They all could be.
That was the beauty of it.
“I love you, Bonnie,” Lizzie offered, tugging her down toward the bed. Together, they tumbled into a pile and began kissing.
It was heated.
Clothes came off.
Hands wandered.
Bonnie went to her happy place.
All the while, Lizzie was worshiping her girlfriend and mentor, and Bonnie was thinking.
She was dwelling on what was coming.
How was she going to win?
How was she going to beat them all?
And how could she escape?
Ultimately, she was going to destroy Elizabeth Blackhawk’s perfect little world.
It was coming.
Bonnie was back.
* * * B l a c k h a w k - W h i t e f o x * * *
Salem
One Day After
Saving Beau
Christensen
The last few days had been one hell of a bumpy ride for everyone. Honestly, she was glad to be back home and in Salem. She needed to regroup.
Elizabeth was on emotional overload.
Elizabeth, Callen, and Chris had helped Tori Littlemoon save her brother, Beau, from jail, she’d gotten to speak to Ethan to heal that rift, and she had hope that their lives were about to go back to something amazing.
They’d earned it.
She’d earned it.
The last few weeks had been hell on everyone involved. Callen had been forced to hold their family up in the estrangement. Christopher Leonard had been shoved out, feeling once more like an orphan.
Life was morphing once more, but this time, that gave her a sense of peace.
Before this separation, Ethan had been hard to deal with when his temper spiked.
He was so angry inside.
Bitter.
Filled with aggression.
She knew it was all about the abduction, and the fact that he had given up on therapy way too soon. While he believed that he was fine, that was the furthest from the truth.
Ethan was still broken, and the last four weeks were proof of it.
So much stress had added to the already widening crack in his control. Once he’d taken the job of Deputy Director, the stress accumulated, and he began that scary spiral out of control.
His fear.
His insecurities.
His loss of trust.
They made a giant mess that Elizabeth and Callen had been trying to sweep beneath the rug. They tried to tell themselves he’d been okay to stop therapy, and that more work would keep his mind busy, but that was not even close to the truth.
That pile they’d been hiding had gotten so big that they couldn’t hide it anymore.
The eruption came.
It culminated with Ethan flipping out over Elizabeth and Chris’s past relationship.
Yes, they’d lied to him, but it was to avoid this meltdown. That fateful day, where the truth had come out, was forever etched into her heart and soul.
It damaged them all.
She’d just had her ass handed to her by Harvey Wellstone as she was trying to find the person responsible for killing women and innocent children. It had been a race against the clock to save her own babies.
Only, the killer had won. He’d gotten exactly what he wanted.
Her.
Harvey played it cool, hiding in her present, brought there by her past. He lured her to his house by leaving clues, and she had to fight for her life.
During that battle, he’d been shot by Ethan, but not before she’d been shoved down a flight of marble stairs. That she hadn’t broken her damn neck was a freaking miracle, but she was still toting the memento from that little fun fest.
The pink cast was a reminder that she’d screwed up.
In the case.
In her marriage.
In life.
It was there to be that visual cue each and every day, and she didn’t take it for granted. She was trying to heal from losing her husband.
It was hard to swallow that Ethan was not part of her life. She was desperately trying to knit her life back together again after losing half her heart.
While she worked with Tori and Julian, trying to save Beau, she finally allowed herself to believe she could heal the wounds in both of them. Elizabeth was trying to give her husband a chance to redeem himself.
She wanted him back.
She loved him.
But there was so much to forgive.
On the news, there were stories of him cheating his way through DC, starting with the Secretary of Defense. She was a beautiful redhead, and that shot daggers right through Elizabeth’s heart.
Was it true?
Did Ethan sleep with someone else?
She wasn’t so sure.
Yes, he admitted that the woman threw herself at him, but he’d sworn he didn’t sleep with her. Then Timothy had spoken to her through Nyx, and confirmed it.
Still, it stung.
Her ego was bruised.
Her heart was broken.
And that scared Elizabeth.
Truth be told, why wouldn’t he have an affair? After all, she was a hot mess.
She’d lost weight.
She’d let herself go.
Hell!
She had gray hairs she didn’t even bother to cover at the salon. Why wouldn’t Ethan find someone prettier, smarter, and…closer?
Still, he swore, and she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. In three weeks, he was coming for her. That would be the one way she knew for sure that he wanted back into their lives.
The kids asked about him.
Wyler wanted to kick his ass.
Callen was holding them together.
If he came back, she was willing to start fixing what they had destroyed—her with a lie and his with anger.
She’d give him one last chance.
That was all she could offer him. If it didn’t work…yeah, she wasn’t sure what would happen.
Elizabeth couldn’t even muster the strength to utter the ‘D’ word. Divorce scared the shit out of her. In her life, you fought, but she was so damn exhausted.
This had beaten her down.
She was bloody.
Battered.
On her knees.
There wasn’t much more she could offer to him, their family, or the world. If something didn’t change, she was a dried up well.
She was empty.
As she lounged in their bedroom, Elizabeth looked around. It was filled with so many memories. Here was the place they had first made love. He’d been so afraid she’d reject him, and now she was feeling that too.
That fear wrapped itself around her soul, squeezing it into submission. She was horrified that she was ready to break. Elizabeth believed she was so much stronger than she was.
It had all been lies.
She was fragile.
She was broken.
She was desperate to solve this.
Truth be told, Elizabeth was worried he’d come home and not be in love with her anymore. His anger had a way of turning their love upside down.
All Elizabeth could hope was when he came home, she could spot the old Ethan.
He was the one she had fallen in love with all those years ago. He’d been her hero. He’d been her champion.
She wanted that man back.
At the knock on the door, she glanced up.
It was Callen in all his Native glory. He was tall, dark, and ever so handsome. From the rich brown hair, hanging loosely around his body, to the warm chocolate-y eyes.
He was so damn sexy.
And she loved him so much.
“Hey, angel. Want some company?” he asked, leaning against the wall.
The beat-up jeans, simple t-shirt, and bare feet undid her. She only wished it were enough to get past the pain in her heart over Ethan.
She wished she could tell him it was enough.
From the look in his eyes, he knew,
and that hurt her too. She needed both of them to be complete.
Fate was a bitch.
Here was an amazing man, a beautiful soul, and she couldn’t just sustain her life with only him.
She needed their threesome.
“Yeah, sure, my love. I don’t mind the company. Where is the tribe?” she asked, moving over on the bed to make room for him. She’d never say no to some Native cuddling.
Despite her heartache, Callen helped ease the pain.
“Dad and Maeve are taking them to the country fair tonight. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to go, so I told them to go without us.”
Elizabeth knew she should go, but…
It was hard.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, noticing that she was quiet.
Too quiet.
“Do you think I love Ethan more than you?” she asked, staring into his chocolate-y eyes. “Do you think he matters more to me than you do?”
He was a little taken aback.
Callen didn’t know where this was coming from, and he didn’t like hearing it said out loud.
It hurt.
“Well, until you just asked that, no, I really didn’t. Where is this going?” he asked.
Callen tried not to make assumptions.
He needed to stay levelheaded.
Elizabeth sat up. “I know I’ve been a burden the last four weeks.”
He took her hand in his.
“No, you haven’t. I’ve gotten to see what the other side would be like. I wondered what life would be like if we weren’t Feds and chasing criminals around. If anything, I’m grateful for this time.”
She stared at him. “Really?”
“Yes. I got to be your husband, a father, and a writer. This has been a gift.”
She loved him so damn much.
Here was why.
“You’ve been better at it than I have,” she admitted. “I feel like I’m failing at just about everything lately.”
Callen knew where this was coming from. They’d just come back from Delta Falls, and she was now stagnant. It was weighing on her heart.
Elizabeth, while a good mother, needed to keep her mind busy. He’d learned a long time ago that with her OCD, and perfectionism, if she sat around too long, it was detrimental to her life.
She’d get edgy.
Off balance.
“This is about the FBI, isn’t it?” he asked.
“I love being a Fed. I know I was burning out because of being worked to death, but when it was gone…”
He got it.
“You missed it.”
“The grass is always greener.”
Wasn’t that what everyone always said? She’d never believed it, but here…yeah, she was seeing it.
Callen needed to know. “Am I part of that grass, Elizabeth?” he asked. “Did you think I would be a good husband and now, you’ve changed your mind?”
Even asking that hurt.
It sucked to feel like he was failing too. The last four weeks had been damn hard. He’d wanted to fight, get angry, and force her to see that there was still life out there.
Only, he chose to give her time.
She touched his face. “Never. I just know I need to go back. At some point, I have to be a Fed. It’s a part of me. I feel disorientated. We worked in Delta Falls, and now…”
He waited for her to articulate it.
“I’m just not a ‘country fair’ kind of girl. I’m a ‘chase killers’ kind of nut job.”
Immediately, Callen relaxed. This wasn’t about him being a husband. It was about her only being a mom.
He smiled. “So, go back to doing what you want to do in life.”
She hesitated.
“What?” he asked, brushing a curl from her cheek. He could see the storm raging, and it freaked him out.
“I have to wait for Ethan. If he comes here, and we’re fixable, I want to go back.”
“Okay.”
“If he comes here, and he’s not fixable…?”
She was struggling to articulate what she needed to say. The option of leaving Ethan permanently sucked.
She hated it.
Callen cut her a break.
“We still go back, angel. You can be a Fed and not married to Ethan. They aren’t tied to each other. At one time, you were a Fed before him.”
That hit her heart like a ton of arrows. How could she see him every day in his spiffy suits, his silky ties, and know he wasn’t hers?
It brought tears to her eyes.
“Saying that was harsh,” she said. “Saying that killed a little more of my soul.”
He kissed her knuckles. “Listen to me. I want you and Ethan to fix this, but if you aren’t happy, angel, and he’s punching holes in walls, it won’t work. This isn’t about you. It’s about him. Ethan is the one who has the issue. You were lying in a hospital bed after nearly dying, and he chose to take that moment to break our family apart.”
She knew he was right.
“He told you to leave, and you did what he asked. Your soul will be fine. Your heart will heal. I’m here for you.”
He needed to know.
“Can you still be a Fed and do what you’re meant to do without being married to Ethan? That’s the question you have to answer.”
Could she?
She wasn’t sure.
“And you, Callen James?”
“I’m by your side until our dying day. If we go back, I’m in. If we don’t, I’ll write until I’m old and crotchety. We’ll have food on the table, and a retirement plan. Our kids will have to go between homes, but it will be okay.”
She hated that idea.
She didn’t want to ship her children back and forth like luggage in a tug-o-war.
“Do you still love him?”
“Yes, I do. I love him more than myself, but…?”
“But what?” he asked.
“He’s fixable, right?”
Callen smiled. “Do you want what I feel or what I know?” he asked.
“Both.”
“Okay, then let me tell you a story.”
She listened.
“When we were kids, Ethan and I stole a ride. It was this sexy muscle car, and we looked like studs driving in it.”
Elizabeth wasn’t sure she got where this was going but Callen was good at telling a story.
“Okay, continue.”
“We rode it hard, we did donuts, and we destroyed it. That car was trashed by two hellions with daddy issues.”
“Um…?”
“There’s a point. I promise. So, anyway, we sneak home, crawl in through the window of Granddad’s cabin, and go to sleep. Well, I fell asleep.”
“What did Ethan do?”
“He stayed up all night thinking.”
“About?” she asked.
“That car and what we did. Ethan, from the time we were fifteen, has always had this code. Yes, he’ll do something stupid, but in the end, he’ll figure it out. He’ll rationalize it, he’ll work through it, and then he’ll solve it.”
“Am I that car?”
“Yes. You’re a metaphor for that ride. He took you out, he rode you hard, and he broke you. Right now, he’s in bed, trying to figure out why he did what he did, and if he’s a bad person.”
“He’s not.”
“I know that better than anyone. I’ve known him longer. I’ve also seen him at a level of bad you haven’t. I’ve been on the ugly side of his anger. At some point, he’s going to figure it out, and he’s going to fix this.”
“I hope it doesn’t take forever.”
Callen smiled. “It won’t. In fact, he’s already there.”
She stared at him. “What are you talking about?” she asked in confusion.
“He sent something to Delta Falls, and I have it. He told me to give it to you when you weren’t distracted, and I think that time is now.”
Callen reached into his nightstand and removed a paper wrapped book.
H
e handed it to her.
“He wanted you to have this.”
She held it in her hands and stared down at the handwriting. It was definitely his, and it made her heart skip in her chest. “This is for me?”
“Yep. That’s how I know what phase he’s in. Ethan is working it out. Why don’t you open it?” he suggested. “It might help you get to that same point.”
Elizabeth did just that.
Once she did, she found a leather-bound journal with Ethan’s monogram on it. She’d recognize those letters anywhere.
E B J
Lovingly, she ran her fingers over it. The cool leather was smooth. Lifting it to her nose, she could smell him, and her heart ached for him to be there.
“What is it?” she asked.
“Why don’t you call him and ask?” Callen suggested. “I think he needs to hear you, and you need that contact with him. This is just as hard on him as it is on you. That’s the one thing I know for a fact.”
He stood from the bed.
“Callen?” she called, stopping him from walking away. She owed him so much.
“Yes?”
“If I can’t get him back, I need you to know one thing,” she said, admiring the man before her.
“What?”
“You will absolutely be enough. Losing Ethan will hurt, but having you…that will be a huge blessing, and one I will never overlook.”
He smiled.
Her heart skipped.
Yeah, her sexy Native wasn’t a replacement for Ethan. He was a special addition.
Callen needed to hear those words. Immediately, all his fears were squashed. His wife meant what she said.
He believed her.
“Call your husband. He needs you.”
She waited until he was gone. When the door closed, she picked up her cell. Elizabeth knew that the chances were he was in a meeting with someone. Ethan was carrying the weight now that Gabe was battling cancer.
Still…he had said she’d come first.
Was this a test?
Yes.
Elizabeth was insulating her heart to make sure if he came back, Ethan was the man she needed, but the line was drawn. She couldn’t keep him in their lives if he was volatile and married to his job.
She had to come first—like family came first for her.
Revenge has Come (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 19) Page 2