by Nikki Moore
‘You don’t want me to leave? Why?’ Afraid to look at him, she rearranged another pair of shoes, turning them so they were top to tail, slotting together perfectly. ‘So I can look after the kids? So they’re not losing a second nanny in the space of two months?’ Shame, longing and dread rumbled through her and she couldn’t look at him, too afraid of what she might see in his face or what he might read in hers.
‘There is that, yeah. Of course. I love my kids and they need you.’
‘Oh.’ She gulped, lifting a cardigan up and refolding it.
‘But I want you to stay for me as well.’
Her eyes flew to his. Suddenly she could look at him, and needed to know what was there. She clutched the cardigan to her chest, voice squeaking. ‘Really? Even though I’ve lied to you for the last month and a half?’
‘Really.’ His face was deadly serious, his voice hushed. ‘I’m not going to pretend I’m not bloody angry with you, because I am. But I can get past it if you can say there’s nothing else I need to know, if you can get past what I did to Melody, and if we can put aside what she did,’ he put a finger to her lips when she went to protest, ‘or didn’t do, to Stephen.’
‘Right,’ she said, her mouth moving against his finger, lips brushing his skin. She jerked her head away. Touching him made it harder to keep a clear head. This wasn’t just about them, or what they wanted. There were children involved too. As well as her sister and his brother.
‘What’s the matter? Don’t you want to stay? From what you said about liking me and caring for Aimee and Jasper, how upset you seemed, I thought you’d want to. I’m sorry for what I said about you running away to America. I didn’t mean it. I promise I’ll never throw that in your face again.’
‘Thank you. But it’s not that. I mean, it hurt a lot but I shouldn’t have said what I did either. I’m sorry. Sorry for everything. I never should have moved in here. It was crazy, stupid and ill thought out. I shouldn’t have kept who I was a secret for so long.’ She shook her head. ‘I do want to stay, but it’s just so messy, isn’t it? What we’ve both done, what happened between Stephen, Melody and you. I’m going to have to tell her what you think she did, Matt. It’s going to hurt her so much. It’ll be horrible. Plus it wasn’t so long ago I was engaged to be married, and you’ve got those issues about Helen. We have to think about the kids too, we need to be careful.’
‘I know it’s complicated, but nothing of value is ever easy, is it? Stop that. Come here.’ Prising the cardigan away and throwing it across the open case, he wrapped his arms around her waist, sliding her across the carpet and onto his lap.
She didn’t put up much of a fight, the idea of staying here with him and his kids making her feel giddy, even though it shouldn’t. This wasn’t part of the plan. Now she knew the lies that Matt believed, she should leave. Except she didn’t want to. But then again, when had life ever gone according to expectations? It was usually the unexpected things that made it interesting and worth living.
‘I don’t know, Matt.’ She sighed, closing her eyes and inhaling his aftershave, the scent and sexiness she’d come to associate with him. It was all out in the open now. He knew who she was and why she had come here. Well, it was nearly all out in the open, but she definitely wasn’t going to tell him her original intentions. There was no point. He’d asked if there was anything else he needed to know, and there wasn’t. It was done with.
Maybe they could face the other issues together. Give whatever it was they had a chance. She just hoped Mel wouldn’t see it as a betrayal. But the last time they’d spoken about it, her sister had said Matt wasn’t a bastard and must have had good reason for chucking her out. At least Zoe would be able to confirm that was the case. That he wasn’t a bad guy after all. She just hoped it didn’t break her sister’s heart again to hear what Stephen had accused her of and what Matt had believed.
‘Stop making excuses,’ he ordered, and she opened her eyes to look at him. ‘I get that you’re scared and the situation is hardly an ideal way to start a relationship and we don’t even know what it is or where it’s going to lead yet,’ he continued, ‘but come on, Zoe, we’ve been happy together, the four of us. I like being around you. We laugh together, have fun together, you challenge me and make me think. You make me a better dad.’ His arms tightened around her as she fought and lost the war to rest her cheek on his chest. ‘You’re kind and caring,’ stroking her hair, ‘and then there’s the bonus of the great sex,’ he half-joked.
‘Hey, easy buddy,’ she answered, lifting her head and thumping him on the shoulder.
‘Are you going to deny that last night was amazing, as well as bloody hot?’ He pointed to the rumpled bed.
‘No,’ she said, ‘I just don’t want you to get a big head.’
‘No chance of that with you around,’ he mocked, ‘you’re always telling me how it is. And just think,’ he added, a wicked glint in his eye, ‘that was half drunk, fast and furious. Just imagine what it might be like if we were sober and were taking our time. Imagine me peeling off your clothes and covering your whole body with kisses, before sucking on your—’
Slapping a hand over his dirty mouth, she squirmed on his hard thighs and moaned. ‘Stop. I heard Cynthia bring the children back. They’re down in the garden, right? So we can’t do anything now.’
He pulled a sorrowful expression. ‘You’re probably right.’ He shifted so that she could feel the rigid length of him against her bum. ‘It’ll have to be a date for tonight,’ he suggested, ‘if that’s what you want?’
She hesitated, thinking hard. ‘It is. I do want to be with you, Matt. Even though it flies in the face of everything I should want under the circumstances. But you’re right, we have been happy. So let’s just take it a day at a time and see what happens. Right?’
‘Right,’ he smiled. Then a shadow fluttered across his face. ‘Are you going to be offended if I ask something?’
‘We need to be discreet for the children’s sakes,’ she guessed the source of his concern, ‘so I’ll wait until they’re in bed. Then you can come to my room or I can come to yours, but either way we go back to our rooms for morning. We mustn’t confuse them, especially as we have so much to work through and figure out for ourselves. We’re probably going to have to talk to Stephen and Melody at some point you know.’
‘I know,’ he said solemnly, before ruining it by grinning. ‘You’re so brilliant. Thank you for always putting the kids first.’
‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ She looped her arms around his neck, kissing him gently, just once. ‘I still can’t believe you’re okay with this.’ The prospect of him finding out who she was had been a massive hurdle in her mind. She’d assumed he’d throw her straight out, but that fear hadn’t materialised.
A warm feeling started to unfurl in her chest. He wanted her to stay. She made them happy. Though she hadn’t wanted to admit her reluctance to leave even to herself, the truth was that they made her happy too. What should have been an awful time in her life with her break up, boxing up her old life and struggling to make a new one, had instead been an adventure.
‘I told you,’ he tapped her nose, ‘I’m angry and hurt but I’ll get over it. Of course, you may have to offer me some therapy for a while, just until I’m over the worst. You did suggest it might help.’
‘What kind of therapy?’ she asked suspiciously, wondering where this was going.
‘I’ve heard that sex therapy is enormously beneficial. What do you think?’
‘I think you’re misquoting me,’ she leaned in and bit his lower lip, before pulling away to watch his green eyes darken and smoulder, ‘but I think we can experiment a bit and assess the results.’
‘Great. Nine o’clock tonight? My room?’
Grinning, she wiggled around on his lap, making him groan. ‘Perfect.’
He wrapped his arms around her and leaned in to kiss her, but with a laugh she jumped up and held out her hand. ‘Enough of that. Come on, w
e have kids to see and a picnic to pack for.’
Groaning, he struggled to his feet, tugging his jeans away from his groin and linking his fingers with hers. ‘Fine, you mad woman. Let’s go and get ready to go to Hyde Park. But if Jasper jumps into the Serpentine again, you’re on lifeguard duty.’
Rising on her tiptoes she planted a quick hard kiss on his mouth. ‘Fine by me, as long as you buy us all ice-creams again.’
‘Deal.’ He swatted her bum as she let go of his hand and danced out ahead of him, the coffees and pastries on the bedside cabinet forgotten as they made their way down to the garden, the sunshine and his kids.
16
The next few days passed in a steamy haze of incredible sex and stolen kisses. Matt was sweet and attentive, helping her cook Jasper a special birthday dinner and spending the last few days of the kid’s summer break at home, joining the three of them for lunch every day and even inviting them down into the basement to learn about the soundboard. Surprisingly, Jasper was a natural, with an ear for music and a fascination for the various buttons and functions that delighted his dad.
Zoe crept into Matt's room every night and left early every morning, but still managed to fall asleep in his arms. To her surprise he was a snuggler, enjoying the way her body tucked into the curve of his, complaining when her alarm went off at half past five and she left his bed, trying to tug her back in for just five more minutes, sounding like an older, more petulant version of his son. It made her smile, and melt.
They took the kids to school together on the first morning of term, waving Jasper off proudly as he started in Reception, the pretty brunette teacher talking to her new pupil reassuringly while making eyes at Matt.
Zoe had noticed all the women looking at him, surreptitiously finger combing their hair or dabbing on lipstick.
‘What?’ he’d asked innocently when she’d given him a dirty look.
She raised an eyebrow.
‘Can I help it if they think I’m gorgeous?’ he joked in a way she never would have imagined him capable of on the day of her interview.
‘I suppose you’re okay to look at,’ she shrugged, ‘but you might want to consider getting the nose fixed and the scar lasered. Some people might see them as flaws.’
‘Good thing you don’t,’ he growled, yanking her into his arms, apparently not bothered by the people around them who were all staring avidly. ‘I happen to know you find both sexy and adorable.’
‘Bugger, I knew I shouldn’t have told you that.’
‘Well, we were in bed and I’d just rocked your world,’ he whispered in her ear, making her knees fold. ‘It’s moments like that when women get all soft and gooey, isn’t it?’
Pushing him away she’s smacked his arm lightly. ‘Not as bad as you, Mr Snuggles,’ she said loudly. Grinning to herself she’d skipped off to the car, leaving him to trail along behind her muttering retribution.
After that they soon settled into a routine, Matt disappearing to his city office and studio every morning and Zoe doing the school runs each day and redecorating the kids’ rooms in between. It was a task she’d begged for in order to occupy herself in the daytime and because it sorely needed doing. Although jam-packed with books and gizmo’s respectively, Aimee and Jasper’s bedrooms were as white and soulless as the rest of the place and needed some colour and personality. They were already enjoying sharing their ideas with her on themes and motifs and helping her pick things out of high end furniture catalogues.
Matt made a special effort to say goodbye to both children every morning and wish them a good day, and was always back by six to help them with their homework while Zoe made sandwiches for lunch boxes and cooked dinner. They were happy and it was working, although neither Matt nor Zoe had quite built up the nerve to tackle the question of Stephen and Melody yet. They were just enjoying what they had. Or maybe just hiding from reality and hoping for the best.
Until one morning when Zoe came home juggling wallpaper samples to find Matt in her bedroom, kneeling on the floor with an odd expression on his face.
‘Hiya. What are you doing in here?’ she asked. ‘Why aren’t you at the office? You didn’t say anything about being here today when you left earlier.’
‘I came back to let the delivery men in.’ He said in a curt tone that she hadn’t heard in weeks. ‘I was getting a bespoke bookcase built for you.’ He waved a hand at the new shiny oak shelves spanning one side of the room. ‘It was supposed to be a surprise. I thought you’d be at the shops for longer. I started filling it with the books you’d unpacked. I was sorting them by genre and alphabetising them for you. You told me once that’s how you liked them.’
‘That’s right.’ She beamed at his sweet gesture. ‘Thanks so much. It’s such a lovely thought.’ Flinging the samples down, she made to run across the room to him.
He stood up, holding his hands out, face washed of colour. ‘Don’t come any closer.’
‘What? Why?’ she frowned.
‘Because I finally know what a lying, deceitful bitch you are and I don’t want you anywhere near me. Or for that matter, my children.’
‘What are you talking about?’ She felt the blood seep out of her face and swayed. ‘Why are you talking to me like this? You know about Melody. You said we could get past it.’
‘I could. But you said there was no more, nothing else to tell me,’ he hissed.
‘Matt, what are you on about?’
He stalked towards her. ‘This!’ Thrusting a balled up piece of paper at her chest so hard that it would probably leave a bruise. He backed up rapidly, distaste curling his lip. ‘You promised me once you weren’t a journalist. And you’re not. God, you’re worse. At least some of them are up front about who they are and what they’re after.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Read it,’ he snarled. ‘It might help jog your memory. I found it inside a book you were reading a few weeks ago.’
Slowly unfolding the piece of A4 paper, her mouth shaped a succinct, ‘Shit,’ as her eyes traced the words on the page.
The Truth About Matt Reilly
It’s well known that infamous London-based music producer Matt Reilly is fiercely private and camera shy. He never gives interviews to the press, and seems uncomfortable at public events, preferring the focus to be on his artists. In an exclusive story, the girl who was his nanny for X months shares a kiss and tell story about his love life, his relationship with his two children and his ruthless work ethic…
‘Oh, fuck. No.’ She remembered the night she’d printed the rough draft out, the way she’d read it and how lousy she’d felt, realising what a cow she was being. Tucking it into the back of a beach read she’d picked up in a street market one Saturday morning, she had forgotten all about it. ‘Matt, hang on a minute. It’s not what you think—’
‘It’s not?’ he exclaimed in mock amazement. ‘You mean you didn’t write that? You’re not the nanny that’s quoted?’
Now was the moment for total and utter honesty. No more lies or half-truths. ‘I did write it,’ she met his gaze squarely, ‘I am that nanny. But it was written a while ago, before I really knew you properly,’ her voice grew pleading at the closed off expression on his face, one she hadn’t seen since first arriving, even the day they’d argued when he found out she was Melody’s sister. ‘I was frustrated, angry, confused and venting one day, and yes, I’ll level with you, it was my plan to do this originally,’ she waved the crumpled piece of paper in the air, ‘to expose the guy I thought had treated my little sister so despicably. A guy I thought was a heartless, immoral shit, but within a couple of weeks of being here I knew I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want the kids to get hurt, or later on, you.’
‘Really? Is that what I’m supposed to believe?’ he said, voice heavy with sarcasm.
‘Yes,’ she rushed across the room despite what he’d said about staying away, and stepped into his space, ‘you have to understand that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I set o
ut to do this. I was heartbroken at Greg’s deceit, or thought I was at the time, and how I’d lost five years with my sister for a cheating pig. Then Melody was so broken, so devastated, I lost it. But you have to believe me—’
‘Let’s get one thing clear.’ His jaw was taut, lips as white as the plump roses in his garden. ‘I believe fuck all of what you say.’ He laughed bitterly, ‘Jesus, now you’ll be telling me it wasn’t you that tipped off the press that day we were in Hyde Park when you were hung over.’
‘It wasn’t. Honestly, it was nothing to do with me. It’s just a coincidence.’
‘A coincidence? You must think I’m a complete idiot. It’s a coincidence that an article that would have set you up so neatly as a credible source just happened to be published in a national newspaper weeks before you were going to do your sordid little kiss and tell about my sex life, and who knows what else?’
Flinching, she balled the paper back up and tossed it aside. ‘I swear on my parent’s graves that it was nothing to do with me and that the article I planned was never going to see the light of day. In fact, I wrote another one. That’s the one you need to see.’
‘Let me be clear. I have no interest in seeing anything you want to show me, or hearing anything either. That day, the one after Jasper’s birthday party, when we’d slept together and you told me about Melody, I asked if there was anything else you needed to tell me. If there was anything else I needed to know. You said no, there was nothing. So why the hell should I believe you now when you tell me you were never going to use this? Why?’ he shouted, eyes glinting, a vein pulsing in his forehead.
‘You didn’t need to know. I wasn’t going to go through with it, so why hurt you by telling you?’ she cried. ‘As for why you should believe me, I don’t know. I’ve given you every reason to distrust me, but I never meant any harm. Please, Matt. I love your kids, and I didn’t think I’d feel this way about anyone so soon after Greg, but I do. The last few weeks have been amazing. Let’s not throw that away.’