by catt dahman
“We need to get him.” Natalie stared down.
“Go try, but when you open a window down there and those things get in, then what?” Curt asked. “I’m not going down there.”
“You should. You caused it.”
“He caused it as much as I did,” Curt yelled in her face.
Natalie pulled back from him, and I saw her feet slipping on the shattered glass. He wasn’t threatening her but possibly was reaching to pull her back to safety; she over compensated and slid.
Curt and Brandon reached for Natalie, but she hit the boards, her chin thumped the ground hard, and her hands clawed to find a grip.
Lance made a move to help, but Jerico slapped an arm across his friend’s chest and shook his head.
Natalie fell, shrieking all the way down. And in that second, Natalie was lost.
I didn’t watch like some did, but I clearly heard her screaming for a while as the things down below found that she and Mr. Griffin were injured; the creatures began chewing on the two, making them into ghouls.
They said Natalie got up, despite broken bones, and tried to hobble away, but she was caught and slowly was ripped apart.
I didn’t see that, but just hearing about it made me feel sick and sorry that we hadn’t done something for her. Right then, I also knew, we wouldn’t have done anything heroic or risked ourselves for any of the rest.
We weren’t anything but selfish teens.
“He didn’t do much, just stood around watching and talking about his damned family. Mr. G did, I mean,” Jerico stated. “She didn’t do much, either.”
“Doesn’t mean they had to die. When this is over, you’ll have to answer for what you’ve done and what you haven’t done for people,” Mrs. Smith said.
“Answer to whom?” Jerico asked. “Look. The town is burning. To whom will I answer? And I didn’t do shit. He fell. Accident. She fell.
“It was an accident. I didn’t mean for him to fall, and I didn’t mean for her to fall,” Curt said. “Since this started, haven’t you seen that there have been screw ups and accidents? The bus driver didn’t mean to crash that bus.”
“Was Scooter an accident?” Mike asked. “Come on, Jer, this is out of control now.”
“You ignoring me?” Curt demanded.
“I did before, so I don’t know why I should notice you now,” Mike said. It was probably the most honest thing anyone had said in a while.
Curt shook his head, laughing, bitterly.
“Survival of the fittest,” Billy said, “only the strong will walk out of here. Are you strong, Mike?”
“Oh, come on, Jer, Lance, how many times have we laughed at these survivalist idiots? Are you buying into this? He practically killed Mr. G,” Mike went on. “Tell me you aren’t buying this.”
“I just wanna live,” Jerico said quietly.
“Me, too, but at what cost?”
Jerico looked Mike in the eyes, “Any cost.” He motioned for his group to go with him, and three went, but Thomas and Mike stayed back. They took cushions and towels, mats, and everything else to the room where the food and medical supplies were kept.
“Let’s get our stuff, Billy, Curt,” Brandon said.
“Hey,” Brett said, head tilted.
“Hey, yourself. You are the weakest link in our group. Brett, I’m
really tired of having to carry your weight through all this. I’m getting tired.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Brett laughed nervously.
Brandon turned to stare at him, “I am not joking, and I am sticking with the ones who can make it. That isn’t you. I don’t joke around anymore.”
“That’s really shitty of you,” Brett said, “and you’re a real ass, yanno it?”
“Let it go,” Thomas warned Brett, “let it go.”
“What about the food? What about your taking the cushions and the food? How are we supposed to survive?”
“You can go three minutes without air, three days without water, and three weeks without food,” Brandon said. “Billy taught me that.
He’s gonna make it. I’ll sail that ship.”
At this point, I didn’t know what to think. What would happen to us? Nick waved us forward, “Come on; we need to find a corner to sleep in, too. Let’s see what they’re doing.”
He confidently led us out of the room to where Jerico was organizing things. He tossed out a few cushions and yelled for the outcasts to go get more if they wanted them.
Miss Crater came in, but Mrs. Smith was silently barred from entering. Her eyes filled with tears as she went to join the other outcasts. There hadn’t been a vote, but people knew who was in which crowd. Outcasts. That was the word for them, but not for me.
I struggled to get my head around everything as I sat and ate. Jerico and Brandon were handing out more cheese sandwiches and fruit, and they opened a big can of baked beans and handed out Little Debbie snack cakes.
I ate two cheese sandwiches, and no one cared. I ate a pile of baked beans, and, again, no one cared. Jerico invited me to have a third helping that I waved off, laughing, but I was important enough to warrant a lot of baked beans.
Two days ago, Loveta was the most popular girl in school, and Mike was the President of the Tenth Grade Class and was adored. They were nothing, now. Two days ago, I would have swooned if they had sat beside me and engaged me in a conversation; today, I would cringe if they began talking to me for fear of how it would look to the others.
Was that the way they had felt about me before?
I could see why Mona and Ruby were outcasts; one was fat, and one was Mexican (but she was born in the US, so she was American really), and people were like that with other ethnic groups and judged others’ by their looks, but I didn’t understand the rest.
I was part of the in crowd, but how did we decide who was a part and who was excluded? What were the criteria? Was there a secret list? It was enough to make my head hurt.
Robin said something, and Brandon and Jerico rolled with laughter. She had her hair pinned back and was smiling for once. For the first time in years, she was confident and cheerful, and it showed in her eyes and the way she held herself. She almost glowed with the attention she was getting. Did I look that silly and goofy when I was getting attention?
“Them girls have some serious good home training,” Jerico told Bevvon about her little sisters. “Your big sis still stripping?”
“DeVon? It’s just topless. Not nude. Yeah,” Bevvon said. “You wanna send them food for dinner or what?”
“Who?”
“The outcasts,” Bevvon said the word.
Jerico thought, “Maybe breakfast, they can have some peanut butter sandwiches, and then maybe something small later on. We gotta ration the food, yanno.”
“Right,” Bevvon nodded, giving me a warning look: just go along with things for now. “Sounds like a good plan.”
“I think that’s the town burning. Those things will finish those, and some will stay to get those that made it, but some will hear the moaning and head this way,” Billy said.
I went to the window to look out so the rest couldn’t see me crying about my family. How could they be so carefree about this? I wanted to see my mom and dad and older brother so much. The cheese sandwich and beans felt like big lumps in my belly.
“You okay?” Nick rubbed my shoulder with one hand.
“Yeah, I was wondering what happened to everyone in town and what every one is doing.”
“Just try to hold on to the hope that your family is okay and that this will get better. We can’t let it get to us, or we’ll stop fighting to make it.”
“True, Thanks, Nick.” I gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek. He was stockier than his brother, but like Brandon, he had the soulful brown eyes flecked with green, and his hair was dark. I could tell in a few years that Nick would be better looking than Brandon because he had a better smile and a much better personality.
Nick blushed and nodded.
So
me of us stayed near our room of food, and some went to beat on zombies downstairs, trying to figure out how the zombies were getting in and where they were coming from. Half of us, six, could hold down the food and supplies and keep the others from trying to get to them, they figured.
When Brandon came back, he said that they couldn’t find the breach anywhere but that they had killed a dozen and dragged them away. He didn’t want our only-way-out-of-the-school blocked by a massive horde that we couldn’t handle.
He and the others didn’t get sore with the work they did; in fact, they seemed to enjoy the exertion.
In the bathroom, Shanna talked to Bevvon and me. “We have the food, candles, and medical supplies, and when the electricity goes, I imagine we will have the only water, so we’ll keep the restrooms to ourselves. These anyway.”
“This is insane.”
Bev nodded, “Mr. G and Natalie, my God, it is as if no one cares.”
“No one did,” I said. “You saw how easily Mike and Loveta were pushed out.”
“I feel sick and scared. I feel guilty. I just feel horrible,” Bev said.
“Yes, but Bev, we’re on the top of the heap and on the side with stuff. Imagine being on the other side.”
Shanna shrugged. “There’s a pecking order. Right now, we’re in the top group, but someone has to be at the low end. As soon as we disagree or are not useful, then we’re gone. And don’t think the old times are totally gone. Sian is valuable now, but you know how she was treated before. Watch your alliances, and watch your back.”
“Shanna, why are you telling us this and helping us? You’re at the top of the heap,” I said honestly.
“For now, I am. Doesn’t mean that Jerico and I won’t be on the bottom tomorrow because we’re black; no, don’t argue; skin color does matter. Jerry is an ass; it could go bad for us. I don’t think anyone is safe but Brandon himself.”
“I agree,” Bev said.
“I am not going to kiss up with him,” I shivered. “Yuk. But again, why are you telling us?”
“If things go bad, maybe you’ll speak up for me. If you get in trouble, I’ll speak for you. All about alliances.”
I thought quickly and smiled, “And I bet you have a couple.”
Shanna winked. “Make a few of your own. I think we girls need to watch our backs is all I can say. I was always hanging out with a few of them, but you….”
“Are peons,” Bevvon nodded. “Unpopular. Nobodies.”
“Try to keep being somebodies, okay?”
I nodded. I was trying hard to be somebody because, otherwise, I would not survive.
Chapter 10
Night
After midnight, I had to get up to pee. I was comfortable covered by a towel and sleeping on a sea of seat cushions and wrestling mats next to Bev and the little girls. I hated to get up and go because for one thing, I was scared to death that Zs were outside the door waiting for me. If not them, then maybe there was an outcast waiting to find me. One of them could grab me and make me stay with him, instead of the main group.
I was glad to see Nick was on guard duty.
“You okay?”
“Trying to be. Thanks for asking, Nick.”
“Hey, I’m not a bad guy. Now, my brother….” he laughed quietly.
“His dad was an asshole. Mine is okay.”
“Oh, I didn’t know you, and he had different dads.”
“Mom and Dad kind of played it off that his dad never was with Mom, and my dad treated us both as if we were his, but we knew differently.
Brandon knows his dad was a good-for-nothing player who ran off and wanted to make meth more than he wanted to be a dad.”
“That sucks for Brandon.”
“It’s no excuse though, the things he has done here, Arisbe. I’m scared of him and for him half the time. He’s not right. Jerry isn’t right, and Billy and Curt are just nuts. Lance is a follower, like a puppy.”
He was putting a lot of trust in me. I didn’t know why. “We respect you though. You’re a good leader.”
“Thanks. But I am fairly low on the totem pole. If things went bad, I couldn’t stand up to them; they have the numbers.”
I took a deep breath. “I will talk to them, but I am sure Shanna and Bev will back you. We can make it six to six.”
“Sorry, but they have the strength. You aren’t as tall or as big, but an alliance may work out. Good. Thanks, I trust you. I’ve seen your eyes when they do those things they do. Scooter died. I don’t know what would happen if things did go back to normal; the things they have done are bad.”
I had a wild idea, “If we had to, the outcasts might back us.”
“Oh, no, not creepers. I don’t want them, either. Carter and Ruby are okay, kind of weird, but they’re the rejects.”
“So am I,” I whispered, “in the last six years, this is the only time you have talked to Bev and me. We were invisible.”
Nick tightened his jaw. “Jeez, I guess so. Everything’s so strange now. I can’t even think right. I’m sorry. I know that must have hurt. It’s as if this is the only time I haven’t been focused on sports or school.
Now, I can think about people as people, but some of them keep dying.”
“Being killed,” I corrected him, “I’ll be back.”
I had to cut him short and run to the rest room before I popped.
After I finished, I was washing my hands and underarms when I realized someone was in the restroom with me in the locked stall, crying.
“Hello? Who is there?” My heart was thundering in my chest. Zombies didn’t cry.
“Go away.”
“Robin?”
“Yes. Go away.”
“Open up, or I’ll knock the door in,” I said. I felt like a bully, but I wanted to know what was wrong with her. In the last few days we had been together solid but had spoken less than ever before.
“Fine,” she said as she opened the door, and I saw she was sitting there, crying into her hands.
“Why are you in here crying?”
“You don’t think there’s enough bad stuff going on to warrant a cry?”
“I know, but I know it’s something else. I know you.”
“Do you like my hair pulled back?”
I nodded. “You look great.”
“I’m not a virgin anymore,” she cried harder and then blew her nose.
I waited patiently. “Oh,” was all I could think to say.
Robin clutched her arms around herself, “I believed in love and all the stuff we always talked about, and I was waiting, you know I was.”
“You changed your mind?”
“Kind of. Maybe. I don’t know. I thought…you know I was excited suddenly to be hanging with the in crowd and was really into it.”
“I know; I totally know how you feel.”
“Brandon was talking to me and flirting with me, and we kissed,
but at the last second, I didn’t want to, but…well, you can’t go back,”
she said and cried harder.
“Did you say no?” I wanted to slap myself. What a stupid question. She didn’t have to say it; she meant it. I had seen the television shows, and I knew this.
“Yes, until they covered my mouth, and then, I just let it happen.
They wouldn’t stop.”
“Who?”
“Brandon, then Jerico, Billy, Curt. I said ‘no.’ I tried to push them off, but once they started…well…it doesn’t end until it ends,” she said as she kept crying.
She had been gang raped that is what it was. She had to be in pain besides the emotional turmoil she had. I helped her clean up and hugged her. She didn’t pull her hair back but let it fall into her face again. I knew she thought looking pretty had caused this, but it hadn’t.
The boys had caused it.
Patricia was out of business, I guessed, so they found a new girl to be with, and it was Robin. I didn’t think I should blame Patricia, but she had gotten around and stirred u
p the testosterone, and with the fear that the boys had and the posturing they did, it was no surprise that situation had ended this way.
I was angry with everyone.
“Okay, take a deep breath,” I told her.
“I would go join the others, but…I won’t get much food. Maybe, I will anyway. Would they let me join them? The outcasts?”
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t stand to look at the others right now. I’m sure I want to go. Will they let me join?”
“I think so, and I could try to sneak food to you. Is that what you want to do?” I asked her.
She looked put back together, and her face was clean, and the tears were gone. She asked me if I would go with her. She had been touched by her father for years, and now she had been raped; Robin couldn’t catch a break. I felt so sorry for her, and yet, I wouldn’t go with her to the outcast side.
How can I explain why? I was with the group that had comfortable bedding, all the food, safety, and everything else needed for basic survival. I was also hanging with the crowd that made things happen, that set the trends, and that made the decisions. I was the prettiest girl in the group now, and I wasn’t just easy on the eyes, but I could fight, too. I was valued.
Robin was a victim. That’s what happened to victims. I wasn’t a victim.
I liked when they called me ‘Rissy.
“Just go to the other camp and knock. Tell them you want to join them and that the rest are horrible or whatever….” I told her. “I can’t go with you. I’ll do what I can with the food.”
Robin looked at me as if I had betrayed her in the worst way possible, and she was very hurt, more hurt by me than by the rape, but I steeled myself against emotions.
I wanted to survive.
Once she was down the hall, I returned to the room. Nick and Curt switched guard duty. “You need me?” I asked.
“Nah, we got it. Get some more sleep. What took you so long? We were about to come looking,” Curt told me.
“Robin was in there. She went to the other group; she said she wasn’t happy with us and was crying a lot.” I tried to use the truth so I wouldn’t have to try to remember my lies. But when I explained, I added some sarcasm to my voice.