by Claire Adams
I froze as I stared at my computer screen. Did I want to go on a date with this guy? He was handsome and seemed pretty normal, but I wasn’t sure my head was in the right place for dating. Suddenly the whole interaction got real and I freaked out. No, I wasn’t ready to go on a real date. I couldn’t handle that.
Quickly, I closed out of the window and went back to work without replying to him. I clicked my profile back to hidden so no one could message me or see my profile. I was just going to have to fix my error without the active profile on there. I certainly couldn’t risk him messaging me and me having to explain why I had just disappeared.
My hands shook as I tried to type the code fixes into the computer. With adrenaline rushing through my body, I had to stop and sip some water while I cleared my head a little.
I pulled a family photo out of my wallet and tears started to pour down my face while I looked at how happy Spencer and I were when Connor was born. There really hadn’t been any happier moment in my entire life than when they placed my son in my arms with Spencer right there by my side.
My stomach churned with guilt over just talking to Brandon. Logically, I knew that I wasn’t cheating on Spencer. I’d had a few men in my bed since he had passed away. None of them had sparked such a rush of emotion as my brief conversation with Brandon, though.
Brandon seemed to be a normal guy who I actually would have dated before I met Spencer. He obviously had a decent job, since he had paid for a premium membership on our website, and I noticed he had a full consultation coming up with our Director of Love. Those meetings were only for truly elite clients, so Brandon had to be at least a millionaire if he qualified for that meeting.
Beyond his financial stability, he was really handsome, funny, and liked to run as much as I did.
Guilt wasn’t really a logical feeling for me to have since my husband had been gone several years, but maybe it was because I hadn’t met a guy I actually wanted to date before. The men in my life over the last couple years had been what I liked to refer to has place holders. They stood in for what I needed at the moment without pushing a relationship agenda.
The problem was that Brandon was on a dating website: he actually wanted a real relationship with someone and I had responded to his messages. My stomach continued to churn as I went back to figuring out my coding error on our profiles.
“It looks like it didn’t go well,” Mattie said as she came back from lunch.
Her face drooped apologetically as I tried to explain what had happened. The conversation had gone pretty well. The problem was that I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to have a good conversation with an emotionally available man. My spur of the moment decision had me swirling with emotions.
“It was all right. I’m just not ready to date.”
“You are ready! Don’t even tell me this. Come on now – Connor is in school; you’re doing great at work. It’s time for you to get out on the market for real. Like an actual date where you have a drink and eat some food.”
“I’ve had a drink with guys before,” I protested.
“Standing at the bar while they flirt with you and convince you to go back to their place, is not dating.”
“I know, I know. I just don’t think I’m ready.”
“Okay, let’s assume you’re right. When will you be ready? What exactly are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon? I don’t want to fall in love with some guy and look like the horrible widow who rushed out to find a second husband.”
“Del, it’s been four years. I guarantee no one is going to say you rushed out to find a husband. Hell, even Spencer’s parents tried to fix you up last Christmas. If your own late husband’s family is trying to find you a guy, that’s a clear sign you have a green light for dating.”
I had to laugh at the memory of Mary and Steve trying to fix me up with their accountant. They had invited him to a New Year’s Eve party that was a couple’s-only party, then they invited me. The poor guy ended up sitting next to me and talking about my son’s pre-school mishaps all evening long. I certainly wasn’t a fascinating date.
Mary and Steve were literally the most perfect in-laws in the world. They came over and took Connor for fun weekend trips. They babysat for me whenever my babysitter flaked out and always made me feel loved, no matter what was going on in my life.
I was so lucky they were in Los Angeles with us; I never would have stayed in town after Spencer’s death if they hadn’t been there to help me. My family had begged me to come back to Idaho, but I had just started at Dating the Rich and I really loved the warm California weather. It was a difficult decision to stay in sunny California, but was made easier by my in-laws.
“I’ll consider it. I’m not saying I’d date this guy, but I will consider going on a real date soon.”
“Why not the millionaire from the site?” Mattie asked firmly. “He’s a decent guy, right?”
“Sure, he seemed nice enough. But let’s be realistic here: if he’s a rich, good-looking guy, the last thing he’s going to be looking for is a woman with the kind of baggage I have. He could get any hot, young thing on our site to go out with him. I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in me.”
“He’s rich, right? He messaged you, right? I think that’s a pretty good sign he was interested in you.”
“You know money isn’t important to me. I’d date a poor man if we got along well. And, I think he was only interested in that bikini photo. Anyways, it doesn’t matter now. I’ve got the account private and he can’t message me. End of story.”
“Okay, so then if this guy asks you out, promise you’ll go with him.”
“I just shut out of our conversation and made my profile invisible. I doubt he’s going to be asking me out, since he has no way of reaching me,” I shrugged. “Plus, technically he did ask me out, right before I closed the conversation and blocked my account.”
“Del!”
“Sorry, it was an impulse move. How about I make you a compromise: I’ll go out with the next decent guy who asks me out. Does that sound like a deal?”
“I guess, but you really should make your profile live again and let that guy ask you out. There’s no reason you need to date some loser like Markus when you’ve got guys like him hitting on you.”
“Did you and Markus talk about last night?” I asked nervously.
It really was sad how many problems Mattie and Markus had in their relationship. It was even sadder that they both chose to stay together. If they really weren’t happy, why bother pushing through an unhappy relationship? It seemed much better for both people to just move on and find what it was they were looking for.
I really didn’t understand why Mattie refused to leave Markus. She said she loved him, but it seemed more like she was afraid she wouldn’t find another man if she got rid of him.
“We didn’t talk about it.”
“Really? Your man was clearly flirting with the bartender and probably even got her phone number, yet you didn’t want to talk to him about it? Mattie, you’re better than this. You deserve so much more.”
“I don’t like arguing with him. I’m not his keeper, and I can’t go around patrolling everything he does. We have talked about it before and he’s not sleeping with her; he’s just a naturally flirty guy.”
I rolled my eyes at the utter stupidity of her words. It sounded exactly like something Markus had probably said in order to convince her he was not the type of guy who would cheat on her again. Yet everything he did showed he was exactly that type of guy.
I didn’t care what his excuse was – he wasn’t being respectful of my friend and that pissed me off. The problem I had was that I was her friend and it seemed to upset her when I brought up what an ass her boyfriend was. I clearly didn’t want to get her upset and didn’t want to make her feel bad for staying with the guy; I just couldn’t understand why she continued to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Mattie, come on.”
> “I know what you’re going to say, but I love him and that’s the end of it. I trust him. Well, I mostly trust him. I’m not going to break up with him, so just leave it alone.”
“Fine, but just be careful, please. I really don’t want you to get a broken heart.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said as she answered a call and got back to work.
I went back to looking for my error and my computer flashed blue and then went totally black and shut down. I jumped back at the sudden noise of the computer shutting down and then glanced around the office to see if anyone else was having problems.
Everyone else seemed hard at work and were clearly not having the same issue I was. When my computer was unable to turn back on, I had no other choice but to call our main IT help desk. It was like the ultimate defeat when a computer person had to call on another computer person to help them. It was even worse when you were a female in a field that was predominately male. I absolutely despised having to call anyone for computer help.
“Hey, Tom, my whole system shut down and won’t turn back on.”
“Hi, Delilah. How are you today?” Tom said cheerfully into the phone. “That computer of yours has been causing you a lot of problems lately. Maybe it’s time we think about replacing it.”
My computer had been a pain in the butt for months. It constantly required rebooting and finagling to get it to operate even close to how it was supposed to work. The problem was I never wanted to deal with setting up a new computer. I knew how to get this one running, so I always just fixed the errors and moved on. But this time the poor old thing might have given me its last hurrah.
“I was doing well until I lost my computer. I’m trying to figure out a coding error, though; it’s a little frustrating. The damn thing normally just reboots, but this time I can’t seem to get it going again.”
“I’ll come right down and see what I can do,” he replied and hung up before I could protest.
Tom was standing next to my desk in less than two minutes. His glasses pressed deep into his nose as he leaned down near my legs to look at the computer. I tried to roll my chair away, but he had his hand on the arm rest to support himself while he looked for the serial number.
“I can get the number for you, Tom,” I offered, as his close proximity to my legs started to make me nervous.
“It’s okay, I’ve got it. You know, this is one of the oldest computers in the office. I think you should have one of the new ones since you’re doing so much programming and network projects.
“Why don’t you take the rest of today off? I’ll have our new vendor come set up the Lightning Razor computer for you in the morning. He swears by this new model and I was going to test it out, but since your computer is crap, I think it might be easier to just give it to you.”
Although I really didn’t want to have to deal with a new computer, the Lightning Razor was epic in the computer world and I was excited at the opportunity to mess around with it. If my computer wasn’t even going to turn on, then it was time for me to suck it up and get the new one. It would take a little bit of work to set it up, but once I had it running, the new computer would be ideal for my productivity.
“All right, I’ll talk with Robert and cut my day short today. What time should I meet with the vendor tomorrow?”
“I’ll have him come at eight,” he said as he pushed himself back into the standing position.
Tom leaned against my desk with part of his stomach showing from under his polo shirt. It took all the self-control I had not to look straight at his bulging stomach as I tried to wrap up our conversation.
“Okay, I’ll be here,” I said. “Thanks so much for your help. Have a good rest of your day.”
“You know, I was just about to head out early today, too. Would you like to go to an afternoon movie or something?”
“I’m sorry, Tom, I’m still not really dating right now. You know it’s just so hard to move on after losing the love of my life,” I said dramatically.
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. Okay. Um, yeah, I’ll touch base tomorrow after the technician leaves. Have a good day,” he said as he scurried away.
“You said you’d go out with the next guy who asked,” Mattie laughed from the other cubicle.
“Oh no, that one doesn’t count,” I said. “I’d rather date the guy from the website.”
“Do me a favor and keep your profile visible for a little bit. It might be fun to at least talk to some decent guys…assuming there are decent guys on our website. Sometimes I wonder.”
“Fine, I’ll make it public tonight. I’m going to head out for the day. I’m trying to get a long run in for my marathon training; any chance you want to join me?” I asked, although I already knew the answer.
“Nope. Have fun with that torture.”
“See you tomorrow, and maybe you can actually offer a little help next time Tom gets his sweaty butt into my cubicle. I thought we were friends.”
“I know, but it was so fun to watch you squirm.”
“I hate you and love you all at the same time.”
“I know. I love you, too,” Mattie said as she waved goodbye and I gathered my things for the day.
My endorphins were still racing through my system after flirting with Brandon. It was the perfect time to go for a long run and zone out a little. I wasn’t all that great at running, but it was the best stress reliever around.
Chapter Four
Brandon
“If you watch this trend, you’ll be able to catch the upsell just before it starts. Then you can’t take a break, you can’t walk away from your computer: you have to watch diligently for the downward movement to start so you can sell.”
“Josh, you make it sound so urgent. How much an I really going to lose if I go to the bathroom during a decline?” I laughed.
Josh took his job of stock trading very seriously. Even when I joked with him, his face stayed solid and he didn’t react to my attempts at humor. I appreciated his serious nature around teaching me his investment techniques, but even a good businessman had to take a leak every now and then.
Learning about stocks seemed a natural next step for me. I hoped after taking a break from business that I might step into running something new down the line. It was sad that I didn’t understand the stock market more than I did, especially considering I’d only been able to sell my company after going public and getting top dollar on the market.
“If you are asking me a serious question about when to take a break, I’d say to make sure you have an iPad with the tracking information on it so you can carry it around while you’re watching for the bubble to break.”
“Then I’m allowed to pee?”
“Yes, then you can pee. But you can seriously lose millions of dollars if you mess this up, Brandon. I’ve seen a stock drop up to five dollars within minutes. If you have a million shares of stock, you just lost a hell of a lot of money, even for you.”
“I understand, Josh; I’m just messing with you. Can we take a break for the day? My mind just isn’t in the investing mode right now. It’s sort of a pile of mush. How do I turn you back into my fun friend and out of this cranky stock trader?”
“You’re the boss.”
It was true – technically, I was paying Josh for his time, so we could do whatever it was I wanted to do. He was also my friend, though, and I valued his time and expertise in this field. I hadn’t made my money by using people and I didn’t want to start now.
Throughout my years in business, people were what got me through. I hired the right people at the right time and everything seemed to come together perfectly for my company. I’d been interviewed about the success of my manufacturing firm and had to admit that it wasn’t just me that made it successful. It had been the combination of everyone doing exactly what needed to be done at just the right time.
“We’ll just take a little break; I know you need to get going soon.”
“Yep, I’d like to get in on the surge for that R
andall company. I’ll need to go soon so I can follow that trend.”
“Hell, just log into your account here. I’ll probably learn more from watching you than from trying to do it before I really know what I’m doing. At this point, I feel like my investments are just a donation to charity until I’ve figured out how to turn it all around.”
“Are you sure? I can get pretty wrapped up in it and won’t be able to just log out until a sell order comes.”
“Yep, I had some other business to do, anyways. I’ll pull up next to you here and watch you while I get this stuff done.”
I didn’t actually have business to do – more like checking my Dating the Rich account to see if Delilah had returned my messages. Her account seemed to disappear very quickly after we were talking, but then late night before, I’d noticed it was back up and running. She was mysterious: I had to at least give her that much.
“Oh, the dating site; how’s that going?” Josh asked as he noticed me logging in. “Have you found the love of your life yet?”
“It’s just a little fun for right now. Most of these girls don’t really seem like my type.”
It was the truth: most of the women who had emailed me seemed like they were barely bright enough to log into their accounts. Their messages were riddled with spelling and grammar errors, and although I wasn’t perfect in that area, I could put together a sentence that actually made sense.
“Wow, do all the women post bikini profile pictures? I think I need to get back into the dating game.”
“No, not all. I actually chatted with her over the instant messaging system the other day; she was really nice and funny. There’s nothing better than a girl with a witty sense of humor.”
“Oh, yes there is! A girl with a body like that. I’d say that body is better than any humor she has.”
“She was fun to talk to. I asked her out for a drink, but she hasn’t replied. In fact, her whole profile disappeared after I asked her out. It’s back now, though; maybe I’ll message her again. What do you think?”
“Can I speak honestly, Brandon?”