by Blake, Nova
"I'm sorry," Thomas said. "I've loved Jae for years. Nothing changed for me when I was Marked."
"That doesn't make what you feel any more real than what we do," Tol said, though there was no fight in his voice now, no anger or frustration.
Thomas nodded. "I can see that now. I'm sorry."
I reached for his hand, and for Tol's too, connecting them through me. I'd never thought that I would have four lovers, and I knew I couldn't expect them all to get along all the time. This was new for all of us.
"I know that this is strange, none of us have been exactly where we are before. But we need to work together if we're going to make it work at all. I…" I licked my lips, finally willing to say it. "I think I'm the True Queen. I don't think it's going to be Anya. But I need you. Each of you. I can't… I don't have the knowledge, I don't know how it all works but I know that I can't do it alone."
"We're with you," Farrow said. Killian, Thomas, and Tol all agreed.
It might not be easy, but I knew it was going to be worthwhile.
Somehow, I'd find a way to take the throne and I would make Terebellum safe again. For everyone.
And I'd do it with these four men at my side.
30
Jaelyn
We slept in a pile, which was unknown for me, and yet comforting. I didn't need sex right now, but I did need to be held, touched, to feel that bond between us. It gave me strength and cost me nothing; and I hoped it did the same for them as well.
I woke first and extricated myself from my men, wandering over to the check the horses before washing my face in the river and snacking on some berries I'd collected the day before. The birds were singing and the sun was out, not a cloud in the sky that I could see from beneath the trees anyway. It boded well, though the tension in my body didn't match the weather.
There was no way to avoid the anxiety. Today, we'd be entering the Court of Stone, and I would have to find a way to approach Anya, to have some kind of discussion with her around the Mark, the relics, the queendom.
There was a shuffle behind me and I turned to find Tol approaching. His hair was shaggier than ever and he was combing it back with a hand. Instead of reaching for me, embracing me like he would normally do, he stalled a little way off.
"Sleep okay?" he asked.
I nodded, and then closed the distance between us. We couldn't be separate going into the court, he needed to know he was still with me, we were still together in this. It wasn't his fault that his father had promised him to another. I wrapped my arms around his body and tilted my head. He leaned down and kissed me softly and everything was right with the world again.
Someone cleared their throat, and then another someone, so I broke off the kiss and stepped around Tol to find the others up, all in various states of morning mood.
"Good morning," I said as I walked towards them. "Everyone ready to storm the castle?" I raised an eyebrow, and they managed to summon up mild enthusiasm.
"I need to eat first though, I'm starving," Thomas said
"About that…" I said. "I think you and I should go in first, scope things out, and talk to Valko. We can let him know we're back, find out what's been happening in our absence."
"And steal some of Mayla's wonderful bread from the kitchen." He almost groaned at the thought of it. "Let's go."
"What do you want the rest of us to do?" Farrow asked. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, as if he hated the idea of being left behind.
"We're all going. Thomas and I will find our friend and the rest of you can take a look around, see if you can pick up any information."
"Find a bathing house and a change of clothes?" Tol looked down at himself wryly.
"And that," I said with a laugh. "Okay, pack up your stuff and let's go."
* * *
Once we'd found an inn to stable the horses at, and gotten cleaned up a little, Thomas and I split off from the group and worked our way to the kitchen. Mayla squealed with delight when she saw us, wrapping us in hugs before loading us with food. Thomas was in heaven.
We weren't sure where Valko was, but Mayla sent out a messenger to tell him he was required in his rooms, giving Thomas and I time to sneak there and wait. He gorged himself on food while I tapped my foot on the floor, impatient and nervous to get on with it.
It took a good twenty minutes or so for Valko to arrive, with all the bluster he normally had at being called away from a task. He was already grumbling as he opened the door, but when he looked up his voice stopped, though his mouth moved as if he couldn't quite summon the right words.
He slammed the door shut and strode across the floor, wrapping me up so tightly that I couldn't breathe.
"You're back," he murmured. "I was so worried." He let out a long sigh, squeezed me a little harder, and then stepped back, holding me at arms-length. "You look different. More…" He shook his head, pride gleaming in his eyes. "More you."
"I missed you," I said. "Things have been strange. It's even strange to be back. Like I don't belong anymore."
"You don't," he said. My face fell, and he quickly spoke again, "not as a hunter, Jae, you're more than that now. I can tell just by looking at you."
"And me?" Thomas asked, half-jokingly.
Valko tossed a look over his shoulder. "No, you're still the same. Though…" His gaze went between the two of us. "Looks like you've become more than just friends since you left."
I laughed and perched on his desk. "That's one way to put it."
"Tell me, did you achieve what you set out to?"Valko asked as he moved around to his chair. Thomas slipped into the one across from him.
"We did." I nodded. "It's different out there, things are bad. I had no idea."
"Bad, how?" he frowned.
"Giant creatures and brigands and corruption," I said, "to name a few."
"The True Queen needs to take the throne," Thomas added, his eyes flicking to me.
"What has Anya been up to?" I asked, trying not to put too much weight on the question. I didn't look at V, didn't want to see what was happening on his face right now.
"Preparing for a grand party, to kick off whenever you got back."
I snapped my gaze to his face, saw his skin had paled, the tension in his jaw enough to crack shells.
"What?" I demanded as I shoved off his desk, wanting to put space between us.
"I had to tell her something, Jae. She was getting suspicious."
"Of me?" My voice was rising, but I couldn't help it. "I'm no-one! I'm nothing to her."
V stood up and came around his desk towards me, but I shook my head and held a hand up, grateful when he stopped his approach.
"There was a rumor from the Court of Leaves that the True Queen had come, that she had flame red hair and eyes like the sky."
My mouth dropped open. "But I didn't tell anyone but the king, and he wouldn't have…"
"It's not the most private court, Jae," Thomas said quietly. "And everyone is waiting, watching for the True Queen."
"Anya does not fit the description, but you do. And she knows that. There are a few people with that description in our court but you were the only one missing."
I dropped my gaze to the floor, looking at the boards I'd tread a million times, thinking about my life here in the court, my place.
Her place.
"I didn't think it would be a problem, Jae. You made it clear that you didn't want the throne. You wanted to have a life that was of your own making." V's tone was pleading, but I was grateful when he didn't step closer towards me. Neither did Thomas.
"What's done, is done," I said. My words were hollow. I was hollow.
I had always known it would come to this, but I had dared – no, I had been stupid enough to hope – that things might be different now. That I could be new and bold. That maybe I could break free from the life of hunter and claim more. The throne. The crown.
Inside, something dark curled, and I thought that perhaps I would make her rip the bow and qui
ver from my cold dead body. If she could.
"I'm sorry, Jaelyn. I didn't know what else to do."
"You couldn't know," I said, finally looking up at him. "This just wasn't how I expected it all to work out. I don't even know what I thought would happen."
"So, what is her plan for the ceremony?" Thomas asked.
"Once she knows you're back, it will be scheduled for the next night. It should only take that long to put everything in place."
"Is Zodi here?" I asked. "The Herald?"
V shook his head. "But no doubt he will arrive, he seems to be able to move at a whim."
"Okay." I let out a sigh, my shoulders slumping. "I guess we go back to the inn." I pursed my lips together and looked Valko in the eyes. "Don't tell her we're back yet. I need a little longer."
"What for?" he asked, looking genuinely confused.
"I just do," I said, then I glanced at Thomas and nodded towards the door. "Take care, V."
"Wait," he said, stepping towards me. "I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what you wanted to happen, but I can tell I messed it up, even if I didn't mean to."
"You had no choice. You could hardly lie to your princess, your future queen." I shook my head, tried to let go of the hurt I felt at his betrayal; because he was right. I hadn't wanted to be queen. I'd left to find a way out, but I'd found a whole lot more than I'd bargained for.
More than he could ever have known.
"It's okay," I said, softer this time. I reached out and squeezed his arm but then I turned for the door, not wanting to cry, not wanting to expose how vulnerable I felt at that moment.
Thomas followed behind me and I was grateful that Valko didn't come after me. We slipped through the barracks and out the back, doing our best to avoid everyone. I didn't think I could face seeing anyone I knew, or answering questions about where I had been. And I didn't even want to think about what came next. It was like the part of my brain that had dared to hope was locked back in the box, the one where I was just a hunter and couldn't dare to dream bigger for fear of being hurt again.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Thomas asked when we were well away from the castle.
"What is there to talk about?" I shot back. "Anya is going to be the True Queen. Hell, I don't even know why I thought there would be a way to claim the throne myself."
Thomas grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me so we were facing each other. "If it's what you want, then we find a way." His gaze was intense, burning a hole in my head. "You are strong and brave, you are selfless, you care. Which is more than anyone can say about Anya. You are the True Queen in my eyes, and if you want that throne, then we find a way. We fight for it."
"You mean that?"
He nodded before I'd even finished asking and I crushed myself against his body, hugging him tighter than ever before.
"Okay. I…think I want to try. Let's get back to the inn and tell the others what’s going on." I gave him a quick kiss, my heart fluttering when he smiled, then gripped his hand and led him back to the inn.
Part of me was still uncertain whether we could pull this off, but the fact that I was going to try made everything a little easier to bear. We headed upstairs into the room, and the feeling of giddy joy had swamped me. Maybe this was all going to be okay.
"Where is everyone?" Thomas asked.
I pushed through to the washroom, but no one was there either.
"Ah, Jae?" Thomas' voice was shaky, unsettled. It made every muscle in my body tense up.
"Yes?" I re-entered the main room and approached him. He was holding a sheet of parchment. I tried to take it from him, but he held it tight.
"This is going to be hard," he said.
"Just give it to me," I demanded, snatching it from his grip. The corner tore but I didn't care.
Elegant lettering scrawled across the page.
You are cordially invited to witness the Ascension of the True Queen at dusk tomorrow evening, followed by her wedding ceremony to the three princes of Terebellum.
31
Jaelyn
All through the next day I had been torn between warring emotions. I was seething with rage at the audacity of Anya to come in and steal my lovers, then swamped by the irrational belief that this had been their plan all along, that they had been meant for her and not me, that they were only assisting me to get the relics and be with her.
But the arrows. Those had only flared to life when we had touched. Me. Not Anya.
And then the rage was back again, burning away the self-pity and sorrow.
Thomas had given up on conversation after realizing that the only thing I was capable of was snarling. Unwilling to inflict myself on him any longer I'd taken my leave and headed for the woods, intent on killing something – anything – to release some of the tension in my body.
Hours later, I returned, grubby and tired and hungry too. I slammed my way into the room onto to find Thomas busy preparing a bath.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm getting ready for tonight," he said calmly.
"I… I don't think we should go," I said, slumping down into a chair at the table. "If we don't show up, she can't get the relics, and she can't become the queen." I knew I was pouting, knew my voice was sulky, but I couldn't seem to help it.
He turned to me, putting his hands on his hips. "You don't think that she's got people keeping an eye on you? If you don't show up under your own free will, there will no doubt be an escort, and we don't need that fuss."
I groaned and dragged my hands through my hair. "I think I need a bath too," I said. "I don't want to give her the satisfaction of showing up like this."
"This is for you," he said. He stepped towards me, reached for my hand and drew me up from the chair.
"What?"
"I'm here to help you do what you need to do. And right now, you need to get clean and then dress like you are everything a queen should be. I'm going to make sure of it." He pressed a kiss to my lips, and then led me to the washing area and stripped off my clothing. There was nothing sexual in the act, if anything he was reverent, treating me as if I really were royalty.
He held my hand as I stepped into the tub and sunk into the water. It was warm, but not hot enough, so I let some of my magic slip out to warm it up. Thomas picked up a sponge and lathered my body with soap, cleaning every inch of me until I was sure I sparkled.
"Put your hair in," he said softly, moving so that he could reach an arm under my neck, supporting me. I had to hook my knees over the end of the tub to make enough room, but soon he was washing my hair as well. The sound of the water in my ears was calming, and I floated there, letting go of everything for just that moment; the worry, the fear, the anger, the sorrow. I didn't want any of it. Emotions and feelings were so challenging.
I missed the simple life, when I'd kept myself locked away and there was nothing more pressing than meeting my quota for the week. But that had been a shallow existence. Limited to just a small portion of what life could be; and I knew that now. Would never be able to unknow it.
No, Jaelyn. Let that go. I spread my fingers in the water, felt its damp heat enveloping me. Tried to focus only on the here, the new, the way I was cushioned, the way Thomas' fingers were carefully walking through my hair to pick out any leaves or sticks from my hunt.
"Jae. Jae?"
Thomas' voice cut through the water and I sat up with a start.
"Did I fall asleep?" I asked, dragging my legs back into the now cool tub so that I could stand. Thomas loaned me his hand and then wrapped me in a big towel when I stepped from the water.
"Yes. But I figured you needed some rest before tonight." He glanced towards the window. "Speaking of… We should get you ready."
I shivered a little in the towel, and then remembered that I was fire now, and used my heat to dry off. My hair sprang into frizzy curls and I groaned. "I've got nothing fit to wear. I didn't even think about that."
"I did." Thomas moved across the room and opene
d the cupboard door to remove a dress made from soft fabric in shades of red. It looked floor length, but there were slits up the sides and it was cut low, and sleeveless too, as though it was meant to be worn with something else beneath.
"Where did you find that?" I asked, moving towards him to feel the material, which slipped through my fingers, silky and buttery.
Thomas blushed. "I asked Mayla for some help. She had the women at the castle find something that would suit you. Do you like it?" His voice was tentative, as if he wasn't sure he'd done the right thing, but I crushed my lips to his and took the dress from him, pressing it against myself and wishing this place had a mirror. I would wear it as it was, with nothing beneath so that my Mark showed clearly and the lines of the bow and quiver would be visible.
I wasn't going to hide them anymore.
"It's perfect."
* * *
Thomas and I rode through the castle gates on the back of the white horse before dusk, and a cadre of guards followed us in.
I didn't want to be late. Not to such an important event.
The horse looked regal, gleaming in the dying light of the sun. Thomas was resplendent in a crisp white shirt and dark pants; he looked as good as any prince I'd ever laid eyes on, and I felt secure with him at my back.
And I was stunning. The red dress fit me better than anything I'd worn before. My skin gleamed from the oil Thomas had rubbed into it, and I'd managed to find a mirror to apply some dramatic make up. I looked every bit a future queen. Everyone that we passed stared up at us, and I smiled. Truly smiled. Embracing the attention, no longer desperate to hide away the marks on my body or what they might mean.
I was here.
I had arrived.
Thomas slipped off the horse first, and then I followed, landing lightly on slippered feet. I took his arm, and we walked through into the main courtyard, the horse at my heels.
Nostalgia ripped through me.
The last time we'd been here seemed a lifetime ago. Thomas had kissed me on the dance floor, and I'd literally run into Zodi, who had delivered the Mark and sent my life spinning into turmoil. And now here we were again. The same place, barely two weeks in the future, and yet everything felt different.