by Sara Craven
‘That,’ he said, ‘had not escaped my attention.’
She said swiftly, ‘If you’re thinking of Carrie’s birthday party, then you’re so wrong. I was over him long, long before that.’
‘Then why go to meet him?’
‘Because he said—he made me think Carrie would be there too. I’d never have gone otherwise.’ She bent her head. ‘I know how it must have looked.’
He said, ‘I didn’t give you much chance to explain. But why didn’t you tell me what was going on that evening when I arrived at the flat and found him with you?’
She sighed. ‘Because I could have been opening Pandora’s box. The consequences might have been awful. Besides, Simon kept insisting it was all over between them, that he’d learned his lesson and it was only Carrie that he wanted. And I—I wanted so badly to believe that. Because I couldn’t convince myself that she’d be happier without him. Better off, maybe—probably—but not happier. So,’ she added unhappily, ‘I took the coward’s way out and hoped it would all simply go away—that no one else need ever know.’
His brows rose. ‘So you were trying to keep the peace? Is that it?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I can’t even claim that.’ She took a breath. ‘The fact is—I was frightened. I can make all the excuses in the world, but that’s what it comes down to in the end. I told myself that if I said nothing I’d be protecting Carrie, saving her from this terrible hurt, when all the time I didn’t want to be the one to tell her.’
She looked down at the table. ‘In the old days they used to kill messengers who brought bad news, and I was scared that I’d lose her too—lose our precious friendship. For so long it was all I had, and I was afraid that she’d never forgive me if I was the one to destroy her illusions about Simon and break her heart.’
He said, ‘That’s not such a bad reason. Except, of course, it didn’t all go away.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘Donna had come back that night to tell me she was pregnant, and Simon wanted her to have an abortion. She was going to pieces right there in front of me, so I could hardly throw her out. She had her own place, but she virtually moved back in with me, just weeping hysterically and refusing to eat or get dressed half the time. She kept her key too, and must have had it copied for Simon—though I didn’t realise that until too late.’
She added flatly, ‘I don’t think they ever really stopped seeing each other. Not even when he was accusing her of deliberately getting pregnant because she knew he was going to finish with her, and she was threatening to take an overdose or cut her wrists if anyone mentioned termination. Eventually she calmed down enough to make an appointment at a clinic, but she told Simon she’d only go through with it if I went with her. He’s been hassling me over that ever since. Or until yesterday, anyway.’
She frowned. ‘I haven’t actually seen Donna since the night Simon stayed at the flat, so I don’t know her current stance. And in spite of everything I haven’t been able to lose all sympathy with her.’
He said, ‘Then you must have the patience of a saint.’
‘No.’ She looked out to sea. ‘It—it’s not—it can’t be easy to accept that you’re never going to have the one man who means everything to you. And I think she did fall for him very badly, and believed that he loved her too.’
‘A little naïve,’ he commented.
‘Yes.’ Rhianna was silent for a moment. She added reluctantly, ‘Although Simon did claim originally that she’d targeted him, and made all the running.’
‘Hardly a reliable authority,’ he said unsmilingly.
‘No, but plausible—and it made me wonder. Because Rob, who’s usually kindness itself to newcomers on the cast, avoided her like the plague. And when he heard she was moving into the flat he told me that she was a damned sight older than her age, and infinitely more streetwise, and warned me to be careful.’
‘What I still need to know,’ Diaz said slowly, ‘is why you let me think you were the one involved with that two-timing bastard?’
‘Because it seemed the one way to guarantee you wouldn’t tell Carrie either.’ She met his gaze. ‘I couldn’t believe you’d cause her more suffering by letting her know she’d been betrayed not just by Simon but by her best friend too. I was certain that her peace of mind would be far more important to you than your contempt for me. It was more important to me too.’
‘But you stood there,’ he said, ‘and you let me say those foul, unforgivable things to you.’
‘Because I was involved in it.’ She spread her hands almost helplessly. ‘I couldn’t deny that. And I hadn’t been able to do a thing to stop it. I couldn’t even pretend that it was just one of those things that happens when people have had too much to drink.’
He lifted a hand and smoothed a strand of hair back from her face. ‘About which you know so much, of course,’ he said, his voice caught between tenderness and amusement.
‘I don’t think I know very much at all,’ she said, as her pulses leapt in unbidden, dangerous delight. ‘About anyone or anything. I’m better with someone else’s script.’ She paused. ‘Would you have kept quiet—to spare her feelings—if I’d told you the truth? I felt I couldn’t take the risk—especially when you were so angry.’
‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘Probably not.’
‘Well, then,’ she said. ‘Maybe it’s all turned out for the best.’
‘I wish I shared your optimism,’ he returned drily. ‘Whatever, it’s too late now. They’ll be off on their honeymoon.’
He reached across, and took her hand, playing gently with her fingers. ‘So—do you forgive me?’
‘For saying what you did?’ She was embarrassed to hear the sudden quiver in her voice that his touch had engendered. ‘Of course. In some ways I deserved it.’
Diaz shook his head, smiling faintly. ‘Not just that.’
‘Oh,’ she said, trying to ignore the dismaying fact that she was also blushing. ‘You mean that.’
‘Indeed I do,’ he agreed.
Rhianna tried unsuccessfully to free her hand. ‘Couldn’t we simply forget it ever happened?’
‘Not a chance,’ he said. ‘Because I don’t want to forget.’ He added drily, ‘Nor do I wish you to have that as your abiding memory of me as a lover.’
She was trembling inside. ‘Please don’t say things like that.’
‘That sounds ominous.’ He sent her a searching look, then raised her hand to his lips, kissing her fingertips very gently. ‘Has our recent encounter put you off for life? I do hope not.’
‘No. I mean—I don’t know.’ She was stumbling now, and Lady Ariadne’s glamorous self-possession had never seemed further away. ‘But I—I must have been a terrible disappointment.’
‘No, my sweet,’ Diaz said, and smiled at her. ‘Believe me, that couldn’t be further from the truth. My sole regret is that I didn’t know it was your first time, or I would have dealt with the matter rather differently.’
‘Oh,’ she said, wondering how, and knowing she could never ask.
She rallied. ‘Anyway, it’s all over now, and in a few hours we’ll be in Spain and I’ll be leaving. So maybe what happened is all for the best too.’
His smile widened into a reluctant grin. ‘Not from my point of view, darling. Nor, I’d have said, from yours. However,’ he went on, more gently, ‘if you give me the chance, I think I can guarantee you more enjoyment next time.’
Hunger for him—for the intimate riches he was offering—clenched like a fist inside her.
But at the same time she knew it would be infinitely safer to starve. Because all he was proposing was a consummation—the satisfaction of a mutual desire.
And she wanted all of him. For ever. It was that simple. And that impossible.
Was this how Donna wanted Simon? she wondered, and realised why, in spite of everything, she’d found herself pitying the girl who’d given everything to a man she adored and watched him take it and walk away.
Because Diaz woul
d be no different, she told herself. He had no choice in the matter. They were who they were. His father’s son, her mother’s daughter. Nothing could alter that.
But at least he’d been honourable enough not to pretend, or to make promises he wasn’t prepared to keep.
He might want me, she thought, but he’s never mentioned love.
He said he wanted to wipe Simon from my mind for ever and erase his own need for me at the same time. And maybe he can do that. But I—I can’t. I might not have known it then, when I was in his arms, but I do now.
And when I told myself it was enough—that I would make it enough—I was lying. I can’t let myself be chained to him for the rest of my life by the memory of a night’s pleasure.
I need to save myself. Somehow.
She released her hand from his clasp and sat back. ‘I don’t think so,’ she said, her answering smile polite, even faintly regretful. ‘But thank you, anyway. Because you’ve helped me to achieve what I wanted. Some uncommitted experience, without any untidy emotions in the way.’
She paused. ‘So please don’t feel guilty that you didn’t make the earth move. After all, it was hardly likely under the circumstances. And now my curiosity’s been satisfied, at least, so I’ll know what to expect in future—what the possibilities could be. I’d much prefer to settle for that—for the time being.’
She shrugged gracefully. ‘Everything else can wait until I fall in love.’
There was a silence, then Diaz said expressionlessly, ‘How neat. How tidy.’
She looked away. ‘Maybe the events of the past few months make order and decency in my life seem strangely attractive.’ She added abruptly, ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ It was his turn to shrug. ‘It’s your decision, and I can’t argue with that—much as I’d like to. Because I suspect that with you, Rhianna, those possibilities you mention could be endless.’
He paused. ‘But I hope at least you’ll allow me to kiss you goodbye when the time comes?’
‘Why not?’ She drank some more sangria, praying she’d never be obliged to touch it again as long as she lived, because it would always—always—bring this moment back.
The time I did the right thing, she thought, and felt myself die inside.
She added, ‘I know we probably won’t see each other again after this, but I’d like us to part friends. If we can.’
‘A nice thought,’ he said silkily. ‘But hardly feasible. Under the circumstances.’
He emptied his glass, pushed his chair back and rose. ‘Dinner will be early this evening, and I suggest you get some rest after it. You won’t get much sleep once we reach port.’
He hesitated, looking down at her. ‘And if you’re speaking from someone else’s script, you need more rehearsal. Because right now it doesn’t work. Not for me, and probably not for you either.’
He added flatly, ‘I’ll see you later,’ and walked away to the bridge.
Dinner was paella, produced by Enrique with a delighted flourish, and Rhianna smiled and said, ‘How wonderful,’ and ate her share, even asked for more—although every mouthful tasted like cardboard, and her stomach was twisted in knots anyway.
She’d expected it would be a quiet meal. That after her rejection of him Diaz would not have a great deal to say to her, but she was wrong. Clearly his male pride hadn’t been dented too badly, she told herself wryly, as he chatted lightly, amusingly, and above all impersonally, keeping the topics of conversation general, and making it easy for her to pick up a similar tone.
While in between, very carefully, ensuring that his attention was safely on his food, she watched him from under her lashes with passionate concentration, etching every line of his dark, mobile face into her consciousness, then closing it away in some secret compartment in her mind which she could unlock sometimes. Not every day, she promised herself. Just when the loneliness and the need became too much to bear.
‘Tell me something,’ he said suddenly, when the coffee had been placed on the table and Enrique had returned to the galley. ‘What made you choose acting as a career?’
‘It was something I’d always loved to do,’ Rhianna said, after a startled pause to register that they’d moved from impersonal to personal again. ‘But my aunt had different views, so I didn’t have much opportunity until I went back to London. There were evening drama classes at one of the education centres, and I went along.’
She shrugged. ‘My teacher thought I had something, and arranged for me to audition at stage school. I got a place, plus a bursary I never knew existed. And the people I was living with—the Jessops—were absolutely wonderful, and refused to take a penny from me while I was training.’
She bent her head. ‘I can’t help imagining sometimes how different my life would have been if they’d been allowed to foster me when my mother died. They wanted to, but Aunt Kezia insisted on taking me away. I never understood why, because she never wanted me or even liked me. She made that quite clear. And she inflicted me on a place where she knew I’d be unwelcome, when there was no actual need.’
She sighed. ‘I’ve never been able to figure it.’
He said quietly, ‘She was certainly a strange woman.’
‘Stranger than you know.’ Rhianna paused. ‘Apparently she used to take these really terrible, pointless photographs of people, as if she was deliberately catching them off-guard.’
His brows lifted. ‘What people?’
‘Your aunt and uncle,’ she said, adding reluctantly, ‘And your father. There are lots of your father.’ And your mother in a wheelchair, but I’m not mentioning that. Or the cheque. In fact I wish I’d said nothing about them at all.
‘You have these photographs?’
‘The Hendersons found them at the flat and passed them on to me.’ Her mouth twisted. ‘My sole Trewint legacy.’
‘Not quite,’ he said. ‘You have that amazing hair, like some beautiful dark red cloud. That’s an inheritance to treasure.’
Which was altogether too personal, Rhianna decided. She finished her coffee and rose.
She said politely, ‘If you’ll excuse me? I think I’ll take your advice and get some sleep.’ And turned away, only to find him beside her at the companionway.
She said crisply, ‘I know my own way, thanks.’
‘Of course,’ Diaz said, and smiled at her. ‘But you seem to have forgotten you promised me a kiss.’
Her heart thudded. ‘When we said goodbye,’ she returned. ‘That was my understanding of the agreement.’
‘But there’s always such hassle at airports,’ he said softly as they reached her door. ‘Let’s make it goodnight instead.’
She hesitated uneasily. ‘Well—if you insist.’
It’s a kiss. That’s all. Don’t make a big deal about it, or let him see it matters. Just get it over with.
‘Well, yes,’ he said, faint amusement in his voice. ‘I think I do.’ He reached for the handle and opened her door.
She gave him a startled glance. ‘But there’s no necessity for that. Right here and now will be fine.’
‘Except that I prefer privacy,’ he said. He picked her up and carried her into the stateroom, kicking the door shut behind him. ‘And comfort,’ he added, putting her down on the bed and coming to lie beside her.
‘You said a kiss,’ she reminded him, her voice shaking.
‘Did I specify a number?’ He drew her to him. ‘I don’t think so.’ He lifted a strand of scented hair and carried it to his mouth. He said gently, ‘You are loveliness itself.’
He began to kiss her without haste, his mouth touching her forehead, her eyes, her cheekbones, the soft vulnerability below her ears, and the trembling corners of her mouth.
His lips were warm as they parted hers, and infinitely beguiling. His tongue began a lingering silken quest of the inner contours of her mouth, and her breath sighed with his. He gathered her closer, holding her against the hard length of his body, letting the kiss deepen slowly, endlessly.
When she could speak, she whispered brokenly, ‘Diaz—this isn’t fair.’
‘I’ll spare us both the obvious cliché.’ He put his mouth against her throat as his fingers began to release the long row of buttons at the front of her dress. ‘If this is all I’m to have of you, Rhianna, then I intend to make the most of it. And I’m still only kissing you,’ he added huskily. ‘Even if it’s not how—or where—you expected.’
As the edges of her unfastened dress fell apart, Diaz looked down at her for a long moment, then bent, his lips brushing the creamy swell of her breasts as they rose from their lacy confinement.
Lifting her slightly, he freed her from her dress, tossing it to the end of the bed, then dealt with the hook of her bra, taking the tiny garment from her body and sending it to follow her dress.
He began to kiss her breasts, circling her nipples with the tip of his tongue, bringing them to hot, aching life, before taking each soft, scented mound into his mouth and laving their tumescent peaks with slow, voluptuous strokes that made her moan aloud.
His lips moved down her body, leaving a trail of fire over her ribcage and the flat plane of her stomach, his tongue teasing the whorls of her navel, while his hands deftly removed her remaining covering of silk and lace as if brushing aside a cobweb.
It was only then that Rhianna realised where this downward path was leading, and as his mouth reached the silky triangle at junction of her thighs she stiffened in panic, her fingers tangling in his hair as she tried to push his head away.
‘No!’ She choked the word. ‘God—no…’
Effortlessly Diaz captured her wrists, holding them at either side of her shocked body, before he bent to her again, kissing the smooth length of her thighs, and their soft inner flesh, every brush of his lips a silent enticement, coaxing them to part for him, until she could resist no longer and sank, sighing, into the promise of this new and startling intimacy.