by Claire Adams
“All right,” I said. “It’s time to get ready for dinner! Go to the bathroom and wash up, okay?”
“Yeah, you stinky beast,” Luke said, running forward, scooping Jake into his arms and blowing a raspberry on his tummy.
Jake squealed with laughter, and tucking him up like a football, Luke carried the boy out of the room toward the bathroom across the hall. I shook my head and laughed as I passed by, watching him put Jake on the floor and turn on the water. Luke looked up at me as I passed, and smiled one of his super charming smiles. I blushed and continued on to the kitchen, pulling out the dishes and setting the table. The boys rushed into the dining room and sat down, looking up at me with excitement. I carried the food out to the table and began dishing it onto the plates. We were having chicken-based Shepherd’s Pie, which was one of Jake’s favorites. He clapped his hands together with excitement as I filled his plate.
I had an incredibly deep feeling of contentment flowing through me, something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. The boys were thankful for what I’d cooked, and Jake’s eyes shimmered in the shadows of Luke’s strong arms. Everything seemed like it was falling into place. Dinner was nice, and we sat there listening to Jake talking about the science experiments he was getting to do in school. He wanted to do more at home but said his mom wouldn’t let him because it would cause too much of a mess. I winked at Luke, proud of him for not making a face when Jake brought up Sarah. It was important that he keep an even tone about Jake’s mother.
“So,” Jake said, running back to the table with his bookbag when dinner was done. “This is Galileo.”
“Wow,” I said. “Is it because of his stars?”
“Yep,” he said proudly, as he put Galileo to the side and pulled out a fluffy-haired bear. “And this is Einstein, because he has gray hair on top.”
“I love him,” I said, taking the bear from him as he handed him to me.
“I’m going to go introduce them to the other toys in my room,” he said, taking the bear back and running off to his room.
I smiled and chuckled as I rose from the table and started to collect the dishes. Luke looked at me with beaming pride and shook his head. He didn’t have to say a word; I knew what he was thinking. Jake was so damn smart, even without any solid nurturing at home; imagine what he could do in the right setting.
“I’ll go get him in the bath,” Luke said, smiling.
“Okay, while you do that, I’ll clean up here,” I replied.
I rinsed all the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, listening to Jake talk to his father during his bath. He was old enough to start taking showers, I had thought, when I worked at Sarah’s. But either way, he was going to be a clean boy, which made me more than happy. After bath time, I kissed Jake goodnight, and his dad tucked him into bed, reading him a book before he fell asleep. I stood in the living room sipping a glass of hot tea, turning when I heard Luke sneaking down the hallway and into the open space.
“Sound asleep,” Luke said, plopping down on the couch. “Thank you for all your help tonight. Dinner was amazing, by the way. Sarah was such a total bitch when I picked him up, even going as far as to say she was glad I was taking him for weekend—right in front of him. It makes me sad that he is so numb to her unkind words. I can only imagine what she says when no one else is around. She didn’t even send him with any clothes. If you hadn’t bought those pajamas to match the rocket ship on his bedspread, that little boy would be going to bed naked.”
“Well, we should get up in the morning, eat some breakfast, and go shopping then,” I replied. “I have some things we need for the house, and we can get him a whole new wardrobe to keep here.”
“That sounds perfect,” Luke said, yawning. “I think I’m going to go relax and find a movie to watch; you want to join me?”
“No, I think I’m going to climb into bed and read,” I replied. “It’s been a really long day.”
“Of course,” he said, with a smile. “Sweet dreams.”
“You too,” I replied.
As I laid in bed, I thought about how amazing the evening had been, and how happy Jake was. But he was not the only happy one; I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that safe, that happy, and that content. It was like I was right where I was supposed to be. Even when I was married to my ex, I never experienced that deep of a contentment, and it was a strange feeling. However, as soon as I realized how happy I was, I could feel the striking fear flooding through my chest, taking over my feelings of happiness, and pushing them away. There it was again, my arch nemesis: the thing that had held me captive for so long—fear. After my divorce and the death of my child, fear gripped me anytime I even considered anything other than solitude. Even when my friends had asked me to come out and spend time with them, fear would drive me down. When you lose two things that are precious to you, it’s like something changes inside, forcing you to become a different person.
The biggest problem in the whole situation was that after just one night with Jake—and Luke for that matter—I had become incredibly attached. I worried about both of them, wanting to make sure they were both happy and taken care of. I thought about them from the moment I woke up until I was trying to fall asleep. They ran through my mind constantly, and all I could think about was how much I loved being with the both of them. During dinner, I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face, and the only thing that would have made the whole night better was if I had been able to tuck Jake in with his father. And honestly, another one of those hot kisses from Luke wouldn’t have been so bad either.
I took a deep breath and rolled over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. I needed to keep reminding myself that this couldn’t last, that it was only temporary. I told myself before I ever stepped through the door to keep a thick skin, but already I was wishing and praying that something would happen, and it wouldn’t end after all. If this whole thing would stay just as it was, I would be able to let go of the fear, knowing that I had a family to love me that I could cherish with everything I had.
Rolling over, I snuggled into the covers, holding the blanket close to me. I may have known that it was going to end, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted. Hopefully, when it was over, I could get past the hurt without the devastation I feared was coming my way.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Luke
I had the best Saturday wake up I’ve had in two years. With one eye open, I looked up to see Jake standing over me, giggling at the way I was lying in the bed. I groaned and acted half asleep before lunging forward and grabbing Jake around the waist and pulling him into the bed. He squealed in excitement as I jumped up on my knees and tickled him relentlessly, laughing at his giggles. Finally, I collapsed on the bed and looked over at him, watching as he did the same thing.
“Something smells good,” I said. “Let’s go check it out.”
“Yeah,” he said, jumping from the bed a bit faster than I could.
We snuck around the corner slowly and stopped, watching Quinn cooking in the kitchen. She was whistling and swaying her hips, and it made Jake cover his mouth and giggle. Suddenly we heard her voice.
“If you boys don’t come to the table I’m going to eat all the pancakes,” she laughed.
“Pancakes for breakfast,” I said with a sigh. “You are a freaking angel.”
We all sat down at the table and ate breakfast, laughing at each other as we made funny faces while we ate. It was really nice to have us all together like that. When we were done, I shooed Jake to his room to get dressed, then I kissed Quinn sweetly on the cheek.
“Thank you for breakfast,” I said.
“You’re welcome,” she replied with a smile. “Now go get dressed; we’ll all go to Robertson’s to get a new wardrobe for Jake. It’s a superstore, so we’ll be able to get the other stuff too.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, running off to the bedroom to grab some clothes.
We had a lot of fun at the store, something I never
thought I’d actually say out loud. Quinn and I picked out a ton of clothes and necessities for Jake, and he ran around behind us, making us laugh with his silly sounds and giggles. We walked through the home goods section where Quinn suggested I get things like extra blankets, a laundry basket for him, and some blinds for behind his curtains. I would have never thought of those things if it weren’t for her.
“You know what we should do?”
“What’s that?” I looked at Quinn and smiled.
“We should go to the park on the way home and let him run off some of that energy,” she said, laughing as she looked behind us at him spinning in circles.
“Yeah,” I said with a chuckle. “That is the perfect idea.”
Just as she said that, he tripped and slid across the floor, stopping at my feet. He looked up at me and laughed loudly, and I shook my head, my eyes wide as I looked over at Quinn. She tried to hide a smile and turned to the cashier as she began to ring us out. I was really glad Quinn was there to help me with this; she was a lifesaver.
When we arrived at the park, Jake took Quinn’s hand and pulled her toward the jungle gym while I walked behind, laughing at the two of them. I still couldn’t believe how perfect Quinn was with Jake. He really liked her, and that was amazing in itself since Jake was a really shy kid. It took a while for him to really get close to someone, but when he did, he would love them more than anything else in his life. He was a really amazing kid, and I knew he fought himself to continue to care so much for his mother since she was a difficult person to love. Biology can be a bitch, and it was rough on Jake. However, as I thought about Jake’s love for Quinn, a twinge of doubt rocketed through my mind, and I could feel the weight of it in my chest. My stomach dropped.
How could I not have thought of this before? How did I not think this through? Maybe because I was so caught up in all that was going on that I missed the cold reality. When everything was done, when the courts had given me permanent joint custody, when Jake was good and settled in his life with me, and when nothing more needed to be done by Quinn, she would move out. She would pack her things and go back to her townhouse across the city to live the life that I’d interrupted when I pulled her into this thing in the first place. She would have her life, and we would have ours. I wondered if she would still want to be part of Jake’s life. I mean, she did go out of her way to do all this, and it would really surprise me if she just broke the attachment when she moved out, but I also knew it wouldn’t be easy for her to continue to come around when she was no longer living with us.
I shook my head and cleared my throat, realizing that no matter how much that would eventually turn up their lives, I didn’t have the luxury of concentrating on it right now. Quinn was the best and only chance I had at winning this case and keeping Jake in my life. I had to turn my concentration to making it work and making the best out of everything we were handed. I couldn’t sit around and ask the what-ifs at that point; I had to be determined and straight-laced, turning our little hodge-podge trio into what looked appeared to be a real family. Everything else would have to be handled afterward.
“He’s a mess,” I said, laughing and watching him spring up and down on the seesaw. “Is he always this hyper?”
“Well, when you start his day with sugary syrup and chocolate milk, you are destined to have a wild man on your hands,” she giggled. “He will calm down eventually, or else crash hardcore when we get home. I understand why Sarah wanted a babysitter since the only food she had was junk food when I started working there. I filled the house with healthy stuff and got Jake to start eating his vegetables, well sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“He will eat broccoli if you smother it with cheese,” she laughed. “And the rest of it I put into different sauces, so he doesn’t notice. Though before I left her house, he was starting to be okay with salads as long as they had Ranch on them.”
“Well, it’s a start,” I said. “I was never a big fan of vegetables myself.”
“Uh-oh, I’m going to have to start tricking you, too,” she said, laughing and looking over, as a woman approached the jungle gym with a little girl about Jake’s age and a small baby strapped to her chest in a cloth carrier.
Quinn’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the baby and slowly her smile faded. Her eyes were glued to the little girl’s sweet chubby cheeks and cooing noises, but I could see pain emanating from them. She was stuck, barely moving as the woman turned and smiled at us. Quinn shook her head and smiled back, clearing her throat and looking in the other direction. There was an intense amount of pain on her face, and I thought I saw a tear pulling at her eye. I started to reach out for her, wanting to offer comfort, but I didn’t know if I was the person to make whatever was going on any better.
As we began to walk toward Jake, I thought back to when I did the background search on her and saw that she had left the energy business and gotten a divorce. I knew there was some kind of story there, but I hadn’t felt it was right to ask questions about it—until I saw her reaction to the baby. I still wasn’t sure, but judging from her reaction to that baby, I didn’t really think there would ever be a right time.
“Quinn,” I said, reaching out and stopping her. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” she said, forcing a smile.
“I heard you talk about leaving the energy company, and I know that you’ve been married before,” I said, hesitating. “I guess I was just wondering what happened? Does it have anything to do with the reaction you just had to that baby?”
“Things happen in life, Luke,” she said, with a deep breath. “I don’t really think the playground is a place to talk about it.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “I just—”
“I’m going to go help Jake on the swings,” she said, turning and walking away.
I sighed and looked up at the sky, wishing I could get her to open up. Quinn was an incredibly private person, and she was a really hard nut to crack. I didn’t want to push her while we were there at the park, though. I could tell that whatever it was, she’d been hurt very badly. So badly that she wasn’t willing to even consider talking about it, and was almost brought to tears in the middle of the park after having an amazing day with Jake and me. In all reality, everything about the situation screamed for me to leave well enough alone. I wasn’t her husband, or even her boyfriend for that matter, and I really had no right to push for an answer. However, as I watched her laughing and playing with Jake across the lot, it started to really bother me that there was something that hurt her so badly. I didn’t like to see her upset at all and hadn’t realized it until I saw the tears in her eyes. She was too wonderful to be stricken with any kind of grief that would cause a reaction like that. I knew I should leave it alone, but I just didn’t want to.
Things between her and I were a bit confusing, and I was trying to make the situation as smooth as possible—without complications. However, that didn’t mean I hadn’t developed some feelings or fondness beyond those of a normal friendship for Quinn. I cared about her, I couldn’t hide that, and I wanted her to be comfortable and happy no matter what. I walked over to the swing set and tickled Jake as he went to push off on the swing. Quinn looked back to normal now, with that vibrant light glistening in her eyes. She looked down at her watch and then back at Jake, sticking her hands in her pockets.
“We should probably head back soon, Jake,” she said. “It’s way past time for lunch and I want to get you out of those old clothes and into some of your new ones.”
“Aww, just five more minutes?”
“Okay,” she said laughing, and stepping back as he giggled and pushed off on the swing set. “Five minutes.”
She looked over at me and shrugged. “How could I say no to that face?”
“When you figure that out, you let me know,” I chuckled, watching her face as she turned back to Jake, smiling as he went higher and higher.
She was beautiful, intelligent, sweet, and loved Jake with
everything she could muster. Still, I knew there was something in there she was burying deep inside. I knew it was wrong, that interfering in her private life wasn’t what we agreed to, but I needed to know what had happened to her. I thought that maybe, if she let me in, I could help her with whatever pained her so badly. To me, it was worth a try; Quinn was worth the try.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Quinn
I woke up early as always, still feeling a buzz of happiness from the two days before. The weekend had been absolutely amazing. We had spent our time showing Jake how much he was loved and making sure that he felt completely comfortable at his new house. Jake hadn’t even batted an eye or shown one bit of discomfort toward being in a new place. He had fallen asleep each night without any trouble, woken up with a smile on his face, and freely roamed the house without a worry in the world. Everything we had planned worked out perfectly, and it turned into one hell of a weekend, one that I was still reeling over, and luckily it wasn’t quite over yet.
When I was alone, I never thought I would feel this good again. I never thought that I would feel anything close to content, but there I was, standing in the kitchen with a smile on my face. Even when Brian and I were married, I hadn’t had days like this. We didn’t do things like a normal family, and he liked his own space more than most. Still, I was happy to be comfortable. This feeling now was way more than comfortable: it was happy and excited, and I hadn’t ever felt anything like it before. After Brian left, and I was sitting home alone, depressed and crushed, I thought to myself that this kind of life didn’t actually exist, that I had made my expectations way too high. The thought itself had depressed me even more until I was in that terrible downward spiral. Luke and Jake, they made me think differently about things, and I hoped that even when everything was over, I could at least remember that feeling.