by Carl Weber
When I found the Giant supermarket, I parked and got out of the car. Tracy was standing in the lighted entrance, carrying Jason. I jumped out of the car and opened the passenger door to let them in, then jumped back in the car. I didn’t say anything, but what I really wanted to know was why I was picking her up in front of a supermarket instead of her house.
“What happened, Tracy?” I asked as I drove away.
She had to speak loudly over Jason’s crying. “He was supposed to be in bed asleep, but instead he was jumping up and down on the bed in the dark—something I’ve told him over and over again not to do. As I passed by his room, I could hear his laughter and the springs bouncing, so I opened the door and turned on the lights. That’s when he bounced down on his butt, then onto the floor.”
“Where is he hurting?” I asked.
“His arm, I think it’s broken. He won’t let me touch it.”
I looked over at Jason as he cried pitifully. I silently wished there was something I could say or do to take his pain away. I reached over and rubbed his head. “Don’t worry, little man. I’ll have you at the doctor’s soon. You’ll be feeling better in no time,” I said.
After I’d sat in the waiting room for three hours, Tracy finally came to get me. “He has a hairline fracture. The doctors are almost done with his cast, so we won’t be here much longer,” she said.
“You mean he’s being calm about letting them put the cast on?”
“Well, he’s still crying, and it’s tough on me, so I decided to sit out here with you for a bit.” She paused. “Thanks for coming, Jay. It’s damn near one o’clock in the morning, and I know you have to be at work in a few hours, so I appreciate you for being so caring.”
“You don’t have to thank me. That’s my son. If you ask me to take a bullet for him, I will.”
We both sat silent for a minute, and then Tracy scooted closer and placed her head on my shoulder. I had just begun to enjoy the tender moment when the doctor interrupted my brief enjoyment with news that Jason was all done. Tracy was excited.
“C’mon, Jay. Let’s go see him,” she said.
Tracy was ahead of me. We stepped into the room and saw Jason sitting on the bed with an orange cast, eating a red lollipop. “What? No tears?” Tracy asked.
“No. I’m a big boy. And look what they gave me, Mommy,” he said, holding up his lollipop.
“Wow…I wish I knew how to be a big boy like you, Jason,” I said.
He smiled. “I’ll teach you.”
We all laughed. Tracy sat on the bed with Jason and rubbed his back. “Jason, do you know who this handsome man is?”
Jason stared at me in silence for a moment. Then he spoke. “Yeah, that’s Jay. The man we played with in the park that time.”
“Mmm-hmm, that’s right but he’s also your daddy,” she said as she continued to rub his back.
Jason stared at me for a few seconds. Then out of nowhere he said, “Is that why you always tell me I’m handsome like my daddy?”
Tracy and I busted out laughing as she turned to me and I wiped tears from my eyes. “Yes, honey, that’s exactly why I tell you that.”
I gave Jason a hug and stared at his mother, mouthing the words thank you.
Not long after that the doctor came in with Jason’s prescription for pain medication, and we were out of there. It did my heart good to have Tracy formally introduce me to my son. And I felt even better knowing he could accept me despite the other man Tracy had in her life.
I was a little confused when Tracy had me drive her to her parents’ place instead of her home, but I didn’t ask her any questions. She probably just didn’t want me to know where she lived or maybe her parents’ house was closer to the hospital. Whatever. Besides, it was two o’clock in the morning, and I think everyone was tired. Heck, Jason was snoring in his mother’s lap.
“There’s no mistaking him as your son. He definitely gets his snoring from you,” Tracy said.
“I don’t snore,” I disputed.
“Oh, so now you don’t remember, huh?” she said, laughing. “Even if I never told you, I’m sure your current girlfriend must’ve told you.”
“Believe it or not, no. But if you say I do, then I trust you’re telling the truth. No woman has ever known me as well as you did.”
She smiled and patted my hand with hers. “I know you say I don’t have to, but I want to thank you again, Jay. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“You’d do what you’re going to do on that Pop Star show. You’ll survive.”
“You know about the show?”
I could tell by her smile that she was elated. “Yeah, I saw your picture in the paper the other day. Congratulations.”
“For what? I haven’t won anything yet. They don’t even start the actual competition for about six. I just made it through the tryouts.”
“Well, I have confidence in you.”
“At least somebody does. My boyfriend’s not speaking to me because of this, it’s probably because he’s not moved on to the next round.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
“No, you’re not. You don’t give a damn about that man.” Tracy hesitated before she spoke again. “Your girlfriend’s a lucky woman, Jay, I hope she knows that.”
Out of nowhere, she planted a slow, loving kiss on my lips. She didn’t use her tongue and I can’t even say it was sexual, but it did send a message, a message that she still cared.
Her actions left me speechless as she opened the car door to get out. I jumped out and ran over to help her. Neither of us said anything as she cradled Jason, then headed up the stairs to her parents’ place. I felt sad to see her walking away from me again. I felt an overwhelming urge to not let her get away again. But she had a man and I had Ashlee, at least for now.
CHAPTER 18
Ashlee
Why did Jay leave me hangin’ on the other line, then end the call, forgetting about me? He must think I’m a fool. Well, I’m not that forgetful. Jason was his son, not his friend. Why do men always do that? Why do they always lie?
He knew damn well that wasn’t no Jason or Jeffery, that was Jason’s mother, Tracy Brown: five feet, five inches, short brown hair, large brown eyes, 120 pounds, a part-time receptionist at a family-owned real estate company, soon to be twenty-two years old, and a wannabe singer who’d recently made it to the TV round of Pop Star, currently residing at 32001 Georgia Avenue with a Melvin Langston, a thirty-five-year-old musician, and her three-year-old son, Jason, who attended Shining Star Day Care, Monday through Thursday from nine to one. I threw the information sheet Raymond Express-mailed me to the floor and popped in the DVD.
That bitch made me sick to my stomach. Pop Star was another one of those television shows where contestants had to compete, except Pop Star awarded multiple contracts in two areas—singing and acting, better known as cheap commercials—to one person.
“I’m sick and tired of watching this wannabe idol prance her behind up and down the stage slinging her hips, lips, and ass all over place.” I reclined on my sofa and started thumbing through the pictures.
“Isn’t Jason cute? Just like him mama and him daddy.” Not that I needed to see any more after watching the DVD, but there was another batch of pictures of Tracy. “Holy shit!” I sat on the edge of the sofa in disbelief. “Raymond, you are the man!”
I wish Jay hadn’t told me about Tracy, but then again I’m glad he did. Tracy was obviously using Jay’s son as a way of holding on to him. Why else after three years all of a sudden this Tracy chick resurfaced? Unbeknownst to Tracy, she was in for a hell of a fight if she thought I was surrendering my man—the best man, the best dick, and my one and only friend—to her. I’d kick her ass and spank that snotty-nose kid of hers all the way to foster care before I’d stand by and let her take my man.
What is your problem? Get a grip! I thought, furiously pacing from my bedroom, to the living room, to the kitchen. I couldn’t keep still. Jay loves you, not Tracy. He told you so
. Remember? Well, Jay needed to tell me over, and over, and over, until I was convinced he was telling me the truth. ’Cause I’d just caught him in a lie.
Picking up my cell phone, I dialed Jay’s number. He didn’t answer. I waited five minutes, then dialed his number again, this time blocking my home phone number.
Lightly huffing, “Hello,” he answered right away.
That son of a bitch, he was avoiding me. The muscles in my stomach tightened. Why was he breathing so hard this early on a Saturday afternoon? Why didn’t he answer when I called from my cell? “Jay, baby, this is Ashlee. Is everything all right? I was worried about you. I’ve been trying to call you.”
Standing in the kitchen, I stared at the black-handled stainless steel knives I had contemplated slicing my wrist with after my breakup with Darius.
“Hey, baby, hey. Everything’s cool. I just walked in from the gym. My cell phone was in my bag, so I missed your call and you beat me to calling you, but I’m glad you did. Thought about you the whole time I was pumping iron and working the hell out of my abs. I want to make you the envy of all women holding on to your firm and tight sexy chocolate man.”
Oh no. Blood rushed to my head. My heart raced with anxiety. Jay started exercising? That meant double trouble. Now I’d have to fight off all those horny, desperate, undersexed, single women in skimpy clothes thrusting their breasts while prancing their asses in my man’s face. I trusted Jay. Who I didn’t trust were the women that wanted him. Based on how fine Jay was, that meant I had to keep my eyes on every bitch out there. Oh my God. What if…what if…Jay gave one of them my exclusive G-spot orgasm? I’d have to kill her.
“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, attempting to keep Jay on the phone.
“No, baby. You could never do anything wrong with me.”
“Then why the sudden distance between us? And why haven’t you told me you love me lately?” I said, circling the dining room table like I was playing musical chairs with eight empty seats.
“I told you ‘I love you’ several times last night when we stayed on the phone till two this morning. Was your mom serious about you forgetting things? I’m beginning to get a little worried.”
Clenching my teeth, I hissed, “Keep my mother out of your mouth. Literally. Besides, you didn’t say ‘I love you’ like you meant it. It’s Tracy, isn’t it? Is she there with you? She’s practicing for her next act, huh?”
Jay started laughing. “Ashlee, don’t be ridiculous. What’s gotten into you? If Tracy was here, why would I be on the phone with you…? Sorry, baby, that didn’t come out right, but trust me, you never have to worry about Tracy. Now, I am going to do right by my son. Yes, I am. I’m not messing that up for nobody.”
“Who you callin’ nobody?”
“Woman, please. Chill out. Look, I’m starting to get a headache. Let me call you back.”
Ignoring him, I continued talking. “If I don’t have to worry about Tracy, then who do I have to worry about? Huh, Jay? And if Jason is all that matters to you, then what about me?” I sat at the head of the table for three seconds before I was back on my feet making tracks lapping around the table again.
“Look, baby, I’m standing here dripping with sweat in these wet clothes that are starting to get cold. Let me call you back after I get out of the shower.”
“I know what it is. I’m too far away. That’s the problem. I don’t like missing you either. If you’d like, I can come there for the weekend…a few weeks…or maybe a month…and we can work out together. Look, why don’t I call the airline now?”
“Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. You’re not making sense. Now, you know you can’t come up here this weekend. My boy Kyle’s supposed to be coming by for the weekend, remember? Now, if you like, why don’t you come on Monday?”
The more Jay seemed patient with me, the more impatient I’d become. I couldn’t breathe. Gulping air, I wanted to keep him on the phone. I didn’t want to hear that click in my ear. I needed him so badly. Why couldn’t I let him go take a shower? Why did I make men, make him…
“Bye, baby,” were the last words Jay spoke before I heard…
Click.
Every muscle in my body tensed as I screamed, “Noooooo!”
Anger raged through my body when the phone went silent. Slamming the phone on the base, I quickly snatched it back. I fell to my knees and redialed Jay’s number. He didn’t answer. Oh, I forgot to block my number. I called back again. Again. Again. Until hitting REDIAL no longer worked. Still no answer. My hands covered my face. My fingers dug deep into my scalp. Blood dripped into my palms. “I don’t care! Bleed! Bleed! I don’t care! Nobody cares about me!
“Why me? What did I do this time? All I want to do is be with Jay.”
The knots in my stomach intensified. Churning. Burning. Stirring like a kitten mutilating a spool of yarn. There was no way I’d feel better as long as I was in Dallas and Jay was in D.C. I had to get to Jay. What was he hiding from me? The weakness in my legs, tremble in my arms, ache in my heart, I wanted to scream! But I didn’t. The pain in my heart became a reality as my scalp stung from the sweat seeping into the open flesh.
I brushed my hair into a ponytail to cover the cuts. Entering my bedroom, I frantically packed my suitcase. I stuffed the DVDs, pictures, and papers into the FedEx envelope, then hid the package in my bottom drawer so Daddy wouldn’t find out what I’d done. I was sure he’d be around snooping.
Zipping up my carry-on, I glanced at my wedding gown hanging so beautifully. I whispered, “I love you, Jay,” before getting into my car and speeding 120 miles per hour. Jay had better not be lying to me, because at my wedding or at his funeral, one way or another, I was not wasting twenty grand. Make that twenty-one.
I was standing at the Dallas/Ft. Worth check-in counter purchasing a one-way ticket to D.C. Jay had no idea about my surprise. I’d packed a wig, lingerie, and a pair of the softest black lace gloves to stroke Jay into an unforgettable orgasm or wring his dick off, depending on what, I mean who, I found in his bed.
I sat in first class, my left leg shaking the entire flight as I thought about the trip I’d taken with my mother to D.C. My mom hadn’t spoken to me since we last parted, and Darius hadn’t called me since we’d spoken on the phone. That’s okay. I didn’t need them. I only needed Jay.
All the way to Reagan National Airport I couldn’t relax. My eyelids twitched, my lips tightened, and my feet stomped all the way to the Hertz rental car counter. Bad visions crept into my mind as I gripped the steering wheel tight. I was thankful few cars were on the road. I started to swing by Tracy’s house to see if Jay’s car was parked outside but changed my mind.
By the time I arrived at Jay’s house, midnight stars were clustered in the sky. My heart stopped, then damn near broke through my chest when I saw a car blocking Jay’s car in his driveway, so I parked on the street, blocking both of them in.
Fumbling for my keys, I quietly tiptoed to the door, eased the key into the lock, entered the living room, then headed straight to Jay’s bedroom.
“Uh-huh. Yes, Daddy. Give me this big-ass dick. Oh, yeah, that’s my spot. Lick my spot right there, baby. Oh, you so nasty. I like that shit.”
Aw, hell no! Racing to the kitchen, I grabbed the first thing I spotted. A butcher’s knife. Kicking off my shoes—one in the kitchen, the other in the living room—en route to Jay’s bedroom, I stormed to the door, then stopped. Grabbing my breasts, I couldn’t breathe.
“Ahh, yesss! I’m coming so hard!”
That’s it! I busted open the door. The room was black. All I heard was scrambling. “Don’t move!” I yelled. “You’re one dead bitch!”
“Aahhh!” the woman screamed.
“That’s right! Scream!” I yelled. I heard a hand muzzle her mouth, drowning out her fear. I wanted to see her face, see their faces, before stabbing their hearts out. Holding the knife high above my head, I turned on the lights…then froze with the knife in the air.
“Who in hell ar
e you?” I questioned, lowering my hand to my side.
A man who wasn’t Jay, and a white woman who wasn’t Tracy, were so close under the covers rattling, their bodies looked like one huge twisted anaconda.
“Who in the hell are you?” the man asked, shielding the woman’s body.
Ain’t that some shit? I bet if she was black he’d have her ass in front of him.
A familiar voice resonated from behind me. “I must be dreamin’. What’s going on in here?”
As Jay entered the room, I quietly dropped the knife next to my foot, then kicked it under the dresser.
“Jay, baby, there you are.”
Jay shook his head. “Ashlee? What are you doing here?”
“Man, you’re not dreaming. This bitch is crazy. Is this the Ashlee you’ve been bragging about?”
I couldn’t move. I felt so stupid. Why couldn’t I trust Jay? God, please don’t let him see the knife, I thought, kicking it farther underneath the dresser.
“Ashlee, come here. Sorry, Kyle, man. Y’all can go back to sleep or to whatever y’all freaky behinds were doing.”
“I’m outta here,” the woman said.
The man said, “It’s cool, Lisa. Jay has everything under control.”
Jay closed his bedroom door and led me into the guest bedroom. Silently I sat beside Jay on the twin bed with my hands in my lap.
“Ashlee, why? What are you doing here?”
Hanging my head, I said, “I don’t know. I wanted to see you. Jay, I can’t stand being away from you.” Tears streamed down my face.
Drying my tears, Jay said, “I miss you too, but you can’t come in here unannounced, scaring my friends. What did you tell them?”
“Nothing. I just opened the door ’cause I thought you were in there sleeping and I wanted to—”
“Baby, stop it.” Ever so gentle, Jay cupped my face into his palms, then continued, “I love you. Only you. I gave you a key because I trust you. You have to trust me too. Okay?”
Softly his lips pressed against mine as he wiped away my tears.