As she glanced at the third photograph, she recognised Aiden’s stance immediately. He was relaxing in a chair, his arms laid over the armrests, and Gina was on his lap, hugging him close and smiling into the camera. It was just the two of them, so who was taking the photo? They were younger than they all were now. In fact, Lily was pretty sure they were no older than sixteen, and she wondered whether the picture had been taken the year she’d found out Aiden had been seeing Gina behind her back. Maybe it had been taken on one of the nights he’d told her he couldn’t make it round because he had to work. Lily’s stomach churned at the thought, and she turned back to Gina.
Stepping to her side, her eyes narrowed as she glared down at her betrayer. “You knew how much I loved him…” she whispered in the silence. “But you had to take him from me, had to be the centre of attention. You couldn’t stand that I was happy and you weren’t, could you?” she spat these last words, tears pricking her eyes. Gina mumbled, but remained unconscious. “You betrayed your only friend. And now look at you, you stupid girl!”
Turning away, Lily wiped away the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks. Anger welled up inside her, but she wasn’t sure who she was angrier at: Aiden, Gina… or herself. She was the stupid one. Stupid enough to come back for Aiden, stupid enough to ignore what had been blatantly in front of her the day she had seen Gina after spending the night with him. She should have gone to her friend, and asked her what was happening between them. She could have helped her!
“Aiden…”
Lily spun round.
“I need Aiden…” Gina croaked deliriously.
“Oh, God…!”
Lily collapsed onto the end of the bed, a hand clasped over her mouth to muffle her cries. Right there, in Gina’s call, was absolute confirmation that Aiden was responsible for all this and the realisation of what he had been keeping from her crippled her to the core. She was suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and regret, and she wailed into her palms, losing control of her usual composure.
She didn’t know how long she had been crying, but when she looked up through tear-glazed eyes, she noticed Gina was sitting up in the bed and glaring at her with a mixture of fury and uncertainty etched onto her pale face. Lily started and scrambled to the middle of the bed, her large bump preventing her from being able to swing her legs to the floor and jump to her feet.
As Gina dragged herself out of bed, Lily stared at her with wide eyes. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Gina growled quietly.
“I don’t want any trouble, G. I came round and you weren’t answering the door. I was worried something might have happened to you…”
“How did you get in?”
Lily closed her eyes, knowing her answer would vex her friend. “I asked Ricky to break in,” she whispered and glanced up at her old friend to see that she was not angry now, but petrified. Her green eyes were wide with alarm. The fear in Gina’s expression at the thought of somebody knowing her and Aiden’s secret was astonishing. “He doesn’t know a thing,” Lily quavered. “But I do, Gina… and I can help you!” Gina let out a breath she had been holding and narrowed her eyes. Lily gulped and asked, “If I get up, will you trust me not to run? Trust me not to hurt you?”
Gina finally found her voice and, glaring down at Lily’s swollen belly, she sneered, “Like you could run or hurt me with that!”
Lily decided it was now or never to make her move to rise. Slowly, without taking her eyes off Gina, as if she was some dangerous animal ready to strike at any given moment, she carefully twisted her body around and placed her feet on the floor. As she stood, she reiterated, “Gina, I want to help you.”
Gina cackled derisively, and stepping over to her dresser, she grabbed a hair band and whipped her long, thick hair into a scruffy ponytail. “I don’t need help from you, sweet Lily…”
“What’s that?”
Gina frowned, but when she followed the direction of Lily’s eyes, she realised they were fixated on her neck. She roughly ripped the band out of her hair and shook her head to allow the lank waves of her hair to fall over her shoulders and conceal the wound she had inadvertently revealed. Approaching Lily, she spat, through clenched teeth, “Stay out of my business, you got it?” then she stormed out of the room and down the stairs.
Lily followed her. “I can’t do that, G. What happened to you?”
“Get out!”
“No.”
“Get the fuck out!”
“No, G.”
Gina glared at her old friend. She knew her enough to believe that Lily was adamant, but there was also a fight in her that Gina didn’t recognise. Lily had learned to handle confrontation, and she could only assume it had derived from Aiden’s influence. The thought actually made her respect her a little.
It was Lily’s natural goodness combined with this new confidence that was keeping her there; her innate desire to help the needy; the kindness that had drawn Gina to her from the beginning.
Gina had longed to be good, to live a clean life like her privileged friend, but it was never meant to be. Those who came from the dark remained in the dark. Lily was a little ray of light, scurrying around, trying to save everyone and she didn’t understand Gina like Aiden did. Aiden was from the dark too. He understood how hard it was to be a good person. They hadn’t the first clue what it entailed to be a good person. The thought of living a straight life was entirely alien to them both. It was too frightening to even comprehend. The life she had now she could understand: the loneliness, the pain, the heartache. It was a hand she had been dealt all her life. It was all things she could relate to. It was what was predictable and therefore felt safe. She knew no other way, and neither did Aiden.
“What can I do?” Lily begged. Gina sighed and dropped onto the couch. Habitually, she reached for her little silver tin. “No, G, please!”
“You stay or you leave. It’s up to you,” she scorned.
Lily pressed her lips together and stepped out of the room. She couldn’t watch. Gina set up her hit and injected herself with no fuss. It took just minutes and Lily walked back in to see a far more docile Gina, resting on the couch, legs crossed in front of her. She looked as if she were meditating.
Lily walked over to the couch, cautiously gauging Gina’s reaction to her every move, until she sat down beside her. “How often does he make you take that?”
“Don’t try to understand, Lily,” Gina scoffed acidly. Lily looked down at her hands clasped together and resting on top of her bump. She didn’t know what to say. Gina sighed. “He doesn’t make me take it, Lils. I want to…”
“You need to,” Lily corrected her, staring into her friend’s sunken green eyes. It was Gina’s turn for a loss of words. It was quite true that she was addicted and that she needed her buzz as much as she chose to have it. There was no point arguing the facts. “Did he start you on it?” Lily pressed.
“Yes.”
“Did he force you into it?”
“Not exactly…”
Lily sighed. Trying to gain information from Gina reminded her of how difficult it was to squeeze information out of Aiden. They were similar in that way: guarded, secretive and utterly distrustful. “Did he get you into this business?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
Gina scooted around to face her. “Why do you want to know? This is your husband we’re talking about.”
“It’s because he’s my husband that I must know the truth,” Lily replied emphatically.
Gina raised her eyebrows. “The truth?” she mocked. “You have no idea…”
“No, I don’t, so why don’t you enlighten me.”
Gina fell back onto the couch as if the effort of sitting up was becoming too much to bear. She stretched her arms up and yawned, “And what do I get out of this if I do?”
Lily was astounded. “You’re trying to negotiate with me?”
“You’ve gotta take every opportunity in this game, Lils…”
Gina’s guar
d was up again and she was falling into a state of intoxication. Lily knew she wouldn’t get any more out of her without forcing her hand. “OK, Gina,” Lily replied resolutely. She didn’t want to play this card, but it was the only way she was going to gain the information she needed. She stared intently into Gina’s glazed eyes and said, “If you won’t tell me, I’ll have to ask Aiden.”
Gina’s face whitened, her eyes widening a touch. “You wouldn’t dare approach him about this!”
“What makes you so sure about that?” Lily replied, her light blue eyes now glaring at her friend with determination. She’d learned from the best: her husband. Gina blinked back at her, completely dumbfounded as to how Lily could even contemplate approaching Aiden about something like this. “Now, when did you start working for him?” Lily pressed.
Gina hesitated, then on a loud petulant sigh, she answered, “About four years ago…”
“Doing this?”
“No.”
“What then?”
She took a deep breath and replied, “Sex films… then this.”
Lily couldn’t hide her shock, but she nodded and asked, “And the drugs?”
Gina closed her eyes, trying hard to remember, but the truth was, since the first time she had used, her life had become somewhat of a daze. Her eyes flicked open when the memory came to her. “It was the day I bumped into you at Aiden’s place… New Year’s Day. A year ago,” she whispered.
Tears pricked Lily’s eyes and she gulped hard before asking, “Were you sleeping with Aiden before you started working for him?”
This question seemed to cause Gina physical pain. She took a deep breath and rubbed her stomach. When she looked up at Lily, she had tears in her eyes. “Before, and a little during…”
Lily nodded slowly, hesitated, then mustered the courage to ask, “And when did you stop sleeping together?”
A tear dropped from one of Gina’s eyes. “It was before you came back.”
Lily let out a breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding. “Do you still love him?” she asked, her voice now barely audible.
“Yes,” Gina whispered in reply.
Quieter still, Lily asked, “Do you think he loves you?”
Gina squirmed in her seat. The physical pain was back. She ran her hands over her stomach once more. Internally, she was fighting every fabrication that she had formed in her mind over the years to convince herself that Aiden loved her, yet, after what had happened during his latest visit, how could she believe that he felt anything but revulsion and pity for her? He had really hurt her this time; he had gambled with her life. Finally she whispered, “No,” and her words conveyed all the pain of someone who had, in that very moment, accepted a horrible truth. Aiden didn’t love her. He didn’t care for her. The truth was, he didn’t even like her anymore. He had used her. He had driven her to become what she was: a junkie whore, a slave to him and the drug he gave her to guarantee her compliance.
When Lily rose from the couch to leave, Gina thought of how her old friend would go home to Aiden, home to a man who loved her with all his heart. But she could revel in the fact that Lily and Aiden’s relationship would never be the same, and drawing on all her pain and resentment, she sniped, “Well, at least you can’t tell Aiden what you know… you’ll just have to live the rest of your married life with this enormous secret hanging over your head!” She smirked and added, “Live long and prosper, Lily Summers!”
Lily glared at her. “Why are you so convinced I wouldn’t confront Aiden?” Gina stared at her in confusion. Lily could see she was struggling with this concept, and she cast her mind back to Aiden’s reaction after she’d confirmed she was pregnant and wasn’t very thrilled about it: his anger, the bottle. “What is it, G?” she asked gravely.
Gina gulped and straightened her back. “Well, aren’t you scared of him?” she said indignantly, her green eyes glistening with bemusement.
Lily slowly shook her head. “No… he’s my husband.”
The conviction in her voice was false. She remembered the huge row just days ago, when she had arranged for them to go to Carlton House. Aiden had been incensed and she had tried to ignore the fact that she had been sure that he had left the house so that he didn’t end up doing something to her, something he would later regret. Gina continued to stare up at her, totally bewildered, and a sudden dread came over Lily; a dread she’d experienced before. “Gina, does Aiden hurt you?” Tears pricked Gina’s eyes and she slowly rose to her feet, her body language indicating that the conversation was over. Lily stepped up to her and gently grasped her shoulders then, running an index finger over the pale flesh close to the stab wound in her neck, she gasped, as if realisation had finally set in. “Did he do this to you?” she cried.
“No more! You’ve got the information you wanted, now just leave me alone…”
“G!” Lily suddenly shook her. She didn’t mean to, but the pain of knowing that her husband could have inflicted such an injury was too much to bear.
“Don’t touch me!” Gina screamed, forcing Lily backwards. She slammed her into the door and her head smacked against the wood. A sudden pain shot through Lily’s pelvis and she bent over. But Gina had lost all patience with her now. She had asked too much of her. She had outstayed her welcome.
She grabbed Lily’s arm and dragged her into the hallway. Opening the front door, she pushed her out onto the walkway. “Now fuck off and don’t bother coming back! I don’t… need… saving!”
At that, Gina slammed the door. Lily leaned back on the balustrade and held her stomach. She breathed through her pain, knowing it was just her PPGP playing up. After a few minutes, the pain subsided, and walking slowly and carefully down the walkway, she headed for the stairs.
Gina sat on her couch and bit her nails savagely. She was petrified. Would Lily tell Aiden what she had discovered? She hoped not, because she was certain that if he did find out that she had been blabbing to his wife, Aiden would make sure he killed her this time.
Chapter forty-one
“How are my best girls?”
Aiden grinned widely as he walked into the lounge to find Lily breastfeeding their new baby daughter. Lily and the child they had named Amy had come home from hospital the previous day having spent two weeks there following a small complication after the birth. Lily had bled out and she and little Amy had been put under observation.
Her release time had changed at the last minute, and Aiden hadn’t been contactable, so Vivien had gone to collect her with an old friend of the Fosters in tow. He had been introduced to Lily as Grant O’Donoghue, and Grant had driven them all to Harpenden in a luxurious, top-of-the-range Jaguar.
Grant and Vivien had, apparently, recently rekindled an old friendship after a long time being apart and, apparently, Grant and Aiden used to be close too. But Lily had never heard Aiden speak of him. Even so, Grant had been friendly and excited to see the next generation of the Fosters, and he conveyed his affection for Aiden during lunch at the house. He spoke of Aiden growing up, his brief but successful boxing days and what a little menace he had been. Vivien had laughed, and scolded him at times for some of the things he spoke of. But Vivien seemed at ease with him – much more at ease than with Duggie. She obviously trusted this man implicitly, and they had the good rapport and deep understanding of one another that came naturally with long-time friends.
Aiden bent down and kissed the top of baby Amy’s head, then pressed his lips on Lily’s forehead. She attempted to hide the flinch that his touch provoked nowadays and she hoped he didn’t notice.
She closed her eyes as he took off to the kitchen. She wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to shoulder the weight of her secret visit to Gina’s flat. No longer was Aiden the man she had fallen in love with, the man she had adored and trusted just a few short months ago and, as a result, her life with him had become a series of moments that she robotically executed with quiet disdain.
She hadn’t revealed any of what she had
found out about his second life. Gina had been right to question her courage to confront him. Ever since she’d discovered Aiden’s violent conduct towards Gina, she had felt an unequivocal fear for her husband.
She had been, foremost, a compliant wife. She wasn’t sure whether it was through force of habit or force of will, but she wondered now whether her compliance and will to please her husband had all along been her shield against his bad temper. On the one hand, she was quite certain that Aiden would not harm her. He loved her, in his own way. She was his wife. Yet, on the other hand, she was now acutely aware that her husband operated on the edge of his temper most of the time. She hadn’t recognised the signs before, hadn’t realised how often he ran at his limit, but now she understood and it frightened the hell out of her.
Aiden, so far, seemed none the wiser about her feelings, and it was disconcerting how he breezed through life as if nothing untoward was going on at all. These were surely not the actions of a sane person? Aiden Foster had a piece missing in his make-up, and Lily was sure it was a conscience…
It was all one big mess. She didn’t know herself anymore, and she certainly didn’t know Aiden. There had been a time, not so long ago, when she had prided herself on knowing him better than anyone else, but she had been monumentally wrong and unreservedly tricked. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but she had to admit to herself that Gina knew Aiden better than she did.
He strolled back into the lounge with a tumbler of whisky in hand. The day was done, and this had become his routine. His presence provoked a hot dread in the pit of Lily’s stomach, a dread that had become so familiar over the past few months, and she watched him warily as he slumped into an armchair opposite the television. Plucking up all her courage, she asked, “Has Grant O’Donoghue always been a friend of the family?” then added, “He seemed to know a lot about you as a child,” as if this would somehow explain the reason for her question.
Aiden hadn’t been happy when she had told him who had picked her up from the hospital. He had been even more annoyed when she had told him that Grant and Vivien had stayed for lunch and that the topic of their conversation was predominantly him.
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