"So tell me about this toy ring," she pressed. "Is it black market or what?"
"I'd rather not involve you. It's just something I do every year."
"Why are you so secretive? That guy who helped you load the boxes kept looking around nervously as though he didn't want to get caught. It doesn't look too legal."
Zach didn't want to tell Tori about the scheme. The fewer people who knew, the better. Besides that, he didn't want her to know he actually helped the very same kids he'd referred to as brats just that morning.
He didn't want to be called a hypocrite. Nor did he want anyone to think he had a soft spot. After all, he fell into the role of toy smuggler to help out a fellow trucker a few years ago. It was supposed to be a one-time gig. He never thought he'd find himself stuck with the task for good.
"So you are doing something illegal, aren't you?" Tori finally asked. "You might as well tell me. We'll be spending a big chunk of time together, and I can be persistent until you cave in and confess. Just try me."
Zach let out a groan. He decided to spare himself hours of interrogation. "Okay, okay. A few years ago, a driver in the company where I work borrowed a truck just before Christmas while our boss took a few vacation days somewhere south. The trucker picked up toys and goods for a homeless shelter in St. Louis. Sort of as a thank-you to the shelter's church, which had helped him through rough times."
He checked Tori to make sure she understood. A serious expression had settled over her lovely face.
"The church runs a volunteer program that keeps the shelter going. As different drivers heard of the toy deliveries, it became an annual thing. Drivers loaded more and more donated goods every year at certain pickup sites."
"You say the driver borrowed this truck without the boss's permission, though?" Tori asked.
Zach nodded.
"Borrowed as in…stole, right?"
Again, Zach had to nod. "It was the only way to pull it off at the time. Still is. Like a Christmas tradition."
"And where do these donations come from?"
"I don't know. I don't ask. Don't worry. It can't be too shady. We are talking about a church's shelter, here. Anyway, the toy delivery ring got so popular with the truckers, they all decided to deliver to that abandoned factory as the main drop-off site."
"Zach, are you that original 'guy' you're referring to?" Tori placed her hands on her hips in suspicion of his story.
"No. I didn't become that 'guy' until a few years ago. The original guy's wife decided to go into labor at the time he was supposed to 'borrow' the company truck. He begged me to do the run since he had to be in the hospital with her. I had no pregnant wife to consider, so I went."
Zach shook his head at how some men could get their priorities so mixed up. "After starting a family, he left his job for a better one in Canada, and I got stuck with the honors. I guess he had to think of his own family after that."
"What about records? Mileage?"
"All cash transactions from donations. As for the mileage, we work it in so the accounting department doesn't notice."
"So that's why you have to be there soon? In time for Christmas morning?"
"Long before that. This stuff needs unpacking, sorting, and wrapping. I don't know if we'll make it. Some deliveries came in so late this year, it made us behind. And not many people can offer help a day or two before Christmas. They're busy enough as it is."
"You'll make it in time. I know you will. If we're behind schedule, then we'll just keep driving straight through with no stops if we have to."
"It's not just the deadline. I'm worried about my boss. He didn't take his usual few days off. He left a couple of days early, which means he'll be back early, which means I've lost even more time to get back without suspicion."
Zach spoke as though finally venting a frustration that had been building within him. Tori could see the intensity in his eyes as he stole a glance her way.
"At best, I'd only have time to dump the cargo, help out for a few hours, and turn around to make it back. If I don't get back before my boss finds out, I'll be out of a job."
"It's a great thing you're doing, but is stealing the truck worth risking your job?"
"If I don't do it, who will? Do you want to tell those kids that you didn't feel like stepping out of your cozy life to help them?"
"I wouldn't exactly call my life cozy. But I'd never risk going to jail. I have Stephen to worry about."
"Well, I have no family to worry about." Zach realized he sounded as empty and cold as he claimed his life to be. He tried to divert the subject away from himself. "You might wind up in jail after all, now that you're an accomplice in a stolen rig. I tried to warn you. Now you know why I hesitated letting you come."
As a quiet settled between them, he carefully considered Tori's comments. Was delivering the toys worth risking his job and even facing jail? If seeing a few troubled, homeless kids' faces light up when opening a present was the only reward, then it would be worth it. The annual trip had become a pilgrimage for Zach, and the kids had become his family for at least one day a year, if he were truly honest with himself.
But he did it for another reason besides seeing the smiles on the kids' faces. The yearly trip had been his means of getting through another holiday season alone. But Tori didn't have to know that.
Maybe he didn't always feel comfortable around kids, but once a year, their activity and excitement helped to fill a loneliness that welled within him. Even when he had shared a Christmas years ago with his girlfriend, Karen, and asked her to marry him that Christmas Eve, she had never eased that aloneness as he had hoped.
He stole another glance at Tori and noticed how different she was from Karen; not just in her features, but in her attitude. Where Tori wanted to fulfill a dream on her own, Karen wanted a neat, convenient life full of material things presented to her. Too bad the good life didn't come already packaged in a big blue box from Tiffany's—instant large home, two luxury cars, a summer cottage, and an immediate standing in the community. If it did, maybe she would have stuck around.
Zach had wanted to keep her happy and wanted those things for her. He just needed time to work his way up and save to run a fleet of trucks of his own. But she didn't want to wait. That's why she'd changed her mind about marrying him by Christmas morning.
And that's when Zach redirected his life and married his job. It didn't quite fill the void within him, but it certainly came closer than anything he'd tried.
Life seemed to finally settle down some, and he had managed to survive without Karen. No, he certainly didn't need to be bothered by any woman, and hadn't been bothered. That is, until Tori came along.
But he shouldn't even be comparing the two women. And he shouldn't be thinking of Tori in that way. Why bother obsessing about her hair, her slender body, and every little feature about her when she wouldn't even look at him twice? What would he have to offer her? Zach winced at his own thought. Offer what? Commitment? Why did he worry about that? Offering anything like that to Tori meant gaining an instant family. He had no time, patience, or need for a family.
"I don't plan for it to always be like this. You know, every year worrying about losing my job," he finally said. "Eventually I figure on having my own fleet of trucks." He didn't give her so much as a look. He spoke the way he usually did, by watching out the front windshield.
"I guess you do what you have to do and it's certainly honorable, but if I were your wife, I wouldn't want you taking off during Christmas. I'd want you home. I guess that's selfish of me, but—" Tori snapped her mouth shut, daring not to say another absurd word. She wondered why she began talking like that. She certainly didn't think of Zach as the husbandly type. He'd made that crystal clear. A truck driver always on the road could never commit to a wife and child, especially when that child belonged to another man, as in her case.
Well, if she were looking, she would want a husband who would be home every night. With Zach always out on the open road, s
he'd brood about why he couldn't be home more until she drove him away. After all, she'd done as much to Stephen's father... hadn't she?
Yes, a relationship with a guy like Zach would be doomed from the start. But that didn't matter, because she had no intention of having any sort of relationship with any man. She was just too busy. And she certainly didn't need to have Zach thinking she was hunting for a husband. She sucked in a mouthful of dry air as she prepared to explain herself.
"What I mean is, I already went through a bad breakup once," she began, trying not to trip over her words. "I don't think I could be strong enough to face a husband leaving me every few days for such long stretches. I'd worry about you. I'd worry about girls coming on to you when you're most lonely. I'd be lonely myself."
Tori hoped Zach understood that her use of the word, "you" meant a man in general. Surely, he wouldn't get the wrong idea. She looked at Zach for a response. His features softened as he listened to her, and then a whimper came from Spike. The little dog looked at Tori and then back at Zach, as though he, too, waited for Zach to respond.
"And you're right," Zach blurted after a lengthy silence. "A guy like me would be gone most of the time. And that wouldn't be fair to you. That's why I plan to never get all wrapped up in a woman. I tried that route once myself and it didn't work."
Tori's heart sank at Zach's vow of non-commitment, not just to her, but to anyone. It seemed rather harsh. Even though she had no plans of falling in love again anytime soon, she at least kept the option open if fate ever took that course.
"Maybe you've tried to love the wrong woman," Tori said.
Zach shrugged in modest agreement.
"And maybe you've tried to love the wrong man."
Chapter 5
Zach watched a sign whisk past the highway's edge that indicated an upcoming weigh-in and a Seventy-Six comfort station. The afternoon travel hadn't covered as much mileage as he'd hoped due to unforeseen emergency construction. But he knew the time to take to the road and the time to get some sleep.
"I think we should call it a day. We can get an early start tomorrow. We have to pull over to weigh in anyway. It's the law."
"And you never break the law," Tori responded with amusement.
Zach steered his vehicle into the rest area used primarily by truck drivers. He hadn't realized until just then that they were about to face their first really awkward moment together on their journey. So much for driving straight through to St. Louis. Following a morning of loading boxes and endless driving around detours, Zach was ready to sleep.
After meeting the truck's weight requirements at the scale, Zach stopped the truck in a designated area alongside a few other rigs pulled over for the night. Zach and Tori sat in silence.
Absolute, awkward silence.
"Tell you what. You're the guest. You sleep in the bunker in back and I'll sleep up here in the cab."
Zach looked down at the seat that would soon become his too-small bed.
"Oh, no. I couldn't put you out. I'll sleep up here. I insist." Tori held up a defiant hand to halt any further argument.
Although Zach didn't want to argue, he also didn't want to have to worry about her safety. But he decided that, with the doors locked and the darkness of the night, no one would ever know she slept in there…he hoped.
"All right. I'm going to grab a few things in back and hit the showers. They have a locker room setup here." Zach pointed to a small building that housed vending machines, a wall of brochures with maps, and rest rooms that led to the showers. "And Spike can stay with you tonight."
"Okay. I'll assume dog-sitting duty while you're gone."
Zach affectionately tugged on the dog's red bandanna. "Watch over her tonight," he commanded and scratched behind the animal's ears. Then Zach jumped out. He walked around to the side of the cab and opened the separate door to the bunker.
As Tori sat, the cab rocked and swayed with Zach's every move in the bunker. Although she couldn't see him, she could feel his presence with every gentle motion. The rocking stopped once he left. She caught a glimpse of him under the street lamps walking with his usual long, confident stride. In one arm, he carried a towel and toiletry case as he disappeared into the showers.
Even though she could no longer see him, her imagination shifted into high gear. She envisioned him carelessly dropping his jeans and sweatshirt to a bench after pulling off his water-stained winter work boots. She could imagine him welcoming the hot shower, letting the water fall and soak his dark hair. She envisioned the beating water stream along his body and sluice between the deep recesses of each cut muscle, caressing his skin.
A blaring white light passed in front of her eyes, breaking her mental musing. The set of headlights belonged to another truck making a U-turn. Her heated thoughts halted. What possessed her to fantasize about Zach like that? She drew her fingertips to her face and felt her cheeks simmer. Was it hot in here?
Grateful that she'd snapped back to reality, she had to get ready for sleep before Zach had the opportunity to see her blush, easily noticeable even in the artificial light inside the rig. She grabbed Spike to keep her company while going into the bunker in back to retrieve her duffel bag.
After his shower, Zach walked back to the truck. From his vantage point, he could see no activity of a person or dog within the confines of the cab.
Although he thought it was too soon for Tori to be asleep, but then again, she'd had a long day. He walked with careful footsteps past the cab so he wouldn't wake its occupants. He opened the bunker door and a light shone out from it that he didn't recall leaving on. He peered in and stood frozen at the sight before him.
Tori stood inside. Her clothes lay nearby on the corner of the now neatly-made bed. She wore one of his favorite shirts, a light blue flannel. One sleeve hung well past her hand while the other had been rolled up to her wrist. Her shapely legs were bare.
Spike let out a yelp, breaking the awkward silence. Under Zach's stare, Tori looked down at her exposed legs, suddenly self-conscious.
"I found this lying on top of your bed." She fingered the collar of the shirt. "I hope you don't mind, but I had nothing to sleep in. Since I thought I was driving straight through to St. Louis, I didn't plan to spend the night anywhere. And I have so many clothes at home, I didn't have to bring any with me."
Tori stopped her rambling. What else could she say? That she wanted the touch of his clothes next to her skin to see what it would feel like to have him next to her? Would he understand that she wanted to experience what women experience in the movies when wearing their lovers' shirts?
She chose to say nothing more and remained still as though waiting and hoping for his approval. But she didn't expect it. She did expect him, however, to yell that she had no right helping herself to his things. She also expected him to throw her out.
Instead, he stood there, gawking at her without saying a word. As she waited for judgment, her cheeks once again burned in response to this man's blatant stare. She touched the flannel shirt to make sure it covered her appropriately.
"Well, say something. Say I shouldn't be wearing your stuff. But don't just stand there like that."
Zach blinked hard and closed his gaping jaw. He entered the bunker and shut the door behind him to keep out any more cold air. He did want to say that, yes, he did mind her in his clothes, making them smell like her. And yes, he did mind her invading his space and making his bed all neat and tidy. He was only going to muss it up in a few short minutes anyway. He also wanted to tell her he didn't appreciate her distracting him.
He scrutinized her. The partially buttoned shirt plunged to reveal the delicious curves of her breasts, while exposing her bare, shapely legs. That was too much body for one man to handle. Of course he minded! And he had the right to tell her so.
Instead, he stammered, "No. No, I don't mind." He shrugged in defeat. How could he tell her he minded, given their unusual circumstances? "But what are you doing in here? I thought you were already
asleep."
"You left my duffel bag back here to give us more room up front. I needed to get a few things." Tori rolled up her other sleeve. "And I got nervous out there, even though I had Spike. I kept hearing footsteps on the ground outside." The way she looked up at Zach, he understood. She didn't want him to think she was scared, just nervous.
Zach forced his eyes off Tori's body and pushed aside the damp hair that fell in front of his face. He grabbed a spare blanket and pillow that had also been folded and placed on the bed. He let out a sigh and turned to leave. Sleeping in the front cab would have to be fine with him. Everything had been so tidied up in the bunker, he probably wouldn't sleep well amid the neatness anyway.
"I'll stay up in the cab, just to be safe."
"Oh, I couldn't let you."
"It's better this way, trust me."
He turned to leave.
"Zach?"
Zach turned back to Tori. He waited for her to speak.
"Do you, um, have everything you need?" she asked.
Zach replied with a quiet yes and turned to leave.
"Zach?"
Upon hearing her sweet voice, he again halted at the door.
"I've put you through enough as it is. There's plenty of space in here for you. I don't take up much room. And I can just sleep on one end."
Zach thought about her offer. The truck belonged to him, at least for the journey, which meant this bunker belonged to him. Yet, he felt like a stranger being taken in by another. Thinking about her offer, he realized he didn't exactly want to wake to the sound of roaring trucks or to the premature brightness of dawn creeping over the dashboard.
Zach dropped the pillow and blanket back onto the bed. Hell, if she could handle sharing a bed with someone she barely knew, so could he. "Fine. Let's do it."
"Fine," Tori said in an unsure voice. "Then it's settled. We'll all stay right here." Tori pulled out a small quilt from her duffel bag and dropped it to the bed. Spike responded with a yelp as he sat by Tori.
Christmas Knight Page 5