by Annie Boone
She put it out there again, waiting for him to take it. It’s all he had to do. She wouldn’t move until he said it.
Shaking in her boots, she had waited for a solid minute, waiting for him to say something. Anything, she begged, just anything. But it was true she wouldn’t take his silence and avoidance another minute.
At night she had been hardly rest and the work around the house was more than shoddy since she couldn’t focus or pay attention. It was making her miserable, and she had told herself a long time ago that she wouldn’t live a life where there was more silence than conversation, more unsaid feelings than said.
But Lucas didn’t say anything right then, biding his time as he gave her a measuring look. A good part of her expected him to walk out, to just walk away and never return. That’s when the cold fear set in, raising the hairs on the back of her neck. He could really just be gone, and leave her everything. Why, that was worse than kicking her out. That would mean he was willing to walk away from everything just to have her out of his life.
“You’re right,” the words came out in the quietest whisper, so soft that at first she thought she was hearing things. Lucas’s lips hadn’t even moved. “I am… having a difficult time.” He glanced away. “Susannah, I—we made a deal, a promise at the altar. For better or for worse, we said. I’m willing to keep it, but… I need more time.”
It wasn’t much better and her throat grew tight. Time? He needed time when she felt like falling apart? “I, um, I don’t suppose I have a choice but to give you what you want. But how long? How much time?”
He shrugged, exhausted. Only then did Susie realize he wasn’t sleeping well, either. Part of her wanted to take comfort in that, but she could only blame herself. It wasn’t what newlyweds thought of, after all, the troubles that came after making promises of love. “I don’t know, Susie, I don’t know. But I’m going to bed now.”
“In the loft?” Her eyes trailed down to the blankets he’d left on the chair.
The man nodded firmly. “In the loft.”
She had no choice but to let him go. Already she was dreading going back to their bed knowing that once again she would be alone. Those blankets would swallow her whole. “At least,” she stammered for a compromise, “…at least come in to eat, would you? I- I can’t stand to have you eating at Danny’s this much. I certainly don’t want you to starve. Please?”
“I’ll think about it. I have a few chores to do.” And then he walked out before she could say anything else. Her eyes followed his dark figure as he walked the well-trodden trail to the barn where he disappeared inside.
“A small victory,” she said proudly, though she still felt miserable and lonely. “I’m sure he’ll reconsider and come back in to eat something. The man does like to eat, after all.”
But she was wrong, and he didn’t come back in. Long after the food had grown cold, she stood out on the porch as she watched Lucas right outside their barn, chopping firewood. Dressed in yellow, she knew that Lucas had seen her. They were close enough that she’d seen his head rise up only to fall back down and start gathering what he’d cut. So she waited longer. But when he finished, Lucas headed back into the barn. Five minutes later, he still hadn’t come out and his message was clear.
That evening, Susannah sat at the kitchen table by herself, glancing at the empty place setting beside her. Silence rang out, and she drummed her fingers across her lap, only a whisper on the cloth. What had she expected? It was unnerving and she finally she decided that she wasn’t hungry even at the delay in supper.
She put everything away, and sat down to read. Though Lucas had yet to return by her side for their nightly reading of poetry and the Bible, she kept it up. Just in case, Susannah had thought to herself, just in case.
She prayed that the next day would bring a change in her husband. A good change.
Chapter Seven
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1882
“That’s it?” Lydia cocked her head and looked back and forth between Lucas and Susannah. The other girls shifted uncomfortably in their seats, food in their belly and a whole day ahead of them. By now the food was cold, and the story had the option to turn in two different ways.
Catching Lucas’s eye, Susannah plastered a smile on her face. “We went to church and she met the town. Within a couple of months, or maybe it was weeks, Eleanor had met Mr. Conner, they were talking, and then married. They’re still within a two-day ride, fortunately, and they’re expecting the birth of their second child any day now.” Lucas’s eyebrow raised and she nodded with a smile. Standing up, she picked up her plate. “Now, let’s get the day started, shall we? No need to be wasting anymore of this beautiful morning.”
As she took her things over to the sink by the window, she heard the sound of the other chairs scraping back as well, everyone beginning to pick up plates and shuffle to the kitchen. Her thoughts followed the trail they had been on as the young ladies began chattering back and forth. As always, as one of them left, they had fond words and tears to share before Lucas headed into town for the day.
He didn’t go in every day, but most days he did. Rocky Ridge was a decent place with good people and there seldom were problems. He felt it was important to make his presence known even if it wasn’t completely necessary every day.
Every year more people came to the valley and settled, building comfortable homes and farming the land. There were a few ranches with cattle outside the town and the range only widened from there. While there was occasionally trouble, Lucas was always prepared. He took his position seriously to ensure peace and lawfulness. Rarely was he gone every day, and rarer was he gone for the evenings.
Somehow he could read her mind. Lucas’s hand slipped over hers, tugging her from the dishes. Gasping lightly, she tried to hold back her wet hands covered in suds, but then he had his arms around her and they were twirling in a circle. “Lucas, come on now—” she started to protest as the other girls giggled.
“Just one dance,” he grinned, giving her a knowing look. It told her something and more, and she found herself reluctantly placing her hands in his. Soapy suds dripped down their arms, but he didn’t notice as he twirled her once, twice, and three times before she made him stop. “Sorry for interrupting,” he teased, both of them full well knowing he wasn’t.
“Your turn,” she teased him back, and danced one step back, forcing him to twirl. The girls laughed but he did so unabashedly, spinning another half to wrap his arms around her. At the close, they accepted the applause and Susannah shook her head at him. “Lucas, you’re going to be late. The trains don’t wait for people who aren’t there on time these days.”
The girls slowly pulled apart and Lucas left to saddle the horses. Susannah made sure Lydia knew where everything belonged in the kitchen, and then hastened up the stairs to Rosalie who needed to finish packing.
When she arrived, however, Rosalie was already packed and dressed with her bonnet on. Without anything to do, she was looking out the window thoughtfully. It was the same room Eleanor had used, Susannah recalled, and glanced at the young woman who was lost in thought.
Rosalie was feisty indeed, but it was something that had kept her going. Her father had passed away at the end of the war, and her mother had died of tuberculosis just a year later. Orphaned in Louisiana, Rosalie had struggled in odd jobs in a poor town before finding out about Susannah and the Mountainside Residence for Women.
Over the last few years, the Jessups had started the boarding house venture particularly for such women. It had started with Eleanor, and she had provided the idea soon after the wedding. Susannah had a way of matching people up, after all, and could help out other women in need. Truth be told, Susannah lived to help others find love. Her heart’s desire was to see people happy together.
With time, it had turned into the Mountainside Residence for Women, where she helped women in need find proper husbands. She liked to think she helped families be born.
Rosalie had needed hel
p, and had been there for just over a month already. That was usually the average amount of time for girls to be there, though it always varied. Her writing and reading had improved, and she’d learned valuable skills such as tending to the chickens and how to cook a good and nutritious meal.
Lucas had also taken it upon himself lately to start teaching the women who passed through more about wildlife. Adding that to the horse riding and caring for them, and he had a significant role in Susannah’s operation.
After all, the Jessups wanted to help people. So they worked hard to ensure that the men they communicated with were good men who were prepared to build a family and care for them. They also worked with the women to make sure they were ready to take care of a family and a home.
Susannah was more than happy to have company, make friends, and even gain some help around the land. These days, they always had two or three girls there learning and working who would soon take a train out to meet their husband, or wait until their husband arrived to pick them up.
“How are you feeling?” Susannah knocked on the door lightly, making sure the other girl knew she was present. “Are all you packed?”
Rosalie turned around and grinned but her cheeks were tinged pink. “What? Oh, yes… yes, I’m packed and ready. I was just admiring the view one more time. You know, I didn’t grow up around animals. I’ll miss them, I think.”
The reluctance in her face was something Susannah saw often, and her heart went out to her. It was always hard saying good bye, even if their future was unfolding before them.
Crossing the room, she took the girl in her arms. “Don’t you worry, Rosie. In a month, you won’t even remember us.”
She heard a sniffle as the girl hugged her in return. “I don’t know about that. Why, I haven’t had anything like this in years. It was nearly like having a family again.”
Pulling away, Susannah took one of the girl’s hands. Rosalie was soft and while she wouldn’t be considered the prettiest on the block, the young woman had such strength to her that she could do anything she wanted.
It was one of the reasons that Susannah had decided to send her to Montana, to Carson Highling. The man had passed through Colorado only a few years ago for the health of his newborn child, having just lost his wife. They needed a new start and now he was looking for a wife. Rosalie did well with children, and would love the mountains there.
“Rosie, I promise you, I wouldn’t let you leave my side without knowing that you are going onto something better. Carson and little Callie are going to be there the moment you step off that train and I promise, you’re going to build that family you have been praying for.”
The girl sniffed and wiped away a tear with her free hand. “You think so?”
Susannah shook her head. “I know so. Now, let’s get this adventure of yours started, shall we? We don’t want you missing that train.”
Laughing, the girl grinned. “That’s beyond fashionably late, I’m afraid. And if I’m getting married later this week, I want to know that man as soon as I can. You don’t think he’ll have chickens, would he? Or at least a cow?”
After picking up her bag, they headed downstairs to the porch. “He has those and possibly more. He’s only got twenty acres now, but last I heard, he’s working hard to increase his holdings. Now, be sure to give Carson our best, and here’s something to keep you going.” She brought out a small tin box filled to the lid with cookies. “Be sure to save some of them for your wedding supper, you hear?”
The girl pouted but promised. Susannah walked with her down to the cart that Lucas had just brought forward, but Rosalie paused before climbing up. “Well I’m going to be a married woman before I know it,” the raven haired orphan proclaimed proudly. “So do you have any last bit of advice for such a girl?”
She could feel Lucas’s eyes on her as well, probably grinning. No, rather, she knew he was grinning without even looking at him. After all, it was a silly old story of theirs the day after their wedding when she had recounted embarrassedly all the advice she’d been given about becoming a mail order bride.
Chapter Eight
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1872
It was her two aunts who had provided most of the advice, with a few words from her mother, as well. Her father barely said a word when she had been on her way out the door. While Susannah had been raised to be a God-fearing child in the city, she’d endured enough trouble there that she wanted to find a new life. A life away from the city.
What are you thinking?” Lucas had ventured, stepping out onto the porch where she was standing. Susannah was still coming to grips with being in a new place. A new place as the wife of a man she barely knew.
She had jumped at the sound of his voice, and blushed bright red. “Oh, sorry,” Susannah had stammered, and wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t hear you come out. Is everything all right?”
He gave her an odd look. “You’ve asked me if everything is all right five times today. While my answer still remains the same, I’m rather concerned that yours might vary.”
The man hesitated, while she was pondering his honesty. But that’s what she had liked about Lucas from the beginning. He believed in keeping his word and stating the truth. The city wasn’t like that, not one bit.
Glancing down at her feet, Susannah had hesitated. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”
“About what?” He leaned against the railing beside her, looking around. His hair ruffled in the wind, and nearly drooped into his eyes. She noticed again how nice his eyes were, and how nice it was that he looked her in the eye. Everything was nice about him, Susannah had thought to herself. Except of course, for that nasty bruise that had formed on his cheek.
Hesitantly, she bit the inside of her cheek, a bad habit. “Well, I… my aunt told me that, you know, it was my responsibility to make sure that… that everyone was fed. I made breakfast, but, I think the horses already had some grain before I went out there?”
“That’s right,” Lucas nodded. “I woke up early and tended to them. I still have responsibilities here, too, and I’ll do what needs to be done.”
It didn’t make any sense. She shook her head, frowning as it dawned on her. “Oh, no. You were up before me? I didn’t even hear you. I’m supposed to be up before you even—”
She was trying to find the words frantically, realizing she was already messing things up and she’d only been in the house for a day. But then Lucas took one of her hands, and encased it in his. Instantly she became still, her eyes wide as she waited for him to do something.
“I think your aunts might be good women, but they sound rather silly,” he put it plainly. “Don’t listen to their advice, whatever they said. We both have responsibilities and we’ll figure out how it all will work. You looked tired and, well, peaceful, this morning. So I fed the animals and I was happy to do it.”
“And came back to bed without my noticing,” she articulated carefully, not sure if she liked that. How could anyone be so quiet? Biting her lip, she glanced away. “I don’t understand. I’m sorry, none of this makes any sense to me. They sounded so sure of how to be a wife, I don’t… so I don’t need to make a cake for every Sunday supper?”
The laugh escaped him before he could help it, and tugged her close. It made her breathless. But that wasn’t so strange, she reminded herself, since they were husband and wife. “You can make all the cake you want. I like cake just fine.” He grinned. “And while I definitely need the help around here, we’ll work it out together. If you have any more of that advice, talk to me before getting yourself worried.”
She had smiled sheepishly. “All right.”
Chapter Nine
Rocky Ridge, Colorado; 1882
Susannah looked at Rosalie thoughtfully and tried to pull back the laughter that was fighting to escape. “Well,” she said finally, “be honest with him and he’ll be true to you. Relationships are built on trust and respect, Rosalie. And though you may feel overwhelmed on occasion
, just take a deep breath and dance with him around the kitchen. It’ll set all your worries aside.” Glancing at Lucas, now she smiled. “Marriage isn’t a game with an end in sight, after all. It’s about making your way through this life together. Taking steps forward and back as one, come what may.”
“Amen to that,” he murmured softly as Rosalie settled down on the bench beside him.
“You really think he’ll have a cow? Do you think I’ll be able to name her?” The girl had already moved on from her first question and was thinking of her new life. “I can’t believe it. I always wanted a baby, you know. And did you see the sketch Carson drew? Why, I bet she’s even more darling in person. I’ll send you my own sketch,” she added to Susannah.
Nodding, she stepped back to allow Lucas to start the horses. She noticed a spot of tension in his shoulders, and prayed for him to find ease in this journey. It was always touchy with the mention of a babe, she knew, but forced herself to carry on. “I’ll be expecting one within the next month, Rosalie. Take care!” And she waved until they were down the road too far to be seen.
Once she dropped her arm, Susannah turned around and looked at the house. It was made of beautiful oak, and they’d even painted all of the shutters a pristine white. Most of the windows had flowers now with the sun shining so bright. Why, it was picture perfect, Susannah realized. She was blessed in so many ways.
“Funny how we tend to take things for granted,” she sighed to herself. And just like that, she was lost in her memories again.