Charlie’s was another front for money laundering, and we kept a large quantity of our cash in the safe. This was a dangerous play. There was a slight chance—okay, it was fifty-fifty—that I wouldn’t make it out alive. If I didn’t, someone needed to know where I’d been, and whom I’d been with.
Nah, but stop by after. Tate wants to talk to you.
I stood and rubbed my jaw, staring at myself in the mirror. My restless night hadn’t done me any favors, and a hint of desperation darkened my expression. I couldn’t help it. I was facing impossible choices.
The door opened, and Heidi poked her head in.
She didn’t meet my eyes, and her cheeks were flushed. She looked nervous. Why the hell was she nervous? Maybe it had something to do with last night. She’d said she didn’t have any regrets, but she could’ve lied. “You’re up?”
“You think?” I asked dryly.
She waved a hand dismissively. Her blond hair was damp, and she smelled like peaches even from this distance. “Whatever. I’m making breakfast, and it’ll be ready in ten minutes.”
I scratched my stomach, liking the way her gaze dropped to the brief flash of my abs. “Okay. I’ll be out in a few.”
She didn’t reply, and closed the door again. I made quick work of brushing my teeth and showering before walking into the living room and making my way to the kitchen barefoot. Heidi had her earbuds in again, so she didn’t hear me come up behind her. She swung her hips, tossing her head back and forth as she danced to whatever the hell it was she listened to.
The whole thing felt so domesticated and so . . . normal.
Heidi looked like she belonged in my kitchen. It made me think that she was wrong. That maybe we’d make badass gardeners. My tulips could win the top prize at our fictional town’s gardening show. It was entirely possible that we’d kick ass at being normal.
But, really, what were the odds that two fucked-up people like us could pull that off? I’d never been good at following the rules. I closed my arms around her, sliding my hand up her shirt to rest on her rib cage, right below her breasts. Burying my face in her neck, I inhaled her scent deeply. “Mm. Smells delicious, darlin’.”
“Thanks.” Heidi skated out of my arms, shooting me a nervous glance as she popped her earbuds out. Okay, then. She didn’t want to be touched. Message received loud and clear. “The secret is butter. It makes the eggs richer.”
I hadn’t been talking about the food, but I didn’t point that out. She was throwing up major back the hell off vibes. I tried again, lowering my voice, “Can’t wait to taste them.”
She picked up the plates. “Well, lucky for you, you don’t have to. It’s ready.”
“Thanks.” I grabbed the plates out of her hands and carried them out to the table. She followed me with two mugs of steaming coffee. “You do know that you don’t have to cook for me, right? I don’t expect anything because you’re living with me. I’m not that guy.”
“I know. But it keeps me busy.” She set the mugs down and lifted a shoulder. “Uh . . . the cooking, I mean. I don’t sit idly well. I need to do things, or my mind wanders. And when my mind wanders, I get even antsier than before. Like this morning. So, I cooked.”
I got that. I was the same way, but with the cars downstairs. I set my fork down, studying her closely for any hint of the reason she was acting so odd. The only thing I could figure it would be was regret. “I have to work today. Want me to get you anything while I’m out? Books? Movies? More booze?”
“I have to work tonight, too.” She fidgeted. “So, no, I’ll be fine. I won’t be here much longer, I’m sure.”
I made a mental note to be back before she went to the bar. I wanted to be there, guarding her. If I’d had it my way, she wouldn’t leave my place at all.
“What makes you say that?” I asked, half hoping she’d changed her mind and was going to take the cash and go, and half hoping she hadn’t. Selfish bastard. “Where you going?”
“Nowhere at the moment. But this thing with your brother can’t go on for much longer.” She picked up her spoon, set it down, and picked it back up again. “So once you handle the situation, I’ll be free to go home, and you can go back to . . . doing what you do.”
In other words, she couldn’t wait to get out of here. What-the-fuck-ever. If she wanted to hit the road the second the coast was clear, I wouldn’t stop her. I could go back to enjoying my silent apartment, and my silent life, without any complications. And if I felt a cavity in the bottom of my stomach at the idea of going back to normal . . .
I’d ignore it.
I was good at ignoring shit I didn’t want to deal with.
“Working on cars, selling illegal guns, and killing assholes,” I said, watching her the whole time. She didn’t even flinch. “In between being devastatingly charming in bars, that is. Can’t forget that part of my life.”
She set her spoon down again without touching her food. Her lips didn’t even twitch at my attempt at humor to lighten the situation. “Yeah. We can’t forget that.”
I didn’t know what to do with this version of Heidi. I wanted to make her feel better, but honestly I didn’t know how. If she was upset she’d fucked me last night, there was nothing I could do to fix that. I couldn’t go back in time and unfuck her, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. “I’ll be out all day, so you’ll have the place to yourself. Got some business to take care of.”
She pushed the eggs around on her plate. “Okay.”
We fell silent, and I ate quickly. By the time I was done, she’d nibbled on a piece of bacon and had barely eaten a bite of eggs. At some point, she’d given up attempting to look as if she’d actually eaten anything, and instead leaned back in her chair, holding her mug of coffee. Her gaze was on the bedroom door.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Huh?” Heidi’s attention flew back to me. “Yeah, of course.”
“All right . . .” I stood and grabbed my keys, shrugged into my leather jacket, stepped into my boots, and slipped my phone into my pocket. My gun, like usual, was already in its holster. “Come here.”
She stood up and walked over, her blue eyes shadowed. “Yeah?”
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
I snorted. “Darlin’, if there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s spot a liar. Fess up. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“No.” Heidi averted her face. “It’s nothing. Really.”
“You’re regretting last night, aren’t you?”
“What? No.” She shook her head. “There’s nothing to regret. It was sex. Nothing more.”
So she kept saying. Maybe she thought she didn’t regret it, but she didn’t usually fuck killers like me. If Heidi had no regrets, she wouldn’t be acting as if I had the plague right now. “If you say so.”
She pressed her lips into a tight line. She did that when she was irritated with me, which was almost all the time. I tried to tamp down my own irritation. “I do. I’m just . . . I’m scared.”
Ah. I hadn’t expected that. But she hadn’t shown much fear up until now, so I guess it was only a matter of time till it hit her. I ran my knuckles over her cheekbone. “You’re safe as long as you’re here, or with me.”
“I’m not worried about my safety.” She pursed her lips. “I’m worried about yours.”
I blinked. People didn’t worry about me. “What? Why?”
“Because your brother is trying to kill you. I know you’re the badass criminal with no regard for human life, but it’s your brother. I don’t think you’d be able to kill him like it’s no big deal.” She locked gazes with me. “And that scares me, because from what I’ve heard . . . your brother is that type of guy.”
Heidi didn’t think I could kill him? She was wrong. Dead wrong. It wasn’t the first time she’d made assumptions about me, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. “I’m that type of guy, too. When it comes to dying or living,
I’ll choose life every time.”
“I didn’t say that you wouldn’t do what had to be done.” She lifted her chin defiantly. “I just meant you’re going to do everything in your power to avoid it, and that might be your downfall . . . because he won’t.”
Jesus Christ. I’d killed men before, and I didn’t lose any sleep over most of them. But Chris and Heidi seemed to think that my reluctance to gun down my little brother was a character flaw. I didn’t want to kill my brother. Why was that a bad thing?
What the hell did they want from me?
I let go of her and stepped back, anger pumping through my veins. “If you want me to be the type of man who can kill family without exploring other options first, well, then it’s good that last night was just sex.”
“No.” She paled. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
I rested my hand on my gun. “If Scotty doesn’t leave me any choice, I’ll do what I have to. But, no, I don’t particularly want to put a bullet in the brain of the kid I used to tuck in at night. I don’t want to walk away from a broken body that used to be a boy who was captain of his little league team, and just chalk him up as another enemy eliminated. I don’t want to believe that my baby brother hates me enough to plan my execution. But, what, you think I should just write him off now? Is that what I should do?”
She shook her head. “N-no, of course not. I’d never want you to kill anyone. That’s the problem. I don’t want you to kill him. I can’t . . . you can’t . . .”
And just like that, I understood what this was about. She knew how this would likely end—even if I wasn’t ready to accept it yet—and she was terrified of the fact that she’d fucked a man who would kill his own brother to survive. She was ashamed.
Of me. Of us.
I’d had my share of women like her in my life, the ones who liked to take a walk on the wild side and blame me for it afterward. They’d sit there and wonder how I’d made them forget their principles and how I’d convinced them to forget that I was a monster.
But I hadn’t thought she was one of them.
I’d given her plenty of chances to walk away, but she’d agreed to stay last night. She’d told me she wanted me. Last night, during her passionate response, as the chemistry bubbled between us, it felt like I’d finally found the place I belonged.
What an idiot.
I laughed, loud and hard, and tossed my keys on the table. “Yeah, of course not. Because that would make me a murderer. And good girls like you aren’t supposed to fuck murderers, are they?”
Her cheeks went red. “What? Last night has nothing to do with this!”
I laughed again, anger at this whole situation making me bitter. Heidi wasn’t doing anything to me that hadn’t been done to me thousands of times before. The fault was mine for allowing myself to believe she was different. “Yeah. Sure it’s not, darlin’. Keep telling yourself that, if that’s what it takes to make you feel better.”
Fisting her hands, she took a step toward me, her nostrils flared. “Stop being such a jackass.”
“Newsflash, darlin’,” I drawled. “I am a jackass. Always have been.”
She shook her head. “Not to me, you’re not.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I was trying to be nice to you, and look what that got me. With you on the verge of tears just because you fucked me last night.” I held my hands out to my sides. “We all know that it’s all fine and dandy to have a guy like me protecting you, but when it comes to the reality of what I do, you can’t handle it. And now you wish you’d never let me touch you. Admit it.”
She shoved my shoulders. “Don’t put words in my mouth. You have no idea what I’m thinking, or how I feel about you.”
“Ah, but I do. You’re just like the rest of them.” I caught her wrists and hauled her against my chest. She squirmed but didn’t break free. “You fool yourself into thinking that I’m this guy who is soft, caring, and horribly misunderstood. It’s why you let me fuck you. You saw the ‘good’ in me when it was convenient for you to do so. Now, in the light of day, it’s a lot harder to see, isn’t it?”
Heidi shook her head. I waited for her to tell me I was right. To tell me she regretted letting me have her last night. But instead, she tried to knock me right off my feet with her softly spoken “No. It’s not. I still see it.”
And, damn her, I was a breath away from believing her. I wanted to.
But I refused to let her in. I’d done so once, and it had given me a glimpse of what it would feel like if I did it again, and she later stabbed me in the back.
It had reminded me why I shouldn’t let anyone close. Anyone. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.” I smirked down at her, letting my defenses slip back into place. The ones I never should have let fall in the first place. “Guess you couldn’t resist the chance to get your rocks off, even if it was with a scumbag like me, right?”
She yanked free and stumbled back, her face bright red. Her bright blue eyes spit fire at me, and I swore I felt each lick of flames piercing my skin. “Fuck off, Lucky.”
I gritted my teeth at the annoying nickname. “Gladly.” I threw the door open. “Oh, by the way, I’m off to meet my brother. You better hope I don’t have to gun him down, or you’ll have slept with the king of the sinners. I’ll send you a text to let you know whether you need to shower a second time or not, to wash off my filthy touch.”
“Argh.” She made a frustrated sound. “God, you’re so . . . so . . . annoying.”
She threw a pillow at me. A fucking pillow. I caught it easily. “That’s what I should bring to the meeting. A pillow. It would solve everything. Maybe he just needs a good, long nap. He always used to get cranky as a kid when he missed one.”
She stalked across the room toward me with murder in her eyes, but I closed the door before she could reach me. Dropping the pillow on the stairs, I took them two at a time, needing to get away from her. She’d struck a nerve, and I didn’t know how to handle it just yet.
As I opened the door and stepped outside, I took a deep breath, welcoming the icy air in my lungs. It felt good. Much better than the weird sensation slicing through my chest. A weaker man might call it pain.
But I didn’t feel pain anymore.
I’d stopped years ago, after Ma died.
I dragged a hand down my face and scanned the sidewalk. I almost walked away, but the glint of sun reflecting off metal caught my attention at the last second. It came from the second-story window of the Laundromat next to Heidi’s bar. And I knew what that reflection meant all too well.
The door opened behind me.
I realized, with a sinking horror, that Heidi had followed me outside. Damn her. “Son of a bitch.”
She came stumbling out, something in her hand, still looking as gloriously angry as before. “You—oof.”
Without hesitation, I threw myself at her, shielding her from what I knew was coming. The second my body covered hers, a shot rang out, and I had no idea if I’d moved quickly enough or if she’d been hit. Either, way, those fuckers would pay. Whether she’d been hit or not . . .
I’d kill everyone who had a hand in this.
Twice.
CHAPTER 18
HEIDI
I hit the wall with a thud, and the sharp edges of the brick ripped through my thin shirt, scraping my skin. Lucas literally threw his body over mine, and I had no idea why he was tossing me around like some maniac. I’d just been trying to give him his—
A loud gunshot rang through the formerly silent street, and I cried out. Lucas cradled me in his arms, curling his body around me protectively. The bullet zinged off something near our heads, the brick, maybe, and I braced for impact. Nothing hit. Lucas spun, pulling out his gun as he did, and took three rapid shots. I cried out again, slamming my hands over my ears. They went silent before ringing painfully from the bang. Before the last gunshot dissipated, Lucas was shoving me inside and slamming the door shut behind us. He ran his hands over me frantically, his breathing harsh, and
panic written all over his face.
He said something, but I couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t hear anything.
I shook my head, like I could shake away the blockage. “What?” My voice sounded distant, as if I stood at the opposite end of a long tunnel and shouted down it. All I could hear was a faint buzzing sound. “I can’t hear you.”
He cupped my face and enunciated perfectly. “Are. You. Hit?”
“N-no.” I glanced over him. “Are you?”
His hands slipped away from me. “No. Go up and lock the door.”
I blinked, because I was trying to read his lips and it wasn’t easy. “What?”
He pushed me gently. “Up. Lock. Door.”
I ran up the stairs, making it up in record time. When I opened the apartment door, I turned around, waiting for him to rush through it. But he was gone. Bolting back down the stairs, I tried to open the door, but something held it shut. And it wasn’t budging. Had he . . . had he locked me in? “Oh, hell no.”
Throwing my shoulder into it, I shoved all my weight against it, and it didn’t shift even a fraction of an inch. Another gunshot cracked through the air, followed by two more in rapid succession. I collapsed against the door, my breathing heavy and tears blurring my vision. He was out there, getting shot at, and he had no one to help him. Because he’d locked me in. If he died . . .
I forced myself to stop that thought in its tracks.
Okay, sure, I was unarmed, and even if I’d had a gun, I wasn’t that great a shot, but he shouldn’t have locked me in here. I knew calling the cops would be an awful idea, because Lucas would go back to jail for violating his parole. I wondered if he might be safer locked up and then immediately dismissed the idea. I knew better. An organization like Steel Row or Bitter Hill had a long reach, even behind bars.
He wouldn’t be any safer in jail than he was out there.
Sirens started wailing, and I cursed. Had someone actually called the cops, or was it a coincidence? Running back up the stairs, I shut the door behind me silently and locked it, following Lucas’s original instructions. Backing away slowly, I forced myself to breathe. Lucas was smart. He’d find a way to get out of there before the cops started poking around. And there was no reason for them to look for me. I’d been outside for only, like, two seconds.
Dare To Run (The Sons of Steel Row #1) Page 17