So Lila smiled at her replacement and greeted, “Hi Charlotte. Grab that chair and come sit next to me. I’ll start showing you the ropes.”
Chapter 2
Jilly Sparks sat at her dining room table looking like she had barely survived a war against domesticity. She was still in her pajamas at 11:30 a.m., which were covered with baby vomit and dried orange juice. Her hair hadn’t been brushed in at least twenty-four hours and the dark circles under her eyes were threatening to take over her entire face. Overall, she knew she looked like an escapee from Bedlam.
What she couldn’t figure out was how this had become her life. While growing up, she and Lila had always dreamt that they would marry royalty and have servants at their beck and call. By the time they reached high school, Jilly amended her dream to becoming the head of a Fortune 500 company. She had every intention of being the most feared and respected female executive who ever lived. Sadly, the only people that feared her now did so because she looked mentally unhinged. This was due to the fact that she was raising three children under the age of six.
Jilly had finally gotten Titty back to sleep. The baby had been up all night with an upset stomach. Bill had taken Trevor to pre-school on his way to the train station and Jack, thank God, was spending the day with her mother. Even though she secretly thought that her mom used her time with her youngest grandson to teach him new ways to terrorize her, Jilly was delighted to be free of him for a whole day.
On the outside, Jack appeared to be the perfect child. He was adorable, funny, exuberant and all those lovely adjectives. The problem was that at three, he was already smarter than she was. One afternoon she left him quietly playing in his bedroom while she lay down for fifteen minutes. She knew this was the designated amount of time for a rest as Jack had never been conscious and quiet for more than fifteen minutes at a go, until that morning.
Her first uninterrupted lie-down in three years turned out to be two hours of passed out bliss. She only woke when she heard Titty cooing away in her bassinet. Her nap was so deep that she didn’t immediately process that the chatty baby belonged to her. Still a little disoriented, Jilly opened her eyes and after a moment she recognized the bed. Then she remembered Bill and smiled thinking that she and Bill had a baby. But didn’t they have other children? Five-year-old Trevor, sweet and loving, popped into her mind. Then she remembered Jack. Racking her brain she wondered where Jack was. Did her mother have him? No, she knew that wasn’t the case. Why did she actually get to sleep then? Jilly bolted upright so fast she got a wicked head rush and screamed, “JACKSON MATTHEW SPARKS!!! Where are you?”
The little bugger innocently walked into her room with a big grin on his elfin face, “Right here, Mommy.” he said. Jack crawled into bed with her and gave her a big hug, “Sleep good, Mommy?”
Jilly hugged the biggest challenge in her life and answered, “Yes honey, I did. But what I’m wondering is why did I sleep so well? What have you been up to?”
Batting his big blue eyes, her middle child answered, “Nothin, Mommy. Just a little fixin.”
Jilly lay very still, feeling the onslaught of impending doom rush over her and asked, “What were you fixing, honey?”
Snuggling in, he answered, “Just stuff.”
When Jilly finally screwed up the courage to get out of bed, she discovered that Jack, with the super human hand/eye coordination of a ten-year old, let alone a three-year-old, had dismantled every lock mechanism in the house, including the front and back doors. They were all heaped in a pile adjacent to his next project, the television.
With three kids, a staggering mortgage
and a septic system from hell, Jilly and Bill hadn’t bought a new television in over ten years. The sad truth was that the one they had purchased then was used and already twelve years old. Jilly eyed the remnants of her ancient set in stunned silence. Apparently Jack had decided to remove the back panel of the old behemoth and take out as many components as he could, which upon closer inspection, appeared to be all of them.
In near tears, Jilly went to the telephone to call Bill and commiserate about their little Einstein. That was when she encountered his next project. Her youngest son had taken all her nail polish colors and used them to paint a psychedelic rainbow on the phone. Not only that, but he changed their outgoing answering machine message to include every bad word that he wasn’t allowed to use. She discovered this when the phone rang seconds later. Jilly was too stunned by her boy genius’s accomplishments to answer right away, so when the machine clicked on, she heard his sweet little boy voice say, “Fuck, damn it, shit, piss…” He repeated the litany about five times before the beep finally came.
As Jilly sat at the kitchen table recounting all of Jack’s escapades, a reluctant smile crept over her face. She did love the little stinker to distraction. She was just afraid that he would be the death of her. After all, what if he discovered the gas stove the same day he learned how to light matches? Jilly decided to stop torturing herself with what-ifs. She and Bill had already decided they would probably be packing Jack off to Harvard by the time he was ten. Now all they had to do was survive the next seven years.
Jilly found the notion of her ten year old in college a little disconcerting. Then her eyes landed on the invitation to her reunion. Nothing could be more unnerving than going back to that. How was she ever going to hold her head up and explain that she didn’t make good on her dream of becoming a powerful executive. She imagined telling Paige Loehman that she was the president of dirty diapers and had recently been appointed chairman of the board of teeth brushing. She compounded her agony by continuing, vice president of potty training and head of the neck washing committee!
She thanked God that Lila had agreed to come home and give her the courage she needed to attend the reunion. Her friend must be thrilled to come back and share what a glamorous life she led in Southern California; movie premiers, designer clothes, star studded parties. Lila was tall, gorgeous and successful. How could it get any better than that?
Jilly laid her head on the table for a moment of
self-pity when she realized that she reeked of regurgitated baby formula. Dragging herself off to the shower, she fantasized about what it would be like to change places with Lila for a week. Heck, who was she kidding? She’d take a day.
Chapter 3
The day before she left for Bentley, Lila was still valiantly trying to convey to Charlotte the basic information that she would need in order to be Josh’s temporary right hand. Unfortunately, Charlotte didn’t seem to be up to the task. Earlier in the week, Lila put her in charge of booking a plane ticket for Josh from L.A. to New York. But instead of flying him first class from LAX to LaGuardia, non-stop, she booked him in economy class on a flight leaving Long Beach, making two stops and finally landing in Islip, Long Island. Then, to make matters worse, she reserved a hotel room for him at a Radisson in Queens. When Lila asked what she was thinking, Charlotte answered, “I was thinking that it was nine hundred dollars cheaper.” Needless to say, Josh was furious. But Lila merely laughed and thought what a wonderful thing Karma was. Josh had asked for Charlotte and while the going around was easy, the coming around could be a real bitch.
Being that her boss wouldn’t be back until the next day, Lila decided to leave the office at 5:30. She wished her replacement good luck, grabbed her purse and made a bee line for Cynthia’s office. As Lila walked through her door, her friend squealed into the phone and hung up on whoever she was talking to. Cynthia ran around her desk, pushed Lila into a chair and threw her hands into the air, “You are NEVER going to guess what I just found out!”
Lila ventured, “Too much caffeine is a bad thing?”
Cyn gave a loud, “HA!” and continued, “No my dear, I just found out why Josh was so cool about your taking a month’s vacation with a retroactive raise.”
Lila’s heart fell. She knew it shouldn’t have been as easy as it was to get time off and more money, but in her desperation to vacate the pre
mises, she tamped down those pesky little questions that kept popping into her head. “Do tell.”
“Well,” Cyn started, “it seems that Melinda is under the impression that Josh got you suspended for a month without pay because you called her the Queen of Oral Pleasure.” Lila couldn’t seem to find her voice. She sat there with her mouth open ala mounted fish, absolutely mute with fury. Cynthia continued, “And you are never going to guess where I got that bit of information…” Lila just stared at her, “from Franze LaBonge.”
Lila finally found her voice, “From your hairdresser?! How in god’s name did Franze find out?”
“From Sherry Foil who heard it from Nastacia.”
Completely astounded, Lila asked, “Sherry Foil heard it from my eyebrow-waxer?”
Cyn answered, “Not only your eyebrow-waxer, but half of Hollywood’s as well.”
Lila could not believe what she was hearing. It had to be common knowledge among everyone that Melinda knew she had the power to get Lila suspended. In and of itself, Lila didn’t give a fart what the movie star’s crowd thought of her. The problem was that Melinda thought that she had the power and that was simply not going to wash!
Cynthia continued, “Don’t worry, I told Franze that Melinda was making it up because you caught her in flagrant delicto with one of the janitors in the third floor coat room.” With extra glee, she added, “Then I made him swear on his best scissors that he wouldn’t tell anyone. After all, we as her agency, have a duty to protect her reputation.”
Lila stared at her friend in wonder and started to laugh uncontrollably. “You are positively diabolical. How soon before Franze had to get off the phone?”
“Are you kidding? He was so jazzed to pass on the new dish that he didn’t even say goodbye. He just hung up. By the time you get home Li, the entire Beverly Hills beauty community is going to be convinced that Melinda is pregnant with José’s baby.” Breaking into a beatific smile, she added, “And that my friend, is my going away present to you.” Lila gave Cyn a fierce hug of gratitude and swore that she would call her at least twice a week. Then she spun around and went straight back to her desk.
Charlotte, of the non-existent skirt, was perched on her chair filing her nails. She jumped like something had just bitten her toes when she spotted Lila, “Oh, hi. Did you forget something?”
Not realizing that the words about to leave her mouth would change her life forever, Lila answered, “Only the most important thing. Listen Charlotte, ever since Melinda’s Oscar nomination last spring, she insists that we refer to her as your Highness.”
Poor Charlotte looked horrified. “You’re kidding? I’m supposed to say please hold, your Highness. or Josh will see you now your Highness?”
Lila shrugged her shoulders in confirmation, “Exactly. Although, she likes to be called the Queen of Pleasure too. So feel free to mix it up.” With that directive, Lila turned and walked away. She smiled all the way to the elevator and thought, “That’ll show Melinda Forrester who’s boss!”
* * * * *
Lila realized that LAX on a Saturday morning in August was not unlike a Turkish market day. Not that she had ever been to Turkey or the markets therein. She simply guessed they would be incredibly hot, crowded and tending toward the odiferous. LAX was certainly all of the above. In fact, it wouldn’t have surprised her if a herd of goats walked by.
By the time she got from the shuttle bus to the ticket counter, Lila had a river of sweat pooling in her bra. Other than that, she felt and looked pretty darn great. She had taken long lunch hours the week before in order to have all the prerequisite, pre-reunion beauty treatments performed upon her person. After all, when a girl was going back to the time when two roads diverged in a wood, she figured she had better look her best.
Lila’s shoulder length brown hair had been dyed the same color as her favorite bittersweet hot chocolate, with very subtle auburn highlights. Her eyebrows had been arched to perfection by the gossipy Nastacia. She was sporting a gorgeous French mani-pedi and of course there was the all-important oxygen-facial-rejuvenation thingy that she got talked into, which really worked. She was positively glowing, on the outside anyway. On the inside she still felt lacking. The thought of facing all her old friends in her single and childless state was enough to make her want to barf. What was her problem anyway? Why couldn’t she find Mr. Right? Then she remembered where she lived. in the land where not only did gentleman (term used loosely) prefer blondes but they also preferred emaciated ones with enormous fake boobies. Poor Marilyn was probably rolling over in her grave.
After checking four suitcases at the curb, Lila proceeded to the ticket counter for her boarding pass. Unbeknownst to her boss, she absconded with twenty-five thousand of his frequent flier miles and bumped herself up to first class. She was so mad at him for his perfidy, that she was devising a whole slew of tortures to unleash upon him. In the meantime, she started by misappropriating his sky miles.
On her way to the gate, Lila stopped by the gift shop to pick up some reading material for her flight. As her eyes searched the book rack, she focused on one paperback in particular. The cover had a sumptuous vibrant purple background with a voluptuous brunette lying across a massive bed, her nightgown hanging off one shoulder to reveal an alarming amount of cleavage. Standing over her was a black haired, green eyed Adonis in riding breeches. His shirt was opened down to his navel and blowing as though he were standing in the midst of gale-force winds. It was clear that ravishment was on both of their minds.
Lila’s mouth dropped open and she let out a joyful gasp. There it was, dead center in the row of New York Times Best Sellers, She Sins at Midnight by Jasmine Sheath! Her eyes nearly filled with tears at the site of her first published novel.
Lila’s New York based literary agent, Mitzi Feinman, sent her the official notice that She Sins at Midnight had just hit the New York Times Bestseller list. The letter was safely locked in her desk drawer at work. But Lila could hardly believe that it was being sold at the airport already.
Seeing her book there, so prominently displayed, was the second most exciting thing that ever happened to her. The first was the day that Mitzi called to say that Marsupial Books wanted to publish her steamy tale of erotic adventure.
Lila had been writing for years just for the fun of it and had never planned on trying to get her stories published, until the day she finished writing She Sins at Midnight. Lila identified with and loved those characters so much that she really wanted to see them in print. So she placed a call to Benny Fingle down in the motion picture /literary department and told him she needed an agent recommendation for a friend who just finished writing a romance novel. When Benny stopped laughing at the news that Lila actually had a friend who wrote that kind of trash, he came through with Mitzi’s name and number.
Lila contacted Mitzi, sent her the book and signed a contract all within two weeks, which was nearly an unprecedented amount of time in the literary world. Within six months, the revisions had been made and Mitzi sold the book to Marsupial.
Lila warned Mitzi that under pain of death, she could never reveal her true identity to anyone. Mitzi didn’t understand why her new client wanted to keep her success hush-hush. She was convinced that Lila’s friends and family would be delighted by her achievement, but Lila knew better. She explained that while her friends and family loved her enormously, they would be shocked out of their minds to read some of the racier scenes in her book. The only way Lila could express her true passionate nature was to know that she would have complete anonymity. Mitzi ultimately agreed and that was the day that Jasmine Sheath was born.
Various people tried to push Lila out of the way as she blocked the traffic flow. But she was so mesmerized by the sight of her book that she didn’t even realize it. Slowly she approached the shelf and picked up a copy of She Sins at Midnight. She was going to buy one, regardless of the fact that she had ten of them back at her apartment. Normally, Lila wouldn’t have risked being seen carrying a bod
ice ripper around in public. The covers were just too scintillating and suggestive. But this was a different situation all together. This was her novel and it had just hit the New York Times Bestseller list. All of a sudden, she was beyond proud to be seen with it, saucy cover and all.
As Lila settled into a seat at gate 23A, she sadly realized that trashy romances accounted for about ninety-eight percent of her social life. The other two percent was spent with Cynthia trying the latest and trendiest tinies (the appletini and chocolatetini being her most recent favorites).
While staring at the cover of She Sins at Midnight, Lila daydreamed of what it would be like to be caught in the midst of her own rapturous romance. When she first moved to L.A., she used to date a lot as her then voluptuous (read: size 8) body and wholesome Midwesterness (read: her own boobs) was received as a very fresh and appealing package. While flattered by all the attention, it didn’t take her long to realize that the men who were asking her out were not interested in a meaningful relationship.
In fact, there was a rule in Hollywood that dubbed the third date the “do or dump” date. That translated into if you didn’t “do” the guy by the third date he would dump you before there would ever be a fourth. Cynthia relayed this piece of information when Lila confided that she hadn’t been asked out on a fourth date since moving to California.
Cynthia was stunned by the news and asked if Lila had ever been out on a fourth date, her meaning crystal clear. Lila replied that she did have one serious boyfriend in college but there had been no one since. As nearly twelve years had passed since George, it was no wonder that she had become a romance novel junkie. Lila flipped her book over to read the back cover.
“Julius Hunkster Rapscallion, eighth Viscount Hedgeworth, looked down his aristocratic nose at her. Lady Vivian Ashwood thought she might swoon when his eyes lingered on her décolletage and continued to traverse the rest of her curvaceous form. Julius, who was a rake through and through and had bedded his fair share of the ladies in the ton, couldn’t imagine why this innocent piece of baggage was arousing him so. He couldn’t seem to wait to get his hands on her porcelain shoulders or his mouth on her pert…”
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