But in spite of knowing that she was playing with fire, Erin didn’t text him back to cancel.
James was actually a bit surprised that Erin was really waiting for him at their appointed time and place that Saturday. He sensed that she was hesitant about the whole thing, but he planned to be on his best behavior so that he didn’t push her away. If she wanted this to be an evening out with a friend, then that’s what it would be. For some reason, it was important to him that she not resist being around him.
“Good evening, Erin,” he said as he approached the table where she sat with her head bent over her phone.
She looked up, a friendly smile replacing the more pensive look he’d first glimpsed. “Hey.”
“Do we have to leave right away or do I have a minute to grab myself a coffee too?”
“Oh, I think we have time for that.” She got up from her seat and slipped the thin strap of her small purse over her shoulder.
“How has your day been?” James asked as they got in line behind a couple of other people at the counter. “Did you work today?”
“I went in for a couple of hours, but we’ve got someone we’ve been training for Saturday work so I don’t really have to be there.”
James listened as she talked about the bakery, picking up how passionate she was about her work as she spoke. He placed his order for a large black coffee when they reached the counter.
It wasn’t long before they were in his SUV on their way to the church. He spoke a bit about his job but didn’t go into much detail about it. Though he was usually happy to talk about what he did, he wasn’t sure he wanted to delve into it just yet with Erin.
“So you just have one sister?” he asked as he turned onto Munroe Ave.
“Well, sort of. Technically, she’s a foster sister. I also have two other foster brothers I’m close to.”
James glanced over at her, but in the darkened interior of the car, he couldn’t see her face clearly. “Your family took in foster kids?”
“No. I was a foster kid.”
James wasn’t sure why that surprised him, but it did. “Were you with the same family until you aged out?”
“Basically. I was in a couple of temporary homes after I was taken before I was placed with the Johnsons. I was blessed to be with them from that point on. Their philosophy is that while we may age out of the system, we never age out of their lives or their home.”
“The Department of Family Services never tried to reunite you with your family?”
“No. DFS was able to save me from that situation, but my younger brother wasn’t as fortunate.”
As the implications of that sank in, James swallowed hard. Anger burned in his gut. Why couldn’t people who allowed themselves to become parents do the right thing by their children? Why did they put their own needs ahead of those who had no choice but to rely on them for the very basics of life? There were far too many people who were given the responsibility for children who never should have had that opportunity. And it wasn’t just people who suffered from addictions and things like that. His own parents should never have had children, and their only issue was that they had been far too selfish to care about the needs of anyone but themselves.
“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Those were probably words Erin had heard any time she’d shared that information, but he hoped she knew he meant them.
“Thank you. I choose to look on the positive side which was that I ended up with a family that loved and cared for me and, in turn, taught me to love and care for others. The life I live now I live for both myself and my brother. I choose to be happy and try to help others see the joy in their lives.” She paused. “You seem familiar with DFS.”
“Because of my job, I’ve had some dealings with them.” Thankfully, James didn’t have to elaborate since the turnoff to the church was just ahead. “Looks like we’re not the only ones who had the idea to come early.”
“The event is gaining in popularity every year since it first started. I warned you there might be a line.”
There were people with safety vests directing traffic, and soon they were parked in the back lot of the church. Though there was a bit of a line-up, the evening air was mild with relatively little wind, so they weren’t too cold as they stood in line with the other people.
“Do you come every year?” James asked as they shuffled forward a few feet.
Erin sighed as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her puffy jacket. “I try to, but for some reason, those around me feel that if they’ve been once, they don’t need to come again.”
“So I’m fresh meat for this, eh?”
She looked up at him and grinned. “I plead the fifth.”
“Sorry to tell you, sweetheart, but pleading the fifth doesn’t work in Canada.” James returned her grin. “You’ve been watching too many American law shows.”
“Well, I guess I’d have to plead guilty to that.” She laughed. “Although, to be honest, they’re not my favorite type of show.”
Since they still had a little bit of a wait, James decided that this was as good a subject as any to discuss. “So what kind do you like?”
She paused for a moment before answering. “I prefer movies like what they show on the Hallmark channel.”
“Aren’t a lot of those sappy romances?” James asked.
“Some of them are. There are also mysteries.”
“But let me guess, you like the romances.”
Erin shrugged. “Everyone deserves a shot at their happily ever after.”
“Well, I’m not sure that everyone does, but certainly if they want a shot at it, by all means, they should get it.”
As they neared the door, someone stood there directing people into the building. It appeared that they were letting in a certain number of people at a time. From what James could see so far, the church certainly ran an organized event.
“Is this your church?” James asked as they stepped into the warmth of the building, realizing for the first time that he had just assumed it was.
“No, I go to the same church as your grandmother. That’s where we first met.” She looked up at him. “Do you go there? It’s a big enough church that I might have missed seeing you.”
James shook his head, not really wanting to delve into why he didn’t attend church. Thankfully, he was saved from further conversation when someone came to talk to their group. He listened as the woman told them a little about the church and handed them cards they could fill out if they wanted to. James passed on the opportunity because if he did decide to go to a church or get more information on one, it would be the church his grandmother attended.
As they walked with their group to the entrance of the gym a short time later, James noticed that Erin kept a significant distance between them. He had always prided himself on being able to read people, and everything about Erin was screaming that she was putting more than just physical distance between them. The sparkle, while still there, had dimmed considerably from earlier, and James wasn't sure what he'd done to make that happen this time.
Unless it was talking about her family.
That was certainly a subject that would suck any joy out of his day too, so he made a mental note to not bring it up again. After all, his goal was to keep that sparkle in Erin’s eyes, not chase it away. Again.
CHAPTER FIVE
James couldn’t dwell on Erin’s mood shift too much as a man in soldier garb standing outside the closed gym doors grabbed their attention. He hadn't realized the event would be so interactive, but as they moved from the hallway into the gym, it came to life with the sounds of people and animals. Over the next hour, the story of Jesus's birth became real in a way that it had never been before for James.
The evening gradually became less about being a date with Erin and more about coming to the realization that he'd rejected something he'd never truly understood. He thought of all the times he'd rebuffed Nana's attempts to get him to accompany her to church. She'd never pressured hi
m about it, but she'd always let him know that she was praying for him. And he knew that there had been times when he'd told her about things that were coming up just so he’d hear her say I’ll be praying for you, darling. He’d found reassurance in her prayers for him, but for the first time, he wondered if it was time to learn about what made her so confident in praying.
As the tour came to an end, they were ushered into another large room that was decorated with a Christmas tree and other ornaments scattered around. They were offered cookies and juice, coffee or tea. He gratefully took another coffee as well as a cookie. It wasn’t until they’d taken seats on chairs against the wall that he realized that the evening wasn’t over just yet.
Sipping his coffee, James listened as a man—who had introduced himself as the pastor of the church—gave him even more to think about. Salvation? Forgiveness for his sins? Eternal life? Those were terms he hadn’t really paid much attention to before, but tonight, with his eyes already opened during the presentation, James found himself really hearing them for the first time.
Was this the step that Nana had taken that had set her on her lifelong journey of faith? As far as he knew, she and his grandfather had always been firmly rooted in their faith. She’d taken James to church a few times when he’d been younger, but his parents hadn’t been happy about it, and he hadn’t enjoyed it very much so hadn’t objected when they’d ceased to give their permission for Nana to take him and Kaylee.
When the man had finished talking, James just sat there, a lot of questions circulating in his head. He glanced at Erin and found her watching him, her brows drawn together.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
Most the people of their group had already begun to make their way out of the room, so when she nodded, they got to their feet and followed them. It wasn’t until they were in his SUV, making their way out of the parking lot that she spoke.
“I forgot about that bit at the end. I hope you don’t feel like I was trying to force you to listen to something.”
“Not at all. I enjoyed it. All of it.” James knew that her intention had been to show him a fun time, but it had ended up being more serious. At least for him. However, he hadn’t lied when he said he’d enjoyed it. “They sure put a lot of work into it.”
“They do, and each year it gets even better. It’s a huge outreach for them as well.”
“It’s too bad that Nana’s not able to attend things like that anymore. I know that she would have loved it.”
As he guided the SUV into the parking lot of the Tim Hortons where they’d met earlier, James didn’t want the evening to end, but he wasn’t going to protest if Erin wanted to get in her car and leave right away. He sensed that there was something going on with her that she wasn’t going to share with him.
“I think I’m going to call it a night,” Erin said after he’d parked.
“Well, thank you for a wonderful evening. It was definitely not something I’d done before, and to be honest, it gave me lots to think about as well.” He switched on the overhead light. “Do you think you’d be up for another fun friends’ night out?”
She stared at him for a moment. “I might be. Things are kind of busy right now, but I’ll give you a call if I come up with an idea that might work.”
“Sounds good.” James got out of the car and went around to open Erin’s door. “Drive safe.”
She gave him a quick smile. “I’ll certainly try, but no guarantees about the other drivers on the road.”
Once she had climbed into her smaller SUV, James waited until she’d left before pulling out of his parking spot and heading through the drive-thru. He needed another coffee and ended up ordering a box of donut holes to go with it.
As he mulled over the evening, James decided that perhaps it was still early enough for him to pay a visit to Nana.
Erin gripped the wheel tightly and blinked to try to clear her eyes of the moisture that kept insisting on gathering there and then flowing out over her cheeks. She wasn’t even altogether sure why she was crying. Why her emotions had spun out of control.
Maybe it was the realization that she’d shared something with James that she hadn’t shared with anyone but her foster parents. Not even Noella, Tennyson or Forrest knew about the tragedy that had led to her being seized from her parents. Why had she felt compelled to tell James?
The only good thing was that James hadn’t realized the significance of what she’d told him. He didn’t know that she’d opened her heart and shared her deepest, darkest secret with him. So what would he do with the information? Would he share it with others? Not realizing how precious that information was?
Erin tried to take a deep breath as she waited at a red light, but the tight band of emotion wouldn’t allow her to. Finally, she pulled off onto a quieter side street and came to a stop in front of a brightly lit home. She put her car into park then leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes.
This was a side she rarely, if ever, let show. She was supposed to be the happy one. The bubbly one. When she’d first come to the Johnsons, she’d learned that being happy and smiley made them happy and smiley. She had hoped that if she made them smile that they wouldn’t send her away. That they would give her enough food to eat and a soft place to sleep.
Though she’d been able to tell the social workers and therapists what had happened when everything had gone down, it seemed they all assumed that the memories would fade because she was so young when it happened. But they hadn’t. The memories were still there. Even the worst ones. However, she hadn’t missed the relief on the faces of people in the early years in foster care when she’d just ignore their subtle attempts to figure out if she remembered. It seemed to make them happy to assume she didn’t, and since that seemed to make them happy, she didn’t tell them differently. She wanted everyone to like her. To love her.
Stop crying.
No one wants to be around you when you cry.
I hate you when you cry.
Stop crying.
She’d learned to stop crying, but her precious baby brother hadn’t.
And so Erin rarely cried. No one wanted to see that side of her. They loved her happy side.
As the tears continued to fall, the memories pushing past the barriers she usually kept in place, Erin bent her head and sobbed. And her tears weren’t just for the pain of the past, they were for the heartache she knew without a doubt was headed her way. James Dawson, in spite of their rough start, had somehow managed to grab hold of her heart.
Erin didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, but slowly the emotional tide that had swamped her began to recede, leaving her drained and exhausted. She opened her eyes and stared out the windshield of her car, blinking away the remaining moisture that blurred the view. The upbeat notes of Jingle Bells that spilled from the speakers were at odds with the emotion that sat heavy on her chest. She reached out and pressed the button to silence the radio, for once not interested in hearing the music of her favorite season.
Flashing at the periphery of her gaze drew her attention, and Erin looked over to see a large tree with white lights twinkling in the window of a nearby house. She watched the lights sparkle, letting the beauty of it continue to soothe her ragged emotions. When she heard a chirp from her phone, she dug through her purse to pull it out.
James: Hope you made it home safe and sound. Thanks again for a wonderful evening.
Erin read through the message a couple of times then stared out the front window of her SUV trying to compose an answer. Her brain was still clouded with the thoughts and emotions of earlier.
Erin: Had to make a stop so not quite home yet. Glad you enjoyed the presentation.
She knew she should put her car into drive and head for home, but Erin continued to sit there, the phone clutched in her hand. When it chirped again a couple of minutes later, she looked down at the display.
James: Are you okay? I got the feeling that something was bothering you.
Erin: To be honest, talking about my past isn’t my favorite thing. It was my bad for bringing it up.
This time, Erin watched the screen closely, waiting for his response. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait too long.
James: I shouldn’t have asked about it. Blame it on my job. I ask questions before I think through whether I should or not—particularly in a social setting. Please know that what you’ve shared with me stays between us.
Erin felt relief at his words. She still wasn’t sure that sharing with him like she had had been the best idea, but at least now she didn’t have to worry about him telling anyone else about it.
Erin: Thank you. I don’t tend to share that information with people. You must be pretty good at your job to get it out of me so easily. ;)
James: I am good at what I do, but my job was pretty far from my mind when I was talking with you. I just wanted to get to know you. Next time we can start with favorite color and singer.
She smiled at his response even though she knew she shouldn’t be happy about it. There really should be no next time for the two of them.
Erin: Guess I’ll have to ask about your favorite sports team and food.
James: Sounds like a plan. : ) Have a good night. By the way, Nana says hello.
He had gone to his grandmother’s?
Erin: Tell her hi from me as well. Good night!
As she put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb, Erin wondered what—if anything—he’d told his grandmother about their evening. Somehow she had to find a way to keep things from getting any more complicated than they already were.
The Sweetness of Her Love: A Christian Romance (Fostered by Love Book 2) Page 4