by Claire Adams
It was impossible not to hear the truth in Alice Brightwater's words, even though it hurt. I did choose my clothes specifically to project an image of affluence and privilege. Most people in college had not thought twice about whether or not I belonged there. My style had gotten me jobs and promotions, things that my past might have jeopardized. I had very good reasons for the image I projected, and Alice was right; it was like armor. Even if they weren’t designer labeled.
"There, now she looks just like every other one of you dirty hippies," Xavier said.
Again, the campers chuckled at his light tone, but Alice shook her head. "How can you not want to see more, know more about her?"
"Some people like their privacy, Alice. You forget that she's a guest, not one of your disciples."
Penn slipped an arm around my waist. "It's okay. They don't mean any harm."
I looked up at him and blinked hard. "I don't want you to think I'm a liar."
He leaned close so no one else could hear. "You're not a liar. We just don't know each other that well. Yet."
"Shh," I whispered. "Isn't the whole point to pretend like we do?"
"Exactly, and thank you for doing that." He kissed the top of my head and then cleared his throat. "Isn't it about time you start lecturing me on my tattoos, Mother?"
Alice rolled her eyes. "Yes, please. Why don't you tell the circle how well your tattoos have changed who you are?"
Penn chuckled. "They changed how people looked at me, and that was what I wanted. Like you said, some people's images are like armor. Well, these tattoos are my shield."
"You can't hide who you really are," his mother said.
I ran a hand over the intricate tattoos on his arm. "I don't think they're a shield. They are such a part of you that sometimes I hardly even see them."
That confession startled Penn almost as much as me. "I thought you didn't like them."
"I hardly even see them anymore." I was amazed, but it was true.
Alice smiled at us and then cleared her throat. "So, Corsica, you are starting to see Penn for who he really is underneath his image. When are you going to offer him the same? Why do you hide behind your dresses? Why do you style your hair after the movie stars and models? Why do you insist on wearing clothes like that when you'd really be more comfortable in something else?"
"Are you really comfortable in the suits you wear?" I asked Xavier in a plea for help.
This time, he nodded his head. "I am comfortable in my suits. I know it seems strange, but this is how I feel most like myself."
I was jealous. Even sitting on the packed dirt at the edge of a campfire, Xavier Templeton looked impeccable in his gray, tailored suit. It didn't stop him from lounging against Alice's knee. And he was right. He looked perfectly comfortable. My sundress pinched at the fitted waist, and I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath.
Still, I had to defend myself and my choices. I needed to keep my armor in place. I stood up and shed the heavenly quilt. "I've earned these dresses, and I'm proud of them. I came from nothing; I never had anything, not even a proper name. So, I think it's perfectly normal for me to want everything."
"Your name?" Penn asked.
"Corsica," I snapped. "It's not a name; it's just a place. Corsica, South Dakota. Just a nothing place where I had nothing."
Alice was beside me, her thin hands pulling me into a fierce embrace. "But you kept your name. That means there is something there."
I tried to pull away from her, the hot tears embarrassing me.
Penn stood up. "Mother, I think that's enough."
"What emptiness are you trying to fill?" Alice asked, ignoring his interruption. "You've been trying and trying, but nothing's working. You must be exhausted."
It was all there, spilling over in my uncontrollable tears. My mother's illness, my father's drinking. The lonely, little, two-bedroom house on the edge of town. The broken shutters, the overgrown yard littered with rusted car parts. My mother's sweet singing as she hung up the laundry. Those long summer days way back when I believed that nothing would ever mar the beautiful blue sky or the happiness I felt.
I pushed it all back and blinked hard. Alice Brightwater was nothing but a wisp in my arms. I could feel how cancer was eating away at her strength. I knew how it could chip away at a person until they were nothing but a husk, and then nothing but a memory.
I took her shoulders and pushed her back. "Stop using me as a shield," I snapped. The tears stopped, and I felt a swell of frightened anger. "We're here to talk about you, about how to help you get well. You need to be considering other treatment options. You have to fight this, and to do that, you have to use every weapon modern medicine has for you."
Alice's brown eyes held mine in a long stare, but I did not look away. Then, I saw the same golden flecks glow to life that Penn had in his eyes. "Maybe it was a good thing that Penn brought you along. Good for him, but hard for you?"
I shied away from the question I knew she was asking. "I know the treatments often seem worse than the cancer, but you need to try. Your son is here to ask you to try. That's what this conversation should be about."
"My son should know better," Alice said.
The campers were drifting away to light smaller fires near their tents. A small team cleared the dishes and headed to the creek, while a smaller circle formed under an oak tree to sing songs. It was a peaceful and dreamy backdrop for a hard conversation.
I tried to step back so Penn and Xavier could take over, but Penn's arm was locked around my waist again.
Alice looked at them and sighed. "How about we take this conversation inside my home? I think I might need some herbal tea."
"I'm sorry," I whispered to Penn as we walked behind Alice and Xavier. "I didn't mean to explode like that."
He shook his head and kept his arm around my waist. "I'm glad you did. And I think that Corsica is a beautiful name, no matter where it came from."
For a moment, my entire past was on the tip of my tongue, but then Penn swept open the curtain of scarves and we were ensconced in Alice's cozy yurt.
She wasted no time in shutting down the conversation about her cancer treatment. "I am a healer. I heal people's thoughts and their bodies. Why would I set that aside when it comes to me personally? How can you ask me to wither away in a hospital, rather than staying here and doing what I love until I die?"
I tugged Penn's beard, and he leaned down so I could whisper in his ear. "There's a treatment center specifically for breast cancer in Monterey. She should at least go there for a consult."
"Why does she think she knows better than me?" Alice snapped.
Her dark eyes challenged me, but I refused to share any more of my personal experiences.
"Corsica was telling me about a breast cancer treatment center in Monterey. Mother, why don't you come back with us and at least have a consult there." Penn's voice had a pleading tone.
"You really had to bring them here?" Alice turned on Xavier. "You couldn't just be content with disrupting my peace on your own. And now look. You've upset Penn's peace as well."
Xavier gestured to Penn's arm comfortably around my waist. "I think he looks better than I've seen him in a long time. And Corsica is just trying to help."
I couldn't stay quiet. "You're underestimating people you don't even know," I said. "Treatment centers like the one in Monterey are all-inclusive. They've seen so many cases of cancer that they are the last people to turn away new approaches or new ideas. You can tailor your own treatment, and it can include everything you have here, as well as modern techniques."
Alice looked at her son, then Xavier. For all her bravado and confidence, she was tired. Xavier jumped forward to catch her, but she refused to sit down. The same stubborn pride I had seen in Penn surrounded Alice like a glow.
She patted Xavier's hand. "All right. Fine. I don't want to underestimate other healers."
"I'll make the appointment for you," Penn said. He let go of me and took his mother's ha
nd.
Alice caught my eyes and held them for a long moment. Then, she smiled. "I will make a deal. For my part, I will go to this treatment center and sit through a consult. I'm not promising anything, but I'm going to argue with them as much as I want."
Penn laughed. "Of course. I'll warn them when I make the appointment."
"What's the other half of the deal?" Xavier asked.
Alice brushed the men back and took both my hands. She drew me out of the yurt and up a small hill to a clearing. Xavier and Penn followed but stopped when Alice held up an imperious hand. "The only thing I ask in return is that Corsica stands here and finds a way to reveal herself."
I laughed, and the buoyant sound bounced off the hills. "Done."
Alice was surprised and took a step back. I waited until Xavier held her steady, and then I let loose the long, suspended first note of my favorite song. It reverberated through the oak groves and up into the night sky.
"Day by day / I'm falling more in love with you…"
I didn’t stop even when the campers ringed around the clearing to stare. The song swelled, and I let it sweep through me and take everything from me. I didn't stop, even when tears rolled down Alice's cheeks. I sang for her with everything I had and knew it was more than she had ever bargained for.
#
The campers drifted away as the last note faded. Xavier finally convinced Alice to return to her yurt to rest. Soon, it was just me and Penn in the small grove. He stood in the shadows, but I could still feel his eyes on me. Moonlight filtered down to where I stood like a spotlight. Normally, being so visible made me nervous, but just then, I felt free.
"Thank you," he said.
"For what? That felt wonderful."
Penn chuckled and joined me in the moonlit center of the clearing. "Thanks for putting Alice down a peg. The shock on her face was worth it."
"Worth bringing a perfect stranger along on a very personal trip?"
"I think you can stop calling us perfect strangers, Corsica from South Dakota."
I shrugged that comment away. "Do you think your mother will hold up her end of the bargain?"
"Alice is nothing if not honest. She'll go to the consultation and probably give them hell."
I took Penn's hand and squeezed. "Good. Then this whole crazy trip was worth it."
"I know I'm a coward," he sighed. "I shouldn't have put all of this on you. I'm not very good at facing my screwed up family."
"Are you kidding?" I asked. "I haven't seen you shy away from a single thing. I wish I had the courage you do. I mean, you just got terrible news, and it hasn't stopped you from moving forward. Most people would still be curled up in a ball trying to process it."
Penn shrugged and didn't release my hand. "Moving forward is what I do best, except my mother calls it running away."
"Is it bad that I loved the way her jaw dropped when I said 'done?' It felt really good to beat her at her own game," I admitted.
His laugh warmed me from the inside out. "You know what you are? A sleeper. Everyone thinks you're one way, the prim, proper, and good girl image you've got. Then, wham! You hit them with that voice of yours. It's like a super power. Alice had no idea you had that in you. Did you see how she stepped back before you were even done with the first note? That was amazing."
I slipped my hand from his. "I shouldn't have done that. It was petty to show her up. I wish I was more like you and didn't care what people thought of me. Then I wouldn't have let Alice get under my skin."
"I care what people think about me," Penn confessed. "Not everyone, but you're a different story."
I sighed. "I don't want to be different."
Penn slipped both hands around my waist. "You're different because I care what you think about me. I care more than you think."
I wasn't prepared for the kiss, but even if I had seen it coming, I wouldn't have known what to do. Penn's lips were as hot as a candle flame, and they ignited me. I reached up on my tiptoes to answer his urgent press, and our breaths tangled over breathless sighs. I couldn't subdue the fiery moan that escaped me when his tongue traced my bottom lip.
His arms encircled me tighter, lifted me from the ground, and I slipped my arms around his neck. If I didn't hold on, I was sure I would fly off into the night sky like smoke.
For one, soft moment, Penn pulled back so his dark eyes could search mine. I saw the golden flecks glowing in his look, and I had no other answer than to pull him into another searing kiss.
My body molded to his, every hard contour of his muscles melting me against him. He felt like hard-packed earth warmed in the sun, and his kiss tasted of fresh air and campfire. I tasted him, devoured him, and felt his jagged breath as my teeth nipped his wide lower lip.
"We're not strangers," Penn murmured against my insistent mouth.
I pulled back and gave him a wicked grin. "But this is our first time."
He groaned and tangled one strong hand in my hair. Penn pulled my head back and dove into a deep kiss that left me breathless and melted against him. When he bent over and let my toes touch the ground again, I pulled him with me. We stumbled onto the soft grass, and I saw the stars spin above us.
Then Penn's hands were on my body, and everything faded under the heat of his touch. I arched my back up as his hands skimmed the thin sundress and found my breasts pressing against the low neckline. One thumb brushed over my already aching nipple, causing me to cry out with the startling pleasure. Penn caught my cries in deeper kisses, and I tangled both hands in his shaggy hair.
His beard brushed against the bare skin of my neck, driving me wild with each new caress. The soft friction of it over the heavy press of Penn's strong body sent waves of pleasure over me. I spilled back onto the grass and felt myself opening to him.
His hot hand traced the hem of my sundress, and again, I lifted my body against him. The rough caress of his fingers lingered on my thigh until I shuddered with desire. I pulled his head to me and deepened our kiss with one, aching word.
"Please."
A low, sexual growl escaped his lips as Penn paused to look down at me. "Corsica," he whispered with a graveled voice.
Abruptly, another voice broke into our tangled world. Penn's mother was calling him.
I shoved his shoulders and sat up, scrambling to pull my sundress back into place. "Your mother is coming," I said.
Penn groaned and dug his hands into the ground. Then, he hefted himself to his feet, brushed his palms on his jeans, and helped me up.
Alice circled closer, speaking to Xavier in too loud of a voice. "Don't you think it's strange that she hasn't mentioned one thing about his birthday? Does she expect him to plan it as well as pay for it?"
"I don't think that's it," Xavier said in my defense.
Alice snorted. "I'd think you, of all people, would recognize the signs of a gold-digger."
"Gold-digger?" I whispered to Penn, horrified.
"Don't listen to her."
"Wait! We're supposed to be in a relationship, but I don't even know when your birthday is," I cried.
Penn sighed. "My birthday's tomorrow."
Chapter Eight
Penn
The drive back to Monterey was silent. My father sat in the backseat. Every now and then, a contented smile curved his lips. My stomach knotted every time. There was no denying that my mother had forgiven him, but I still could not even think about it. Still, there had been a strange peace to the entire evening that stayed with us on the winding drive.
Corsica sat next to me. Her long, blonde curls brushed against the leather seats of my car and tickled my arm. I rested it on the center console just for those occasional and accidental caresses. When I caught myself inching my arm closer to her, I shook my head.
Was I losing my mind?
Maybe Corsica was right and my mind was still processing the fact that my mother was gravely ill with breast cancer. There was no other explanation for the magnetic pull I felt towards the secretive and snobby gir
l next to me. It had nothing to do with the fact that she looked flawless, even after an evening in the woods.
And a roll in the long, summer grass, I thought.
The stab of desire was hot and struck me right down the center. Corsica stirred and shifted in her seat, unconsciously flexing her long, tantalizing legs. At least that reaction I understood. I was more than attracted to Corsica–I desired her. I was thankful for the silence of the car ride just so I could relive our smoking hot kiss again and again.
When I absentmindedly pulled into my own driveway, my father cleared his throat. "I'm checking in at the hotel down on Sea Drive, if you don't mind dropping me off there."
"What? No," Corsica said, sitting up. "You're staying here. It's your house, no matter what Penn says, and there is definitely plenty of room."
Scowling up at the eight-bedroom mansion, I couldn't disagree. "There's a small suite on the end of the east wing that you might like. Still an early riser, I'm assuming," I grumbled.
My father stopped himself from patting my shoulder. "Yes, and thank you. I don't mind the hotel, but I'd love to stay with you."
I shrugged him off and got out of the car. My father was easily forgotten when I opened Corsica's door and her long, luscious legs swung out. I knew the sundress had caused her grief at my mother's encampment, but I appreciated every short inch of it. I held out my hand and couldn't help but tug Corsica close as she stood up.
"Sorry," she whispered. "It seemed rude not to invite him. I'm figuring long-term girlfriends do things like play hostess, right?"
"I wouldn't know," I said, tracing a hand up the tight sweep of her back. "I've never had a long-term girlfriend. You tell me."
Corsica blinked, her petal soft lips parted. "My last relationship was three months. Does that count?"
I shook my head. "Nothing less than a year. I figure we've been dating for at least a year and a half."
She chuckled, her firm breasts against my chest. "How do you figure that?"
"Because that's how much I want you." I tortured us both with a quick brush of a kiss. The heat from her lingered.