by Claire Adams
It wasn't supposed to feel like this, that was the thing. My mission had been to go out and get the partying out of my system. I was meant to sleep with a new girl every night, until fucking somehow, miraculously, managed to get boring.
But none of that had happened. And here I was, flying back to New York City but still dwelling on everything that I was leaving behind.
I could never come back, though, even if I wanted to. Not after the way that I had treated Gretchen. God, she would have to hate me after that, and especially once she found out that I had just left like this. Without even telling her. It felt like the biggest dick move of the century, but it wasn't like there was anything I could do now. Besides, it was for the best. I had to get my head back into work mode. Back into city mode. The vacation was over.
When I arrived in New York and grabbed my bags from the carousel, I found Paul there waiting for me. He pulled me into a hug, clapping me a few times on the back. “Man, it's good to see you!” he said. “And Jesus, you're looking tan. I'm envious.”
I laughed and shook my head, dragging a hand back through my hair. “I'm always tanner than you, man.”
“I know, I know,” Paul sighed. “The fates are cruel.” He grinned and led me out toward one of the company cars. “So, how was the trip? How were your holidays?”
“Everything was great,” I said. It wasn't entirely the truth, but he didn't need to know about the whole mess there at the end. I wasn't about to tell him about Gretchen; no matter how good a friend Paul was, that just didn't seem like any of his business. It wasn't like I was going to marry the girl or anything anyway. I forced a smile. “It’s beaches, beautiful women, good food. What more does a man need in life?”
Paul laughed. “You're making me want to go there for my next trip,” he said. “I've seen the few photos that you've bothered to post online, and it all looks beautiful.”
“I didn't want to post more than that because I didn't want some journalist to take notice and decide to come find me,” I admitted. “I was pleasantly anonymous while I was down there.”
Paul raised both eyebrows at me. “And how did you feel about that?” he asked. “I can't imagine Christian Wall, the country's sexiest young bachelor, to take well to anonymity.”
I rolled my eyes, lightly shoving his shoulder. “Honestly, it was pretty nice,” I told him honestly. I frowned. “I'm used to the adoring public and all of that, but at the same time, it was nice not to have to worry about journalists following my every move or worry about which girl I was going to take home with me at the end of the night or any of it.”
“You haven't missed work at all, have you?” Paul sighed, shaking his head. He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you sure that you're ready to come back? And answer me truthfully. I'm not sure we'll be able to save your position again if you start…”
“Acting up again?” I asked, grinning crookedly over at him.
Paul looked like he wanted to reassure me that those weren't the words that he would have used, but I knew what he was thinking.
I sighed. “Look, Hawaii wasn't the wild blowout that I was expecting to have,” I told him. “But it was nice to just relax for once. I can't remember the last time I just relaxed. So, yeah, maybe I haven't missed work in some ways, but I think I'm ready to come back.” It wasn't like I could go back to Hawaii, back to my time with Gretchen.
“Good,” Paul said. “Honestly, you seem a lot more mature. I'm glad to see that from you.”
We pulled up in front of the office, and I sighed. “I could have used a day off to get over the jetlag, though,” I said.
Paul grimaced. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “But Alex and George are waiting to brief you on everything so that you'll be ready for the press conference.”
I groaned and pulled myself out of the car, shivering a little in the frigid New York air. Even a jacket wasn't enough to let me disregard this cool breeze after the warmth of Hawaii. “I still don't know what the point is of having a press conference so early in the year,” I said.
Paul shrugged. “Me neither,” he admitted. “I tried to tell them that we could wait another week or so, but I think they're worried about our numbers slipping. They were rising so rapidly for a while there, most of December, so we closed out the year strong. But not as strongly as we might have predicted. They've stagnated for the past couple weeks.”
“That's because no one wants to buy a home over the holidays,” I pointed out, rolling my eyes a little. “We've always seen our numbers stagnate a little in the latter half of December when they weren't going down.”
“You don't have to tell me that,” Paul said, rolling his eyes as well. “Look, best to just humor them. Anyway, it gets this out of the way, and then you can ease your way back into the day-to-day work of running a business.”
“True.”
When we entered the office, I was surprised to see the number of smiles I received. I had thought everyone would still be a bit more unhappy with me. But even George came up and shook my hand, nodding at me. “Good work keeping out of the news for a few weeks,” he said gruffly.
I wanted to say something snarky in response to him, but I decided that just this once, I'd let the comment slide. After all, it was my first day back, and the last thing I wanted was for them to send me off again. I didn't know where I would go, next time.
“All right, so,” Alex began, flipping open the binder in front of him; he'd always been the most organized of all of us. “I'm sure you've seen, but our numbers have been up last month.”
“Thanks, in part to-” George began, but he quelled at a look from Paul. It seemed that some things would never change, but it was almost comforting to be back around them. It felt as if Hawaii and the whole debacle with Gretchen had never happened.
Almost.
“Are you paying attention, Christian?” Alex asked suddenly, and I realized that I'd tuned him out for a couple of minutes. I thought back through what he had just said, recalling as much of it as I could. “Yeah, the shareholders are really happy with our current numbers, and there are a record number of people buying houses at the moment. And there's a new show that you're hoping that I'll be on board with so that we can draw in some new blood.”
“Right,” Alex said, nodding at me, but I could tell he didn't believe that I'd been listening.
The rest of the meeting passed pretty similarly. I felt as though there was a kind of haze in my brain, as though I was still somehow detached from the proceedings, almost as though I hadn't come back from Hawaii at all. I couldn't seem to quit thinking of Gretchen, thinking of how hurt she must be feeling after my abrupt departure.
“Are you doing okay?” Paul asked me in an undertone as we drifted out of the meeting. The press conference would be held in just a little while, and I knew that I needed to pull my head together.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I told him, even though I didn't feel like I was. “Just a little jetlagged.”
I hoped that was all it was, anyway. Just the need to clear my head a little and get back into the swing of things. I couldn't keep thinking of Gretchen; I was never going to see her again.
Maybe I should get together a group of friends and go out drinking that night, try to shake this off. It had been a while since I was with one of the sexy New York ladies.
At the same time, I didn't have the energy to do that. The idea just wasn't appealing in the way that it used to be.
I smiled at Paul, shaking my head at his concern and trying my best to act normal. “It was a long trip home,” I told him. “And even though I flew business class, I didn't sleep all that well. I just need to get my head back into things. Don't worry.”
“Okay,” Paul said, even though I could tell that he wasn't fully convinced. But he let me continue on my way back to my office, where I stood in the doorway for a long moment, staring at my desk. This place had always seemed like a second home before, but now it seemed almost forbidding. Despite my near-constant worry in Hawaii that the gu
ys weren't going to want me to come back to the business, I found myself questioning again whether I wanted to be back here.
But that was silly; what else was I going to do? Like I had told Gretchen, it wasn't like I was good at not doing anything, at not working. I shook my head and seated myself behind my desk, opening up my email and beginning to weed through the thousands of messages that I had received during my absence.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Gretchen
For once, I was running a bit late getting to work on Monday, not that I was late to meet a client, because I always planned to get to the massage parlor half an hour early. But normally, I was closer to an hour early.
Mina was waiting for me when I got there, and she peered concernedly at me as I walked up the front steps. “Hey,” she said, her voice gentle. “Did you have a rough night?”
I grimaced, hating that she could probably see the dark circles under my eyes and the frizz in my hair, which I hadn't quite managed to tame that morning. “It was fine,” I lied, unlocking the front door.
“Sure,” Mina said, sounding like she didn't believe me. “You know that it's okay to admit that you're still upset about the whole thing with Christian, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “I appreciate that,” I said. “But I'm not still upset about him. We were just fucking anyway; we both knew that it wasn't going anywhere. The longer it's been since I’ve seen him, the less I care.”
“It's only been a week,” Mina said.
I didn't want to get mad at her, but I didn't understand how she couldn't see that even talking about Christian hurt. I just wanted to shove away all my thoughts of him and get on with my life.
For how much Mina and I were such great friends, it was in part because we were so very different. We handled things in different ways. Where Mina, when she was upset, wanted to talk about the issue and eat her weight in ice cream, I just wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong and go about my life as though everything was normal.
“Anyway,” Mina said slowly when I didn't respond. “I was doing some thinking.”
“Oh?” I said, raising an eyebrow at her.
Mina rolled her eyes. “Yeah,” she said. “Remember when I was helping you give that massage to that older couple? It was so much fun working together, right? And we both know that my pineapple shop wouldn't be half as successful as it has been without you sending massage customers over to me for a post-massage shake. So, what if we merged our businesses together?”
“What?” I asked, shocked by the proposal.
“Think about it,” Mina said. “You'd get a little extra help around the massage parlor, and there'd be someone there to help walk-ins or to answer the phone while you were busy with customers. Plus, if Sandy was working for both of us, he could man things out front here, and I could help you out with massage clients, letting you take on even more business. It's a win-win situation, right?”
I frowned over at her. “Aren't people going to think it's a little weird, having a massage-slash-pineapple shop?”
“Maybe,” Mina said, shrugging. “But only because they don't know all the health benefits that come with eating pineapple! I mean, just look at my skin.” She winked at me, and I had to laugh.
“That's not because of the pineapple,” I said. “That's because of the spa visits and-”
“Okay, okay,” Mina said, holding up a hand to stall my arguments. “But seriously, don't you think it could be perfect? There's no one else doing anything like it, and we'd get to be coworkers. For real. We'd get to see each other more, and we'd both be drumming up more business for one another, and…”
I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, a gesture that I had subconsciously picked up from Christian. “Yeah, I don't know,” I said, shaking my head. “I'd have to think about it.” The thing was, as much as I loved Mina, I wasn't so sure. And wasn't there some saying about how you weren't supposed to do business with your friends? We'd have to figure out all the messy details like how we got paid, based on our personal clients, or based on the combined shop's income? And things like that. Neither of us were very business-minded to begin with, and it seemed like more of a headache than anything else.
But Mina seemed so excited about the prospect that it wasn't as though I could just tell her no outright.
My first customer came in, effectively closing the conversation for now anyway, and Mina smiled and said goodbye, heading back over to her own shop.
I smiled at the older woman who waited patiently for me to turn my attention to her. “Good morning, and welcome to Paradise Massage, Mrs. Talbot. Here's a massage outfit for you to put on, if you just want to step right into the massage room here. I'll give you a few minutes to get comfortable, and then I'll be in to help you.”
The words were so routine and familiar by this point that I could probably recite them in my sleep.
Which was why dating Christian, and everything that was so not routine about that, had been so much fun. I sighed and shook my head. It wouldn't do to be distracted by thoughts of Christian when I was meant to be giving a massage.
I moved into the room with Jane and got to work. “Just visiting Hawaii for a quick trip over the holidays?” I asked her quietly.
“Well, sort of,” Jane said, laughing a little. “I'm on a rather extended trip, but I arrived in Hawaii the day before New Year's, and I'll be here for about a week. Then, I'll be headed off to the Philippines, and then who knows!”
“Oh, wow,” I said, surprised by her answer. “Did you and your husband just retire?”
“Actually, my husband passed away last year.” She sighed softly. “This is the trip we always dreamed of taking. But we kept putting it off and putting it off. I'm afraid that life got in the way. There were the kids, and there were bills to pay, and then he was working toward his pension, and then even once he retired, we were looking to sell the home, and things came up. We made excuses.”
“Oh,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“So, I decided to take our trip anyway,” Jane continued, not waiting for me to say more. “And you know what? It's almost like he's here with me. I write him letters from every place that I go, almost like a journal. But it's written just for him. He would have loved the seafood in Boston. He would have been amazed by how flat the middle of the country is; he grew up in the mountains, and he was always a bit uncomfortable when he could see all the way to the horizon. And he would have loved the drive along the coast in California!”
“You're going to see the whole world, then?” I asked, smiling a little at her enthusiasm.
“Oh, probably not,” she said, shaking her head. “I'm an old bag now, and I don't know how far I'll make it. But I do want to see some of Asia; I've never made it there before in my life. And when I reach Paris, I'm going to get a little apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower and spend the rest of my life painting pictures and taking long walks through the parks. Edward always loved Paris.”
I bit my lower lip. “If you don't mind me asking, if you had to do it all again, knowing that Edward wouldn't be here with you for this trip, would you still do it?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” Jane said fiercely. “Our marriage had its ups and downs, all marriages do. And having to watch Edward get sicker and sicker until...” She took a deep breath, and I felt guilty for having pried. I just had to know. “The good times that I had with Edward outweighed all the bad,” she said. She laughed a little. “And in some ways, it's a relief to do this trip myself! He was a stingy old man, and I don't know that we would have traveled that well together. I definitely wouldn't be getting a massage if he was here with me!”
I frowned. “But doesn't that bother you, knowing that?” I asked.
“Oh, dear,” Jane said, shaking her head. “No two people are ever going to be perfectly compatible,” she said. “This isn't the movies. There are always going to be difficulties that you have to work through and compromises that you have to make. But that's what makes it all
so sweet. Edward and I may never have gotten the chance to travel the world together, but what we did get to do was raise three perfect little children and give them every opportunity in the world. What we did get to do was open a small country store in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. What we did get to do was go on one long summer vacation to visit relatives in France and Italy. We were happy. We were just happy in different ways.”
I hummed softly. “Sounds like you loved him.” It was a stupid thing to say; the two had clearly been married for a while, and…
“I'm not sure what I think about love and all that,” Jane said, sounding almost like Mina in that instance. “But I can't imagine what my life would have been like without Edward there at my side for all those years. We shared the most important parts of a life together. And maybe that's all love truly is.”
I frowned, thinking that over in the context of my relationship with Christian. Could I imagine my life without him? Of course, I could. I'd been living there in Hawaii and working at the massage parlor for a lot longer than I'd known him. I knew my routine.
But there was still something there, wasn't there, that seemed to be missing, now that he was gone. Maybe love was recognizing that little piece of yourself that was just waiting to open up to the other person.
After the massage, I walked Jane to the door and let her out into the sunshine. “You have a good day, Mrs. Talbot, and safe travels!” I told her. I waved as she walked down toward her car.
As I turned to go back into the shop, I caught sight of Lino out the side of my eye, and I froze, wondering what he could be doing there.
“Hey, Gretchen,” he said cautiously, walking slowly toward me, as though he was afraid that I might bolt. “Can we talk?”
“I don't think so,” I said coolly, remembering how angry he and Christian had looked at the New Year's Luau. I still wondered what had happened there, and I couldn't help wondering if Lino somehow had some hand in Christian's abrupt departure. But I had been truthful with Christian about the whole mess with Lino, so it wasn't as though Lino could have told him anything he hadn't already known.