“I honestly don’t know. I never could understand it.” I hope that she never knew what he was like and that she wouldn’t intentionally put me in danger. It doesn’t matter that we don’t talk, and I can’t stand to be around her, she will always be my sister. I will always have a love for her, but I don’t think I could ever be friends with her again.
“Wait are we talking about that fucker we met in Johnnie’s? The one Conner said looked like a serial killer?” Nathan asked, and I look to him in confusion. Did they meet David?
“Fuck, that mother fucking asswipe. Asking how Winter was, after what he has done! He has some fucking balls. Ugh! I want to kill him.” Soph is so angry she jumps up from sitting beside me and starts pacing. Nathan stands up and hugs her, trying to calm her down.
“He’s been playing a game with you Wints for a very long time. It’s time to end this.” Scott tells me, and I nod.
“Okay, first thing in the morning you’re teaming up and searching for him while Wints is at the station with me and Luke. There is no way we’re going to let this despicable excuse for a human be allowed to walk the streets.” Soph’s back! Her no-nonsense approach is what she does. I love how she can switch her emotions; I wish I could do that.
“Oh yeah, this fucker is going to regret messing with my family.” I look and see the anger in Scott’s eyes.
“Please don’t get yourselves into trouble because of me, do you know why I never told you? Because I knew if I told you or if you had seen the bruising on my face and my broken leg, that you would have killed him. So I didn’t tell anyone, then I got scared that because I hadn’t told anyone, that nobody would believe me.” It was my worst fear that people would think like Maddie, that I made it up.
“We won’t get into trouble don’t worry,” Scott says. Soph moves off my lap and walks back to Nathan, he immediately pulls her to him, and she melts into his touch. I want that. I want to be able to have Sammy touch me and not flinch. I look at him, and he’s staring at me. He looks for a second and walks over to me, he holds out his hand, and I take it.
He smiles and pulls on my hand a silent indication he wants me to stand, I’m confused, but I do as he says. As soon as I’m standing he pulls me to him and hugs me, I flinch, but he doesn’t let go.
“You’ve done it Sweets; I’m never letting you go.” My heart soars at his words, even after everything he knows he still wants me. I sag into him, he takes my weight, and his arms tighten around me. We stand together for a few moments, and at this time, in his arms, I felt normal, I don’t feel dirty or used. I felt like a woman who is normal.
“What happened after?” Scott asks and I still at his words. I don’t want to talk about going to the hospital.
“Come on Winter, I’ll be with you the whole time,” Sammy says as he takes my hand and sits on the chair I vacated and pulls me into his lap. I curl up into him, he cocoons me with his arms.
Chapter Seven
Winter
I feel safe in Sammy’s arms. I feel stronger being with him. I look up from my position on his lap and see that he is looking down at me with such worry, it makes my heart hurt. I take a quick glance around the room at the others and know that I am safe with them. I tell them what happened when I wake up after the assault.
~*~
I come too and I still as it all floods back to me what has just happened. I listen and don’t hear anything, I open my eyes but I can only open one and I see nothing but darkness, the rain has stopped.
I lie there for a few moments just making sure I’m alone. I don’t hear anything except noises of cars. Cars! That’s what I need, I need to get to a car and get help. I try and move, but cry out in pain as I move my right leg. I roll over letting a cry out as I do. I’m sore everywhere.
After positioning myself in a way I can get up I do, it hurts, and I’m sobbing so hard that I can hardly see, I don’t know where my shoes are, and I don’t care, I just want to get away from this alley. I hobble along and touch a wall, I lean against it as I make my way out of the alley and I know I’m scraping my arm along the way as I do. I don’t know how I manage it, but I make it out of that fucking alley and out onto the street. I turned left and start walking back the way I came. I walk for ages before I see a car, I start waving my arms trying to get their attention, but they don’t stop.
I can’t walk any further my leg is hurting so bad, it’s a continuous pain but every time I put pressure on it I get a shooting pain through my knee. I crossed over the road, there is a bench I want to sit on. Just as I make it to the bench, a car slows down, and I hear it stop.
“Excuse me Ma’am are you okay?” I sigh in relief. Hopefully, I will get some help. I turn around, and I hear the gasp.
“Oh shit. We need to get you to the hospital, Carina, help her get into the car, she looks scared that I’m going to touch her.” The woman gets out of the car and goes to put her arm around me, I flinch away. The woman drops her arms and looks to the man.
“Harry, let’s call an ambulance and wait with her, the poor woman needs help, but she’s too scared to come with us, I don’t blame her. You call the ambulance and the cops while you’re at it. This poor woman has been assaulted. It’s not right. Someone needs shooting.” I want to laugh at the venom in the lady’s voice, but I don’t I’m too numb.
I sit on the bench; I can’t stand up anymore. The lady follows me but stays at a distance. The street lights make me notice that my leg is twisted out of place, there is blood running down my legs from my knee and from my vagina. I saw the man in the car had stayed where he was, he had a worried look in his eyes, I wanted to thank him for waiting, but I just don’t have the strength or courage to speak.
I hear the sirens, and I cry, I break completely, I’m going to be okay. I feel someone in front of me, and I look up and let out a scream, it’s hoarse and hurts my throat. The guy from the car is kneeling in front of me.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, and I’m not going to hurt you. I want you to know that you’re going to be okay now. I’ll wait until you are taken in the ambulance. Is there anybody you would like me to call for you?” I shake my head. There is no one I want to see me like this. I could get them to call Maddie, but she wouldn’t be home.
“Okay, just so you know my name is Harry Sommers, and this is my wife, Carina.” I nod and swallow hard.
“Thank you for stopping for me and then staying, making sure I’m okay. I don’t know how to repay you.” Again it came out raspy and croaked, my throat hurts so bad. The woman, Carina starts shaking her head.
“Now sugar, you don’t need to thank us, and there’s nothing to repay us for. I’m sorry this has happened to you. Make sure you get some help, don’t let it fester inside. It will slowly kill you. Trust me I know.” I see Harry’s eyes darken when she says that, but the comment doesn’t register with me. The ambulance arrives, and right behind it is the squad car. The paramedics race over to me, the man kneels down and starts talking to me. I see the cops coming over as well.
I feel someone touch my leg, and I let out a scream and move back away from them. I notice that everybody takes a step back, except for the woman paramedic. My breathing starts to quicken; I’m clenching my fists. I don’t want to be touched.
“Hi my name’s Michelle, can you tell me yours?” She has a smile on her face, it’s a sad one and I’m wondering if everyone knows what happened to me by looking at me?
“Winter.” It comes out as a croak, and I swallow and try again. The pain is so bad; I don’t want to talk, but I know I have to.
“Winter. Winter Cortez.” I say loud enough for her to hear me. It’s hoarse and gravelly, she stares at my throat, then nods at me.
“Okay Winter, can you explain to me what happened? I’m going to bring one of the Officers over so they can listen too okay? Nobody is going to touch you except me, and I will tell you before I do. Is that ok? Can the Officer come over?” I don’t say anything I just nod my head. She motions for one of the cops
to come over to her. When he reaches her, she explains to him what’s going to happen.
“Okay, Winter, when you’re ready.” I nod and look over at the ambulance and tell them what happened, the abbreviated version.
“I was walking home from Venice, when I was pushed into the alley, he placed his hand over my mouth, I tried to get away, but he kept pulling me back, he raped me, and I passed out. I don’t know where he went or what he did after I passed out. I woke up and walked here, and they found me.” My voice breaks on the last word and Michelle speaks.
“Okay, no more talking from you, we need to get you checked out, we’re going to put you into the ambulance and bring you to the hospital okay.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. I nod anyway.
“Ms. Cortez, I’m Officer Jones. Can you please either nod or shake your head to the few questions I have?” I nod at that question.
“Good, that’s it. Okay was it on this street that you were in the alley?” I don’t know what street I’m on so how would I know. He must see the confusion on my face as he says.
“Ms. Cortez, we’re on Madison Street, is this the street where the alley is?” I nod.
“Okay my last question and then you can go. Is there anybody you want us to call?” I shake my head. The Officer frowns at me.
“Are you sure?” I nod. I just want to go.
“Okay Ms. Cortez, I will be with you all the way to the Hospital, there will be a detective here later to take a full statement.” I nod and Michelle puts me onto the stretcher and then into the ambulance. The doors close, and Michelle gets in the back with me as the other paramedic gets in the front. She looks me over while on our way to the Hospital.
~*~
I look around the room and see that everyone is staring at me, I look to the ground. I’m still sitting on Sammy’s lap, but I don’t want to see pity in everyone’s eyes when they find out the next part.
“Sweets, take a break, you don’t have to tell us. You’ve told us enough for tonight.” I want to, I want to tell them everything, not to hurt them, but so they understand why I had to leave. Why I had to get away.
“Sam’s right hon, you have been through so much already and reliving this must hurt so much. You don’t need to continue.” Soph tells me. I’m so lucky to have great people in my life.
“No, I’ll finish, it will help you all understand why I left.” I take a deep breath and recount the hospital.
~*~
I’m brought straight to a room, there’s only one nurse here. The room is sterile, it’s cold, and I fucking hate it, there’s a bed in the corner of the room and in the middle of the floor is an enormous white sheet, it takes up almost half the room. There are boxes everywhere. I feel extremely vulnerable.
“Hi Winter, my name is Kelley. I’m one of the SANE’s nurses here at the Hospital. I’m going to be the one to do the rape kit. It will take a while, and I will walk you through everything I do, but first we need to get a picture taken of the injuries on your face and your leg.” I nod and she takes the pictures, I close my eyes and block out what she is doing. I feel fucking dirty that I’m tainted and ruined. I hate this feeling. I don’t think I will ever not feel dirty.
“Okay Winter, we need to X-ray your leg and then we need to put it in a cast, we will do that first then I will do the rape kit okay?” I shake my head.
“No, I want to shower, I want to get clean, I know having a cast on I won’t be able to. No, I want to wash every inch of my body, I want to get clean, so no I won’t get an x-ray now.” My voice is still raspy and me shouting has made it worse. She looks so sad, she understands what I’m telling her, I presume I’m not her first victim.
“Okay, but this is going to take hours, are you sure that you can handle the pain for that length?” I look at her, and I see the worry in her eyes.
“I’ll be fine; I just want a shower. Okay. Please, I want him off me.” It comes out croaky. She takes my hand, and she nods.
“Okay Winter, let’s get started. Can you tell me what happened? The more you can tell me about the actual assault the better equipped I’ll be to help you.” So I do, I whisper everything to her since my throat is still sore. I cry the whole way through telling her, I tell her how dirty I feel, I tell her how I wanted him to kill me. She looks so sad, but she doesn’t say a word, just listens to me.
“Thank you for telling me, now I need to get a detailed medical history.” So I answer all her questions I can, but I don’t know anything about my father.
Then I have to stand on the big white sheet and undress, it’s hard because my leg hurts. I pull my panties down to my knee and have to stop, the pain is unbearable. I take deep breaths and try again, it takes a while, but I finally get them down, and I step out of them. Next is my dress, I pull it over my head. I’m now standing naked, and I feel vulnerable, I feel as though I’m being judged. I know it’s not the case, but it’s what I’m thinking people are going to think, the way I dressed that I wanted it.
Next Kelley collects all that she calls the biological evidence, such as saliva, blood, semen, urine, skin cells and hair by taking swabs of my skin, vagina, anus, and mouth, scraping under my fingernails and combing through my hair. She told me that I could tell her to stop at any time, I wanted her to, but I also wanted this over, I wanted this finished. So I let her continue. I felt violated again, this time, I was meant to be in control, but it didn’t make it any less of a violation. It made me feel dirty and used. It made me feel like a victim. Now she takes more pictures, these are the most personal ones, the ones of my breasts, the bruises on them. I hate it, I’ve tears rolling down my face. I can’t stand this.
She explains the risks of the sexually transmitted infections. I cringe as she went through every one of them. I listened to her as she explains how each can be treated, she says she will give me a high dose of antibiotic treatment, but I will have to get the HIV test redone if negative in three months. Six months and a year’s time, just to be on the safe side. She also tells me she will give me the morning after pill.
Kelley collects everything, documenting it all as she goes, I’m like a crime scene with the amount of detail they go into. This has been going on for over four hours. I’m so fucking tired, I want a shower. Kelley boxes everything up when she is finished, and she tells me she will be back in a few minutes. It’s the loneliest few minutes I’ve ever encountered. I’m naked, battered and bruised. I hate myself right now. I want nothing more than a scolding hot shower.
Kelley comes back in with clothes, shampoo, conditioner and shower gel and hands them to me. I take them as though they are the best gift anyone has ever given me. But the first thing I need to do is get clean!
I get in the shower and sit on the chair and let the water cascade down onto my body, I scrub so hard trying to get the feel of him off me, but no matter how hard I scrub I can still feel him. I lose it completely. I sob and I don’t stop. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here just sitting crying when there’s a knock on the door, I need to get out of the shower. I stand as best as I can and grab the towel.
I come out of the bathroom to see that Kelley is still here. She has a worried look on her face.
“Okay, Winter we’ll bring you for the x-ray then get you the cast. There are police officers here that are waiting to see if you will make a statement?” I look to the floor, I want this fucker stopped, but I don’t have the strength to relive it again.
“Yes” I try to say it, but nothing comes out except a weird sound. My throat is sore; Michelle looks at me with a frown.
“I’ll talk to them and tell them that you are unable to answer any questions right now, that they should wait. Let’s get you to the x-ray.”
My leg was fractured, and they put the cast on, and the police officers drove me home, I thought they must have said no to waiting for the statement, but they just wanted me to get home safely. I fall asleep, and it is the worst sleep of my life, I keep dreaming about it. I wake up three times, each t
ime I vomit.
When the detectives come in the morning to take my statement I don’t remember who it was I just remember the smell and the assault, not his actual face. I feel like a failure, I know I know who it is, I just can’t see it. The detectives say that since they have my clothes and the rape kit, that they will do everything in their power to find him.
~*~
“I don’t understand! You told us who it was, why did you tell the police you didn’t know?” Scott shouts causing me to flinch back. I don’t blame him. I feel fucking angry too, if only I remembered then he may have been caught by now, and I would be safe.
“DON’T! Don’t blame her. I was there the day she remembered. She fucking broke! I watched her crumble before my eyes. The fear in her eyes was so fucking raw. So don’t make it out to be her fault. She is not to blame for any of this. For you to even imply it is out of fucking line.” Soph shouts at him, she is standing, tears streaming down her face and her chest heaving with the anger. She’s like a mama bear protecting her cub. I love that woman so much.
“I didn’t remember until I went to the rape crisis center, we were talking, and she asked me to recount what happened, so I did, she then asked if there was something about him that was identifiable, I told her about the tobacco. She told me to close my eyes and look deep. I saw the scar first, and it came flooding back, absolutely every fucking detail including his face came rushing back. No matter how hard I have tried since then, I can’t forget anything. Every night I dream about the attack. Every fucking night.” I’m sobbing, and I hate that I am. I should be stronger.
Sammy strokes my hair and pulls me closer to him. I’m so lucky to have him right now. I didn’t think he would stay. Not because of the man he is, but because I’m an emotional wreck. They all sit in silence while I’m crying, Sammy still stroking my head trying to get me to calm down.
Deadly Obsession Page 9