by Aaron Karo
“I know. But at the time I decided I could never say anything and just hoped everything worked itself out.”
“It didn’t work itself out,” I admit. “We’re not back to normal. But at least now we both know how we feel.”
“I was scared,” she says. “But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was okay to be scared. Like, maybe it’s a good thing, or whatever. Maybe it meant it was real. And then you go and do something like this.” She motions to the hammock and the nuts. “I’m not scared anymore.”
A drop of rainwater trickles down from her hair onto her forehead. She wipes it away with her wrist.
“Here,” I say. “I have something for you.” I dig into my pocket and pull out her Fitbit. “Don’t worry. It’s waterproof.”
She extends her arm and I put it on her wrist. Then I hold her hand.
“Shane Xavier Chambliss,” she says. “I’m feeling a lot of feelings right now, and it’s weird.”
“I know. I went through the same thing.”
If only she could just say the words I need her to say.
Suddenly she pulls her hand away.
“I can’t,” she says. “I’m the responsible one, remember? I can’t jeopardize our friendship again.”
“Jak, I don’t want to be responsible. I want to be irresponsible. I don’t want to be simple. I want to be complicated. I want to be irresponsible and complicated and unpredictable and reckless. That’s love.”
She looks at me with those unforgettable eyes and says, “Did you practice that speech?”
She’s always had a way with words.
“Jak, I would punch you right now if I didn’t want to kiss you so badly.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?”
“Then we’ll deal with it then. We’ve been through worse.”
“Shane,” she says, “I can’t lose you again.”
“Jak, my parents waited five years to be together. We’ve already waited eighteen. I can’t wait any longer. This was meant to be. Voldemort, the Galgorithm, it was all leading to this moment, right now, with you.
She extends her hand to me once again. “I’m ready to lie in the hammock now.”
It’s about as sentimental as she gets.
I grab her hand and help her into the hammock. Crunch crunch crunch. Then I walk around to the other side and get in as well. Crunch crunch crunch.
We lie side by side, staring off into the sky.
It’s so peaceful.
“My butt is wet,” Jak says.
“Mine too.”
She holds my hand.
“Shane?”
“Yeah?”
“What if I told you that I didn’t want to be #Shak. What if I said that all I want is for you to be my best friend forever and ever, nothing else, nothing more. Would you be okay with that?”
“Jak, I would do anything for you.”
It’s the truth.
She rolls onto her side, puts her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest.
“Your heart is racing,” she says.
“I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
I can feel her breathing on my neck. She throws her leg over mine and climbs on top of me. The hammock wobbles precariously for a moment and then steadies.
She puts both hands on my chest and looks down at me. Her hair is silhouetted beautifully by the moonlight.
I don’t think there has ever been a more perfect moment than this one.
“Don’t worry,” Jak whispers. “I won’t ruin it.”
Our best friend telepathy has returned.
The cedar trees lining the yard block out all the sound except for our breathing.
“I hear you,” she says.
I hesitate. “Did you say I hear you or I heart you?”
She contemplates this. “I said I hear you. But I meant to say . . . I heart you.”
There are three little words I’ve been waiting forever for her to utter.
And these are close enough.
“I love you too, Jak.”
She smiles and looks at my lips.
You don’t need a formula to figure out what happens next.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Like Lord Voldemort and his Horcruxes, I have left little pieces of my soul in each of my five books. Galgorithm, in particular, was a true labor of love. But it is also the product of extraordinary teamwork, for which I am eternally grateful.
I would like to thank my mom, dad, and sister, Caryn, for being tireless cheerleaders, trusted advisors, and my all-time number-one fans. No three humans could ever be as tolerant or supportive. Your contributions to my life are boundless and unconditional, and inspire me each day. I could not have asked for better parents or a more devoted sister. I love you with all my heart.
My intrepid editor, Sara Sargent, would probably object to my use of the word “intrepid,” cross it out, and write: something funnier? In truth, she is a whip-smart dynamo who dedicated herself to this project, absorbed many body blows from yours truly, and dished out equal parts comfort and cudgel. First we were strangers. Then we were colleagues. And now we are the best of frenemies.
My agent, Peter McGuigan, is an indispensable part of my career. I can always count on him to dole out sage advice, drop the hammer at the negotiating table, or threaten to beat up unruly fans at my stand-up shows. I am fortunate to have him in my corner, and to have been on the receiving end of so much guidance and so many rounds of beer.
My attorney, Darren Trattner, is the most veteran member of Team Karo and has been calmly steering the ship for more than a decade. The hardest-working man in show business, he still makes time to offer counsel, share wisdom, and take digs at the Yankees. I am perpetually thankful for his diligence, empathy, and insight.
The entire Simon Pulse team has been like a second family, without which this book would certainly not exist. Special thanks to Liesa Abrams, Mara Anasta, Faye Bi, Nicole Ellul, Jessica Handelman, Kayley Hoffman, Mary Marotta, Sarah McCabe, Christina Pecorale, Lucille Rettino, Jennifer Romanello, Teresa Ronquillo, and Carolyn Swerdloff.
A huge thank-you to those who read the book while it was still in its infancy, and those who will continue to sing its praises long after publication: Greg Pedicin, Jeff Greenberg, Josh McGuire, Jessica Regel, Richie Kern, Karen Sherman, Stacey Sakal, Michelle Bontems, Lindsey Rosin, and Katrina Leno.
To my friends and family in New York and Los Angeles: Thank you for having my back all these years, through thick and thin. It means more than you know.
And lastly, to my fans across the country and around the world, thank you for continuing to help make my dreams come true. I promise I’ll keep telling jokes as long as you keep laughing. I heart you all.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photograph by the Riker Brothers
Aaron Karo is an author, comedian, and screenwriter. His books include Lexapros and Cons, I’m Having More Fun Than You, Ruminations on Twentysomething Life, and Ruminations on College Life. He was born and raised in New York, currently lives in Los Angeles, and always pays on the first date. Find him online at AaronKaro.com and follow him on Twitter @AaronKaro.
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fic
titiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
SIMON PULSE
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First Simon Pulse hardcover edition May 2015
Text copyright © 2015 by Aaron Karo
Jacket photograph copyright © 2015 by Jill Wachter
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Jacket designed by Jessica Handelman
Interior designed by Mike Rosamilia
The text of this book was set in Scala.
Library of Congress Control Number 2015933770
ISBN 978-1-4814-4063-9 (hc)
ISBN 978-1-4814-4065-3 (eBook)