by Susan Lewis
Penny said nothing, simply continued to gaze out at the horizon, seeming not to register anything beyond whatever she was seeing in her mind.
Turning to the manager, Andee said, ‘Thank you. It’ll be fine now. I’ll meet you downstairs,’ she told Graeme.
After they’d gone she closed the door quietly and went to sit in a chair close to the window. As she waited for her heart to settle, she looked around the room and saw Penny’s suitcases stacked on the floor. Whether they were already packed it wasn’t possible to tell. The desk was empty, no sign of the laptop or the files that had littered it earlier.
When it became clear that she’d have to break this strangely awful silence, Andee said, ‘OK, you got me here. So what now?’
Without turning round, Penny said, ‘You thought I’d killed myself.’
‘Isn’t that what I was meant to think?’
Penny didn’t deny it. ‘I will, of course, leave everything to Jonathan,’ she said.
Her alarm increasing to fear, Andee said, ‘Have you taken something? Do I need to call an ambulance?’
Penny inhaled a shaky breath and let it go slowly. ‘No, you don’t need to call an ambulance,’ she replied.
‘So what’s this about?’ Andee demanded, wanting to shake her out of this peculiar stupor.
‘I have something for you,’ Penny said. ‘It’s a USB stick containing all the files you’ll need to show where the so-called missing girls are. You’ll also find details of the refuges in Riga, Vilnius and Minsk and a list of the scouts who search out the vulnerable. Everything’s there, right down to the details of the students who take the opportunity to make a lot of money during a gap year. You’ll even discover how much they’re paid. It’s easier for the boys of course, so they don’t receive anywhere near as much as the girls.’ She smiled grimly. ‘Some of them like our set-up so much that they decide to continue being donors while working as escorts from the apartments in London and Stockholm. You can interview them if you like, ask them how free they are to come and go. All their details are there.’
Feeling faintly disoriented, Andee took the memory stick and asked, ‘Why are you doing this?’
Penny’s expression had no warmth, only something that looked like sadness, or possibly resentment. ‘Because I’m ruined, or I soon will be, and all those young people will have to find their own way from here. I’m not sure what will happen to the refuges; it’s not easy to get state funding in those countries.’
‘You’re assuming the Blakemores are going to sue.’
‘I know they are. I heard from their lawyers as soon as the problem with the contract was revealed.’
‘Which was when?’
‘When I received the medical file the day before yesterday. Until then I fully believed everything was as it should be.’
Having to ask the question, Andee said, ‘Does that mean you’d still be trying to take the baby if all the conditions had been met?’
Penny sighed and turned her hands over as she looked down at them. As Andee looked at them too she felt an uneasy beat in her heart. Why hadn’t she made this connection before? Kate Trask had worn gloves, not to cover eczema, but to mask her arthritic joints. Did it mean anything? Maybe it was just a bizarre or psychosomatic coincidence.
‘No, I wouldn’t be trying to take him,’ Penny replied, ‘but the Blakemores’ lawyers wouldn’t have stopped until they had him, no matter how old he might be by then.’
‘You seem so sure of that.’
‘I know the Blakemores. They’re very determined and desperate people.’
‘Can’t you offer them another surrogate?’
‘I have, but after this they don’t trust me, so they’re going to make sure that no one else makes the same mistake. They’re already petitioning to have the clinics shut down, and it won’t be long before they hit me with a ruinous claim for damages.’
‘And where exactly do they think all this bitterness and litigation is going to end them up? Not with a baby, that’s for sure.’
‘Oh, I expect they’ll get one eventually, and they’ll be able to boast to their friends about what they did to me, so everyone will know that you cross the Blakemores at your peril.’
After a while, Andee said, ‘I can’t help wondering what they’d have done if the baby had been born with a physical or mental impairment. They don’t sound like the kind of couple who’d accept anything less than what they would call perfection.’
‘They wouldn’t have. There’s a clause in all the contracts to cover that. The baby has to be in full health or the intended parents will be entitled to a full refund.’
Shocked, disgusted, Andee said, ‘What would happen to the baby?’
‘I can’t answer that because the problem’s never arisen. If it did, I guess we’d find a home for it somewhere. We’d have to if the biological mother didn’t want to keep it.’
Still having a difficult time with the ethics of it all, no matter whom it might be helping, Andee said, ‘So what are you going to do next?’
Penny swallowed and raised one of her flaked hands to her face.
Seeing how badly it was shaking, Andee said, ‘What is it? There’s more, I can tell …’
Penny almost laughed. ‘You think being ruined isn’t enough?’
‘It might be, but you’re keeping something back, so why don’t you tell me what it is?’
Pressing her hand to her head as tears flooded her eyes, Penny said, ‘Sven has been taken to hospital. He’s only got days to live and I don’t know how to tell Jonathan.’
‘Oh Penny,’ Andee murmured, going to her. She felt oddly bony and stiff, clearly uncomfortable with the physical contact, even though she didn’t resist it.
‘He loves his father so much.’ Penny’s voice shook. ‘We all do.’
Andee stopped herself from offering to break the news, feeling Jonathan had to hear it from Penny.
‘His father’s going to die and the only parent he’ll have is me,’ Penny stated bleakly. ‘Imagine how he’s going to feel about that. He’ll hate me for not being the one to die. I don’t blame him for hating me. I’ve never done anything to make him feel any other way. I didn’t want him to be my son, I didn’t want anyone to belong to me and I didn’t want to belong to anyone. But I do belong to Sven. He’s been everything to me for as long as I can remember … I’m terrified of a world without him in it. I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I just don’t know,’ she gasped desperately.
With tears stinging her own eyes, Andee tried to comfort her, but Penny wasn’t listening.
‘Ever since he told Jonathan about me,’ she ran on, ‘it’s been his dearest wish that Jonathan and I should find a way to work things out. I’ve told him so many times that it’ll never happen, that I’m incapable of what he’s asking and Jonathan’s not willing, but he won’t believe it. He has so much faith in us … He thinks we’ll do it for him, and I want to, I want to so much, but we’ve left it too late.’
‘That’s not true,’ Andee told her firmly. ‘He’s still alive, and you must talk to Jonathan. Does he know how Sven feels?’
Penny nodded. ‘But he doesn’t know that Sven’s so close to the end.’
‘Then I’ll take you to Jonathan now, and I’ll stay with you while you tell him. I’ll hold both your hands and I’ll even come to Stockholm if you think it’ll help.’
Penny was shaking her head. ‘Why would you do that for me after the way I’ve treated you?’
‘Because you’re my sister, and he’s my nephew and because I want Sven’s wish to come true as much as he does.’
Penny was still shaking, seeming unable to make herself stop. ‘I’ve left everything to Jonathan,’ she repeated faintly. ‘My lawyer has my will …’
‘Penny!’ Andee cried, suddenly realising that something was very wrong. ‘Penny, what have you done?’
‘I lied,’ Penny murmured, slumping slightly. ‘I always lie.’
Trying to hold her up, An
dee whipped out her phone and called Graeme. ‘We need to get her to hospital,’ she told him. ‘Please call an ambulance,’ and forcing Penny to her feet she began urgently walking her around the room.
It was just after dawn the following morning that Andee, stiff and aching from spending the night in a chair, opened her eyes to find Penny watching her from the hospital bed. Apart from the redness and slight bruising around her mouth her face was colourless and pinched; her eyes were sunken and shadowed.
Struggling to sit straighter, Andee said, ‘Hi. How are you feeling?’
Penny’s voice was hoarse. ‘Probably about as good as I look.’
Encouraged by the humour, Andee filled a glass with water and handed it to her. ‘Do you remember what happened?’ she asked.
After gingerly swallowing, Penny said, ‘Do you want me to thank you for bringing me here?’
Andee shrugged. ‘I didn’t have anything else to do.’
Almost managing a smile, Penny shifted slightly and winced.
‘Headache?’
Penny nodded.
‘It could be a lot worse,’ Andee reminded her.
As Penny’s eyes closed she raised her peeling fingers to her head.
‘Do they hurt?’ Andee asked.
Penny glanced at her and realising what she meant, she said, ‘It’s worse some days than others.’ She sighed shakily. ‘It’s funny, isn’t it, that my hands should be a problem, not like Kate Trask’s arthritic joints, but still an affliction.’
‘You need to let it go,’ Andee said softly. ‘You’re not her, and nor are you anything like her.’
Penny stared off into the distance, watching ghosts only she could see. ‘Who knows I’m here?’ she asked.
‘No one, apart from me and Graeme.’
‘So it’s all … You’re still together?’
Wondering if Penny had ever known what it was to be in a romantic relationship, Andee said, ‘We are.’
Penny nodded as her eyes drifted again. ‘No one else needs to know about this, do they?’ she said after a while.
‘Not if you don’t want them to.’
Penny looked at the saline drip attached to her left hand, then removing it she swung her legs over the side of the bed and swayed.
‘Too fast,’ Andee said, steadying her. ‘And you need to see a doctor before we leave.’
‘They’re not keeping me here. I have to get to Sven.’
‘Don’t worry, they’ll be glad to have the bed back. There’s a shower in there. I popped back to the hotel during the night and brought you some things. They’re in that bag.’
Penny stared at the holdall and seemed unable to move.
Going to her, Andee slipped an arm around her and rested her head against hers. ‘It’ll be all right,’ she whispered. This was a new feeling, comforting her little sister.
It was a while before Penny turned to look at her. ‘I’ve screwed up so badly,’ she said, gazing into Andee’s eyes, ‘and I’ve just gone on and on screwing up.’
‘So maybe you’re tired of it now?’
Penny gave a small nod.
‘Good, then get in the shower and when you’re ready we’ll take the first steps towards trying to make some things right.’
Just over an hour later, complete with all the leaflets and helpline numbers the hospital insisted they take, Andee was driving them to Rowzee and Pamela’s coach house. Graeme had gone on ahead to prepare the way, while Penny’s chauffeur had been summoned from the hotel to follow Andee’s car. It was making Penny feel more secure, Andee realised, to know that she’d be able to get away if she needed to.
Struck again by how lonely and vulnerable her sister really was behind the façade that was slowly but surely falling apart, Andee reached out to hold her hand.
Penny didn’t respond. She sat rigidly in her seat, trying to battle whatever doubts and demons were assailing her. When Andee let her hand go, she said, belligerently, ‘It’s much easier when you don’t care.’
Touched and amused by how like the child Penny she sounded, Andee said, ‘Really?’
Penny continued to stare out of the window, registering only she knew what as they turned on to the coast road where block after block of affordable housing and holiday homes had replaced what had once been vast swathes of buttercup fields and bluebell woods. ‘It’s changed a lot since we were young,’ she commented, sounding offended. ‘Frankly, I’m not sure I like being here.’
Understanding that the resentment was far more to do with nerves than genuine disapproval, Andee wondered what memories were coming up for her, and how hard she was finding it to handle the complicated emotions they would be stirring.
‘I’m not sure she’s up to seeing Jonathan this soon,’ Andee had said to Graeme earlier while Penny was in the shower, ‘but with Sven having so little time left, I don’t see there’s a choice.’
‘There isn’t,’ he agreed. ‘I’ve looked into flights for this evening. There’s plenty of availability at the moment, but I won’t book anything until we know who’s going. I’ll leave now to make sure I’m at the coach house before you.’
After he’d gone Andee had called her mother to tell her about Sven’s deteriorating condition, and to warn her that Alayna was intending to turn up later in the day. ‘You know what she’s like,’ Andee said, ‘she obviously knows something’s going on and she’s determined to find out what it is. So just in case I’m not around, will you be OK with explaining about Penny?’ It was a big ask, too big, but maybe Blake and Jenny wouldn’t mind being there to support her.
‘I’ll do my best,’ Maureen promised, sounding daunted. ‘How’s Penny taking it about Sven?’
‘She’s very upset. We’re just about to go and break it to Jonathan. I’ll come and see you before I head off to the airport.’
‘So you’re going to Stockholm too?’
‘I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know.’
Now, as she and Penny turned at Hope Cove and started up towards the moor, Penny was gazing hard at her phone as though willing it, or even daring it to ring. Though it was on silent Andee knew it had rung at least a dozen times in the past hour, and heaven only knew how many texts and emails had arrived throughout the night.
‘I should be in the States,’ Penny stated. ‘I’ve got three girls due to give birth in the next couple of weeks. I’m always there for the handover. Everyone’s wondering where I am, and what’s going on.’
‘Isn’t there someone who can deputise for you?’ Andee asked.
‘Maria. She runs the clinics.’
‘So why are you worried?’
‘Because I should be there.’ Pressing a hand to her head, she said, ‘Why doesn’t Selma call? Is that good or bad?’
‘You could always call her.’
Penny turned away. Clearly she was afraid to. ‘I want to send a text to let him know that Jonathan and I are on our way,’ she declared angrily. ‘If he knew that he’d definitely hold on, but I can’t until I know it’s true.’
‘Why not?’ Andee ventured. ‘Even if it doesn’t go the way you hope with Jonathan, it’ll make Sven happy for a while to think you’re both coming.’
Penny threw out her hands. ‘Why do you always know the right thing to do?’
Drily Andee said, ‘I’ll try to get it wrong next time.’
Penny started to press in a message. When she’d finished she said, ‘If Jonathan doesn’t want to go with me, I’ll let him go on his own. Sven will want to see him and it’s important for him to say goodbye to his father.’
‘It’s important for you too,’ Andee reminded her.
Penny nodded, and bit her lip as tears shone in her eyes.
Opening the glove box, Andee pointed her to the Kleenex.
Minutes later they were at the gates to the Burlingford estate, only yards from the coach house where Graeme’s car was parked next to the Mini Jonathan and Juliette were using.
Andee turned to Penny. In spite of the fresh
ly applied make-up her face was ashen as she stared with dark, haunted eyes into the next few minutes.
‘Graeme came on ahead to explain about the contract and lawsuit,’ Andee told her. ‘He hasn’t had much time, but he was going to try telling Jonathan about the missing girls who aren’t missing at all.’
‘He won’t believe it,’ Penny said hoarsely.
‘He’ll have to when we prove it.’
Penny looked at her. ‘Have you been through the files?’ she asked.
Andee shook her head.
‘So you don’t know if I was telling the truth.’
In spite of a beat of unease, Andee said, ‘I trust you.’
Penny’s gaze held on to hers. In the end, she said quietly, ‘You’re a good person.’
Reaching for her hand again, Andee felt its icy coldness and lifted it to her cheek to warm it. The hard flakes of skin, like little signs of vulnerability, moved her deeply. ‘Are you ready?’ she asked softly, knowing she wasn’t.
Penny glanced in the side mirror to make sure the Mercedes was still behind.
‘Do you know what you’re going to say?’
‘No. I … I guess I just have to tell him.’
By the time they reached the front door Graeme had already opened it. ‘Juliette’s upstairs with her parents and the baby,’ he told them. ‘Jonathan’s outside on the terrace.’
‘How much does he know?’ Andee asked.
‘Nothing about Sven. I’m honestly not sure how he’s dealing with what I told him about you,’ he said to Penny.
Penny took a breath but no words came.
‘I did my best,’ he promised.
Slipping an arm round Penny’s waist, Andee eased her inside and along the hall to the kitchen. They could see Jonathan standing with his back to the open French doors.
He gave no indication that he’d heard them come in, but simply continued to stare across the garden to the fruit orchard beyond.
Letting Penny go, Andee gave her a gentle push forward.
After two steps Penny turned back, looking as though she might flee. Andee’s heart went out to her. Of all the difficult, even harrowing situations she must have faced in her life, this was clearly right up there with the hardest.