She looked over at me, seeming really impressed that Channing remembered that. “Yes. Jenna and Alex, eleven and seven.”
“They must keep you busy.”
“They do. But I love it. Between work and them, I don’t have much time to unwind. Needless to say, I live vicariously through Amber’s single life quite a bit. Tonight is a rare night out. My husband is manning the house.”
He looked between us. “Have you ladies eaten?”
“No, actually. We were going to order takeout,” I said.
“I was gonna cook something up for myself. How about I make it for all of us?”
Annabelle looked like he’d just offered her a new car. “That would be gr—”
“That’s okay,” I interrupted. “We can just do our own thing.”
The two of them sitting down together made me nervous for some reason, and I was doing my best to avoid that scenario.
Channing looked a little disappointed. “I get it. I didn’t mean to interrupt ladies’ night.”
“Nonsense,” Annabelle said. “We would love to have dinner with you, Channing, and thank you for the offer. It’s not every day I have a handsome man cooking dinner for me.”
“Well, I don’t know about handsome, but I can definitely cook my ass off.”
She mouthed over to me, “Freaking adorable.”
He is.
And there was no way I was getting out of this dinner now.
Channing ended up cooking us a meal of tapas that included smoked salmon, deep fried bacon-wrapped dates with goat cheese, and Sriracha meatballs.
After we ate, we lingered around the table.
“So, Amber tells me, you two have quite the history,” Annabelle said.
“Yeah, Walnut and I go way back.” He looked over at me and smiled. Chills ran through me because his every expression, every smile now had an underlying “fuck me” look to it.
“Tell me about young Amber.”
Channing’s smile widened as he thought about the answer. “Young Amber was awesome. She was like one of the boys, always down for anything, not preoccupied with girly shit, not obsessed with how she looked or anything like that. She was the voice of reason, but she could always somehow be swayed to the dark side. Not much has changed, really. Well, except she’s a little more girly now.” He winked at me. “But that’s perfectly fine with me.”
Annabelle’s eyeballs were moving and back and forth as she observed us. She seemed to be getting off on his flirting with me.
I turned the topic of conversation back to our childhood. “We never did anything that bad in those days. We might have broken into a couple of abandoned houses, stuff like that. In the couple of years that we were inseparable, you can bet if I did do something bad, that Channing was probably behind it.”
“That’s true.” He grinned. “Anyway, it was just my mother, sister, and me growing up. Amber was always at the house. She was like another family member.”
Annabelle played with the last of her food and asked, “You didn’t have a father around?”
Channing’s expression darkened. “My father left us when we were small. He moved to Nevada and remarried. I’m not in touch with him.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The only time I’d ever seen Channing’s dad was at Lainey’s funeral. He showed up with his new wife and didn’t really talk to anyone. I knew right away who he was, because he looked just like an older version of his son. The situation with their father walking out on them always made me so sad for Channing and Lainey. But it made me downright angry to see him at her service when he hadn’t been there for her otherwise.
“It’s okay,” Channing said. “I never knew what it was like to have him around after like the age of six, so there was never a huge feeling of loss. Emptiness, maybe, but I’ve gotten by just fine without him.”
I wasn’t sure that I believed he really felt that way.
I chimed in, feeling sad that he had to think about his father and wanting to change the subject. “I’m an only child, as you know. I had two happily married parents, the perfect upbringing. But I was bored a lot. I much preferred the chaos of Lainey and Channing’s house.”
“Anarchy.” Channing chuckled. “And all the candy you could eat.”
“That’s true.” I laughed.
I prayed that Annabelle didn’t bring up Lainey’s death. Thankfully, she seemed to remember me telling her that it was difficult for Channing to talk about.
We stayed talking at the table for about an hour. It made me really happy that Annabelle and Channing got along so well. He ended up calling an Uber for her and insisted on paying for it.
After she left, he and I were by ourselves in the kitchen cleaning up. For some reason, I had a hard time looking at him when we were alone. Without the buffer of another person, I was afraid he would be able to sense the want in my eyes, afraid it would make me look weak.
His voice was low—sexy—when he said, “You can look at me, you know.”
My back was to him when I said, “I can’t ever look at you the same again.”
He inched a little closer so that I could feel his breath. “Well, I sure as fuck hope not.”
Clearing my throat, I said, “I’m really happy that you and Annabelle got along so well.”
“You weren’t planning on bringing her around me, were you?”
I shrugged, unable to properly explain why I was hesitant for him to meet her. “Just so you know, I don’t talk about the specifics of what we do or anything. Some things are nobody’s business. She just knows in general that we agreed to…you know…” I hesitated.
“Fuck like animals on Saturdays...”
I could feel my face heating up. “Yes.”
“I’m fine with whatever you tell her. Like I said, it’s important to me that you have someone like her you can depend on and confide in. Clearly, I’m not that friend for you, since I can’t be trusted not to fuck the friendship part up in the name of physical pleasure.”
We were just staring at each other for a bit, and I was secretly wishing he would break the rules. I wasn’t going to be the first to do it. My weakness was eye-opening, a clear indication that I was definitely not going to be able to quit him very easily. Not to mention, losing him altogether was becoming a greater fear by the day.
“I hope that no matter what happens that we’ll always be friends, Channing.”
“Me, too, Amber. I really mean that.”
“We’re breaking the rules even talking about this, huh?”
“I’ll let it slide this one time.” He winked and leaned in closer, the heat of his body palpable. “For the record, I can’t wait until Saturday.” He was so close yet so far away. My body was in complete agony.
***
I went to bed that night fully aroused. It was close to midnight, and I was unable to sleep, so I decided to grab a glass of water.
I could hear that Channing was talking to someone on the phone in his room.
Who was he talking to so late?
His voice was muffled, but I struggled to hear what he was saying.
“I’ve got just under two months left, then I’m back to Chicago for good. I know it feels like forever that I’ve been gone. But you won’t have to wait much longer. I just need this time. Then, I’m yours, alright?”
Returning to my room, I couldn’t help the unsettled feeling in my stomach. But I had to remind myself that this situation was temporary. I knew that. So, nothing he said in that phone conversation should have mattered.
I was really good at kidding myself.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
* * *
CHANNING
It had only been a week, but it felt like years. As I sat alone in our hotel room thumbing through a brochure on local attractions, I couldn’t wait for her to get here.
Having to look at her all week and not touch her was absolute hell. It had seriously been the longest week of my life. But I made that rule, and I was
determined not to break it.
The knock finally came. When I opened the door, I had to stop myself from immediately mauling her as she entered.
She looked good enough to eat in an off the shoulder, flowery top. My mouth watered with the need to devour her neck. It wasn’t until I looked up at her face again that I realized something was off.
“What’s wrong, Amber?”
Her eyes were brimming with sadness. “I got my period.”
Shit.
My balls were aching. The thought of not being able to satisfy the need that had been building all week was unbearable.
“Come here,” I said, taking her into my arms and burying my nose in her hair. I then led her to the bed and pulled her close. “It’s okay. Don’t stress out.” I kissed her on the forehead. “How are you feeling otherwise?”
“I’m good. It was a long week getting here.”
“Tell me about it.”
I couldn’t help leaning in to taste her lips. She opened them eagerly to receive my kiss.
My erection was so hard it was painful. I was sure there were other sexual things we could do if she didn’t want to have intercourse, but I wasn’t going to pressure her into anything if she wasn’t feeling well.
We lay in silence for a while until she surprised me when she asked, “Is everything okay back home in Chicago?”
My chest tightened. “Why do you ask?”
“Just wondering.”
That was an odd question that seemed to come out of nowhere. There was a lot going on in Chicago, but it was the last thing I wanted to think about right now.
“Everything is fine.”
I only wanted to think about her. About her lips that were swollen from my kiss. About her skin that was blushing from the way I was looking at her. About how badly I wanted to be inside of her. I honestly couldn’t deal with anything else.
Unable to resist the need to touch her, I brushed my thumb along her collarbone. “Why do you have to look so beautiful right now?”
She sighed. “I don’t feel beautiful.”
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
“Just keep lying down with me. Let’s talk for a little while.”
Kissing her neck, I spoke into her skin, “I can do that.”
She looked up at me. “Am I being too needy? I know this is just supposed to be sex.”
“I like talking to you. A lot. I like doing a lot of things with you, as you know, but just talking is cool, too.”
“How was work this week?” she asked.
“I’ll be happy to be done with this contract. It’s been stressful, but it’s been worth it just to spend this time in Boston with you.”
“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
It pained me to hear her say that. “You think you’ll ever move back to Illinois?”
“I don’t know. I really love it here. And I couldn’t imagine leaving the people I work with right now, especially Milo.”
“That’s true. That would be tough.”
“My parents want me to move back. I miss them, but it’s been liberating being away and living on my own. Of course, I’d never intended to be alone. I only came out here in the first place because of Rory’s job.”
“Whereabouts does he live exactly? I never asked.”
“He’s about thirty minutes from us in Reading. That’s north of the city. When we broke up, he moved closer to his work up there. Before that, we lived together in Boston in a different apartment near Fenway Park. After the breakup, my father came out and bought the condo I live in now as an investment property.”
“Your dad owns your place?”
“Yes. So, I’m paying the mortgage between my rent and then whatever I get from the Airbnb people.”
“Wow. I had no clue.”
“Do you think I’m a spoiled brat because Daddy owns it?”
“You work harder than anyone I know, so no, of course I don’t. You’ve never taken advantage of your parents’ money.”
Amber never flaunted her wealth growing up. She started working the first chance she got and never spent money like crazy.
I’ll never forget the first time I went to Amber’s house back in Illinois. It was after Lainey died. She was always over at our place, so I’d never had a reason to go to hers. I remember at the time being unable to believe that she actually lived in what seemed like a mansion to me because she’d never given us any indication that she came from money.
“Well, I insisted on paying the entire mortgage. Renting out the room really helps with that. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to afford it.”
“Do you rent to only women?”
“There have been a couple of men.”
That hadn’t even occurred to me until now. I couldn’t stand the idea of her living with strange men. Just the thought made my blood pressure rise. Fuck. This was going to worry me after I left.
“How do you vet people?”
“Background checks.”
“You still don’t really know that they’re safe.”
“Nothing in life is a hundred percent.”
“I’m not gonna lie. That freaks me out a little.”
“Then stay. You won’t have to worry about it.”
The smile she flashed was so freaking adorable.
“I wish I could, Amber. Believe me.”
Her eyes seemed to be asking me why I couldn’t. I desperately wanted to tell her, but I wasn’t ready for the emotional toll that would take on me. Instead of thinking about it, I opted to bury my mouth in her neck.
I spoke into her skin, “I want you so fucking badly.”
She let out a shaky breath. “I’d give anything to feel you inside of me right now.”
Pulling back in surprise, I said, “You want to have sex? Then, what the fuck are we waiting for?”
“I didn’t think you’d…want to. Because I have my period.”
“Are you kidding me? I feel like I’m gonna burst, Amber. I was only holding back because I thought you didn’t want to.”
“No. I’m even more aroused on my period. I just thought it would gross you out.”
“No fucking way could you ever gross me out.” I sighed into her mouth as I kissed her. My dick moved to full mast, so excited to finally get some relief. “God, we really need to communicate better.” I got up. “Let me grab a towel to put under you.”
She was crazy if she thought there were any circumstances under which I wouldn’t want her. Maybe if it were someone else, I would have had to think twice about this scenario. But with Amber, I just didn’t care; I wanted her any way I could have her.
I’d never put on a condom so fast in my life. My knees barely hit the mattress before she pulled me down on top of her body.
My cock was throbbing as I entered her. Amber wrapped her legs around my back. It felt like the deepest I’d ever been inside of her. From that angle, it was really hard not to prematurely blow my load.
“I need to slow down.”
She nodded, biting her bottom lip.
As I slowed my pace, we looked each other in the eyes while we fucked. The room was so quiet. There were no sounds other than the movement of our bodies and the occasional noise from the air conditioner. I’d never in my life looked a girl in the eyes during sex. With Amber, I wanted to capture every reaction, every emotion as she took me inside of her body. And then I wanted to burn those reactions into my brain, so I could think about them when we weren’t together anymore. But it also hurt, because one of the things reflected in her eyes was trust. And I wasn’t sure if I deserved it. I wanted to believe I did.
Fuck. What was happening to me?
As I picked up the pace, my hips moving in a circular motion, she dug harder and harder into my back. Then, she went and said something that nearly undid me.
“I want you to come on me. I want to feel it on my skin.”
I nearly lost it, pulling out of her and removing the condom before jerking myself off all ove
r her stomach. As I came, she brought herself to orgasm with her fingers.
After, I lowered my body down and kissed the hell out of her, not caring about the sticky aftermath on my abs.
Gently biting her neck, I said, “Remind me to thank Rory for breaking you in for me.”
She smacked my ass. “Oh, you’re bad.”
After I cleaned up, we lay in the bed staring at each other. Sometimes what was unsaid could be so much louder than actual words. I knew we were both coming to the realization that we were kidding ourselves with this arrangement. But I wasn’t willing to stop it. I couldn’t.
She suddenly grabbed my face and kissed me long and hard, breaking only to say, “You’re addictive.”
“You’re beautiful,” I whispered into her mouth.
“You know…” she said. “I wasn’t sure if I believed you really felt I was beautiful at first. But now, the way you look at me and how your body reacts to me, I know you truly feel that way, which just surprises me, given how much…experience…you have.”
I struggled to find the right words to explain just how attracted to her I was. “There’s no one like you. There’s no one who smells like you, tastes like you. There’s no one with the same wide eyes, the same perky nose, the same slight freckles, the same plump lips, the same curve of your ass, the same short but beautiful legs, the same toes I want to nibble on. I don’t care how many women I’ve been with. There’s only one you, and I can’t get enough.”
My words put a huge smile on her face. “Do you still see me the same as when I was sixteen? I know you said that before. Have things changed now that you’ve…gotten to know me better?”
“You mean now that I’ve owned every inch of your body?” I nuzzled her neck. “Everything’s all jumbled now. I still see the old you. But I also see a grown, independent woman I’m really proud of. Every day I see more and more of her.”
“Figuratively and literally.” She giggled.
“Thank God for that.”
Amber’s smile faded as she seemed to be pondering something. “What if I see you in the future and can’t get past this?”
“What do you mean?”
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