by J. Nathan
I couldn’t really fault her for her self-confidence. After years of garnering excessive male attention, she wasn’t blind or stupid. She knew they were looking. And she knew exactly what they wanted. It was probably the reason she never committed.
“It’s just…this time, I only wanted him. It wasn’t about the chase anymore. I didn’t care what else was out there. I just liked being with him.”
“Have you told him?”
She raised a brow. I hated that brow. “Have you told Drew?”
Ignoring her question, I chugged down my beer, welcoming the cool liquid and its anticipated effects—that is, if I kept up my current pace.
Logan leaned back in her stool and crossed her arms, waiting me out.
When I lowered the bottle, my eyes scanned the testosterone-filled room. Why couldn’t I meet a guy here? One who had no baggage? One who wouldn’t hurt me? One who hadn’t hurt me?
“So?” she pressed.
I forced my eyes back to hers as I finished my beer. “What do you want to hear?”
“For starters, that you want to have his football-playing babies.”
I choked on my drink.
“Because if you don’t, if you really want nothing to do with him, you need to tell him. He won’t chase you if he thinks there’s no hope. The guy’s got more pride than that.”
“Maybe he’d stop chasing me if you stopped telling him where I am.” I couldn’t disguise the exasperation in my voice. “I’m surprise he hasn’t shown up here.”
She picked up her phone and held it out to me. “Call him. Tell him to leave you alone.”
I stared down at her phone, wondering if I possessed the nerve to do it. To actually send him away. To guarantee we never saw each other again. Would I be okay with that? Would it hurt to lose him for a second—no third time? Was there anything even worth salvaging?
I shook my head, which only garnered one of Logan’s mega-watt, told-you-so smiles. But that disappeared the moment I pulled my own phone from my handbag. “His number’s in my contacts.”
Her eyes widened. She didn’t think I’d do it. But there I sat, scrolling through names until I found his. I lifted the phone to my ear.
“Hi.” Drew answered, seemingly excited by my call.
“Hey,” my voice slurred. This had bad written all over it.
“It’s pretty late. Is everything okay?”
What was I doing? I met Logan’s eyes. They were locked on mine. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. I’m just out with Logan.”
“Are you drinking?” Drew asked, his voice filled with amusement.
“A little.”
“Uh huh. Do you want me to come by?”
My eyes shot wide. I held down the phone and covered it with my hand. “He wants to know if he should come by.”
She lifted her chin toward my phone. “You do know you’re covering the wrong end, right?”
I grimaced, lifting the phone back to my ear. “Drew?”
“I’m here, Andi.” Why did it sound like he was laughing?
“I just wanted to tell you—ask you—if you…well if you were still picking me up in the morning?”
“I said I would.”
“Okay.”
“But Andi…” His voice practically purred. “You could save me a trip and have me over now. That way I’d already be there in the morning.”
I swallowed down a grapefruit-sized knot. “Um, no. Tomorrow’s fine.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I’m sure,” I said way too quickly.
“If you say so.”
“Drew?”
“Yes, Andi?”
I paused for a long time. Most people would have hung up after the prolonged dead air, but not Drew. He’d wait for me to end the call. Everything that happened between us was now in my court. Every decision. Every interaction. If he truly meant what he told me, he wouldn’t risk screwing it up. “Goodnight.”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “Goodnight.”
I tapped off my phone and slid it across the table like it was about to detonate. “Fuck.”
Logan burst out laughing.
“What did I just do?”
“I believe you did not send him packing. If anything, you just gave him a reason to stay.”
I dropped my face into my hands. “Am I nuts?”
“No, you’re human. And he’s hot.”
I spread my fingers so I could see through them. “I think I might want to have his football-playing babies.”
“I knew it!” Logan jumped to her feet. “Another round of shots over here, bartender!”
* * *
The taxi dropped me off in front of my condo sometime after one in the morning. Logan really should’ve helped me to the door. Forget the boot on my foot. With the amount of liquor I’d consumed, I was amazed I could even put one foot in front of the other. But I’d refused her help. I don’t know why I found it so difficult to let others help me.
She rolled down the taxi window. “Call me as soon as he drops you off tomorrow. I want to hear everything.”
I shot her a smile before turning and hobbling to the entrance. I slid my key card through the slot, then stepped inside the building.
“Hey,” a deep voice startled the hell out of me.
I spun faster than I thought possible with my boot on. Drew stood against the inside wall with his arms crossed. “What are you doing here?” I slurred.
Fan-freaking-tastic.
“Well,” he pushed off the wall and stalked closer.
For the first time in a long time, I enjoyed the fact that he stalked me like prey.
Stupid alcohol.
“I wanted to make sure you got home safely. By the sound of it, you had a lot to drink.”
“Did not.”
A crooked smile tipped his lips. “Okay.”
I moved to step around him but my boot caught on the carpet. If not for Drew’s quick reflexes and strong grasp on my arm, I would’ve face-planted.
He didn’t release my arm. If anything, his grip tightened. “Let me help you upstairs.”
I pulled my arm free. “I’m fine.” I hated myself for being so pissy.
“I know you’re fine,” he explained. “But I want to help you upstairs.”
I stared into his eyes, looking for a hidden agenda. Looking for a sign that I should turn and run far away from him—figuratively speaking of course. But all I saw were pretty emerald flecks. Lots of them.
Gahhhh.
“Okay.”
A slow, heart-stopping smile slid across his lips.
Once I’d unlocked my door and stepped inside my condo, I spun to stop him from entering. As much as I liked that he’d shown up, I couldn’t be trusted alone with him with so much alcohol running through my veins and tainting my judgment. “Well, goodnight. Again.”
He stared across the small distance between us with his smile set firmly in place. “Goodnight. Again.”
I gripped the door and began to close it. I would have succeeded had the toe of his shoe not stopped it. My eyes shot up.
He stepped closer. His big hands grasped my cheeks. Before I could stop him, his lips sealed over mine. I tried to resist. I really did. But the second his tongue ran across the seam of my lips, I was a drunken goner, parting my lips and giving myself over to raw desire. His eager tongue dove inside. I arched into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and walking him into my living room.
His hands dropped from my cheeks to my hips, his fingertips digging possessively into the flesh beneath my skirt. The door slammed with the pressure of his shoe, and within seconds, my back landed on the sofa. Drew followed me down, settling carefully between my legs while continuing his attack on my lips. A delicious shiver rocked through me as his lips shifted, trailing slow sensual kisses down my neck.
My head tipped back on a moan, the kiss shooting straight to the ball of nerves between my thighs.
He pulled back, his breathing ragged a
nd his chest heaving as fiercely as my own. “Tell me you want me.”
I stared up into his earnest eyes. Was that how I felt? Did I want him, with all his flaws and shortcomings? Could I be with him knowing the circumstances that brought us together? My drunken mind said, “Hell yeah.” But was it the truth? Was it what I really wanted in the light of day with a clear mind?
I gazed up at the worry lines pinching his brows. Not forgiving him was hurting him and completely tearing me apart.
He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to mine. “Tell me how to do this, Andi. Tell me how to make this better. Tell me what I need to do to be with you.”
The pain in his voice destroyed every last bit of reserve inside of me. He’d bared his soul to me. He’d promised to fight for me. I needed to either accept him as he was—after what he’d done—or send him packing. This indecision was torture. For both of us.
Ah, hell.
I grasped his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. I had no clue what to say. What to do. I just knew I didn’t want him hurting anymore. Hurting sucked. And we’d both done too much of it.
“Tell me this isn’t all one-sided,” he whispered.
Staring into his sad eyes, my head somehow meshed with my heart, at least for the time being. I shook my head. “It isn’t.”
He exhaled a giant breath. “I’m so damn sorry.” He captured my lips. I could feel his relief, his happiness, his need for me as his tongue caressed deep inside my mouth. Sweeping. Owning. Empowering. If only I could hold on to the moment. If only I could shove down the blame long enough to let him in. If only I could forgive him whole-heartedly and mean it.
When he finally pulled back, his pupils were dilated. “I want you so much right now.”
“I want you, too.” Stupid, stupid alcohol.
He lifted himself off of me and stood. I looked up at him towering over me with his hand extended. “Show me your room.”
I grabbed hold of his hand. He pulled me up, cautious of my leg. I didn’t let up my hold, just led him down the short hallway to my bedroom. Once inside I turned to him. His eyes smoldered. Smoldered in a way I’d only ever dreamed a guy would look at me. With want. With need. With desire for me and only me.
I dropped my hands to the hem of my top and lifted. He stopped me at my bra and tugged my shirt back down.
“Not tonight. Not like this.”
My shoulders dropped on a childish huff. “You do realize this is the second time you’re turning me down.”
With the gentle touch of his finger, he lifted my chin. “It is taking all the willpower I have right now not to attack you. So please stop acting like I just killed your cat.”
“I hate cats.”
His lips spread into a grin. “You know what I mean.”
The chances of me even remembering what was happening was slim at best. If he really wanted this, he should’ve taken advantage of my drunkenness. The morning might’ve been a completely different story.
He linked his fingers with mine and moved me to the bed, urging me to sit. He knelt on the floor in front of me and unhitched the straps on my boot, gently slipping my foot out of it. When he stood back up, he reached over his shoulder and tugged his shirt over his head.
Sweet Jesus.
Him standing there in my bedroom, in all his bare-chested glory, was a fantasy brought to life. Not to mention, making abstaining painfully difficult. I closed my eyes, willing myself to relax. To slow down my jittery mind. My pounding heart.
That’s when a powerful gust of déjà vu swept over me.
The beach-themed bedroom. Drew at the foot of the bed. This Drew. His eyes raking over me after carrying me inside from the rain and ocean. After telling me he wanted moments like this with me. Those memories were ones he and I shared. Not memories of a Drew who never existed.
I shook off the recollection, bringing me back to the here and now. And right here, right now, Drew stripped down to his boxers and moved forward, causing me to lie back on my bed. He scooted down beside me and moved me so my head rested on my pillow and my legs extended down the length of the bed. Rolling me gently away from him onto my side, he snuggled up behind me, his hard chest pressing into my back. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer into him. “Tonight, we sleep. In the morning—”
“We go at it like rabbits?”
He buried his nose in my hair and laughed. “Fuck, yeah.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
I woke to strong arms holding my back to a stone wall. Gentle kisses trailed down the back of my neck and over my shoulder.
My eyes snapped open. The sun’s early morning rays glowed behind my closed window blinds. Faint recollections of the previous night swirled in my head, none actually slowing down enough to become full visions.
Who was in my bed?
Why was he kissing me?
His arms loosened and his hands slipped to my sides, moving up and down the fabric covering my hips. Why was I still in my skirt? “Morning,” Drew purred.
Memories bombarded me all at once. Me calling him. Him coming by. Me trying to get naked. Him stopping me.
Oh, God.
“What’s going through that head of yours?” he asked with laughter in his raspy morning voice. “I can practically hear the gears grinding.”
“Ummm.”
His breath hitched. His hands on my hips stopped moving. “You don’t remember last night.” It wasn’t a question. It was the stark reality of the situation.
“Kind of?”
His entire body jerked back so we were no longer touching. “Fuck.”
“We definitely didn’t do that.” I flipped over, momentarily floored by how gorgeous he looked shirtless and ruffled in my bed. “Why?”
He raked his fingers through his hair, his eyes burning into mine. “I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that.” His voice dripped with disgust at the thought of it. “If it happens, you need to be one hundred percent alert and on board.”
I nodded, my mind searching for something to say. Anything to stop the awkwardness surrounding us.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Drew’s words were serious, nervous even.
I wanted to be honest, but having him so close made honesty so much more difficult. I averted my gaze. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget. I want to. I really do. But for so long my Olympic dream was my only dream.” My eyes slid back to his. “So the fact that it’s gone, and you’re the one who took it away…the two thoughts are constantly jockeying for space in my brain. When I try to push them away, I’m left with emptiness. And nothing is making me happy.”
He nodded. I knew it was tough for him to hear, but he needed to know how confusing it was to be me.
“I appreciate what you’ve been trying to do. And I’d like to believe you’re doing it for me and not to ease your own guilty conscious.” Tears prickled the backs of my eyes. “But I just…I just don’t know.”
I expected him to move away, grab his clothes, and leave. But he didn’t. Instead, he slowly moved closer, wrapping his arms around me and urging me against his chest. I rested my cheek against his warm skin and listened to his heart’s rhythmic beat. I wondered if it always raced that quickly or if my words had affected him.
We didn’t speak. We just lay there in our own heads, yet again.
What I couldn’t grasp, what I’d never be able to grasp, was how the one person who brought me the most pain in my life, was the only person who could seem to sooth it.
“I wish I wasn’t your biggest mistake,” he said.
His comment blew all my thoughts out of my head. “You’re not.”
He scoffed.
“I just wish you could’ve gotten out of the draft some other way.” No matter how hard I tried to reel them back, tears escaped my eyes, slipping down my cheeks and onto his bare chest. It’s what I’d been holding back saying. Because while he destroyed my dreams in that one selfish moment, he almost lost his own life.
His life.
It wasn’t just about me and what I lost. It was about his need to hurt himself. His desperation. His loneliness.
“I was weak.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I am weak.”
“You were scared and alone. You had no one to help you.”
“I wish I had you.”
I expelled a long breath. “Me, too.”
I could feel his body shift and him look down at me. “Andi?”
I lifted my head, resting my chin on his chest. I must’ve been a horrid sight with tears and mascara trailing down my cheeks as I stared up at him.
“I want to deserve you.” He brushed his thumb across my cheek, sweeping away the tears. “I want to be everything you need and everything you don’t have. I want to be someone you never have to question. Someone you trust. Someone you want to love for the rest of your life.”
I closed my eyes, his words stinging and elating at the same time. How could both emotions be so strong? How could I be so conflicted? The sincerity in his eyes and his words were enough to send me over the edge. But I’d already been there.
I opened my eyes and rolled off his chest, needing some distance. Needing it to all make sense. His words. His feelings. His actions. I propped myself up on my elbow. Now we were at eye-level, and I could gauge his response. His honesty. “Why me?”
His eyes narrowed. “Why not you?”
“Come on, Drew. I’ve heard the stories from Avery. I’ve made you work. You have girls who don’t. What is it about me?”
I didn’t think it was possible, but his eyes narrowed even more. “Do you not get how amazing you are?”
I tilted my head. “Bullshit.”
His head shot back. “I’m serious.”
I eyed him unconvinced. “I’ve got nowhere to be.” I wasn’t fishing for compliments. If he was so convinced he needed me, that I was the one, I needed to understand where it stemmed from.
“I told you at the beach house. You’re persistent. I like that you won’t give up on me—and before you say it, you may like to think you have, but I know deep down you haven’t.”
“The nurses and doctors never gave up on you. Why me, Drew?”
He pulled in a frustrated breath. “I like that you don’t put up with my shit. That you don’t let me get away with anything. You call me on it.”