The Endgame

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The Endgame Page 12

by James, Cleary


  ‘So, you’ve enjoyed our evenings with Grayson and Isabel?’ Mark asked later as they waited between courses.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. She felt her heart quicken hopefully at the mention of Grayson.

  ‘Would you like to do more of that?’ he asked with a wicked grin, swirling the wine in his glass.

  ‘Yes, if you would,’ she answered, careful not to sound too eager.

  ‘I thought when I come home we could continue to ... explore other avenues. In fact, we’ve been invited to a party the weekend after I get back–‘

  ‘A–a party?’ Lisa asked, a knot of dread forming in her stomach. ‘At Grayson’s house?’ she asked hopefully.

  ‘No,’ Mark said with a little chuckle. ‘I’m not talking about playing with Grayson and Isabel. I mean, I enjoy their company – don’t get me wrong. But the point of this is to be adventurous, not to get stuck in a rut with another couple. You do see that?’

  ‘Yes,’ she breathed. ‘Of course.’

  ‘Besides, Grayson isn’t into exhibitionism, and it was probably good for your first couple of times, to have that one-on-one time with him. But I really want to watch,’ he said, his eyes glittering. ‘I’ve met some people through work who arrange these parties–‘

  ‘When you say “party”,’ Lisa began.

  ‘Well, I suppose the technical term would be “orgy”, if you want to get specific about it,’ he said with a mocking smile.

  Lisa struggled to disguise her shock and revulsion – clearly without success.

  ‘Your face!’ he laughed. ‘You’re such a little prude, Lisa.’

  ‘But ... an orgy!’ she stuttered. ‘It’s so ... sleazy.’

  Mark’s smile faded. ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he snapped. ‘They’re very classy parties, very exclusive, and there’s nothing remotely sleazy about it. Guests are chosen very carefully. It’s quite an honour to be invited.’

  Dear God! How could she talk him out of this? She cast around desperately for some way out. Maybe she could appeal to his ego.

  ‘I just– I hate the thought of you being with another woman,’ she said pleadingly. ‘It’s been hard for me seeing you with Isabel. It makes me so jealous. I try not to be, but I can’t help it.’

  ‘Oh, darling.’ To her relief, his expression softened and he reached for her hand. ‘This has nothing to do with how much I love you. You have to understand that. I hate that you’re so insecure.’

  ‘I don’t understand why I’m not enough for you,’ she said. She knew she was on dangerous ground, testing him, but she was desperate enough to risk it. She couldn’t go along with fucking strangers just to please him. She had been lucky with Grayson, but what were the chances of meeting up with another man as kind and understanding as him?

  ‘No,’ he said, cupping her face and staring intently into her eyes. ‘Please don’t think that. It’s quite the opposite, Lisa. It’s because you’re so beautiful and sexy, and I’m so damn proud of you. I want to take you out and show you off. I want other men to look at your body and want you. I want to watch them fuck you, all the while knowing that you’ll only ever belong to me.’

  She stifled a gasp. Christ, he was sick. He was more twisted than she’d even realised.

  ‘I can’t help it,’ she said. ‘It makes me feel inadequate knowing you want to be with other women.’

  ‘It’s not about that,’ he said tetchily, withdrawing his hand. ‘Don’t be so small-minded. Just because I’m interested in exploring sex with other people doesn’t mean I love you any less. Don’t you trust me?’

  ‘Yes, of course I do. But it’s hard to keep feelings out of it when you’re intimate like that with someone.’

  ‘You’ve enjoyed being with Grayson, haven’t you?’

  ‘Yes, but – that’s different.’

  ‘And it hasn’t changed how you feel about me?’

  ‘No–‘

  Suddenly his expression clouded. ‘Or has it? Is that what this is about, Lisa? Has sex with him changed your feelings towards me?’

  ‘No,’ she gasped, horrified.

  He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘You’re a liar,’ he spat, his eyes hard, flinty. ‘You’re the one who can’t keep feelings out of it.’ His lip curled in a sneer. ‘You want him, don’t you? You’re the one who’s really being unfaithful, and you’re projecting it onto me.’

  ‘No, that’s not true.’

  ‘If you were sure of your feelings for me, you’d understand that the sex means nothing. Have you fallen in love with him?’

  ‘Wh–what? No!’

  ‘Why is it different then? Why were you so keen to see him again?’

  ‘I wasn’t. I only did it for you – you know that.’

  ‘I wish I could believe you, Lisa. But I saw how you responded to him. You loved him touching you. You couldn’t get enough of it. I saw how hard he made you come, remember?’

  ‘But that was what you wanted! I only did it to please you.’ Tears burned the backs of her eyes. It was unbelievable how he could twist things, so that she always ended up on the defensive. Now he was trying to make her feel guilty for a situation he had engineered himself – a situation in which she had been an unwilling participant. She had only gone along with it to keep the peace, and now he was using it against her.

  ‘Maybe I made a mistake introducing you to him. I should have known a stupid little slut like you wouldn’t be able to handle it. I suppose you’ve developed a pathetic little crush on him?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘Well, don’t get carried away with any romantic notions, Lisa. Don’t believe for one minute that he’s interested in you beyond a casual fuck. You’ve seen Isabel.’ He gave her a scornful look. ‘Do you really think a man who’s got a woman like her would be interested in you?’

  ‘Mark, please–‘

  ‘They probably laugh about you after we’re gone – how clumsy and inexperienced you are. So desperate for it, yet so inept.’ His voice was silky smooth, taunting her.

  He broke off his tirade when the waiter came with their main courses. Lisa’s stomach churned as she looked down at her plate of sea bass. She didn’t know how she was going to get anything past the lump in her throat. It’s not true, she told herself – none of it’s true. Don’t let him into your head, don’t believe him. She imagined herself back in the library with Grayson. He was a good person, a kind man. He wasn’t laughing at her.

  ‘No one else will ever love you like I do, Lisa,’ Mark continued as soon as the waiter was out of earshot. ‘Everything I do is for you. I work my ass off so you don’t have to. I give you everything a woman could possibly want, you live a life of luxury that most women could only dream of. God knows, I don’t ask for much in return.’

  ‘I appreciate it, Mark,’ she said placatingly, putting a hand on his arm.

  ‘You have a funny way of showing it.’ He shook her hand off impatiently. ‘I’m going to be away for a week, and I thought we could have a nice dinner tonight, just the two of us, and have a weekend to ourselves. But you have to ruin it, like you ruin everything. I suppose you’d prefer to be with Grayson. Would you rather we just forget this and go over there instead?’ He tossed his napkin on the table.

  ‘No, of course not,’ Lisa said, stroking his arm soothingly. She felt exhausted and worn down, all the fight beaten out of her. ‘I don’t care about Grayson. You know I was only with him because it was what you wanted. Other men don’t interest me. I just want to be with you – only you.’

  He sighed finally, and his features softened, relenting. She hated how relieved she felt. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s just that I love you so much. I’m so scared of you leaving me. I can’t bear the thought of living without you, Lisa.’

  ‘I know. But I’ll never leave you, Mark.’

  ‘Promise me.’ He grabbed her hand, crushing it in his, a fierce intensity in his eyes as he gazed at her. ‘I’d do anything to make you happy, Lisa. Just promise you won’t ever leave me.�


  ‘I promise.’

  ‘Let’s not fight.’ He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘Think about the party idea while I’m away, okay? Will you do that for me?’

  She nodded uncertainly.

  ‘It would really mean a lot to me, Lisa.’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ she said. But already her mind was on the envelope of cash hidden in her nightstand drawer.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  On Monday morning, Mark left for China. He had been on his best behaviour since dinner on Friday, and Lisa caught a rare glimpse of the man she had fallen in love with – as sweet, affectionate and solicitous as he’d been when they first met. But it was a pattern she was familiar with by now. He was always like that after a row, on a mission to win her around again if he felt unsure of her. In the past, she had been taken in by his shows of remorse, accepting his excuses and forgiving his behaviour time and again. He would play on her sympathy, opening up to her about his childhood with an absent father and cold, emotionally abusive mother who had made him insecure and distrustful, feeling undeserving of love. So she had made allowances, and believed him when he promised that things would be different in future.

  Now she saw it all for the manipulative behaviour that it was. He had kept her constantly off balance, as she tried to gauge and manage his moods. It was like walking through a minefield, and she never knew what might trigger the next explosion. He would fly into a jealous rage if she so much as glanced at another man. He would accuse her of sleeping around while he was at work, and became obsessive about tracking her movements. One moment he would tell her she was unattractive, ignorant and boring in bed, and that no one else could ever love her; the next that she was the cleverest, sexiest, most beautiful woman he’d ever known, and that he wasn’t worthy of her. It was an endless cycle of emotional abuse followed by spells of utter adoration, and it was mentally and emotionally exhausting until Lisa felt so ground down by it that she had no strength left to stand up for herself.

  But somehow over the last few months she had found the reserves within her to fight back. She saw Mark clearly now for what he was – an abusive, controlling man, incapable of real love or affection. She believed he did love her in his own sick, twisted way – but it was an unhealthy obsessive fixation that scared her, and she wanted nothing more than to get far away from it. So she had slowly started to build up her confidence and self-esteem along with her hoard of cash, stealthily working towards the day when she could make her escape.

  He had left this morning with the promise that he would Skype her every night. She knew what that meant. He would be keeping an eye on her, controlling her even when he was on the other side of the world. There was no respite from him.

  ‘Think about what we discussed on Friday,’ was his parting shot. ‘The parties? It would mean a lot to me if you could do this for me.’

  She hadn’t been lying when she had promised to think about it. She could think of little else now, her mind constantly preoccupied with trying to find a way out. It made her more desperate to leave than ever.

  As soon as he’d gone, she ran upstairs and took out her hidden envelope, pouring the notes out onto the bed. But the reassurance she usually felt at the sight of the money eluded her. Instead she just felt frustrated by how little there was. This would be the perfect opportunity for her to escape, while Mark was away. It was the first time he had left her on her own while he was out of the country. Who knew when it would happen again? She picked up the money, counting the notes, but she already knew it wasn’t enough. She had to get far away, and she needed enough to live on while until she found her feet and established a life somewhere else. If Mark knew where she was, he would follow her. He’d never leave her alone. Women like her ended up dead. She would just have to be patient.

  She’d bided her time this long, she told herself – she could do it a bit longer. But she felt a mounting sense of panic at the thought of letting this opportunity slip through her fingers. She looked around the room, her eyes scanning the place for something she could sell, desperation driving her to think like a thief. Any one of the paintings would fund her escape, but they were too traceable – they would lead Mark right to her. The jewellery he had given her was very valuable, and would raise questions if she tried to sell it for cash.

  Tears of frustration stung her eyes. What she needed was a fairy godmother, she thought wryly – or just a regular wealthy friend who could lend her the money she needed. But Mark had isolated her until there was no one she could turn to for help – and besides, she had never had friends with that kind of money.

  Suddenly her thoughts flew to Grayson. He was wealthy – and he said he wanted to be her friend. He could give her the money she needed and not even miss it. Could she ask him to lend it to her? She chewed her lip thoughtfully. He seemed kind, and she thought he would want to help her if he knew she was in trouble.

  But she dismissed the idea almost immediately. Money bestowed power, and she couldn’t give a man that kind of control over her ever again, no matter how nice he seemed. Mark had been kind and charming at the start. No, she thought, scooping up the money and stuffing it back into the envelope, she would have to do this herself, no matter how long it took. It would be worth it in the end when she was free and beholden to no one.

  On the other hand ... She did have something she could sell Grayson. He wanted her. She knew he did. It would be a fair exchange, so it wouldn’t be like she was asking him for a favour. It would be more like a business transaction. She wouldn’t owe him anything. She didn’t think he’d betray her to Mark, so she had nothing to lose – if he turned her down, she’d be no worse off than she was now. But if he took her up on it ... She felt a leap of excitement in her chest at the idea. Would Grayson be prepared to pay, she wondered. Did he want her badly enough to pay to have sex with her?

  She shook her head as if to dislodge the idea from her brain. It was ridiculous! Desperation was making her fanciful. Grayson was young, attractive and charming – he wouldn’t need to pay anyone for sex. She would just end up embarrassing him and humiliating herself when he refused her. No, she would have to continue biding her time for another while, she thought as she put the envelope back into the box, secreting it once more in the drawer. Mark had agreed to wait until after their holiday for the surgery, and she would find a way to buy herself more time with the orgy thing. She had to be patient for a little longer.

  She tried to put the idea out of her head as she got ready to spend some time in the gym. Since making the decision to leave Mark, she had started to relish her workouts. He had installed the state of the art gym at the top of the house where her studio had been, and always insisted that she exercise daily. But she worked out for herself now, and she trained harder than ever. She had a sense of purpose, getting fit and healthy for her new life, and it gave her great satisfaction to feel herself get physically and mentally stronger with each day. As she headed upstairs, she decided she would focus on that and put all thoughts of propositioning Grayson out of her mind.

  But the idea refused to go away, niggling at her brain as she pounded on the treadmill, and firmly taking hold as she watched herself in the mirror pumping weights. As it took root in her mind, she felt more positive and hopeful than she had in years. She was going to do it, she decided, working it over in her head as she lifted the weights, pumping herself up mentally as well as physically, trying to muster the courage she needed.

  What did she have to lose? Sure, it would be humiliating if Grayson turned her down, but she would get over it. She never had to see him again. Besides what was a little humiliation compared to the degradation and abuse she put up with on a daily basis? On the other hand, if he agreed, she had a hell of a lot to gain. It was a gamble, but it was a chance she had to take when her freedom was at stake.

  There was a far greater risk, of course. If Grayson did turn her down, could she count on him not to tell Mark what she had proposed? He had kept secrets f
or her before, and she felt she could trust him. She just had to hope she was right.

  Once she had resolved to do it, she didn’t waste any more time. She abandoned her workout midway through, racing downstairs to change before she talked herself out of it again. She had to do this now before she lost her nerve. If she thought about it too much, she would never go through with it. That meant she would have to go to Grayson’s workplace. But it was better that way, she told herself, since this was basically a business proposition she was putting to him.

  She did a quick internet search on her phone and found the address of Grayson’s offices. Then she showered quickly and dressed with care, trying to choose clothes that would be appealing to Grayson. She picked out a cream button-down dress in a simple, figure-hugging style and a pair of medium-height heels in navy, teaming it with matching navy accessories. Mark liked her to wear this outfit for daytime events and lunches. It was subtly sexy without being overtly provocative. As she carefully applied her make-up, she rehearsed what she would say and tried to ignore the shaking of her fingers as she applied mascara and lipstick, pushing the enormity of what she was about to do to the back of her mind. When she was done, she surveyed herself from all angles in the mirror and was satisfied with her appearance. Then she picked up her bag and raced out of the house before she could change her mind. She walked to the corner of the road and hailed a cab.

  The cab dropped her off in front of a large converted warehouse in the east of the city. A silver plate to one side of the door was inscribed simply ‘Fielding Architects’. It was a beautiful old building, the yellow brickwork broken up by rows of massive floor-height windows, and Lisa paused for a moment on the footpath to admire it before stepping inside. There was something about it that she found instantly comforting and reassuring, and it brought a smile to her face. Perhaps it was the way it had been so sympathetically restored in keeping with its history and surroundings. It was impressive without being in any way flash or showy, and it reminded her of Grayson.

 

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