He had a short and unmemorable affair with the Playmate which ended the minute he realized that Quandi was only in the relationship for what she could get out of it. She viewed Creigh as the fatted calf who would keep her in all the Rodeo Drive shopping excursions she could handle. The last thing that Creigh needed was four solid hours stuck next to his ex at thirty-five thousand feet off the ground. Every time the plane hit a pocket of turbulence she nearly threw herself on top of him as though he could somehow save her.
* * * * *
Jilly picked up Trevor at pre-school. Jack and Titty were strapped into their car seats and “Wee Willy Songs” were blaring through the speakers. Jilly thought if she heard “The Wheels on the Bus” one more time, she was going to get out of the car and lay down in the street until a bus ran over her and put her out of her misery. She was so desperate to hear some real live adult music that Trevor’s CD of fifties rock-n-roll tunes, sung by second graders, would have done the trick. Unfortunately “Wee Willy Songs” was the only music they could play that Titty wouldn’t cry through. Every other CD drove her to screaming fits and she was only five months old.
Jilly realized that it was a good thing that Trevor was born first because if Titty or Jack had led the pack, they would have been only children. Those two had turned out to be poster kids for having your tubes tied. As much as she loved them and was thrilled to have a baby girl, getting pregnant with Titty had been the result of her mother taking the boys for the weekend, an expensive bottle of champagne and a husband who forgot to buy condoms.
Jilly was allergic to the pill, so birth control had always been up to Bill. Well, never again. She now purchased the goods herself, in bulk at Costco. She bought a box of three-hundred, right after Titty was born and so far they had managed to use a grand total of one. Jilly laughed thinking at that rate, they’d have the same box in ten years. Maybe even twenty! After all, there was no better birth control in the world than three kids, especially when one of them was certifiably brilliant.
Jilly bemoaned her fate as she turned down Golfview Drive and caught sight of an SUV stuck in the marsh. As she got closer, she realized there was a woman lying in the mud next to the car, crying. Oh dear, and she thought she had it bad. She pulled over to help. As she got out of her minivan, she told the boys to stay put and keep an eye on the baby.
As soon as Jilly hopped out of the van, the filthy woman scrambled to her feet and yelled, “Oh my god! Jilly, is it really you?”
Recognizing the voice, Jilly answered, “Lila?”
Jilly was so thrilled to see the person she viewed as her savior that she ran straight out into the muck and threw her arms around her best friend’s neck. When they connected, Lila’s legs slipped out from under her and both women went sprawling in the sludge. The friends started to laugh and cry, all the while hanging on to each other like life preservers.
* * * * *
Creigh asked his driver, Frankie, to stop by the grocery store on his way home so he could load up on some staples that he’d need. After loading the trunk with enough food to supply a fraternity house for a week, he gave Frankie directions to his mother’s house. The scenery was ingrained in every fiber of his being, like picture postcards of his soul. Creigh knew that he would never feel like he belonged anywhere as much as in Bentley. He loved L.A. and his big old home in the elegant Hancock Park district, but it could never mean as much to him as this lovely town that held all the memories of his childhood.
Creigh had to steal himself against the emotions that rushed over him as Frankie turned down Golfview Drive, the road that led to his family home on Chesterfield Lane. Raw emotion tore through him like a steam train and he had to take a deep breath to keep the tears from streaming down his face. He decided to wait to cry like a baby until he got home and opened the first, of what he assumed, would be many beers that evening.
As the limo approached the marsh he looked out his window and saw a minivan pulled over to the side of the road. There were two singing boys and a baby in the back. There was also an SUV trapped in the mud and what appeared to be two swamp things laughing and crying and dancing around in circles. He was about to tell Frankie to pull over so they could offer assistance when his cell phone rang.
Looking at the caller I.D., Creigh saw that it was Robert Felton. Normally Creigh would have let the call go into his voice mail, but if Robert was calling, either there was a huge lawsuit in the works or California had finally plunged into the ocean. Robert would not have bothered him on his leave of absence for anything less.
“Hey Robert, what’s up?”
“Trouble in paradise, my friend. You remember Josh Furber from The Amalgamated Artists Agency?”
A picture of a short, balding man in his early fifties popped into Creigh’s head, “Yeah, what about him?”
“In a word, lawsuit. Josh is Melinda Forrester’s agent and Melinda has just decided to sue Amalgamated and Josh for sexual harassment, defamation of character and incompetence.”
Creigh laughed, “Incompetence? If that was against the law there wouldn’t be a movie industry. So who’s going to award her anything there?”
Robert agreed, “Here’s the deal. Melinda thinks that someone at Amalgamated started a rumor that she’s sleeping with a janitor named Jose´. ‘The Countrywide Inquisitor’ picked up the story and spread it all over this morning’s edition.”
“So what? No press is bad press. Isn’t that the party line?”
Robert sighed, “Except for the fact that Melinda may be about to receive a marriage proposal from Oscar Solomon.” He didn’t need to add that Oscar was the head of Solomon Films, the biggest distribution outfit in Hollywood, as well as his firm’s biggest client.
Creigh interrupted, “And Melinda thinks she needs to go public denying the charges so it doesn’t occur to Oscar that she’s as cheap as a two-dollar handbag?”
“Something like that.”
“But Robert, Oscar already knows her rep. The whole town knows who she’s been in bed with and from what I hear, it’s most of the movie industry.” After a beat he asked, “Why isn’t she suing ‘The Inquisitor?’”
“Oh they’re on her hit list too. She had a press conference this morning announcing it. God Creigh, you should have seen the outfit she was wearing. It was Dorothy from ‘The Wizard of Oz’ meets Marian, the librarian.”
Creigh stated, “But Robert, she doesn’t have a case. We might be able to get ‘The Inquisitor’ to print a retraction on page forty but what does she think she’s going to get from Amalgamated?”
“As far as I can tell? Revenge. Melinda said she would drop the lawsuit if Amalgamated fires Josh’s assistant and agrees to pay for the PR package to clean up this mess.”
“What does Josh’s assistant have to do with anything?’
Robert answered, “Who knows, maybe Melinda doesn’t like the color lipstick she wears. Being Melinda, she doesn’t need much more of a reason than that.”
“Then why doesn’t Josh just fire his assistant and be done with it?”
Robert responded, “From what I can gather, she’s a pretty smart cookie and Josh is worried that she’ll retaliate by filing and winning a wrongful termination suit of her own.”
Creigh could tell there was something more, “And?”
“And she’s been his only assistant for seven years. Consequently, she has enough dirt on him to bury him under the rubble for the rest of his days. Josh Furber has a real problem keeping it in his pants and he got married long before pre-nups were in vogue.”
“So what do you want me to do about it, Robert?”
The elder partner took a fortifying breath, “Here’s the deal. Oscar wants you to broker the negotiations with Amalgamated.”
“Me?! Why me?”
“Because he’s good friends with Prissy Calder and Prissy came out of her lawsuit smelling like freshly baked bread. Oscar wants the same outcome for Melinda.”
Creigh nearly yelled, “Except that Prissy actu
ally had a case!”
Robert agreed, “I know. But we need to make Melinda think that we’re taking her seriously while we make this ridiculous claim go away. All I need for you to do is meet with her, sound like you care and tell her that you will personally take care of it. After that, I’ll take over and she’ll never know the difference.”
“But Robert, I’m in Illinois and I am not going to fly back to L.A. just to appease the temper tantrum of some promiscuous brat.”
“I told Oscar that you were on personal leave and he informed me that Melinda would be on the Solomon Film’s private jet this afternoon. She’ll be landing at 8:45 tonight.”
“What?! Jesus Christ, Robert. What am I supposed to do with her here?”
“Creigh, I’m really sorry about this. If it was only Melinda I wouldn’t ask it of you, but if we lose Solomon Film’s business, we’ll lose millions a year and we can’t take that chance.”
Creigh exhaled slowly, “Fine. Let me ask you again. What do you expect me to do with her?”
“In a nutshell, win her over. Just be your irresistible, smooth self. Wine her, dine her and assure her that she’s in good hands, then send her home and I’ll take over from there.”
Creigh barely said good-bye to Robert before hanging up. By the time Frankie turned down Chesterfield Lane he had totally forgotten about helping the stranded women in the marsh. Creigh asked Frankie to go back to the airport at 8:30 where he would meet the Solomon jet and chauffer Melinda to her hotel. Then he called his secretary, Amy and asked her to make a reservation for Melinda at The Bentley House. It was the most well-appointed local inn in town. In an effort to keep the press away, he asked his assistant to make the reservation under the name Bertha Plunket, the most unattractive name he could think of. He had Amy leave word that he would pick up Melinda at 5:30 the following evening for an early dinner. That way he could have at least twenty-four hours spoiled starlet free.
With his plan in motion, Creigh popped open his first Miller High Life of the day and started to reacquaint himself with his childhood home.
Chapter 6
Lila couldn’t believe that Jilly, of all people, was her rescuer. At first she was afraid she was seeing a mirage, like a desperate traveler stuck in the middle of the Mohave Desert.
Yet her figment actually spoke. “Lila?” The Jilly vision sprinted toward her and wrapped her arms around her neck. Jilly held on so tight that Lila lost her balance again and the two friends tumbled back into the marsh together. Jilly didn’t seem to notice. She just kept telling her best friend how thrilled she was that she was home. Lila thought that this was the kind of welcome she could have used at her own house.
As they regained their footing a limo drove by. Lila pointed to it and grumbled, “Nice, you’d think that they’d offer to call the auto club or something.” She wondered what had happened to the lovely, friendly town of her youth. Her parents were acting like sex maniacs and her neighbors no longer stopped to lend a helping hand.
The friends hung on to each other for balance and eventually made their way out of the mud. When they reached the safety of the road, Lila explained to Jilly how she found herself in her current situation. Jilly laughed at the description of her friend’s parents and vowed to make Lila the best grilled cheese sandwich she’d ever eaten, to welcome her home properly.
Once they got to the minivan, Lila asked, “Are we supposed to climb in looking like this? We’ll wreck the interior.”
“No we won’t. The mother’s handbook says, ‘carry every form of canvas, towel and cover-up in your hatch.’ And I, my friend, follow the handbook to the letter.”
True to her word, Jilly unearthed a large canvas covering from her magic hatch and draped it across the front seats. Then she introduced her friend to Titty. Lila thought the baby was the spitting image of Jilly. Trevor remembered her from her last visit and awarded her a huge smile. Jack had no idea who she was so he just stared at her for a moment before winking. At least it looked like a wink. But who had ever heard of a three year old winking? Maybe he just had something in his eye.
Lila let out a sigh of pleasure as moments later they drove up to Jilly’s wonderful house. She thought it was the most gorgeous home she had ever seen. It was a charming two story white structure with black shutters and window boxes hanging from every window. Lila noticed that the lawn was a little overgrown but there were flowers bursting with color as far as the eye could see.
Jilly slimed Trevor and Jack when she pulled them out of their car seats. She left Titty in the van and lined up Lila and the boys on the front lawn where she proceeded to turn the hose on them. In a fit of screams and laughter, she sprayed them down until they were clean. Then she handed the hose off to the boys so they could spray her, which they thought was the most fun ever.
Once everyone was de-gunked, she retrieved the baby and walked around the back of the house into the mudroom. Jilly stripped the boys and tossed their clothes right into the washing machine. Then she handed Lila a fresh robe from the dryer and instructed her to go upstairs and take a shower in the master bath while she got lunch started.
On the way upstairs Lila noticed that the house was a disaster area. But it looked so loved and lived in that she couldn’t help but think it was ideal. Jilly’s bedroom appeared to be in the worst shape of all. Clothes were strewn from one end of the room to the other and the bed was in a shambles. That’s when she noticed the economy sized box of condoms on the night stand. No wonder the bed was a mess! Lila decided then and there that Jilly’s life was exactly what she wanted; a gorgeous home, the perfect husband, three beautiful kids and all the sex she could handle. Maybe if she were getting some real live action of her own, she wouldn’t have to rely so heavily on romance novels to try to fill that hole in her life.
When Lila finished her shower, she put on the clean clothes that Jilly left on the bed for her. While the pink velour sweat suit fit pretty well, it was inches too short. She felt like that old Martin Short character Ed Grimley, dontcha know?
Letting her nose lead the way, Lila followed the delicious aroma of grilled cheese right into the kitchen. Jilly and the kids were already clean and in fresh clothes. Jilly flipped the sandwiches for the last time and Lila groaned in anticipation, “I don’t think anything has ever smelled so good to me.”
Jilly laughed, “I love grilled cheese too. But it gets a little old when you eat them every other day.”
Lila exclaimed, “I don’t believe you for a minute. It’s manna from heaven! How could you ever get tired of it?”
In ideal mom fashion, Jilly served her friend a perfectly golden brown sandwich that had been cut into gooey triangles. Lila ate like she had just escaped from a death camp. With warm cheese running down her chin she managed to indicate that she could eat another. Once she had filled her stomach to capacity, she was ready to catch up with her friend.
Jilly sent the boys upstairs to play, lay Titty down for her afternoon nap and then popped open a bottle of white wine. Over spritzers on the front porch, the girls began to reconnect.
Lila confessed, “You my friend, have the best life I could possibly imagine. I’d give my right arm to be in your shoes.”
Jilly looked startled and blurted out, “What in the hell are you talking about? I don’t even have a life. I’m mommy, soccer coach, PTA member and wife. I haven’t read a book or shopped for the thrill of it in over four years. And the last time I took a nap, Jack nearly tore the house down. I don’t even know who I am any more.” Then she burst into full blown tears and continued, “I want your life! I want to be single and unencumbered for awhile. I want nice hair and clothes and invitations to glamorous parties. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like a worthwhile, interesting person. I want what you have!”
Lila felt like she had just fallen back into bizarro world. She thought if Jilly had any idea what her life was really all about, she’d run screaming for the hills. So she tried to explain, “Jilly Sparks, you do not want
my life. I work for an egomaniacal, sex-crazed, maniac agent with a Napoleon complex. If that isn’t enough, I live in a town where I’m considered fat and no man west of the Mississippi has ever taken me out on a fourth date. Melinda fricken Forrester has somehow become my arch enemy and even my eyebrow-waxer gossips about us!”
Jilly snuffled through her tears and muttered, “I want an eyebrow-waxer…I want to know Melinda Forrester…I want to live in sunny California.”
“You gotta trust me Jilly, California is like living in the book of Revelations. We’ve got fires, floods, mud slides and earthquakes. If you add all the egos to that, it just couldn’t get much worse. Sure we have nice weather, but heck, it’s not nice enough to put up with all the other crap.”
Jilly interrupted, “Then why do you live there?”
Absolutely stumped, Lila answered, “Truthfully? I have no idea. I think that’s why I came home. I feel like it’s time for a big change in my life and I’m hoping that a few weeks back here will help me decide what I should do.” As she spoke those words, she realized how true they were.
Looking like she had just been handed a life line, Jilly asked, “Li, why don’t you move back to Bentley? Wouldn’t that be great?”
As dissatisfied as she was with her life in L.A., moving home was not something that had ever occurred to Lila. But now that the thought was out there, she realized that she could come home if she wanted to. She felt like she had just experienced a major epiphany. Like the clouds broke open and the sun beamed down right on her. There was absolutely nothing keeping her in California except a job. (A job she was becoming more and more dissatisfied with.) She would definitely have to give this idea some serious consideration.
She Sins at Midnight Page 5