries out in what I hope is ecstasy and not pain. “Did I hurt you?”
“No. Don’t stop.”
“You’re mine, Sophie. Do you hear me? Mine.”
She moans softly and closes her eyes as her head tips back in pleasure. While I love watching her come undone beneath me, I need her to look at me. “Baby, eyes.” They open and as her gaze meets mine again, I see the emotion as much as I feel it in our connection.
“Kipton,” she moans. “Harder. I need you.”
I pump into her harder, wanting her to feel as incredible as I do. “You have me beautiful. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
She nods her head and grabs onto my shoulders as we create a steady rhythm. Back and forth, in and out, each minute better than the last. Before long her nails dig into my arm as she shutters and cries out. Watching her come is the most erotic moment I’ve ever experienced. Whether it’s because it’s her, or because I need her so damn much; I’m positive I don’t want to be without her. It only takes me another few seconds before I lose control, pushing into her one last time.
Once we’re both completely sated and satisfied, I roll onto my back, taking her with me. I’m not ready to break our connection, so I hold her close to me, staying inside her for as long as she’ll let me.
Neither of us speaks a word as we float back down to earth. At first it’s peaceful bliss, but soon the silence becomes stifling. As tired as I am, she needs to tell me what brought her here in the first place. An hour ago she needed more time. I need to know what changed since then.
With her lying on top of me, I cover the two of us with the sheet so she doesn’t get cold. Running my fingers up and down her back, she nuzzles her cheek into my chest. Her hair smells like her flowery shampoo and it’s quickly become my favorite scent. “What’s going on, beautiful?”
She trembles, but answers, “I needed to see you. I tried to sleep after we talked, but I couldn’t.”
“I’m glad you came here.”
She smiles against my skin. “I bet you are.”
She jerks her hips and contracts around me causing me to groan from the sensation. I’m ready for another round, but we need to talk this out first. Focusing on the conversation instead of her body, I respond. “No, Sophie. It’s more than sex for me and you know it.”
She nods in understanding. “I know it is. I had a fight with your sister.”
“About what?” I’m not sure I want to know the details of their girlie drama, but if it was enough for her to run to me, then I want her to open up. Her body tenses and stiffens up before I realize she’s crying again. Her tears slowly splash onto my chest and slide down my arms. She’s been through so much shit the past few weeks, I desperately want to take away her pain—but I have no idea where to begin.
“I can’t tell you. I’m not crazy though. I swear.”
“Beautiful, I already know you’re not crazy. Please talk to me.” I wait for her to lead into conversation, but she’s still hesitant. Hugging her even tighter, she’s so fragile in my arms, but she’s the same Sophie I’ve fallen for over and over again.
“I can’t stop, Kipton. It started again at the diner, but then it was just like all those years. Over and over, I did it again and again. I let my family and my insecurities win again. Everything about it is wrong and I’ve worked so hard to move past it, but I fell right back into the same pattern. Now Cara hates me. She screamed at me, Kipton.”
“Stop what, Sophie? Why is Cara upset?”
My phone rings on top of my nightstand. I want to ignore it, but considering it’s Cara, I have no choice. Reluctantly, I ease out of Sophie as she clings to me. I hold her hand and as I’m about to place a kiss on her wrist I notice some dried blood. Before I let my mind wander to where it came from, I lean over and answer my phone. “She’s gone. I’ve looked everywhere for her; scoured every inch of the dorm before I noticed she took your car. We need to find her!”
“Cara, slow down. Sophie’s here. I have no idea what’s going on yet, but someone needs to fill me in. You’re both freaking me out.”
“Hang up! Please, Kipton.” Sophie’s hoarse voice begs me. I keep my arm around her so she can’t get away from me. She swats the phone out of my hand and I struggle back and forth with her to calm down.
“Relax. It’s okay. We’ll figure this out.” Her body relents and she hugs my pillow, still shaking. Cautiously, I pick my phone up off the bed. “Cara? You still there?”
“Yes! Don’t listen to her, Kipton. She needs help. I knew something was up with her. I fucking knew it.”
“Cara slow down. Take a breath and tell me what you mean.”
Beside me I hear Sophie softly crying. “Now you’ll hate me too,” she whispers.
I brush the hair away from her gorgeous eyes. “Sophie, I could never hate you.” It breaks my heart to see her like this. I try to rub her back for comfort, but she curls into an even smaller ball of brokenness.
“Kipton, listen to me. I didn’t want to get involved, but I don’t think I have a choice anymore. Not after tonight. She’s been making herself throw up. I found her earlier in the rec room bathroom after she went to dinner with Tyler. It was so damn bad I heard her from outside the bathroom. Of course that was blamed on bad food from the restaurant. Basically she doesn’t eat and when she does, she throws it up.” Cara takes a breath after talking a mile a minute. I’m about to speak, but she continues. “But there’s more to it than that because she did it at your house tonight too and she didn’t eat anything. It doesn’t make any sense, but Kipton she’s going to kill herself if she doesn’t stop.”
I remember back to the night I was supposed to meet with Drew and saw her getting sick. The night she kicked me out. “I’m hanging up, Cara.” I turn on my side, staring at the back of Sophie’s head as she cries. I’m afraid to touch her and I don’t ask any questions. Why would she do this to herself?
Sophie turns her head to look at me and is utterly devastated. Her gorgeous blue eyes are red rimmed, glassy and lacking their usual vibrant color. “Cara told you, didn’t she?”
“Yes, she told me. Why Sophie?” I’m having trouble comprehending why she would physically harm herself. And to learn she did it when she was with me at the diner—I had no idea. How could I be oblivious to the whole thing?
“Because it helps me cope. Everytime I do it, I’m erasing a part of me I can’t deal with.”
“What do you have to erase? What can’t you deal with?”
“My past. My life. Everything, Kipton. I’m so tired of being knocked down. I’m never good enough—not for my Dad or Blaine and now Coach Evans. Someone is always trying to change me—to make me something I’m not. And when they stop trying to change me, they just wish I didn’t exist at all.”
“I need you, Sophie. I want you. You have me and you have Cara.”
“I’ve tried to change. Years of therapy helped, but I don’t think I’ll ever escape the demons in my head. They’re too powerful and visit me even when I’m asleep.”
“How did this start?” I question.
“Years of emotional abuse from my Dad. And then both kinds from Blaine.” Her answer crumbles around a choked sob.
“Baby, no.” I shake my head in disbelief as rage fills me. “Who is Blaine?”
She nods her head letting me know it’s the painful truth. “Blaine’s my ex. He would bea
t the shit out of me and mind fucked me so many times I believed I deserved it,” she cries.
“Beautiful. You would never deserve that. I’ll fucking kill him, Sophie. I swear I’ll find him and beat his face in for what he did to you.”
“No. It won’t do any good. This is who I am, Kipton. That’s why I’ve tried so hard to push you away. Because it’s bad enough I live this life. I don’t ever want to drag anyone else down with me.”
Rage mixes with the most intense sadness I’ve ever felt. I knew it was bad, but it’s so much worse than I imagined. “It’ll get better. We can make this better—together.” Making promise after promise, I pray I can make them come true.
“There are no second chances for me, Kipton. Coming here was a chance at a fresh start—this is my second chance. And I’m fucking it up.”
“Then you’ll get a third because I’m not giving up on you, Sophie. Not now and not ever.”
She hangs her head. “After I hung up with you earlier, I felt so lonely. Eventually I fell asleep, but you didn’t visit me in my dreams like you have the past few nights. Instead, it was my Dad reminding me how worthless I was. I don’t want to listen to him anymore.” She sniffles and brushes tears from her cheeks. “I fought to wake up, but Blaine was behind him. He was just about to hit me like he has so many times—with the back of his hand across my cheek. It stings so bad, Kipton.” She clutches her face in her trembling hand.
“But you woke up, beautiful. It was just a bad dream. You have me now. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”
“Then why didn’t you come see me? That’s the only time I don’t have nightmares—when I dream about you. ”
“I’m sorry, baby. Please don’t cry. You know I’d be there if it was up to me.”
“I know. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Sophie. Can you tell me what happened after that?”
“Cara was downstairs with Drew, but came back to check on me. There I was hovered over the trashcan for her to see. I was so ashamed, but I was even angrier because I wasn’t finished. Kipton, I swear I don’t want to do it. I know it’s not actually making anything better in my life. I’ve just been going through a really hard time and old habits came back the second I started spiraling out of control. You have to believe me.”
I rub my hands over my face as I try to process the play-by-play she’s giving me. Scared shitless for her, I’m worried everything from her past is coming back with a vengeance. But she’s smart; she would never do this unless she felt she had no other choice. “I do believe you, Sophie. What happened next?”
“Cara screamed at me. The words that came out of her mouth killed me. I know I’m a fuck up; she doesn’t have to remind me. Then she was crying and shouting that I needed to get help. Something about killing myself and I couldn’t take any more. I grabbed keys off the TV stand and ran. When I noticed they weren’t mine, I remembered we drove your car home from the party. At first I wanted to drive as far away from this town as it would take me. I wanted to go back home of all places, but I ended up driving to your house instead.”
“This town is your home now, Sophie. You can’t keep running. And Cara’s right, you do need to talk with someone about this. I’ll help you as much as I can—I promise.” She looks unsure—not yet convinced. Something tells me she’s never had anyone help her through it before. It’s probably been a lonely journey with nothing waiting for her on the other side. “What’s the blood from on your arm?”
She flips her arm around, searching her skin. “There’s no blood.”
Holding up her wrist I point it out to her. “Right here.”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes dart around the room, nervously. She’s lying.
“I’m only going to say this once Sophie. I need you to tell me the truth, right now. No secrets. We’re done with secrets. No more running either. If we’re going to do this, you have to be all in, no matter what.”
She wipes her tears and shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you still want me?”
“Why the hell wouldn’t I? I’ve been trying to tell you that, Sophie, and now that I know more about why you were pushing me away, it’s making more sense. I know you want me too. I’m not wrong about that, am I?”
“No, Kipton. You’ve never been wrong about that.” She lies back on the bed, slightly more relaxed in comparison to her earlier melt down.
I need her to look at me while we have this conversation. Reaching over, I wrap my arms around her and pick her up so she’s on top of me again. This time she’s straddling my hips. She uses her hands to cover her chest and stomach, but I shake my head at her. “Don’t hide from me. You’re perfect.” She drops her arms shyly. I can sense her nerves and with little warning, I blurt out what I’ve wanted to tell her for so long. “It didn’t take much to do me in, Sophie, but I’ve fallen for you. Hard. But either you have to be all mine or nothing. This back and forth is killing me. We still have a lot to discuss and work through, but I need you to know where my head’s at as far as you and I are concerned.”
It takes her several excruciating long seconds to do anything other than stare. She blinks repeatedly. At first, I’m worried she’s having another dizzy spell. “Sophie?”
“Kipton, I–” She turns her head and looks toward the window, words failing her. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You may not want to hear all of this right now, but it’s the truth. I’m putting myself out there, like I’m asking you to do. It’s scary as fuck, but I know what I want. What do you want?” Holding her hand in mine, I rub my thumb back and forth over the palm of her hand. “You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready. But I needed you to know where I stand.”
She watches her hand in mine before exhaling deeply. “How can you possibly want me? I’m an absolute mess.”
I raise her chin with my finger, forcing her to make eye contact. “You had me so intrigued from the moment we met, but I won’t lie, Sophie. What you’re doing scares the shit out of me. I want you to get better. I need you to.”
Her tears start to fall. And for the first time since she arrived, the real Sophie’s cracking through the surface. “I’m scared too.” She tries to shield her face from me, but I won’t let her.
“I know you are, beautiful. Come here.” She slides off my chest and curls up under my arm.
“Nobody’s ever told me those words before, Kipton.”
“What words? That I want you?”
“Yes. It’s always been a lie or hate.”
I kiss the top of her head with the realization that it doesn’t matter what her answer is. I’m all in regardless. “I’ll never hate you.”
It’s only when my arm starts to fall asleep that I realize she never answered either of my questions. “Please tell me what the blood is from.”
Without skipping a beat, she responds honestly. “From throwing up.”
I figured as much, but my heart aches for her. As I pull her even closer, her phone rings. Searching the bed for her pants, she pulls it out of the back pocket of her jeans. “It’s Cara,” she says.
“Are you going to answer?”
She shakes her head and lets it ring. Turning her phone off entirely, she tosses it on the bedside table and pulls the comforter over her naked body. “Is it okay if I stay until morning? I’m not ready to go back yet.”
“Of course it is. I want you here with me.”
“Thank you for not judging me and for not yelling.”
“I’d never yell at you or judge you, Sophie. Get some sleep. It’s been a long ass day.” I lean over to kiss her lips. My intentions are innocent until she grabs the back of my head and deepens the kiss, surprising me again.
“Thank you.” When she releases me, I place one last peck on her lips, mouth and neck before lying back down on my side of the bed. I want nothing more than to hold her all night, especially if it keeps her safe in her dreams, but I wait for her to m
ake the move. At first she stays where she’s at after shifting around several times. We’ve never shared a bed together unless I count the night she was unconscious.
Before long, her breathing evens out and though my eyes are closed, I’m aware of her movements. Slowly, her tiny arm reaches across my chest, using it as an anchor. Her head nestles into the crook of my arm and one of her legs rests overtop of mine. I squeeze her ass in the palm of my hand and kiss the top of her head. Strands of her hair are tickling my nose so I blow gently to rearrange them.
Appreciating each second I get to hold her in my arms, silently I say a few prayers for healing while begging God to help us through tomorrow and each day after. I assume she’s asleep until her lips softly peck my chest with a tiny kiss. “I’ve fallen for you too,” she says barely above a faint whisper. Although she may not have wanted me to hear, I know we have a shot after her honest confession.
I won’t let her lose the fight.
WAKING UP IN KIPTON’S BED isn’t nearly as scary when you can remember the events of the previous night. Unfortunately, they still weren’t pleasant. I almost wish I couldn’t remember my night, but then I wouldn’t have the memory of Kipton telling me I was his.
I roll over in the bed expecting to find his handsome face, but his side is empty. Before I have a chance to worry where he went, the door opens. Slipping back inside the room, Kipton greets me with a warm smile. “Morning, beautiful.”
I try not to, but I can’t control it. Blushing from his endearment, I manage to squeak out a good morning of my own.
“Breakfast is served.” He sets a tray of food on the end of the bed and leans down to place a gentle kiss on my lips. I could get used to waking up like this every day.
“What’s all that?”
Smiling broadly, he waves his hand in front of the tray like he’s Vanna White. “I made you breakfast in bed.”
I’m impressed. I don’t know many college guys capable of cooking anything besides toast or slapping some meat between two slices of bread. “You know how to cook?”