Taking a seat, Lock absorbed this information. “You had no choice in the matter?”
“At seventeen, I figured they knew best.” Renée seemed to believe that closed the subject.
Perhaps it did. “I see.” He tried to frame an answer, but his mind kept drifting to the hospital. To Kelli, who might have been hit by a car or attacked by someone. What about that man, an obvious drifter, Lock had talked to in Newport, the one with the nasty smile playing around the corners of his mouth? Or Randy. Lock shouldn’t have been so quick to accept his declaration of innocence.
“Lock?” Erica prompted.
He dragged his thoughts to the present. After all, this was his chance to ask the question that had bugged him most of his life. “Why didn’t you keep me?” he asked Renée.
“I suppose you think it’s easy for a teenager to be a single mother,” she said.
“It’s not easy for anyone,” Lock said, “but it’s possible.”
Erica kept looking at Renée as if expecting her to share something more. Was there something more? Well, the woman was sixty-two, not a kid. If she had anything to say, this was the time for it.
Renée regarded him sternly. “I don’t like the way you’re pressuring Erica.”
“Pressuring Erica?” Lock repeated, startled.
“Renée, he isn’t—” Erica began.
“I can tell how stressed you’ve been,” she interrupted. “And look at what he just said, about how it isn’t easy but it’s possible. If that isn’t an attempt to manipulate you into keeping the baby, I don’t know what is.”
“I meant it was possible for me,” Lock explained tightly. Why had he ever imagined this woman would make a loving grandmother? Now that he’d met her, that seemed as foolish a fantasy as his long-ago dream of being rescued by a millionaire.
“All by yourself? When you can’t even show up on time for an appointment with your mother?”
Anger seethed inside him at her unfairness. But he was mad at himself, too, for blithely assuming that just because he longed with all his heart to be the perfect father, he could fit a baby into his life. Phil and his mother had done their best for Kelli, and look what had happened to her. Now, Lock had to face the fact that he couldn’t in good conscience raise a child alone. Thanks to the indifference of the woman who’d tossed him to the wolves thirty-five years ago, he was going to have to entrust his son or daughter’s future to strangers.
The awareness infuriated him.
“Congratulations.” He scooted back his chair so abruptly it nearly tipped over. “You’re right. I’m not cut out to be a father. No wonder, since I come from a long line of rigid, self-centered people. But I can tell you one thing. When my child grows up and comes to ask why I abandoned him, I won’t make excuses. I’ll get down on my knees and apologize for failing him. But I should have known better than to expect that from you.”
From the corner of his eye, he registered the shock on Erica’s face. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but he’d deal with that later. Because he couldn’t stay in this room one more second.
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m not cut out to be a father,” Lock had said.
Erica had seen the agony in his face as the ragged words were torn from him. All these weeks, she’d done her best to persuade him to give up the baby, but success had come at too high a price. Hard as she’d fought to deny it, she loved this man, and felt his suffering as if it were her own.
Now he was rushing away. “Lock,” she cried. “Wait!”
But out he went. She couldn’t let me him leave in this mood. He needed to understand that they’d find a way to work things out.
“Oh, dear,” Renée said. “I don’t know what came over me. I sounded like my mother at her worst.”
Erica couldn’t deal with her friend right now. Instead, she raced through the open door, her terry-cloth slippers barely making a sound on the concrete outside.
Rain pelted her face as she ran. From around the corner she heard the familiar creak of the exterior staircase as he descended. “Lock, wait!” she cried again.
When she reached the end of the walkway, she saw his familiar figure at the bottom of the stairs, hunching forward in the downpour. “Stop!”
He didn’t seem to hear. Erica started down, keenly aware of the pebbly surface of the stairs through the thin soles of her slippers. In the downpour, she misjudged a step and felt her ankle twist. How annoying, she thought as she reached for the metal railing.
Her hand slipped on the wet surface. A remote corner of her brain registered that she was falling. Ridiculous. Any second now she’d get a grip on the rail.
Then her legs crumpled and she slid out of control.
A SCREAM WRENCHED Lock from his preoccupation. It took a second for him to realize what was happening, and then he leaped toward Erica. But before he could get there, her head thumped the stairs near the bottom and she lay sprawled and unmoving.
“Erica!” He knelt beside her, fighting the instinct to take her in his arms, knowing it was dangerous to move her in case of spinal injury. “Honey, are you all right? Talk to me!”
A minute ago, she’d been trying to do exactly that, and he’d ignored her. Now…
Another terrible thought came to him. She might lose the baby. But that was secondary. If only she’d wake up.
He heard Renée’s cry from the top of the stairs. “Oh, my Lord! Is she all right?”
“No.” Lock pulled out his phone and hoped the rain wouldn’t disable it as he dialed 911.
Reaching them, the older woman held an umbrella over him and Erica. He half expected her to blame him, as if he wasn’t already blaming himself, but she just stood there.
Lock gave the dispatcher the address and answered her questions. All the while, he kept expecting Erica to wake up and tell him she was all right.
But she didn’t.
HER HEAD ACHED and one side of her body throbbed. When Erica opened her eyes, she stared up, dazed. The ceiling of a hospital corridor rushed by and an unfamiliar nurse paced alongside her gurney.
“She’s awake!” the nurse called to someone.
She didn’t recognize the doctor, either, Erica discovered when a young man leaned over her. “Mrs. Benford?” he said. “Can you tell me what day it is?”
Erica’s throat was so dry she could barely speak. “Saturday.”
“Good.”
She wasn’t at Safe Harbor Medical. Of course not. Her hospital didn’t have an emergency room.
The rain, the stairs. Falling. Oh, no! “My baby?”
“We’ve called your obstetrician,” the physician said. “Dr. Brennan has privileges here, so she’ll take over that part of your care.”
They halted at a cubicle. Erica could hear people rushing around.
If everything was fine, why didn’t he just say so? Tears stung her eyes. She hadn’t wanted this pregnancy, but now…Lock would never forgive her. And her little child. She loved him or her. How was that possible?
She needed Lock. “My…friends?” she asked the nurse.
“Just let us do our job, dear,” the woman said gently. “You can see your friends later.”
Was he here? No one seemed inclined to tell her, and her eyelids refused to stay open.
THIS WAS HIS FAULT, Lock thought as he sat on an uncomfortable chair in the emergency room, ignoring the occasional glance from Renée. He’d always believed it was a man’s job to protect the people he loved. Today, he’d failed Erica and their child.
He’d like to be able to fault the woman beside him, but he couldn’t. Why had he ignored Erica’s calls? Why hadn’t he seen the danger?
His phone buzzed.
On the wall, a sign warned against using cell phones
in this area. Getting to his feet, he headed for the doorway while checking the readout.
It was Kelli’s friend Randy. Lock had given him a business card with this number. “Lock here,” he said.
“Mr. Vaughn?” The guy sounded scared. “I just got a call from Kelli. She saw on the news that the police think some girl at the UCI Medical Center is her, and she wants to let her family know it’s not.”
Thank God she was safe. “She’s with you?”
“No. I had nothing to do with this, honest. She was ticked off at her family, and now she’s scared because the police are involved. She’s afraid her folks will have her locked up.”
“They just want her back,” Lock told him. “She won’t be in any trouble. Where is she?”
“I explained you weren’t a cop and that you work for her family.” Randy rushed on without giving a direct answer. “She said I could bring you but nobody else, or she’ll run away again. She wants an adult who can, I don’t know, stand up for her.”
“Serve as a buffer?” Lock glanced worriedly toward the hallway where Erica’s gurney had disappeared a few minutes ago. “Did she tell you where she is?”
“No. She said she’d give instructions once we’re on the way.” He was breathing hard. Most likely from the fear of getting arrested. “You’re coming, aren’t you?”
“Let me call her uncle and then I’ll meet you in front of your building.”
“Thank you.” He clicked off.
Damn. Lock didn’t want to leave Erica, even though he wasn’t doing her any good at the moment. But how could he abandon Kelli?
He placed a quick call to Phil, who agreed to let Lock serve as intermediary. “We just saw the girl who’s here, and realized it’s not her,” he added. “I can’t tell you how relieved Mom was. She’ll feel even better after she hears this news.”
“How is she? The injured girl, I mean.”
“They say she’ll recover.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I know anything more.”
Torn between his concern for Kelli and his fierce desire to stay with Erica, Lock went back inside. Renée met him by the door. “She’s drifting in and out of consciousness. They won’t let anyone see her. They’re waiting for her obstetrician before they decide whether to conduct a CAT scan.”
“Did she say anything?”
“She was able to tell the doctor what day it is, so that’s good.” Worry shaded the older woman’s face. Obviously, she cared about Erica. “The nurse asked about next of kin.”
Lock gave her the name of Erica’s mother and contact information. She had a listed phone number, he’d discovered while researching Erica’s background. “Did the doctor—” he had to force himself to finish the question “—mention the baby?”
“Only to say her obstetrician’s on her way.”
Lock wished he knew more about pregnancies. Erica must be about eight weeks along, which was early. Did that make the baby safer in a situation like this, or more vulnerable?
But it was Erica who mattered most. If only he could take her in his arms and beg her to forgive him.
Yet she’d made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t interested in getting tied down. And even if she were, Lock was nobody’s idea of an ideal mate. He’d proved that today, hadn’t he?
“I can’t stick around,” he said gruffly. “I have to…” Oh, to hell with explaining about Kelli. Particularly to Renée. “I’ll be back later.”
Her hand on his arm stopped him. He hoped she didn’t plan on scolding him again, because his patience was at the breaking point.
Instead, her stern expression softened. “I’m sorry about the way I behaved earlier. The truth is, I’ve felt horrible since you told me how your adoptive parents acted.”
“Thanks for letting me know. Now I have to leave.” Lock knew he sounded gruff, but he wasn’t in a touchy-feely mood.
Renée kept her grip on him. “Your father died in an accident before you were born. I loved him.” She blinked hard. “I wasn’t in any shape to make plans for you, so I left it to others. I hoped you were all right, but I just wanted to put the whole business behind me.”
“Great. Can we go into this later?” Lock didn’t have time to serve as her confessor.
“All these years I tried not to think about you. Now I see you rushing out of here, refusing to deal with what’s happened. Just like I did.”
“That isn’t the case at all.” He resented the comparison. “I’m leaving for a reason.”
“Maybe so, but please listen.” Renée spoke fast, as if her life depended on making her point. “I only now realized that, because I refused to face how hurt and guilty I felt, I spent my life punishing myself. I married a kind man I wasn’t in love with, and when we couldn’t have children, I just accepted it. If this is the only thing I can do for you as a mother, please don’t give up on Erica.”
He couldn’t process her remarks. Besides, he wasn’t running away, he was going to help Kelli. “Thanks for the advice. Right now, I have to help a little girl.”
His birth mother removed her hand. “Good luck.”
“See you later.”
If he knew a way to help Erica, he’d stay, Lock thought as he sprinted for his car. Instead, an eleven-year-old and her family were counting on him.
He couldn’t let them down.
IN THE DREAM, Erica stood on a balcony, holding the baby as she gazed out at the ocean. “Don’t get too close to the rail,” she heard Lock say behind her. “Be careful with Jordan.”
She gazed lovingly at the infant’s face. He wore the same devil-may-care grin her brother had when he’d picked her up at the nursing school.
The railing vanished and she was falling. For an instant, Jordan’s little hand clung to her blouse, until the wind ripped him away. She grabbed for him desperately, but her fingers closed on empty air. She couldn’t see him anymore, and still she fell.
She’d lost both Jordans, her brother and the baby. Far above on the balcony, Lock was yelling for his vanished son....
“You need to wake up.” A nurse’s voice pulled Erica from the depths of sleep. She was in curtained cubicle, where monitors hummed and an IV dripped fluid through a tube into her hand.
“I’m awake.” She coughed from the dryness in her throat.
“Dr. Brennan called to say she just finished delivering a baby and will be on her way as quickly as possible. She’s consulting with the neurologist by phone about whether to conduct a CAT scan,” the nurse said. “They’re concerned about radiation.”
Erica asked the most important question in the world. “Is the baby okay?”
“Dr. Brennan will examine you as soon as she arrives.”
Lock ought to be here. “The father. Is he…?”
“He had to go out.” The nurse didn’t sound happy about that. “Your friend Renée is waiting. And we called your mother. She wants to speak to you as soon as you feel up to it.”
“Not yet.” Erica couldn’t deal with her mother. She needed Lock. Why had he left?
Maybe it had something to do with that missing girl. Or maybe he was too upset about the baby to stick around.
Twenty years ago, she’d watched her brother’s life drain from him. At some level, her father had never forgiven her for failing to prevent the crash. For all the years afterward, Erica had felt his grief like an invisible cloud around him, shutting her out.
Now she’d been careless, and she’d lost another Jordan. She couldn’t begin to process how much that fall down the stairs had cost her.
If only she’d realized sooner that she loved Lock and the baby! All along, Erica had been afraid. The screech of tires, the shattering of glass. In an instant, you could lose everyone and everything you loved. Be
tter not to take that risk. Better to lock up your heart.
Well, that had worked out great, hadn’t it?
Chapter Eighteen
“So you’re my shadow.” Looking oddly wise, an old soul and a child at the same time, Kelli DiDonato regarded Lock across the restaurant table.
He and Randy had met her at the Sea Star Café near the harbor, where the girl asked Lock to buy her a sandwich. As she wolfed it down, Lock remembered how hungry he’d been after he ran away.
Around them, an early dinner crowd was filling up the place. Despite the warm air, Kelli shivered in her thin jacket. Long brown hair hung damply around her face.
“You spotted me?” Lock asked.
“Yeah. At the supermarket, I figured that was you who ratted us out.” Kelli downed another bite. As for where she’d been the past couple of days, she’d claimed she’d hung out with some girls she’d met at a nearby college student center.
It might be true or not. In any event, she showed no obvious signs of abuse or trauma.
“I understand why it ticked you off to be dragged away, but your uncle was trying to protect you,” Lock told her.
“By humiliating me?”
“If necessary,” he said.
Kelli studied him skeptically. “Do you have kids?”
A stab of pain caught him off guard. For a second, Lock couldn’t hide it.
Kelli’s eyes widened apologetically. “You must have lost someone. Wow. You seem like this big tough guy.”
“Anybody says otherwise, I’ll punch his lights out.” The weak attempt at a joke drew a thin smile from her.
Randy clinked the ice cubes in his soft drink. “You, uh, you said she’s not in any trouble, right?”
“Right.”
“And me neither?”
“I assume not.” As far as Lock could tell, Randy hadn’t done anything wrong.
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