“Deeper, baby, I want to feel you deeper. I won’t break, I promise. Fuck me, baby,” I pleaded.
As I let my legs fall open wider on the bed, my hands wandered over his back and down to his oh-so-toned tight arse. Grabbing hold, I urged him to go deeper inside me. That was all it took, and Booth growled his approval at my words.
“Fucking hell, Stella,” he said, moaning as he moved to his knees. He put his hands on the inside of my thighs, holding me open as much as my legs would allow, and started to piston in and out, back and forth. My hands were gripped on his bottom, my fingers digging into the taut cheeks, helping him keep up his punishing rhythm as he ploughed into me. This was what I wanted. To unleash Booth’s passion for me, to really feel what it was like to be wanted. I wanted Vincent Booth—the one man who could take me apart and put me back together, who could destroy me with one cutting word and then give me the world with one soft touch and one burning look from those beautiful grey eyes that haunted my dreams—desperate.
It didn’t matter anymore, none of it did. All the bad was now good. As my man emptied himself inside me, taking me with him, our cries of passion and release marked a new day, and a new beginning. I was safe for the first time since my mum passed and left me alone.
23
BOOTH
I would have loved to stay in bed with Stella all day, but I needed to get away. Fuck, I was so fucking tired after the events of the day before that started with the party of a hundred screaming four-year-olds—well, not a hundred, but it had certainly sounded like there were a hundred of them. Shit, little girls could use their lungs—then the cars exploding on the Wounded Souls property had come close to killing my woman, and then spending the best night of my life inside Stella. Fuck, yeah, I experienced heaven, all right, but the one thing I did not experience was sleep. I couldn’t risk falling asleep and having a nightmare.
Ingrid told me I could get a bit violent in the bed when I had a nightmare. Add the pansy-arse crying, and there wasn’t any way I was going to let Stella see that shit. So I stayed awake all night watching her while I played with her hair—anything that kept me awake. All of the morning and halfway through the afternoon, I made love to her perfect body, and now I was stuffed. My dick was sore, and I was dead on my feet. I needed a few hours if I was going to get through another night of the same. Now that I finally had Stella in my bed, underneath me, I was keeping her there.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I opened it and found the right number.
“Hey, sweetheart, wanna bring yourself over for a quickie?” I joked with Ingrid when she answered the phone. Our ‘in’ joke made her laugh.
“Sure, why not. I’ve got Greig versus Mahoney, which will lull you right off to dream world without a worry in the world.”
I let out a loud laugh and thanked her, then reminded her to use the back entrance and go through the secret hallway behind the war room that led directly to the room she used when I needed. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing her now. The club and all my brothers knew I had claimed Stella, which meant I could no longer have Ingrid come for what they believed she was coming for. My VP would have my arse if he thought I was cheating on Stella, and no way was I telling them why Ingrid was really there.
I slipped my phone back into my pocket as I changed my direction to go to the war room. I needed to do some paperwork, and Ingrid would be at least a half-hour. Then I could get some sleep so I was ready to make my woman scream in more ways than I did last night, and damn, did she scream in my ear, not to mention bit it, sucked it, and stuck her tongue in it. I couldn’t fight the smile that formed on my lips. Damn, that was the best night of my life. Looking up, I stopped abruptly, startled. Fuck!
“Stella! No, Honey. No, wait.”
FUCK!!
24
STELLA
Smiling to myself, I made my way down the long corridor from the laundry room. I had just conditioned Booth’s leather cut with a special leather softener. As I held the coveted president cut to my chest, I felt the elation of last night that had led into the early hours of the morning and, after a snooze, some of this afternoon. My man was insatiable. I giggled to myself, remembering the number of love bites that were all over my body, especially my breasts. Booth seemed quite enamoured with them, and he had even given me one on my pubis. Oh, Lord, that had been a climax all on its own.
I could hear a voice coming from near the war room. It was a strong rule of the club that if voices could be heard, stop, turn around, and find an alternate route. Never stop and listen. Deciding to take a different way just in case a meeting was about to go on, I turned to change my direction. But when I realised it was Booth’s voice, I hesitated.
“Hey, sweetheart, wanna bring yourself around for a quickie?”
I felt the blood leave my face. A chill travelled down my spine, and my heart ached. I stood rooted to the spot as I listened to the man I gave my virginity and heart to arrange a sex visit with some woman, telling her to use her secret entrance. What in the hell? Then I listened to him laugh with her. Ingrid! It had to be Ingrid. Perfect tits Ingrid.
Move, Stella, move your feet and get the hell out of there. But I couldn’t, not only because I was in shock but also because I couldn’t move too fast anyway. The pig cheating arsehole loved me so thoroughly and so many times that I was too sore to run.
But it was his smile that broke me completely.
His head was still down as he put his phone in his pocket, and I could see the smile form, wistful and happy. Sexy. Oh, God. I let out a sob that got Booth’s attention. He looked … guilty?
“Stella! No, Honey. No, wait.”
I don’t think so. I dropped his cut to the ground and ignoring the ache and tenderness between my legs, I ran in the direction of the main room. I had to get out of there. His voice was bellowing to stop, but stuff that for a joke. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, and I am a fucking idiot wanker looking to be a doormat.
“Hey, Stells, where is the fire?” Steel joked, sitting on the couch with Callie on his knee. Even in my upset state, I noticed Mia tending the bar, and her hurt look was too much for me to take.
“Get a clue, for fuck’s sake, Steel, and look at what is right in front of you,” I screamed the words, but my eyes were on Booth. He had followed me and was standing on the other side of the couch Steel was on. He was panting, his eyes wild.
“Um, Stella, are you okay?” Steel asked, but as far as I was concerned, there were only two people in the room.
“I fucking know what is in front of me, for fuck’s sake. Let me explain,” Booth yelled. Desperation coloured his tone.
“She was talking to me, Pres.”
Booth cut a look at his VP that had the pretty boy shutting up quick.
“What you heard wasn’t what you think, Honey.”
I snorted. Yeah, right. “Really? Tell me, Pres, what did I just hear?” I saw him flinch when I called him by his club title. Good. I was sick of being the one hurt in this relationship, or whatever the blazes it was. Over was one word that came to my mind. I would not share him with anyone—President of the club or not. I had some self-respect. Vegas and Rainn were able to share their men, and good luck to them, but just the thought made me want to vomit.
“Please, Honey, come to my room where we can talk in private,” he demanded softly, his eyes pleading. His grey eyes were my weakness, and I was close to giving him what he wanted. Something in me was telling me to run and not look back, but something deeper was telling me this man was my happily ever after, that I should listen to him first and then decide.
“Talk here. Right where you are. You tell me right now, or I’m out of here for good.” I hated the words even as I said them. But my heart was at its limit. He either fights for me or gives me the honesty I deserve, or I leave.
Booth’s eyes narrowed, but I didn’t care. I was holding on by a thread, and he had to be the one to fix it. His gaze lifted to his brothers, who had all gathered around us.
None of them even bothered to look like they weren’t listening. So typical of these men. Always up in your business.
“Booth,” I prompted.
He was looking right through me like I wasn’t there. It was eerie, but I had seen him like this before when he didn’t think anyone was watching, and he got stuck in his memories. I waited for what felt like an eternity, which was probably only thirty seconds, but it was a heavy thirty seconds. Sighing, resigned, I shrugged my shoulders in defeat.
“That’s it then,” I said quietly. If he couldn’t tell me everything, then I didn’t want this. Our attraction had to be more than about sex. He had to be able to trust me. He demanded it, commanded it even. My heart hurt at the very thought of never seeing him again, but it needed to be both ways.
I could hear Charlotte, who had been at the bar with Mia, crying behind me. I would miss seeing my flock every day, but we would stay in touch, just not at the compound. He couldn’t dictate who I could be friends with. The whole club was watching, their sympathy for me evident in their eyes. I couldn’t look at Booth again, couldn’t see the lost look on his face, or see that he had given up on me.
“This is not the end, Stella. Jesus Christ, woman. Can’t you see how much I need you, how much I feel for you?” There was an ache in his voice that dug into my heart.
“No, Booth, I can’t. You only let me in just enough to satisfy yourself. But from me, you have demanded full disclosure. I trusted you with my deepest, darkest secret. A secret I kept to myself to protect you and your club. Isn’t that proof enough how I feel about you? Doesn’t that deserve some sort of reward? Aren’t I enough for you?” I was yelling now. This was a fight for something more than him opening up to me. This was a fight for my future, a future I wanted with Vincent Booth, but if he couldn’t fight right alongside me, then he wasn’t the man I believed him to be.
“Fuck, Stella, you are everything to me. I haven’t touched another woman in fucking years. You are the only woman I want. I know what you did, what you endured for me and the club, and it fucking kills me that you were brutalised like that,” he shouted.
“Then open up to me, goddamn it! Let me in. Trust me,” I screamed the last two words so loudly that I heard them echo around the room.
“I am fucking broken, all right! I fucking cry like a baby at night at the memories of my brother’s body in fucking pieces in my arms,” he bellowed, holding my eyes with his own. “How can I have something as beautiful and pure as you when I have failed so many people?” he asked as if he were desperate for the answer to his question. My strong, powerful man then shocked me silent as he dropped to his knees in front of his men, his team, his brothers. To his knees for me, his beautiful grey eyes filled with tears.
“I love you so much, Stella Hogan. You are the best part of my day. Your smile takes away all the hurt, your laughter lightens my heart. Your sweet voice fills me with so much happiness I don’t know what to do with it all.” His voice anguished, he breaks down, his words nearly my undoing.
My heart skipped a beat or a hundred. He loved me? He just said he loved me in front of our family. He would so not take that back, or I just might hurt him. But he couldn’t believe he didn’t deserve me. I wouldn’t let that happen. Chancing a glance to my side, I saw that the patched members of the club had gathered in one line. Their expressions had turned from interested to grim. There was no pity in their eyes, just quiet understanding and sadness. Despite our audience, I knew this had to happen for not only Booth but for all of them. It was time the strong men of this club started to heal.
Moving swiftly around the couch, I ignored the smirking Callie—the bitch really needed to find another hobby other than Steel.
Reaching Booth, I immediately fell to my knees right in front of him. My hands reached out and cupped his stubbled cheeks, and my heart broke at the look of sheer despair on his handsome face.
“Baby, you aren’t broken. You are the strongest man I know. Your leadership of this club, of these men, is your greatest achievement, but you can’t do it all on your own, Booth. It’s not weak to ask for help, and you need help, baby. You aren’t the only man in here who has problems with what happened over there. Lean on them, be each other’s strength, but I am here for you always. It will always be you, Booth. You are it for me, but I need you to be all in with me. No more secrets. I love you, baby, I love you so much.” I took a deep breath. I had not meant to say so much in front of the guys, but I was glad I did. Now maybe Booth could start the process of healing, and hopefully, the others would follow his lead.
Booth crashed his body into me, his arms banding tightly around me, pulling me deep into his chest. It was a bit awkward, but I didn’t care. My relief was immediate. His face buried in my neck, and I felt the wetness from his tears, his racking sobs breaking my heart. I just clung to him and combed my fingers through his soft hair, soothing him as he finally broke. So I did what came naturally to me. I sang. I sang my man ‘Lullaby for a Soldier,’ the perfect song for such a heart wrenching but healing occasion, and hoped he would find peace in himself and his dreams. He would always be in my arms, forever. I would never let him go.
25
BOOTH
It was hard for me to sit there and not feel stupid. After the scene in the main room, Stella and I didn’t get any alone time before my brothers helped me up and we made our way to the war room. I had really wanted to stay with my honey. The first time we said I love you should have been a bit more romantic, and the way it went down was real and pretty fucking raw, but there was no way in hell I was going to let her walk out my door and not see her ever again because I was an idiot. That woman, and only her, owned me. So my choice had been simple in the end. I chose love. I chose Stella. Best fucking choice I had ever made.
“Brother,” Deck said from his seat to my left. Next to him was Creed and Darth. On the other side of the table were my VP, Steel, and Mannix, then Ford. Though Ford didn’t hold an officer’s patch, he was an invaluable part of the team, and his trust level was the same as any of the other men surrounding the table. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to tell my story.
“When Carson joined up, I made it a point to pull some strings and use some of my influence to make sure his path would eventually lead to our team. I promised my mum that I would look after him, and up until that day, I had never broken a promise to her.” I held up my hand to stop the barrage of denials from my brothers. “Let me get this out first, okay?” I waited for all my friends to nod then continued.
“Jerry was a crap father to me, but to Carson, he was the best father he could be.” It hurt to talk about my father’s obvious love for his youngest son and his indifference to me. If I lived to be one hundred, I would never be able to work out what I did wrong in his eyes. He was the prick who drank and gambled all our money away, but it was Carson who forgave him constantly, stuck up for him, and admired him because of his army service. I never did. He called himself a soldier, and he was once. Brilliant in fact, but he lost it.
“The hardest thing I ever had to do was deliver my brother’s body to our mother. Her devastation when she found out why she couldn’t have an open casket for her baby boy’s funeral will never leave me.” I tried to keep my voice from cracking, but the memory of that day was too much for me.
“Why won’t they open the casket, Vincent? Why can’t I see my boy? How do we even know he is in there?” my mum cried into my chest.
Fuck me, what was I supposed to say? Sorry, Mum, Carsen was blown to pieces, and I was pretty sure we left a few pieces back in the desert?
“Mum, it’s best if we keep it closed. He is there, Mum, trust me, okay?” I could feel her nod against my chest. Thank you, God, finally. I couldn’t keep saying my brother’s name—the pain and guilt that followed were drowning me.
“Trust you? That is a fucking joke,” I heard a voice yell from behind me.
Holding Mum steady with one arm, I pivoted and turned to find my father glaring at me.
The whole room had suddenly grown quiet. People I grew up with, neighbours, family, and friends, my team, everyone was watching.
“Jerry, please, this isn’t the place.” Mum tried to diffuse the tension, but she had no chance. The hatred in my father’s eyes had reached a new level. This was it.
“You got something to say, old man?”
“You were supposed to protect him, see him safely through his deployment. Nine months and he would have come home, and we were going to start a business together. Now he is in fucking pieces inside that box,” Dad roared, making Mum cry. I had so far kept his condition a secret from her.
“That’s not true! Vincent, tell me that’s not true. You said he died valiantly like a hero,” she begged me again for a second time in minutes.
“Dammit, woman, open your eyes. Your idiot son failed his mission and killed his own brother. It should have been you. You are a fucking waste of space, and I will make sure you pay for this.” Then he was on me, punching me in the face over and over. Spittle from his mouth hit me in the face as he cried out how he wished it had been me who had died.
Yeah, me too, arsehole.
“Booth, you okay?” Steel asked me, jolting me out of my head.
“No, brother, honestly, I am not. But I will be.” I looked at my men. All of them not only with me here but had followed me into battle many times during our enlistment.
“Looks like you and blondie are working things out,” Creed said. There was no smile on his face, but his eyes had a bit of a spark to them. Hopefully, Creed would find his own peace and a way to live with what he had seen and endured.
Nodding, my head, I wholeheartedly agreed. “Yeah, it took me a bit, and I nearly lost her in the process in more ways than one, but yeah, she is mine, and I am hers. After this, she and I are going to spend some quality time together.”
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