by Sicily Duval
-x-x-x-
The dinner was nice if not a bit tense. Elena noticed an unsettled air about her husband and a self-satisfied look on her father’s face and could only guess at what her dad had done to frighten her husband so. Jared noticed Elena anxiously peering out the kitchen window at the night sky and the backyard cloaked in moonlight and wondered if she had come to her senses and wanted to get out of this visit as much as he did.
While Jared could admit that the vegan lasagna wasn’t bad, it did not satisfy the carnivorous appetite the wolf inside of him possessed, and he wondered when he’d get the chance to sneak away and get some ‘real food’.
There was about five minutes of uncomfortable but tolerable silence at the table as everyone busied themselves with eating before Rosa spoke up to break the quiet.
“So, Jared, have you ever heard that professional swimmers, you know like those in the Olympics and what not, shave their bodies to swim faster? Something about water resistance or some other science I didn’t bother to read about, but all the professionals do it.”
Jared shot Elena a puzzled look but said around a mouthful of lasagna that yes, he had in fact heard of swimmers doing that.
“Well,” Rosa continued, “I remember that time you and Elena came to our hotel to take a swim a few days before the wedding, in fact, I had just been talking to Elena about it when you and Geo were upstairs packing. Anyways, I was just thinking, with how much I assumed you like to swim that maybe you should give it a try.”
“Give what a try?” Jared asked, hoping that Mrs. Lucciani would take pity on him and drop the subject.
He had no such luck.
“Why, shaving of course” she said primly, wiping her mouth daintily with the napkin she had neatly folded in her lap. “That is, shaving your whole body. Now, I don’t know if they necessarily shave their privates, I assume that that’s a personal matter, but every other inch of them but their heads are as bald as a baby’s behind. So, you wouldn’t have to worry about nipping your Johnson or anything like that, as long as you don’t plan on wearing any g-strings-”
“Mama!”
“-but, I did take the liberty of buying you some nice new razors from the supermarket, just so you could give it a try if you like.”
“Oh, Mrs. Lucciani-”
“Call me Rosa”
“Mrs. Rosa” Jared said, adding the prefix to ease some of his discomfort with using his mother-in-law’s first name. “Thank you for the offer, but you really didn’t have to go through all of the trouble on my account and spend money on razors; I have my own.”
“Well you don’t use them so I figure they aren’t very good. It wasn’t any trouble, just try these, the man I ran into in the shaving aisle said that they were great. And I know he had to be telling the truth because he said he used them every day and he was very clean shaven.”
Jared sent a pleading look to his wife that again went ignored as she hid her giggles behind her napkin under the pretense of wiping her mouth.
“My razors are just fine actually, I just use them a bit less frequently than the average man.”
“And why is that?” Giovanni piped up. “Now, most of the men I know don’t let their facial hair grow out that long unless they’re trying to go unrecognized. Is that what you’re doing, trying to disguise yourself? Are you on the run Jeremy?”
“Jared Papa”
“No, of course I’m not on the run” Jared said indignantly, shaking his head at the ludicrousness of such an idea.
“Are you certain; do you have something to hide?” Geo pressed.
“Papa, of course he doesn’t; he’s an open book; I know all his secrets.”
Giovanni let out a hearty laugh, “Now I know he’s hiding something; no man tells a woman all his secrets.”
“He does if he loves her” Elena argued.
“Especially if he loves her” Giovanni chortled, “to preserve the marriage.”
“And just what do you think you’re hiding Gio?” Rosa said dangerously, pointing her fork at her husband in accusation.
Giovanni flushed, drawing in on himself slightly. “Nothing dearest. I was referring to most men, but not me of course, you’re strong enough to handle everything, and besides, I couldn’t keep anything from you even if I wanted to.”
“You bet your ass you couldn’t” Rosa nodded, satisfied with her husband’s nervous backpedaling. “You know Jared,” she said, “my father was the best detective in all of Pisa in his day. I have his instinct. If there’s something fishy, you can bet I’ll sniff it out.”
Jared smiled, sharing a covert look with Elena. Jared hoped that his slight hairiness was the only fishy thing Rosa sniffed out around him. He could only imagine the havoc Rosa and Giovanni Lucciani would wreak on him if they knew the truth.
-x-x-x-
Jared and Elena were exhausted. After more attempts by Rosa to uncover why Jared insisted on allowing his ‘Rapunzel like hair’ to continue to grow, and then attempting to get her daughter to consider cutting it in his sleep when Jared said he had no plans of getting a trim soon, they had finally retired into the living room to watch a game of soccer on the television while they ate Mrs. Lucciani’s surprisingly delicious vegan cannoli.
After another bout of uncomfortable and accusatory questions from Giovanni when Elena and Rosa had gone into the kitchen to discuss Jared’s ‘hair problem’ and put away the dishes, Elena had finally come back to rescue him and they had retired upstairs to their room for the night.
“You know babe” Elena began, putting her hair up in a loose bun for bed, “my mom said that this weekend is a full moon.”
Jared paused, one leg in his pajama pants and one leg out as he looked up at his wife. “No, we checked, it’s the day after we get back.”
“Apparently not” Elena said, shaking her head as she lifted up the comforter to climb under the covers. “We forgot about the time zone thing I guess. The full moon happens here and the next day happens back home.”
“Oh, darn” Jared said, faking disappointment as he landed forlornly on the bed next to Elena, the back of his hand placed to his forehead dramatically. “I guess now we’ll just have to cut our wonderful visit to your parents’ short a day.”
“Not so fast,” Elena chuckled, placing a quick peck on his lips. “It would cost at least $180 per ticket to switch, and I’m not prepared to shell out that much money just so you can go all big bad wolf in the woods behind our house. There are plenty of woods in Italy, we can ask the locals and you can wolf out here.”
“It’s already a risk for me to be around them this long away from the pack without them catching on. When your father was talking to me last night in the living room, I could feel the wolf just under the surface trying to take charge.”
“Well then, remind wolfy there who’s boss. Besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen if they happened to catch a glimpse of furry Jared.”
“I’m not a puppy. I’m a beast, a predator; I’m not cute and fluffy, I’m wild and scruffy. You can say furry, but definitely not fluffy.”
“But you are cute and cuddly” Elena insisted, nuzzling her face into his neck. And your fur is so soft, face it babe, you are the fluff master.”
“Yeah, well I doubt your father will agree with you, especially when he calls the dog-catchers and tries to get me thrown in the pound.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic” Elena said, snuggling into his chest and preparing to sleep. “Stop worrying; it will all be fine. We’ll just have to be a bit more cautious with your canine instincts.”
“You make it sound like I’m a dog babe” Jared whined, groaning in happiness as Elena began scratching his stomach. “That’s not going to work.”
“Hey, just be happy that I didn’t get you that collar for Christmas like I wanted. Now get some rest; tomorrow’s going to be a long day and we’ve got lots to do.”
“Like what?” Jared asked, yawning as he settled back into the pillows, ready to sleep.
Elena laughed, “Now if I told you that, it would ruin the surprise.”
Jared groaned, closing his eyes and resigning himself to the fact that it was going to be a very long, very stressful and very interesting week.
-x-x-x-
Jared woke early the next morning, his biological clock thrown off from all the traveling. He had always been a morning bird, but as he looked at the clock and saw that it was only six in the morning, he knew that it was doubtful he’d be sleeping-in much on this vacation.
Deciding that he needed a cup of coffee to properly start his morning, and not wanting to wake Elena up, he quietly and very carefully extracted Elena’s arm from around his waist and slipped out of bed.
He watched her for a moment, taking in how cute and graceful she looked, even in sleep. Not able to resist, he bent down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before he slipped on a shirt and went downstairs.
After a good fifteen minutes of trying to get Mrs. Lucciani’s new espresso machine to work, which he remembered with a touch of irony helping Elena pick out for the Lucciani’s fortieth anniversary, he poured himself a cup and sat down to watch the sunrise in peace.
Taking the first sip of the heavy brew, he closed his eyes in content, ready to start the morning off right until he heard a loud yawn followed by what he distinguished to be passing gas from someone descending down the stairs.
Jared closed his eyes tighter, hoping beyond hope that the lumbering steps he heard approaching the kitchen were those of Mrs. Lucciani, while knowing that he would not be so lucky.
He opened his eyes right as Mr. Lucciani rounded the corner, clothed in nothing but a pair of polka-dotted boxers and the hair on his chest. He grunted in acknowledgement of Jared’s presence.
“Do you know you snore like a tractor?” Giovanni asked, grabbing a cup and pouring himself some coffee.
“Good morning to you too Dad.”
Gio smiled, “Mr. Lucciani will do just fine thanks.”
“Of course sir” Jared muttered, taking another sip of the coffee. He didn’t think he snored but he made a mental note to ask Elena, just in case. “So, do you have any plans for the day?” he asked, trying to make small talk.
Giovanni laughed, “Didn’t Bella tell you, Rosa and I are supposed to take you both sightseeing.”
Jared’s eyes widened. An entire day with Mr. Lucciani, no wonder Elena had not wanted to tell him last night, she knew if he had the chance he’d have tucked his tail between his legs and ran.
“And just how many sights are we going to see?” Jared asked.
Giovanni shrugged, “Rosa wanted to show Elena the new shopping center, I assume once we get there they’ll spend a good three hours looking around and that will most likely conclude the tour. So, with all the other things Rosa said she wanted to show you all, my guess is it’ll be about five hours.”
Jared internalized his groan; his assumptions had been right, and it was going to be a very long day indeed.
-x-x-x-
Jared had to admit the day wasn’t going as bad as he had expected it to be. Gio rarely interrogated him, likely because Jared clung to Elena’s hand for dear life to ensure he was never alone with the man, and Rosa hadn’t tried to convince him to shave once since she had thrown herself into the role of self-appointed tour guide and was too busy explaining the sites than concerning herself with the length of Jared’s hair.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa had been cool, and Jared had wolfed down three pieces of pizza from all the exploitative vendors that circled the tower.
It seemed that everything was going just fine until Rosa led them through a dog park. As soon as they had stepped in and Jared had got a whiff of the other canines his hackles immediately began to rise. Elena noticed his tenseness and chuckled, patting his arm reassuringly.
“Relax top dog; they’re just puppies.”
“Right” Jared said, grinning tersely, “here we go.”
They had made it about a fourth of the way in with Rosa and Giovanni laughing to each other a few paces ahead and Jared and Elena lagging a few steps behind when it began.
It started with a few low growls, the attempts of some of the bigger dogs to pronounce to everyone in the near vicinity just who was boss.
Jared resisted the urge to growl back and instead looked straight ahead, Elena’s hand tightening around his to remind him to be calm. “Everything’s fine.”
“Easy for you to say; you’re not about to be attacked by a dozen Miniature Schnauzers.” Jared sighed heavily, deciding to not look any of the dogs in the eyes, not because he was afraid but because he didn’t feel like getting in a fight. At least, that’s what he told himself.
They had made it about halfway through the park when Giovanni and Rosa were first alerted to a potential problem.
A few of the dog owners had begun noticing their dogs’ odd behavior and had started their exclamations of surprise and confusion as their dogs began straining against their leashes, attempting to make a break for the center path, specifically towards Jared.
“Ouch!” Jared grunted, grabbing his ankle in pain after a Chihuahua had broken free of the loose grasp of its distracted owner and decided to make a statement that the territory of the dog park belonged to him.
Jared knew he could shut that pesky dog up in a second if he shifted, and his body vibrated with the desire to shift into his wolf form and assert his dominance. Elena did a pretty poor job of hiding her giggles and Giovanni looked like he wanted to hug the Chihuahua like it was his firstborn son. Rosa looked concerned, searching for the dog’s owner and shooing the proud Chihuahua away from her son-in-law.
But the Chihuahua was only the first of their worries. Soon, a black poodle had broken free of its confines, followed shortly after by a black Lab and a Scottish terrier. The freedom the other dogs had claimed incited an even bigger struggle from the other dogs in the park and one by one they had either chewed through their leashes in desperation or had dragged their owners along, all to attack Jared.
Elena had let go of Jared’s hand in the dog park mad dash, having been separated by the sudden influx of dogs rushing to get to her husband. Giovanni was doubled over in laughter and Rosa was wringing her hands nervously as Jared was brought down to the ground, covered in a swarming and writhing mass of dogs, all barking and biting and attempting to mark their territory.
Jared cursed, yelling out words that caused mothers close by to cover their children’s ears and look admonishingly at the now barely visible Jared. Elena winced at Jared’s cries for help, torn between laughing and trying to save her husband who had always bragged so much about being big and scary.
Deciding that the dogs would likely tire themselves out, she decided to get her phone out and snap a couple of photos for posterity; she was sure that Jared would want to laugh about this moment. Someday. Eventually. After a long time. A very long time.
Just when Elena had decided that, since it was nearing about ten minutes since she had last seen her husband, she was going to get her dad to step in and begrudgingly help his son-in-law, an inordinately loud growl came from the pile of dogs, reverberating throughout the park and sending frightened shivers down everyone in the immediate area’s back.
As if they had coordinated their synchronization prior to their attack, every dog immediately leapt off of Jared and ran, tail tucked between their legs.
Jared carefully and calmly stood up. Eyes lit with an inhumanly yellow glow that he quickly blinked away before people could start capturing the look with pictures and begin asking too many questions. Elena rushed over to her husband, about to hug him but keeping him at arms’ length as she realized he was drenched in urine from the dogs that had decided to try and prove a point by marking their territory all over Jared.
He was lucky that as a werewolf he was immune to sickness so at least he didn’t have to worry about the chance of getting rabies, although he knew he would likely have to convince Rosa that he was fine later.
>
Jared had a dark, humorless look in his eyes and Elena sympathized with him, but in the end she could no longer hold it in and guffawed with laughter. The look on his face was so out of place on her husband, and as he looked at his soiled clothes and sniffed himself, he pouted, the childlike expression comically juxtaposing with his large, manly stature.
Rosa was the first to speak. “Well then, I guess this concludes our tour. Perhaps we should get back to the house, no? But, considering your soiled state, I think it’s best if you and Bella walk back, we’ll meet you home yes?”
Elena nodded, still giggling as she delicately placed a hand in commiseration on the single dry spot on Jared’s shoulder. “Alright Mama, we’ll see you there.”
Rosa nodded, offering Jared a small, sympathetic smile as she grabbed GAO's hand and began to lead him the way they had come, out of the park, taking care to step around the stained patch of concrete that had the clear, dry imprint of a man within it from Jared.
Giovanni cast a lingering look at Jared, sizing him up with something new in his eyes. He had heard that growl, and knew from his experience as a dog trainer when he was young that no ordinary canine could make such a sound, at least none that had been at the dog park.
He didn’t know how Jared had done it, but if he had thought his son-in-law had been suspicious before, he knew it to be a fact now. He’d definitely have to do some more intensive investigating. He had previously been going soft on the boy out of concern for upsetting Elena, but now the gloves were coming off.
Elena and Jared waved as they watched Rosa and Geo leave the park, Geo looking back at Jared one more time and winking before heading after his wife who was getting ahead of him.
“He knows something.” Jared said, “Did you see that look?”
“You’re being paranoid babe” Elena said, “no one could see anything with how buried you were under them and that growl could have come from any one of those dogs.”
“He winked at me though” Jared said, still unsure.