Ellis came after her with two hands, but Belinda was quicker, grabbing them both and twisting them to immobilize her.
“Calm down. Let me explain.”
“Explain? Let me go right now, Belinda Jane Gordon!”
“Are you crazy? You think I’m going to stand here and let you try to kick my ass.”
“Try? I’m going to succeed! I’ve got four inches on you, short stuff.”
“Short stuff?” She twisted Ellis’s wrist backward. “My father made me take four years of karate.”
“Ow. Ow. Okay. Okay. I’ll stop. Just let me go!”
Belinda released her and backed away. “Just stay on your side of the room and let me explain.”
Ellis folded her arms beneath her chest and impatiently tapped her foot. “There is nothing you can say to make this better.”
“I didn’t purposely deceive you,” she started.
“No excuses, just talk.”
She opened her mouth to tell her everything, but the words weren’t coming out. Ellis looked so … hurt. “I’m so sorry, Ellie.” Her eyes watered. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
It was then that Ellis did something that surprised her. Her face cleared and she came toward Belinda, her arms extended. “Tell me now. I’m here.”
“His name is Carter and I met him when I was in San Francisco—”
“He’s the guy who broke your heart, isn’t he?” Ellis backed away from her a little and looked into her eyes. “He’s the guy you can never talk about.”
She nodded. Not knowing what else to say.
“He’s the guy you’ve been so hung up on for the past four years that you haven’t had a single relationship since.”
“I’m not hung up on— Ouch!”
“Don’t lie to me, and more important don’t lie to yourself. I’ve known you more than half my life. You don’t give your heart away. For you to marry him, you had to have loved him a lot.”
“He’s here, Ellis. He’s in Durant and I don’t know what to do.”
“He’s come back for you?”
“No.” She shook her head. The possibility of that was so far-fetched, it had never crossed her mind. “I think he’s here to divorce me.”
“That’s not a bad thing. Is it?”
“No.” She nodded. “It’s the best thing. I can finally move on with my life.”
“What happened between you two?”
“Ellis?” Maggie, one of the salesgirls, popped her head into the storeroom. “Your one o’clock is waiting for you next door.”
“Oh shit. Tell her I’ll be right there.” She looked at Belinda. “I can’t keep this client waiting. But we need to talk. Really talk.”
“Yeah. We haven’t been doing much of that lately.”
“We’ll make time.” Ellis hugged her tightly. “And if you ever keep anything like this from me again…” She pinched her one last time before she scampered out of the room.
*
Shopping always made a shitty day better. Or at least Belinda hoped it would. She left work soon after Ellis went to her appointment. She needed a break, a moment to clear her head. Some people did yoga, or meditated. Others went for long walks in the woods or hikes up mountains. Belinda went to the mall. Shoes. A girl always needed new shoes. They were always there for her. No matter what stupid mistakes she made.
She mindlessly searched through the rows of them in a vain effort to distract herself from the mess that was her life. Ugly. Ugly. Too tall. Too strappy. Too flat. Too everything. Then she found her perfect pair. Two-and-a-half-inch wedges in rose gold with four crisscrossing straps. And they were on sale, which lifted her mood greatly. She picked up the box and turned for the register when she saw him.
Carter.
Again.
She’d sworn she wouldn’t run away the next time but she wasn’t mentally prepared to see him today. Not so soon after the spat with Ellis.
Shit.
She hit the floor, crouching behind the athletic shoes, praying he hadn’t spotted her. Why of all the shoe joints in all the world did he have to walk into hers?
She would never forget the day Carter Lancaster had walked into her life. She was the assistant manager of a little boutique in San Francisco, the type of store that only people who made over six figures could afford to shop in. She spent most of her days helping women find dresses for the symphony or some black-tie affair. She also spent most of her days bored out of her skull. And then Carter walked in. Every eye in the shop went to him, not only because males usually never walked through their door, but because he was beautiful. Tall. Black hair. Rock-hard jaw. Patrician features.
As he walked farther into the store she noticed that there was nothing warm about his beauty. He didn’t smile at the salesgirl who greeted him. He didn’t even relax his face. There was a kind of cold efficiency that surrounded him.
He walked past all the salesgirls, who were clearly dying to get to him because he looked like old money and smelled like a big fat commission, and stopped directly in front of her. He towered over her, staring down at her with his dark gray eyes and stony face. She took an involuntary step backward, her heart suddenly racing. He made her nervous and she didn’t know why.
But she mentally shook herself and smiled up at him. “Can I help you?”
He nodded once. “It’s my mother’s birthday and I would like a gift certificate.” His deep, smooth voice distracted her from what he was saying for a moment. It was the type of voice she could listen to reading the tax code. It was the type of voice she wanted to listen to in bed.
“Of course.” She had to shake herself from her inappropriate thought. She must have been hornier than she thought if a few words from one good-looking man could warm her up.
The quicker she helped him, the quicker he would be out of her store, but something made her stop short. Even though he made her slightly uncomfortable, he deserved the best from her. She turned around to face him, but he was following so closely behind her she ended up crashing into him. Their bodies made contact for just the smallest of moments, but she couldn’t deny the jolt she felt when they connected, that little bit of heat that sizzled inside her, or ignore the way his large hands felt on her arms as he tried to steady her.
When was the last time she had been touched by hands so big?
Had there ever been a time? Thoughts of how they would feel on her bare skin crept into her mind and she was mortified. She wasn’t sure why. She was a woman who liked sex. Who liked men and wasn’t ashamed of it. But why this guy? A customer. With a stern face and sterner disposition.
“Oh! Excuse me.” Her voice had taken on a nervous breathlessness, and she hated that she couldn’t be cooler. She backed away, needing space from him to re-gather her thoughts. “This is probably none of my business, but don’t you think your mother would prefer something you picked out yourself?”
He looked into her eyes, and for the first time since he walked into the store she saw emotion coming from him. Weariness mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. “You see…” He looked at her expectantly.
“Belinda.”
“Carter. You see, Belinda, that’s my problem. I never know what to get my mother. She has hated every gift I have given her since I was a child. I want to get her something she would enjoy but the truth is I have no idea what women enjoy.”
“A good-quality vibrator is what most women enjoy, but you obviously can’t get her that. It would just be plain weird.”
As soon as she heard the words slip from her lips she slapped her hand over her mouth. She always said stupid things when she was nervous. Carter made her nervous. She expected him to be shocked or disgusted. She expected him to get angry and walk out but he didn’t. His lips curled ever so slightly into a smile.
“I didn’t think this was that kind of shop. Is there something else you could recommend?”
She simply nodded, afraid to speak in case she got anothe
r bout of verbal diarrhea.
“I know I look like a humorless bastard, but I’m not.” He briefly touched her shoulder as his deep voice rumbled through her. “I would like it if you would relax.”
She forced herself to and they spent the next twenty minutes looking for gifts. They settled on a set of crystal perfume bottles and a beautiful understated silver bangle. They weren’t the most expensive things in the store and she probably could have gotten him to spend more on a gift certificate, but thoughtful gifts were always better than cash. At least they were in her book.
“Thank you for visiting us today. I hope we see you again,” she said as she handed him his wrapped packages.
“What time do you get off work?”
“Huh?”
He frowned at her for a moment. “If we are going to be seeing each other again, I need to know what time to pick you up for dinner.”
She turned around to see if there was somebody behind her. There wasn’t. “You’re asking me out?”
He nodded.
“Like on a date?”
“Well, asking you to be my sex servant crossed my mind, but I figured I should at least take you to dinner first.”
She blinked at him. “Was that a joke?”
“It was an attempt at one.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t believe this was happening. She couldn’t believe that a man like him would ever want to date a girl like her. She wanted to say no. They would have nothing in common. Nothing to talk about. They were from two different worlds. “Eight o’clock. I’m done here at eight.”
But he was so damn handsome. And there was something about him. Something a little naughty about him. Something that made her a little nervous and a little excited. And she’d rather spend a couple hours tonight with this coldly beautiful man than in her tiny apartment alone.
“Thank you, Belinda.” He took her hand and squeezed softly. “I’ll see you at eight.”
They were married four weeks later.
“Why are you sitting on the floor hugging shoes?” she heard a quiet voice ask, and she snapped out of the past and opened her eyes.
A wild-haired little girl stood in front of her, her chubby face scrunched with curiosity.
Shit.
She got caught being crazy.
“Because I am trying them on,” she lied.
The kid frowned at her. “You don’t look like you’re trying them on. You don’t even have your shoes off.”
She was right. Belinda couldn’t argue with logic.
“Fine. You caught me. I have fallen so in love with these shoes that I had to hug them. I hug everything I really love. I once held a Michael Kors coat for an hour and a half.”
“Oh.” The child didn’t seem to know what to say to that. Belinda hoped she would scamper off back to her mother, but she didn’t—she stepped closer. “Can I see your shoes?”
“I guess.” She opened the box and held them up for the little girl to see.
She stroked one of the straps, her eyes wide in wonder. “I like them very much.”
“I do too, kid.”
“I’m here to buy new shoes, too.” She lifted her tiny chubby leg to show her a red patent-leather ballet flat. “These are too small. My daddy doesn’t know that he’s supposed to buy me new shoes. I have to tell him everything.”
Belinda nodded, trying to ignore how cute the kid was and that annoying little pull she felt in her chest looking at her tiny feet. She didn’t even like kids, she kept telling herself. They were always dirty and sticky, like they had maple syrup for blood or something. And they always needed something. Like shoes. She wanted no part of them. But this one was really frigging cute. “Daddies can be really kind of dumb sometimes.”
The little girl nodded, and Belinda noticed the large angry-looking scar that covered the upper half of her arm.
“You’re looking at my burn.”
“I am. I’m sorry for staring but it looks like it hurt a lot.” Belinda didn’t know what made her do it but she lifted her hand and ran her fingers across the little girl’s arm. But then she realized that she must seem like a crazy lady and that she shouldn’t be touching or talking to other people’s kids.
“Maybe you should go find your mommy now. Or do you need help finding her? I can help you.”
“It don’t hurt no more.”
“What?”
“My scar. I got in an accident when I was a baby so it don’t hurt no more.”
“Oh, I’m glad to hear that.” She started to rise to her feet. “Let’s go find your mommy.”
“I don’t got a mommy,” the little girl said softly. “She died.”
“Oh.” That stopped her in her tracks. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, kid.”
Nothing was going right for Belinda today. First her fight with Ellis, then spotting the husband she wished would go away, and now she was faced with a cute lost kid with a dead mother. She should have stayed in bed.
“It’s okay. I don’t remember her. She died when I was a baby.” She shrugged. “You’re not supposed to say the S word. You got to put money in the cuss jar if you do.”
“You take credit cards?”
“Nope.” She grinned again, showing off those damn cute missing teeth.
“Ruby! Ruby!” a man’s voice called.
“I’m over here, Daddy.”
Carter appeared.
Shit. Shit. Shit. The little girl couldn’t be his. But she was. Belinda could tell by the way he looked at her. Relief and love and anger. It fascinated her to see Carter like that. That one look contained more emotion than she had seen from him their entire short marriage.
She was so wrapped up in staring at him that she didn’t notice that he didn’t notice her sitting on the floor. He was too focused on his daughter, and for a split second she wondered if she could get up and sneak away. But she couldn’t force herself to move. She hadn’t seen him for four years and more than she wanted to run away, she wanted to take him in.
He was thirty-five now. There were fine lines around his eyes. The jaw she used to spend hours kissing seemed a little more chiseled. He was still coldly beautiful. Still an enigma to her. Still a stranger. Looking at him even now, four years later, she still felt jittery, but she could see that he hadn’t changed very much. Except that he was a father now and he was looking at his daughter with a mix of frustration and worry and love that made her ache all over.
She should have suspected that the kid was Carter’s, but she’d honestly had no idea. The last time Belinda saw her she didn’t look at her closely. She couldn’t before. Even now looking at Ruby, knowing she was Carter’s kid almost hurt. Sometimes she couldn’t help but to think that if she hadn’t come along they might still be married, but it seemed wholly unfair to blame a baby for the breakup of her marriage. It never had a shot in hell in the first place. There were just too many things against them.
“Ruby, what have I told you about walking away from me?”
“Not to do it,” she said matter-of-factly. “But I didn’t go far.”
“I don’t care,” he said firmly. “You know the rules. Don’t ever walk away from me. You could have gotten lost.”
“But I wasn’t lost, Daddy. I was with your wife.”
“What?” His eyes hardened when they finally settled on her. His body grew tight. He hated her. There was no mistaking it. “Hello, Belinda.”
“Hello, Carter.” She willed her voice to stay steady as her heart raced. She didn’t want him to know how much he affected her. “Long time, no see.”
His hard gray eyes took her in. “I see you’ve met Ruby. Ruby, this is Belinda.”
“I know,” Ruby said softly. “I was talking to her.”
Carter froze. “You were talking to her?”
She nodded. “Are you mad at me?”
“Of course he isn’t.” Belinda raised her hand to Ruby’s face and touched her chubby cheek. “I’m very glad we met today, Ruby,” she said, feeling the strange need
to reassure the child. “You’re probably one of the most hideously ugly kids I have ever seen.”
“Belinda!” Carter snapped.
“She’s just joking, Daddy,” Ruby said softly.
Belinda was joking. Ruby looked just like her daddy. Curly jet-black hair and steel-colored eyes, strong brows. It might have been a lot on a little girl but Ruby had a small round button nose and a light dusting of freckles that made her look almost delicate.
“Yeah, Daddy. Take the stick out of your butt. I was joking.” She winked at Ruby. “You’re smarter than him already, aren’t you, gorgeous?” She ran the backs of her fingers down the girl’s soft cheek, unable to take them away, unable to stop studying the child who came from the man she had loved.
She nodded. “A little.”
“Make him buy you at least three pairs of shoes,” Belinda said, taking her hand away. “One pair of sneakers so you can play outside, one pair of sandals, and one pair of dressy shoes. Okay? And they need to be half a size bigger than what you need. And make him come back in September before school starts and buy you some more.”
Ruby nodded as Belinda got to her feet. “And new clothes, too. I don’t wear uniforms to school no more.”
“Yeah, and new clothes, too. I have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Ruby.”
She turned to go but Carter grabbed her wrist. Feeling his warm touch on her skin did something to her. It sent tingles along her already frayed nerves. Four years had gone by. Four long years, and his touch still had the power to affect her. “Bell.”
“Yeah?” She knew that she wasn’t going to be able to escape so easily this time.
“I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.”
It was hard but she forced herself around to face him again. She even managed to look into his eyes. They heated for a moment. Anger. He was pissed at her but it only showed for a moment. The cool mask returned, that coldness that always lurked just beneath the surface. “I swear to you, Carter, I never got your calls.”
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