by Kata Čuić
Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention, and I glance up to see Jesse perched on the edge of his desk near me. My hand itches to slap that shit-eating smile clean off his face.
“Is that what this here suit does for ya? Makes ya think about sinnin’ with me, Hester Prynne?”
I shoot out of the chair like he’s just told me I’m getting detention for something that wasn’t even my fault. “You can go straight to hell, Jesse Yates.”
He catches me up in his arms before I can escape, my heaving back pressed to his hard chest, his lips against my ear, hot breath making the tiny room feel more torturous than the depths I wished for him. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, darlin’. Bobbi Sue fits the bill for what we need. Everyone in town loves her golden girl ways. She’ll help us get where we wanna go while givin’ ya the time to spend with Anne and to adjust your lesson plans. With her takin’ over Homecomin’, that’s one more thing outta your hair.”
I rip free of his hold and spin to face him, fresh horror blossoming in my brain. For all his fine talk about understanding our classmates he once looked down on, he’s sure got a lot to learn still. “Ya can’t use her, Jesse! That ain’t right!”
“I would never,” he emphasizes. “She’s fixin’ to start her own business in town instead of bein’ a low-paid waitress to support her kids. Puttin’ her name on the Homecomin’ festival helps her just as much as it helps anyone. This here is just a fair exchange of goods for an even price.”
“Yeah?” I cross my arms over my chest. “And what price are ya chargin’, Principal Yates?”
Nine Years Ago
It’s been a few years since I’ve stepped foot on this property, but not much has changed. Even in the dead of winter, the yard is overgrown with weeds and jagger bushes. There ain’t any garbage laying around, so that’s an improvement over the last time. It’s easy to see why there ain’t much pride to put into the small plot of land that shares the same holler as my home. The white trailer with black shutters that sits in the middle of the property is rusty, old, and looks as beat-down as its inhabitants.
The sound of my knuckles rapping against the metal door echoes in the quiet woods surrounding me, sending a flock of winter birds chirping away. After a few moments of silence in between my knocking, I test the doorknob only to find it unlocked. I know he’s here. His pickup truck sits cold in the gravel not ten feet away.
“Jesse?”
The only response is the ticking of the clock mounted in the kitchen over the sink that’s full of dishes. The little trailer is cleaner than I remember but still a far cry from the cheery air of my home.
I step into the sitting room and close the door behind me. To my left, the hallway that leads to Mrs. Yates’s bedroom is dark and littered with her clothes on the floor like a trail leading to her lair. She’s not home. I done passed her in town while looking for Jesse at the pizza shop. When I questioned her over his whereabouts, she was already so drunk she couldn’t even answer me.
On my right, the door to Jesse’s bedroom is ajar. I stomp over and slam it fully open. My anger over being left to my own devices to get to school this morning bubbles over.
“Ya couldn’t call and let me know you’re not drivin’ me to school anymore, Jess? Ya had to see me miss the bus and walk all that way in the cold this mornin’ to prove a point? What? Did ya skip school ‘cause ya done knew I’d be fired up and might actually have a reason to talk to ya in front of everyone?”
“Uh…What point am I tryin’ to prove now?” Jesse’s voice is garbled, scratchy, and laced with sleep.
I stride over to the side of his bed and cross my arms, prepared to give him what for.
The only part of him that’s visible is one bare foot sticking out from under his threadbare plaid sheets. A thin, navy, waffle-patterned blanket covers his head. The top of his crazy, long black hair peeks out.
“If ya were worried about Kenny seein’ me in your truck in the parkin’ lot, ya coulda just said so. Ya were the one who wanted to help me, so I’d accept his date. Why ya bein’ a big ‘ole baby about it now?”
He moans. “I didn’t even think about ya gettin’ to school.”
“Well, I’m dang happy to know your best friend ever crosses your mind. Are ya mad at me now ‘cause I told Kenny yes? Is that your problem?”
“The only problem I have is ya bein’ in my home,” he mumbles from under the blanket. “Go on, girl. Git.”
“Are ya kiddin’ me, right now, Jesse Yates?” I yell. My muscles vibrate and tense with fury until they finally snap. I rip the covers away.
Jesse blinks up at me with bleary eyes but doesn’t move a muscle. His face is pale. His skin looks clammy even though he’s shivering. He’s wearing several layers of his old, tattered clothes, and his hair’s an even bigger mess than I thought.
“Aww, Jess.” I sit beside him on the bed and smooth my hand over his forehead. “You’re burnin’ up. Why didn’t ya tell me you’re sick?”
His eyes flutter closed, and he sighs. “I couldn’t get in a word edgewise ‘cause ya were too busy tellin’ me how mad I am at ya for goin’ on a date with Kenny tomorrow night.”
“I’m sorry,” I offer as my cheeks burn hotter than Jesse’s skin. I should have known better than to think he’d have anything to say about me going out with Kenny. Heck, he’ll probably be happy to be rid of me. That’s why he wanted to help me so much.
“Ya shouldn’t be here. Go on home now.”
“I can’t just leave ya here like this.” I look around for another blanket to pile on top of him while I tuck the thin one back up around his chin.
Jesse’s room is the complete opposite of what I imagine his ma’s must look. I ain’t been in here since I was around twelve. The difference between what I’m seeing and what I remember is staggering. The single twin bed is too small for his tall body, and his dresser leans to the side, but there’s no clothes sticking out of it. Everything appears to be in its right place with the exception of all the books which are carefully stacked throughout the small space. The room smells dingy and musty, but it’s clean as can be. He must be the one keeping the rest of the trailer in order. Lord knows his ma ain’t fit to be doing no housekeeping.
There’s not even a small throw blanket in sight, so I turn my attention back to Jesse. “Did ya take any medicine for your fever?”
“No. I don’t keep any medicines in the house…” He trails off. Explaining why ain’t necessary.
“All right, I’m gonna run home and get ya some more quilts and some medicine and sassafras tea. I’ll be back as quick as I can.”
He grabs my wrist before I’ve even risen from the bed. “Don’t come back. I don’t want ya here.”
I wrench free from his grip and stand on shaky legs as tears build behind my eyes. “So ya are mad at me? Is that the way of it?”
He pulls the blanket back over his head. His voice comes out muffled and tired. “If that’ll keep ya away, then yeah. I’m mad as hell. Now go on and git.”
“You were the one who done pushed me to tell Kenny yes! You were the one who wanted to help me, so I’d go! Why ya bein’ this way?”
“Yep. I helped ya, so I could get rid of ya. Now go on home and call Kenny up and giggle and flirt and be all girly with him and leave me the hell alone. I never wanted ya here before, and that ain’t changed. Go back to your nice house and call up your new boyfriend. I don’t care what ya do, so long as ya leave.”
Oh, now he’s gone and done it. I’m gonna take care of him just to spite his stupid anger. If he thinks this is how best friends are supposed to treat each other, then I’ll just show him. He can give up on me all he wants, but I haven’t put over ten years of my life into being his angel just to up and leave when he really needs someone to be taking care of him. I’ll prove to Jesse we’ll always be friends, no matter what. Apparently, telling him ain’t good enough. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’ll teach him a lesson he won
’t soon forget.
I stomp back out to the living room and clean up a bit. Then I wash all the dishes in the sink and check to see if there’s any food in the cupboards or fridge, so I can make Jesse something to eat. There ain’t a crumb to be found. My next stop is the tiny bathroom to check the medicine cabinet. He weren’t lying. There’s not even an aspirin to be had.
The walk back to my house don’t take near as long since my anger pushes my legs faster. Mama stares at me with wide eyes as I go around the house, collecting blankets, medicines, tea, and a couple cans of soup.
“Jesse’s sick.”
That must not be a good enough explanation because she only fixes me with a confused look. I ain’t about to tell her I’m banging around the house in a fury since Jesse don’t wanna be my friend no more because I’m going on a date with Kenny tomorrow night. Daddy wasn’t real agreeable to that, and Mama had to work him over with all her sunny charm to get him to relent and let me go. I’m not about to give them any ammunition to change their minds.
All is quiet when I return to Jesse’s trailer with my arms full. Darkness has settled in the mountains and without the natural light filtering in through the windows of the trailer, it seems even more depressing in here. The only thought running through my mind is there’s a man in bed with a soaring fever, and the woman who’s supposed to be caring for him is out on the town, looking for her next mate.
During that first real cold snap when I tricked Jesse into my bed, I let it slip the next night how mad I was at his ma for kicking him out of the house the way she did. He soothed my anger by telling me it was his choice to leave. The way he talked about his ma all those years just made me assume Jesse hated her as much as I do. Turns out, he don’t see it my way at all. Jesse done told me she makes her living by getting those men to fuck her for money since she don’t know how to do nothing else, but how can that be? There ain’t no food here, no medicine. What’s the point of making money that way when she ain’t using it to provide for her son?
I peek in the doorway to Jesse’s room, but he hasn’t moved an inch. The blanket still covers all of him and worry spreads up my spine. The closer I creep, the more I see his chest moving in the slow rhythm of sleep, so I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. It occurs to me if anything happened to Jesse, I don’t right know what I’d do with myself. It’d be like losing an arm or a leg. Losing Jesse would be like losing a part of myself I wouldn’t know how to replace. All the more reason to take good care of him when he’s so sick and prove to him that just because Kenny came along ain’t gonna change the fact Jesse’ll always be my best friend.
I drape the extra-heavy quilts I brought over him and pull the blanket off his face. It’s a wonder he can even breathe like that. In sleep, all his rough edges are smoothed out and peaceful. My fingers are drawn to his messy hair. I comb through it, brushing it off his forehead. He hums a little but doesn’t wake. It strikes me Jesse’s becoming a right handsome man. If he’d just clean himself up a bit and not be so mean and distant, all the girls would be swooning over him.
Might be he won’t lose me to Kenny, but rather I’ll lose him to someone else.
Shaking those terrifying thoughts out of my mind, I set to work doing what I came to do. I place the cans of soup near the stove and a glass of water and the medicine on his nightstand. He’s sleeping so hard I reckon he can fend for himself a bit whenever he gets up again.
It ain’t until I’m lying in bed wide awake, wondering if he’s okay that I realize my mistake. I should have woke him up and forced him to take the medicine and eat the soup. Now I can’t stop worrying. He was so dang hot. What if he rolled out of bed in his fevered state and hit his head? Maybe he’s hungry but too weak to heat the soup up for himself. If he didn’t wake up and take the medicine, he might just keep getting sicker. There ain’t even anyone there to check up on him, to make sure he don’t need to go to the medical center.
There’s nothing to be done for it now. My choice is clear. I gotta go over there and make sure he’s all right, or I ain’t gonna get a wink of sleep anyhow.
All the lights are off in the trailer when I let myself in. I feel my way through the darkness to Jesse’s bedside. His forehead’s warm but not nearly as hot as it was when I was here earlier. He must have woken up and took some of the medicine I left for him.
“Nora?”
“Yeah, Jess,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake ya. I just wanted to see how you’re feelin’.”
“I’m a might cold. Come warm me up,” he mumbles.
Well, ain’t this a change from his attitude earlier. Might be he’s so sick and sleepy he thinks we’re in the treehouse, and that’s why he ain’t yellin’ at me to leave.
“Darlin’, come to bed.” He reaches blindly for me until his hand makes contact with my arm, and he tugs me on top of him.
I don’t even get under the blankets before his arms wrap around me in a vice grip, and he buries his face in my breasts. This ain’t like being in the treehouse in my backyard. Warning bells sound in my head that I need to get back home. I just ain’t got the heart to not give him the love and comfort he’s seeking when he’s so sick. Lord knows there ain’t anyone else to give it to him. Maybe I’ll just stay and snuggle him for a little while.
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep when a noise startles me into alertness. Jesse’s still wrapped around me, his breath fanning across my chest. Exhaustion pulls me under again only to be ripped away.
Someone’s giggling.
My ears perk up to listen in the darkness. Might be I was dreaming. Jesse’s sound asleep, so I know it didn’t come from him. I sure ain’t laughing about nothing.
I hear it again. Louder this time and coming from the sitting room. All the lights are off, but my eyes can just make out movement beyond Jesse’s open bedroom door.
“Bend over,” a deep male voice instructs.
With growing alarm, I watch as the man shoves who I’m guessing is Mrs. Yates down over the arm of the couch. He lifts up her dress while she lies completely still, then his pants drop to his ankles.
No matter how much I want to close my eyes, I can’t. I don’t even look away.
Their bodies are in profile from my point of view, and it’s almost as if an invisible spotlight is cast on them, making their every movement clear as day to my widening eyes. He takes his long, rigid manhood into his hand and strokes it a few times before shoving into her hard from behind. She lets out a grunt that sounds like he’s hurting her. I guess laughing time is over. It ain’t no wonder either. He’s rutting into her just like an animal, so hard she claws at the couch for purchase as her whole body jerks with each of his powerful thrusts into her.
When the first whimper escapes her throat, I instinctively wrap my arms around Jesse’s head to spare him the sounds of his ma’s pain. I done know he’s seen this before but knowing and experiencing what he’s been through all these years is worlds apart. Bile climbs up my throat the longer their fucking goes on. I always reckoned Jesse knew so much about it from this very thing, but what I’m seeing and what Jesse’s done to me are entirely different.
Jesse told me then proved to me that it don’t hurt the woman after that first time. That ain’t what I’m seeing now. Mrs. Yates ain’t enjoying this at all. The man ain’t trying to distract her pain neither. She ain’t moaning in pleasure, and her body ain’t receiving him like it should. He ain’t playing pretend to make her feel better. She’s crying out, but he grabs onto a fistful of her hair and ruts into her harder.
“Struggle, baby. Yeah, ya know it turns me on when ya fight.” He moans. “Maybe if ya weren’t such a slut I wouldn’t have to take your ass this way, but I ain’t stickin’ my dick in your dirty pussy.”
Mrs. Yates don’t say nothing in return, just keeps right on crying.
If I thought Jesse had a foul mouth on him of late, this man blows that idea straight out of the water. Jesse might use bad language, but he never talks to me this way,
even when he’s fucking me. My mind won’t right wrap around the man’s words. He ain’t mating with her the way a man is supposed to. He’s fucking her in the wrong place.
“Take it. Take my dick up your ass, slut. I’m gonna come all in ya. Ya want that?”
She don’t answer, so he tugs hard on her hair.
“Tell me, slut. Tell me ya want my cum in your ass.”
“I want it,” she whispers through her tears.
“Louder. If ya want paid, then I expect to get my money’s worth.”
“I want it,” she replies obediently.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grunts as he pounds into her. His body stills, and he lets out a bellow as he releases his seed into her.
My arms squeeze tighter around Jesse’s head. It’s a miracle he ain’t woken up, what with all this racket going on. My chest heaves with silent sobs that surely he must feel even in his sleep. I understand now more than ever what brought Jesse to my treehouse that first night. If I thought he didn’t know how to kiss right all those years ago because of all he’s seen…Well. It’s a wonder the boy knew what a kiss was at all.
The man backs out of Mrs. Yates and wipes his manhood with her dress. Then he pulls up his pants. The sound of his belt buckle jingling cuts through her sobs. Her body is limp and motionless across the arm of the couch. He reaches into his pocket and throws something down onto the coffee table.