‘She taught me the basics. She was an amazing cook, but more of the plain home cooking variety. The fancy cheffy stuff I learned myself. I took some courses.’ That had been Mark’s idea. The simple hearty food that she had loved as a child wasn’t refined enough for his taste.
‘You can’t beat plain home cooked food,’ Grayson said.
‘Especially home baking.’ Lisa thought longingly of her grandmother’s scones, pies and cakes. ‘My grandmother was a great baker. She’d always push the boat out on my birthday and make me a really elaborate cake, decorated according to whatever my current obsession was.’
‘Did you have a Little Mermaid cake?’ Grayson asked with a smile.
‘Seventh birthday,’ she answered.
‘So it was just you? You were an only child?’
‘Yeah. My parents died when I was just a baby, so …’ It occurred to her that she knew nothing about his background. ‘Tell me about your family. Do you have brothers and sisters?’
‘Three sisters. I was completely outnumbered,’ he said with a roll of his eyes, but there was an unmistakeable fondness in his voice. ‘All older than me too, so I was pretty much their slave.’
‘It must be nice having a big family,’ she said wistfully. ‘I’d love to have had a brother or sister.’
‘They’re all married now, so I have lots of nieces and nephews too – and brothers-in-law, so there are some more men in the family.’
‘Do you see a lot of them?’
‘Yeah, we’re pretty close. My parents moved to Cornwall when they retired, so we don’t see them as regularly, but we all get together as much as we can.’
It all sounded so normal and uncomplicated, and Lisa found herself thinking how lovely it would be to be Grayson’s girlfriend, to be part of his life. But even if that were possible, she felt unworthy of someone like him now, tainted by her twisted relationship with Mark. Grayson may be infinitely more worldly than her, but he had an integrity and purity that she had lost and would never get back.
‘How long have you and Isabel been together?’ she asked him. He was contemplating his next move, his dark lashes lowered as he studied the board, his thumb stroking absently over his mouth.
He glanced up at her. ‘We’ve known each other for about five years,’ he said before returning his attention to the board. ‘We’ve been lovers, on and off, for most of that time.’
Suddenly the silence was shattered by a high-pitched squeal from somewhere upstairs. Lisa blushed, but Grayson just chuckled.
‘Sounds like Isabel’s enjoying herself,’ he said as he moved his knight.
‘Don’t you mind?’ Lisa asked. She bit her lip, regretting the words as soon as they were spoken. She shouldn’t have asked.
But Grayson just looked at her calmly. ‘No,’ he shrugged. ‘Why should I mind?’
‘Well, because … she’s your lover.’
‘I’m not jealous. We don’t have that kind of relationship.’
She nodded, pretending to understand, but she didn’t. She couldn’t get her head around these cool, sophisticated people with their open relationships. How could you be so intimate with someone and yet remain so detached? She didn’t think she’d ever comprehend it.
‘Isabel and I are friends. We’re not exclusive – never have been. We’re not in love.’
‘So you’re friends with benefits?’
He smiled. ‘I suppose you could call it that.’ He moved a pawn into a vulnerable position, and Lisa bent her head to the board, considering how to respond.
‘Do you mind?’ She looked up to find Grayson watching her closely. ‘Does it upset you that Mark’s with another woman?’
‘No,’ she answered. It was true. She was actually relieved that he had turned his attention to someone else, if only for a short while. She didn’t care about him being unfaithful, with or without her knowledge. But if she was committed to him as she pretended to be, if she was still as in love with him as she had been in the beginning, she would be devastated by what was happening now. She didn’t understand Mark wanting her to be with Grayson when he claimed to love her so completely and exclusively.
‘You don’t look so sure,’ Grayson said.
She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘I would have minded … once.’ She shrugged. ‘I guess this is all just new to me. But I’m getting used to it.’ She bent her head to the board again.
‘Have you had many lovers, Lisa?’ he asked quietly. She looked up to find him still watching her.
‘No.’ She took his pawn.
‘How many?’
‘Three.’ Then an image of his head buried between her legs flashed into her mind. ‘Four since, um … last week,’ she amended, feeling herself blush.
Grayson took her meaning. ‘Oh, I don’t think I count,’ he said with a small smile. ‘Was Mark your first?’
She shook her head. ‘No,’ she said, her voice barely audible.
‘But he’s the last? There’s been no one since him?’
‘No. Not if you don’t count.’ For some reason she felt a little pang at the thought that he didn’t want her to think of him as one of her lovers.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said with a rueful smile. ‘I’m being rude and making you uncomfortable. I just want to get to know you better. You fascinate me, Lisa. I wish–‘
‘What?’ she asked, her throat feeling suddenly dry.
He sighed. ‘So many things. I wish we could have met under different circumstances.’
His words echoed her own thoughts so exactly she felt a little spooked.
‘I wish we had more time,’ he continued. ‘I wish you were coming home with me tonight instead of staying here with him.’
She watched his fingers, mesmerised, as he picked up his rook and moved it across the board. She felt stifled suddenly, trapped. Something was happening between them, some chemistry that made her feel hot and cold, frightened and excited all at once. She watched his fingers as they rubbed against his beautiful mouth, remembering the touch of them against her skin, the heat of his mouth on her body, the slippery wetness of his tongue ...
‘I wish I could kiss you again. I wish you wanted me to touch you,’ he said, looking up at her through heavy-lidded eyes. ‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last week – how soft your skin is, how sweet you taste, how responsive you are. I wish – I wish I counted.’
Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart raced. She flicked her eyes up to his and their gazes locked, captivated.
‘That’s a lot of wishes,’ Lisa said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. But her laugh sounded hollow and false.
‘If you’re dreaming, might as well dream big,’ Grayson said with a smile. Then he became serious again. ‘If I were Mark, I’d mind very much about you being here with me. If you were mine, I wouldn’t want to share you with anyone.’
Suddenly the air seemed very still. Lisa realised she was holding her breath.
‘If only he knew he has nothing to be jealous about,’ Grayson said.
But that wasn’t true, Lisa thought. She couldn’t help feeling that what was happening between her and Grayson now was far more intimate and meaningful to her than if she’d simply fucked him.
Grayson looked away first, breaking the spell. ‘Sorry,’ he said, shaking his head as if waking himself up. ‘I’m being inappropriate.’
Lisa gulped, not able to speak.
‘Your move,’ Grayson said. She had a strange feeling he wasn’t talking about chess anymore.
As if in a dream, she moved her castle to seize victory. ‘Check,’ she said.
He looked at the board and then up at her and their eyes locked. He knew he had lost. He held out his hand to her, conceding defeat, and they shook, but he didn’t let go.
‘You’re shaking,’ he said, frowning in concern. He clasped her hand tighter, warming it. ‘Are you cold?’
She shook her head dumbly, confused and unnerved by the aching need
that consumed her. She wanted him. The realisation took her by surprise. It had been a long time since she had felt the thrill of sexual desire. And the beauty of it was that she could act on it. She didn’t even have to feel guilty. It was what Mark wanted.
Their eyes met and held.
‘Your move,’ Grayson said hoarsely.
As if in a trance, Lisa leaned in and touched her lips to his tentatively. He sighed into her mouth, his eyes fluttering closed as he cupped her face and kissed her back; soft, sensual kisses, his lips clinging to hers. He drew back momentarily to push the table aside and pull Lisa into his lap. She went willingly, winding her arms around his neck as he pulled her into his body. His hand curled around the back of her head, his mouth opening over hers. His breath was hot, and he tasted of wine as his tongue met hers, softly probing and teasing, fanning the flames of desire that licked along her veins and feeding her hunger so she craved more and more. She moaned as his free hand ghosted over her breast, feeling her nipple harden under the warmth of his palm. She pushed into his hand, greedy for his touch as their kisses became more urgent, their tongues tangling erotically.
Grayson groaned deep in his throat as he tore his lips away, kissing his way down her neck and across her collarbone to her breasts. She arched her back, her fingers curling into the short hair at the nape of his neck as his tongue flicked across her nipple until it was hard and taut. Then his lips closed around it, sucking on it through the sheer material of her blouse, while his fingers teased and caressed the other one.
Rational thought receded, and Lisa became a purely physical, instinctual creature, driven by desire and need, solely focused on doing whatever felt good and feeding the hunger burning inside her. She felt Grayson’s erection against her hip and reached for it. He groaned as she pressed her hand against his hardness, grabbing her by the waist and moving her so she was straddling him. His hands slid up her legs and cupped her bottom as she ground her hips against his.
Suddenly there was a loud crash from upstairs, followed by a shriek. Startled, Lisa and Grayson broke apart. They stared at each other in silence, breathing raggedly. Then the sounds of laughter drifted down from above them. Grayson reached for Lisa again, kissing her while his hands roamed restlessly over her body. Lisa kissed him back, but the interruption had snapped her out of her trance and brought her back to reality. She tried to get back to where she had been, to empty her mind of everything but Grayson, the touch of his hands, the feel of his body against hers. But it was no use. She was aware of things beyond this room, of Mark and Isabel upstairs. Unwelcome thoughts crowded in to compete with the sensation of Grayson’s soft, wet mouth on hers, the smell of his skin, the heat of his body.
She still wanted him desperately. She still wanted him to take off all her clothes and kiss her. She wanted to feel his mouth on her everywhere, the touch of his hands, the feel of his bare skin against hers. She wanted his weight on top of her, the heat and hardness of him inside her. But the rational part of her knew that it would only feel good for a short time, and then it would make her sadder than ever. Because when they were done, she would stay here with Mark and he would go home with Isabel. Nothing would have changed. She would have a lovely memory. But if it was good with Grayson – and somehow she knew it would be – it would only make her want more. And she could never have more.
As if sensing her withdrawal, Grayson’s kisses became lighter, more hesitant, his hands on her gentling.
‘Lisa?’ He pulled back, frowning at her in concern.
‘Sorry.’ She bit her lip.
‘You want to stop.’ It was a statement, not a question. He closed his eyes, as if in pain, and let out a sigh.
‘I can’t – I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ he said, opening his eyes again.
His hands dropped away and she wanted to cry, yearning to throw herself back into his arms and damn the consequences. Instead she lifted herself off him.
‘It’s not that I don’t want to,’ she said as she stood up. ‘I can’t explain–‘
‘Lisa, it’s fine. You don’t owe me any explanation.’ He leaned forward on his knees, breathing heavily, obviously struggling to regain control.
‘Will I see you again?’ he asked, looking up at her.
‘I don’t know. I guess it depends on Mark. Would you want to?’
‘Of course. I like you, Lisa. Obviously I’m attracted to you too, but I enjoy spending time with you. I’d like if we could be friends.’
She frowned. ‘Even without benefits?’
Grayson chuckled. ‘Even then.’
‘I’d like that. I like spending time with you too.’ That was an understatement. It was the happiest she’d been in years. ‘But I don’t know if it’s going to be possible. Mark–‘ How could she explain that Mark wouldn’t mind if she fucked Grayson, but would fly into a jealous rage if he thought she was friends with him?
But Grayson just sighed and nodded understandingly. ‘He’s a very lucky man.’
Lisa stood, smoothing out her skirt. ‘I guess I should go and find him.’
Before opening the door, she checked her appearance in the mirror. Her blouse was creased, her nipples still hard and prominent under the sheer material. She looked flushed and disheveled, the traces of arousal still lingering in her dark pupils and swollen lips. At least she didn’t have to fake it this time. She glanced at Grayson and he looked just as rumpled.
They found Isabel and Mark coming downstairs as they emerged from the study. Lisa felt a pang of jealousy as Isabel went straight to Grayson and put an arm around his waist. There was something so casually affectionate and familiar about the gesture, and the way they murmured softly to each other in low voices so that only the two of them could hear. It made her glad she hadn’t let things go further with Grayson because she knew it would have hurt more to see him gravitate towards Isabel now, and to watch them leave together looking like they belonged with each other.
‘We must do this again soon,’ Isabel said, as they stood in the doorway.
‘Yes, let’s arrange something,’ Mark agreed. But no firm plans were made, and Lisa wondered if they would be.
‘I had such a lovely time tonight,’ Grayson whispered in her ear as he kissed her goodbye. ‘I hope I’ll see you again soon.’ He pulled back, looking deeply into her eyes as he took her hand in both of his and kissed it.
Then he snaked his arm around Isabel’s waist and they left. Lisa stood in the doorway with Mark, waving them off, and wondered if she would ever see Grayson again. And what would happen if she did?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Lisa felt a lot more optimistic in the days that followed than she had in a very long time, and she knew it was due to the time she had spent with Grayson. It had given her a new sense of confidence in herself, and she was no longer overwhelmed by the hopelessness of her situation. She had already been determined to escape and build a new life for herself away from Mark, but up to now she hadn’t really been able to visualise that life or to fully believe in it. She’d had nothing but grim determination to keep her going. But Grayson had reminded her of who she really was and given her a glimpse of what her life could be like without Mark. When she was with him, she had actually been happy, and it shocked her when she realised how alien it had felt to laugh naturally, to speak freely and behave spontaneously, instead of constantly second-guessing herself and rehearsing her every move. Suddenly the new life she had dreamed of seemed within her grasp, and she moved towards it with a real sense of purpose, no longer simply going through the motions. It was as if she had been feeling her way in the dark all this time, and now finally there was some light ahead to guide her.
She had found herself looking forward to the weekend, buoyed up by the hope of seeing Grayson again, and she was disappointed each day when Mark made no mention of any plans. She didn’t dare to bring up the subject herself and risk arousing his suspicion and jealousy. By Friday, she had resigned herself to the fact that it wouldn’
t be happening. So she hadn’t been surprised when he told her at breakfast that he had made dinner reservations at Locale, his favourite restaurant.
‘Just the two of us,’ he’d said, gazing at her adoringly. ‘I want you all to myself this weekend.’
She had returned his loving smile and pretended to be touched by the romantic gesture, hiding her disappointment that she wouldn’t get to see Grayson. But it didn’t crush her spirit, because even if she were never to see Grayson again, he had given her something that no one could take away. Memories of the time they had spent together would flash through her mind every so often, and they warmed and sustained her – their conversations, their chess games, the lovely things he had said to her ... Heat came to her cheeks as she thought of other things – the softness of his mouth on her, the gentle touch of his hands, the relentlessness of his tongue and lips on her heated flesh as he pleasured her. But instead of feeling shame or disgust, those memories warmed her too.
She felt almost light-hearted now as she got ready for her day. It was the same vacuous round of shopping and salon visits as always, but she didn’t care because she no longer let it define her. She leaned into the mirror as she applied a final coat of lipstick to her expertly lined lips. Then she pulled back and smiled at her reflection in the mirror, pleased that for once she didn’t see a stranger looking back at her. It was the same expertly made-up doll face, but there was a glimmer in her eyes now, a spark of life in her features that hadn’t been there before. There was a glimpse of the old Lisa behind the mask, and it filled her with hope. This was the person she used to be, not the pathetic shell of a human being Mark had turned her into. This was someone worth fighting for.
But for now there was shopping to do. Mark had told her to buy a new dress for tonight, leaving the choice to her.
‘Surprise me,’ he’d said before kissing her goodbye this morning.
She used to enjoy dressing up for Mark, she thought, with a sad smile. There was a time when she had relished the opportunity to surprise and delight him, and she would throw herself into searching for the perfect outfit, excitedly anticipating his pleasure as she chose what she thought would appeal to him most, and glowing with pride when she was rewarded by the obvious appreciation and desire in his eyes that told her she had got it right.
The Endgame Page 10