by Sara Craven
She drew a trembling breath. ‘I got everything so terribly wrong—even with the best possible motives. All in all, I’ve caused more trouble than my Aunt Kezia ever dreamed of. Yes, I can forgive what happened in the past, if that’s what you want to hear. That’s the easy part. After all, the people most affected by it are no longer with us to be hurt any more. But this is the present, and I’ve had my own conspiracy of silence to contend against, and lost.
‘I’m alive, Mrs Penvarnon, but who is there in this entire world who will ever forgive me? And how can I possibly bear it?’
From the doorway, Diaz said gently, ‘With me beside you, my dearest love. We’ll get through it together.’
Rhianna swung round, staring across the room at him with a kind of anguish. ‘How did you know where to find me?’
‘I’ve always known,’ he said. ‘Did you really think I’d let you leave Penvarnon five years ago without reassuring myself that you were safe and being cared for? When I found the press camped outside your flat, I guessed where you’d be.’
‘But you can’t stay here. You have to go—go now.’ And she turned away, covering her face with trembling fingers.
In the silence that followed she heard the door close, and for a moment she thought he had really left her. Then his hands descended firmly on her shoulders, pulling her round to face him, and she realised that it was Esther Penvarnon who had departed, leaving them alone together.
He said quietly, ‘Darling, without you, I’m going nowhere. You’re the other half of me, and I refuse to live without you. So get used to the idea.’
‘How can I?’ She looked up at him with desperation, her clenched fists pushing at his chest. ‘If the reporters trace you here, they’ll crucify you all over again.’
‘For what? Another drink-crazed orgy?’ He grinned at her. ‘It sounded terrific. I only wish I could remember it. Could you arrange an action replay some time?’
‘It’s not funny.’ Her voice was almost a wail. ‘I told that revolting Tully man that we’d just had a brief fling to try and get rid of him. He was threatening to talk to your mother—to tell her about us—and I couldn’t let him do that.’
‘It would have got him nowhere. She already knew.’
She stared up at him. ‘She did? But how?’
‘I told her myself, much earlier that same day. Not long after I woke up and found myself in bed alone, and realised I might be doing that for evermore unless I took positive action. I’d spent the better part of my life avoiding my family’s no-go areas, but with my entire future happiness in jeopardy it was time to call a halt.
‘So I rang my mother, told her we were lovers, and that I intended to bring you down to St Jean de Luz that day on Windhover to meet her. I was half expecting tears, accusations and hysterics, but instead there was the oddest silence, before she said very calmly that it might be best, as there were things that must be said, and that she would see us later.
‘I went to your room to tell you, but you were deeply asleep and I didn’t want to disturb you. However, I saw the photographs beside your bed and decided to have a look at them. And then I was the one to be disturbed,’ he added drily. ‘All this time I’d just accepted what I’d been told about my parents’ marriage. I never questioned it—even when I knew I was falling in love with you. Suddenly my whole perspective underwent a radical change, and I realised what my mother might be waiting to say. So I sent the photographs to her via my computer, and gradually the whole miserable story came out.’
Rhianna shook her head. She said in a low voice, ‘It must have cost her a great deal to tell you—and to come here today.’
‘She says it’s been a relief to speak the truth at last, and not have all that deception hanging over her any longer. She admitted she was always terrified that if I found out I might not be able to forgive her. After all, my father wasn’t the only one to be kept at a distance by her supposed ill-health. But I think she’s been punished enough.
‘So, I told her that I was more concerned with how the whole sorry story had affected you. That I couldn’t forget the lonely, unhappy child who’d come to Penvarnon to live under her mother’s supposed shadow. Or that, with the exception of Carrie, we’d all treated you pretty badly. And I was one of the worst,’ he added sombrely. ‘Especially when I realised what I’d begun to feel for you and tried to end it.
‘Only I never could, Rhianna. In all those five years I couldn’t put you out of my mind, no matter how I tried.’ He grimaced. ‘And I did try. I didn’t want to be torn apart between my need for you and my family’s potential outrage. I still believed, you see, that my mother was too emotionally fragile to cope with the notion of my spending my life with you. My aunt Moira hinted that any nervous strain could lead to another breakdown.
‘When you’d gone, I tried to tell myself I was suffering from a simple case of sexual frustration. That if I’d taken you to bed I’d have got you out of my system. However, eventually watching you as Lady Ariadne didn’t help one bit. And when I saw you again I knew that wanting you physically was only part of what I felt for you. That somehow you were still the scared, isolated girl I yearned to love and protect for ever.
‘And I was going to tell you so—only finding you with Rawlins stopped me in my tracks. The night I spent outside your flat, imagining you with him, was the lowest point in my whole existence. Yet even then I still ached for you. So when I learned you were defying me and coming to the wedding I made my plans accordingly. I tried to tell myself that I was taking you away for Carrie’s sake, but that was sheer hypocrisy.
‘Only then I found myself in bed—not with the practised seductress I’d expected, but the innocent girl I’d longed for and believed I’d lost for ever.’ He gave an unsteady laugh. ‘Dear God, I didn’t know whether to turn a cartwheel or slash my wrists. What I had to do—and quickly—was rethink all my assumptions and win you round to the idea of being my wife. And no past scandals could be allowed to interfere.’
‘But we still have the present ones to contend with,’ Rhianna reminded him unhappily. ‘And it’s Carrie we have to think of now.’ She bent her head. ‘I was trying to protect her, and I’ve made everything a thousand times worse. And Donna Winston keeps adding fuel to the flames every day.’
‘Well, the inventive Miss Winston’s fire is about to go out,’ Diaz said with distaste. ‘It seems, my darling, that Rawlins wasn’t the only one to give her money for the proposed termination. A guy she’d been seeing in Ipswich also paid for the same privilege. He kept quiet when the story first broke, because he was trying to salvage his marriage, but his wife has now left him so he’s spilled the beans. The news will be in all the tabloids tomorrow. I think a lot of attitudes will change very quickly.’
‘But that won’t make things any better for Carrie.’ Rhianna tried unavailingly to release herself from his arms. ‘And how can I let myself begin to think of being with you when she’s so wretched—and hating me? The Seymours are your family, Diaz, and we can’t pretend they don’t matter. That they won’t do everything they can to stop us being together. You didn’t hear how Carrie’s mother spoke to me.’
‘I can imagine,’ Diaz said calmly. ‘But I’d be surprised if that had much to do with her daughter’s feelings. She’s far more concerned about the past resurfacing so inconveniently, and losing her status as mistress of Penvarnon House to you, sweetheart. It seems she married Uncle Francis mainly so that she could stay in Cornwall and live at Penvarnon, maybe making my father realise, at the same time, that he’d chosen the wrong sister.’
His mouth twisted. ‘But she was the mistaken one. He let her run the house for him, but that was all. Sadly for him, he loved my mother, and I believe he did so until the day he died.’
He paused. ‘And don’t worry too much about Carrie, my darling. Yes, she’s still shocked and hurt, but she’s had a lucky escape, and I think she’s starting to recognise it. We went for a long walk together a couple of days ago, and she
admitted she’d sensed there was something wrong in the weeks before the wedding. That Simon had changed so much there seemed to be little left of the boy she’d fallen in love with all those years ago. She’d even begun to wonder if she was doing the right thing, although she managed to convince herself it was bridal nerves.
‘And she certainly doesn’t hate you, whatever her mother may imply. She says she knew that you’d been wary of Simon for years, and avoided him as much as possible. So you’d hardly have played Cupid between him and your flatmate.’
He bent his head and kissed her gently on the lips. ‘She’ll be fine, my love. Just give her time.’
She moved closer, resting her cheek against his chest, her whole body warming to his nearness. ‘But it may not be the same between us,’ she said, with a touch of sadness.
‘No,’ he said softly. ‘But how could it be, darling? Because you’re going to be my wife, and that’s bound to change things anyway.’
He picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the armchair, settling her on his knee. ‘Now, can we just think about ourselves for one minute?’ He reached into an inside pocket and produced a flat leather case. ‘I have a present for you.’
From their satin bed, Tamsin Penvarnon’s turquoises gleamed up at her.
‘Even if I can persuade you to marry me incredibly quickly,’ he went on, as Rhianna gasped, ‘these have to be part of the ceremony.’ He kissed her again, slowly and sensuously. ‘And we’ll take them on honeymoon with us,’ he whispered. ‘I want to see you wearing them and nothing else on our wedding night.’
There would still be gossip, and even more newspaper headlines before they’d be allowed to live in peace with each other. But with Diaz beside her Rhianna knew beyond all doubt that she could face anything life brought her. That their love would guard them always.
‘It will be my pleasure,’ she answered softly, and slid her arms round his neck to draw him down to her in promise and trust.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-4089-0
RUTHLESS AWAKENING
First North American Publication 2009.
Copyright © 2009 by Sara Craven.
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