Kalena began, “I just want to thank you guys for putting up with me and sacrificing yourselves to be apart of my big day. I am so grateful to have y’all in my life. You guys have made this wedding planning easy on me. No one has given me problems and I was really surprised at my mobile bridal shower. I really had fun and I love you guys dearly. Chelsea, we are gonna give you the best baby shower next year. Even though I’m getting married, y’all give me two months with my man and I’ll be coming out to play. Every one of y’all are just as important to me as my husband, and Todd loves y’all too. He sees how close we all are and that’s important to us.”
“TFC forever. Please believe it!” We all said in unison.
That night was just what I needed.
When I got to my car, I texted Derrick back, “I’m giving him a chance. He’s mannin’ up D, it’ll get better.”
He hit me back with, “just use your eyes not your heart. Watch this nicca.”
I thought about Pops saying the same thing. “Watch it.”
I texted Jules, “Hey baby.”
He texted back, “Hey mama, are you having fun with the girls?”
I texted back, “Yes, but I’m headed home now. Gonna go to bed. Ok, I’ll call you in the morning for church. Sleep tight.”
“Thanks, you too boo. You’re the best,” he texted.
“I know (smiley face). Muah!”
He texted “xoxo”.
I turned up the volume on Jordyn’s mix CD. Keyshia Cole and Jahiem blared through my speakers. I Changed For You was sounding so good. I sung along all the way home. I thought about Drew’s parents and thought I would call them tomorrow. Maybe.
I looked at my bridesmaid’s dress hanging in my closet and put my bronze earrings and necklace in the Pelle Moda shoebox with the shoes and matching satin purse. I was ready to walk down that aisle for Kalena and Todd. I was hoping that I would be next, or Chelsea.
I texted the three of them to let them know I was home safe.
I called and checked on my twin.
She was at our parents’ house watching the presidential coverage with Pops and Mama was in her room watching The Cosby Show. Glad to hear that my sister and Pop were still hanging. “What is Mama cooking tomorrow?” I asked.
“Short ribs, cabbage, cornbread and au gratin potatoes.”
“Swell and dandy. Jules and I will be there after church.”
“Okay. Derrick coming too, right?”
“Duh? Are you bringing someone?”
“Probably not, Nee. I’m not dating anyone, I told you.”
“Have you talked to Chris since my incident?”
“Yeah, we talked. She was very sorry about everything. She forgot that I was a twin. She wanted to apologize to you but I said it was ok. We’re just friends, but I don’t fool with her.”
“She’s bootsy anyway,” I said.
“But she served her purpose and that’s done,” Jordyn assured me. “I gotta go to Kalena’s to pick up my dress and shoes, so I’ll holla. Pop is falling asleep in the chair anyway. You should see how funny he looks.”
“Don’t be laughing at my daddy,” I demanded jokingly.
“Ok, bye girl,” Jordyn said.
We hung up. Najah and Kalena both texted to say they were home too. Najah has a thirty-minute drive, but it seems like it only takes her ten minutes to get to Vallejo. She’s a speed demon on that highway.
I laid down and I got a text from Sean. “What’s up, stranger?” he asked.
“Feel like some company?”
I texted back, “no thanks.”
I got ready for bed, said my prayers and of course they were all about Jules and our situation. I turned on the TV and watched The Game.
On the show, Melanie was going through the same exact thing that I was going through. It made me cry because she wanted Derwin’s ex not to have the kid and I wanted Jules’ ex not to have their baby, too.
Poor Melanie and me.
Chapter 27
WOMAN TO WOMAN
Sunday was my favorite day. That’s what I wrote as my status on Facebook before I noticed that Jules had called me six times during the night. He wasn’t answering his phone when I called him back.
What in the world was going on now?
There seemed like there wasn’t a dull moment with this dude. I was already uneasy from Derrick’s text. I was worrying, because I knew he had drama last night.
Well, him calling me all through the night proved two things that didn’t happen: he didn’t go to jail for hitting a woman, and he wasn’t having sex with her either.
I went into my closet to pick something to wear. I settled on a purple, black and white dress with my purple Steve Maddens.
Derrick wasn’t home, he probably was at a “pet store” which was a clue he probably wasn’t going to church. I started feeling stressed. I was walking to the kitchen when I heard my crackberry ringing. I turned around and dashed back to my bedroom.
It was Jules.
“Hey baby.”
“Hey baby,” he replied.
“What’s going on? You’ve been calling and calling. You miss me?”
“Hell yeah, I miss you. Man but we need to talk. I got something to tell you and I’m upset because I know you are gonna break up with me when I tell you.”
“Not necessarily. You had a life before you met me and things happen, plus you’ve been a man about your situation so you got some gold stars. They do count for something.”
“I was trying to come over there cause this crazy bitch followed me home after she came up to the comedy club showing her ass, trying to get me fired.”
“Y’all was fighting?”
“Yeah, pretty much. She’s making it clear that she wants to keep the baby and she wants us to break up so me and her can be together.”
“What?” I asked. “What you gonna do?
“I’m coming over there now ’cause she’s here in my living room getting on my nerves.”
“She’s there in your living room?”
“Yes and this crazy bitch found your drawer and threw all your lingerie in the bushes and took your toothbrush and threw it in the toilet. She even opened the refrigerator and was commenting on the food we have in there, talking about: “oh, y’all really kicking it tough, huh?” She said ‘y’all in here eating good and it look like she damn near lives here.’”
I felt proud of that, I was smiling like, “yeah bitch, he’s moved on to someone way better.”
“Well, tell her to get an abortion and I’ll even take her to the appointment. I can even take her home afterward and sit with her for the day.”
His tone changed.
“Oh, so just kill my baby, Journee? See, you are cold. I kinda want it.”
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I see.” I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes.
“I guess we’re not going to church, because we need to talk, huh?”
“Yep,” he said reluctantly. “I have never been so honest with a woman before, but you make me wanna keep it real with you. I don’t want to lose you, Journee.”
“You won’t. Come on over.”
“Okay,” he said and we hung up.
So this changes things, I thought.
I said a quick prayer asking God to have His way and to make things better. I prayed for Jules for God to keep His hands around him and guide his steps and thinking.
I decided to text Derrick, “Jules is coming over to talk about last night. Wish us luck. .”
He replied, “no, I pray that God’s will be done.”
I replied, “ok thx!”
I was so nervous. I was walking around until I noticed a card sitting on the living room table in a stack of mail. It was a card from Drew
. I opened it and it said “I’m Sorry” on the front of it. I couldn’t even open it and read it at this time. Too much was going on.
I sat down with some orange juice and waited on Jules to knock on my door. I really couldn’t wait for the cruise either.
The wedding had taken a lot out of me. I got into a fight and went to jail dealing with my twin sister being gay, I was in love with my boyfriend that has a baby on the way, the love of my life who’s in prison was trying to apologize for cussing me out for no reason, then I’m still dealing with Jason leaving me six years ago and now wanted to talk. Chelsea was pregnant by Greg and—whew—now I was feeling like what Chelsea always says, “whoa it’s me.”
I picked my crackberry up and read some status updates on Facebook to take my mind off my problems.
One person’s status read, “we are all natural spirits struggling in a human experience.” Interesting, I thought. I reread it out loud. I hit the like button.
Then there was another one. It read, “hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated. Showing love requires confidence and courage.” I hit the like button on that too.
I scrolled down and found my food for thought. I knew Facebook would have a message for me today. On Sundays they should call Facebook “Faithbook” ’cause it turns into church every Sunday.
Everyone’s profile picture was Obama’s name or a picture of him or his family.
Black folks were taking this election very seriously.
That was good.
I thought he was really gonna win. This country was not ready for a woman vice president.
The status said, “if it doesn’t fit, don’t force it. Let it go. A square peg will never fit in a round hole no matter how hard you try. Acts 38.”
“Acts 38? There isn’t an Acts 38,” I thought to myself, but the message was clear.
Wow!
“It is what it is,” I said, and decided to comment on the person’s status, but my thoughts were interrupted by a private caller.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hello, Journee?” she asked.
“Yes?”
“This is Jules’ baby mama and I just wanted you to talk to you woman to woman.”
Right when the caller said Jules’ baby mama is when my heart sunk.
This female had a lot of ghetto swag in her speech and I wasn’t in the mood to be dragged back into that era of existence. “Naw, we ain’t finna sing that song,” I was thinking to myself.
“Ah, how did you get my number?”
“What?”
“I said how did you get my number because I didn’t give it to you.” My voice got sterner. It was CHECK A BITCH time.
“Out his phone, but anyways-”
“No, not no anyways, boo.” I interrupted. “Did he give you my number to call me?”
“What?” Jules baby mama asked.
I repeated the question.
“No,” she said.
“Then why are you calling me?” I asked. “Actually, we can end this call right here ’cause there is no need for us to talk. I don’t owe you nothing! I ain’t dating you, you ain’t dating me and your problem is between you and him. Don’t call me anymore, got it?”
I pushed to red key on my crackberry and disconnected the call.
The doorbell rang. I got up to answer it and my boo was standing there with some Popeye’s Chicken in his hands.
“Come in,” I greeted him.
We kissed and hugged, and I followed him into the kitchen. We sat across from one another with our boxes in front of us. He bought us both chicken with a biscuit, red beans and rice, greens, and fries with lemonade.
“I don’t want to lose you, but this girl is pregnant and she is trying to run you off. She said she will see to it. She wants to get back with me. She wants it to be me, her, the new baby and her two boys.”
“Two boys?”
“She’s not working right now and she’s about to lose her place.”
“How long were you guys together before y’all broke up.”
“Three years,” he answered.
“And why did y’all break up again?”
“’Cause she’s ghetto.”
“Yeah, and she still is.” I said. “She just called me.”
“She did?” he asked.
I just looked at him.
“Yeah, she grabbed my phone and ran into the bathroom, locked the door and got all the numbers out of my phone. She was really concerned with your number, because it’s pretty much the only number that I call now. She has called my cousins and got clowned. She came up to my job clowning and embarrassed me. I know Derrick told you.”
“Yeah, he mentioned it.”
“Well, you don’t deserve this crap I’m going through, but I don’t want to lose you. I do need time to figure this out and get things straight so we can be good. I’m gonna need a break from us.”
“A break? People do that? Things get bad and they say ‘hey let’s take a break?’ Is this like a breakup?” I asked, confused.
“No baby, it’s like a timeout.”
“Well, for how long and what are you gonna be doing in the meantime? A week, month, year? How does this work, Julius Howard?” I was upset.
“Ah, my baby is mad,” he recognized. “You really love me, huh?”
“Yep.”
I looked him dead in the eyes.
“I’m gonna do what I gotta do. I just don’t want nothing to happen to you ’cause this bitch done lost her mind.”
“Tell her if she keeps on, she will miscarry.”
“That’s what you want anyway,” he said smiling,
“Duh,” I said.
We finished lunch and he was about ready to go.
“Don’t forget to vote on Tuesday, okay?”
“Dang, baby, I’m gonna talk to you by then.”
“Oh well,” I said. “I don’t know. I’m new to this break stuff.”
“It won’t be that bad,” he guaranteed.
I walked him to the door. As he bent down to kiss me, I noticed a scratch on his neck. I tried rubbing his dick and he pulled away.
“Uh nuh,” he quickly responded to my gesture.
“Why?”
“’Cause she kicked me there and it’s still sore.”
“Oh my gosh, Jules. Yeah, you really need to go handle that.” I demanded.
“Bye, baby.”
“Bye,” I said as I reached for another kiss. His kisses were so warm and his lips were full and when he kissed, he kissed slow and looked at me so intensely.
“Whew, I’m gonna miss that for awhile,” I thought.
He looked into my eyes and snatched me up and laid me on my couch. He got down on his knees and spread my legs open. I didn’t hold back, technically I was still his. I hadn’t groomed myself down there, but I didn’t care and neither did he. He wanted to eat his dessert and I wasn’t going to stop him. I didn’t know when the next time would be.
I watched him get in his Escalade and drive away, waving at me. I tried to smile.
I looked at my “Obama for President” sign in the front lawn and that is when I was able to smile.
I looked at the clock. It was too late to try and get to church now. Instead, I laid on the couch in the living room, turned on the TV and watched more coverage of the election. Eventually, I fell asleep. In my dream, Jules and I were at some restaurant and after we ate, he got up and got in his truck and drove away leaving me for dead. I woke up all confused and scared.
The signs were there I guess, but I got down on my knees right at the couch, closed my eyes and prayed the hardest prayer I ever could.
I decided to go on a fast until the rehearsal dinner on Friday. Then I thoug
ht about Mama’s short ribs tonight and decided Monday til Thursday was good enough.
Another thought occurred to me. Since I have a key to his house, I could go pour blessing oil all over his house while he was at work. I had to go full gospel on this relationship ’cause I wanted this that bad.
Right Before My Eyes Page 19